The 2014 SAD / Holiday Depression Discussion Thread

Look at it as a gift if you're alone on the 25th.

Let's be real. There are maybe four days a year when we get bummed out about being alone - but every other day of the year we'd think "Score!!! ME TIME!!!!" over the same concept.

That's how I am choosing to see it - being alone on the 25th is another gift of "me time" from my family! No long drives, no having to interact with relatives whose names I cannot recall, but who know mine ( I have a bad memory and come from a HUGE family - I've got second and third cousins I wouldn't recognize if I literally physically walked into them by accident at the local store ), no having to see that one relative we all have that we can't stand...

A stress free December 25th - where I can lounge around and do whatever I want? I'll take it!

Hope everyone is doing well here today. I think about all of you every day, and send you good thoughts to help you get through this season! Sounds cheesy I know, but it's true.

As far as being alone on Christmas, I think it is what you make of it. Hefficide has a great outlook, and I think his advice to change your perspective on the concept is sound.

I'm blessed to be having a full house that will keep me busy, which leaves less time for thinking. Today I found out that my father that I've been estranged from for around 14 years is in the hospital facing a possible surgery tomorrow. It's got me a little down, because it means some deep thoughts are just below the surface and I'm struggling to keep them down. Maybe it's time to let bygones be and make the best of the time we do have. And that's the approach I'm putting toward Christmas this year. (And my husband is still cranking out the Christmas music, sigh). But, you never know how long you have, and it's important to live the best you can while you can.

a reply to: MojaveBurning

Re: the dad thing. My earnest advice, call him. Regardless of the past or what may have happened - call. My father and I were estranged for many years. Many years.

One day I got a call from my dad's brother - saying my dad was in the hospital and it might be serious. He explained that it took the family a number of hours to find a phone number for me because of the estrangement - they were working with only my name and calling cities throughout the US trying to reach me.

About ten minutes later the phone rang - it was my dad's sister. In the hours they'd spent trying to find me, my father had expired.

I hated my father deeply ( for good reasons ) but the fact that I lost my chance of at least attempting closure still haunts me.

a reply to: Hefficide

Very good advice. I actually did call him as soon as I found out. We spoke for a long while, no matter how awkward it was. I hope that it will be the beginning of a renewed relationship.

I'm really sorry that you didn't get the chance to speak to yours again. I know that has to be hard. Just because we become distanced from them doesn't mean we don't still crave (need, want, ?) them to be there.

Those who have given them - thanks for the cheery thoughts. I'm finding late December dark and dreary, to use cliches. Last day of school was today, so I'm trying to keep the bright face on for everyone for the next two weeks. I just really, really miss my mom, this will be the first Christmas I don't get to talk to her. Worried about my stepdad who is 10 hours away. And not sure how to communicate effectively with him since we're both a bit uncomfortable with each other still. All that feeds the anxiety. Ended up with a panic attack that put me out of commission for almost 2 days.

I think the worst is feeling that all this feeling is getting pent up. I talked to my mom 2-4x per week. She had dealt with depression. She understood so much what I was carrying and what I was trying to do. Now, no one to hash things out with. Love the hubby, but engineers want to fix everything, and sometimes it's just not possible.

a reply to: Mountainmeg

Your stepfather and you share a commonality - if nothing else that is a basis to begin a comfortable dialogue.

As for fixing? Thirty some odd years into this journey and the bad news I have for you is that things like this don't get fixed. You can learn to cope better, tolerate the symptoms better, find tricks to distract, get medication that helps. But it never really goes away. That doesn't mean it's always there - but it's always close. Accepting that and explaining it to others is one of the big things that helped me - getting people to accept that I am who I am, warts and all, and that it is not going to change.

The hardest person to sell that to, BTW, was me. The low self-esteem that comes with depression is such a monster. But it can be slain. You just need to realize the above... you are you and the world is better of that it is so.

Oh, and your mom. Why can't you still talk to her? I talk to the absent often. I do so understanding that they're not likely to reply ( though honestly sometimes they seem to in weird little ways, like prayer ) but it makes me feel better to do so - and I do so fully believing that they can hear me.

Give it a try when nobody is listening. Write it down in a journal. Heck, write it on a note and burn it. Just let it out. You will feel better.

Xmas is not really a problem here, ill be probably in an alcoholic coma like every years.

No family (grew up in an orphanage)
Love of my life died years ago.
yeah, sorry for venting, but life is nothing more than a burden to me right now.

a reply to: AnonyWarp

I've been there, truly and honestly. Maybe not exactly in the same shoes, but close enough and I know how bad it sucks. The thing is that life is not a burden. Today might be a bitch. Tomorrow as well. But life? Life is opportunity. Life is a chaotic mess that eventually will spin the other way and bring good things. As fickle and hateful as life can seem, it's got a major case of Bipolar and is as dualistic as anything can be.

Peaks and valleys. Never lose faith in a valley because you have no idea what you might see when you reach the next peak.

As for alone on Christmas? I will be, as will others. Spend it with us. You're family and you're invited.

a reply to: Hefficide

Oh *I* know it's not fixable. My brain is my brain, and truth is, it's not going to work right anytime in the foreseeable future. But trying telling hubby that. He tries to understand, then gives me "a list of things he's read that will work".

Thank you for your kindness,i greatly appreciate your words,sincerely.

I traveled and worked all around the world,probably because "home" doesnt really exist for me.
But yes,xmas tend to wake up some painful memories.
Ill try to not get wasted on that day,this year and spend some time with you guys on ATS.

a reply to: Hefficide

Merry X-MAS everyone! Hope you join your families today or at least some friends in case you should be alone.

originally posted by: AnonyWarp
...life is nothing more than a burden to me right now.

So much truth it hurts. I pray for a release from my nightmare.

a reply to: Necrose
Merry Christmas to you too!

Nice thread, very supportive.

And well, I'm starting to feel more and more like last year. As if... (ugh.. English) I'm 'running on my last legs'. As if most things cost me too much and as if things slightly overwhelm me per definition. Need to look after myself well now...

AND DON'T OVEREAT!

The last thing was a reminder to myself I said that there but it vanished. There seems to be quite a bug, or there's a sprite messing around

------



a little light for everyone here

OK everyone - my family are all gone and my Xmas duties are fulfilled. Gifts were given, gifts were gotten, food was eaten.

Now comes living through the next 24 hours without letting a Holiday ( a concept ) kick my ass or yours! Nefermore always posts a Christmas support thread and I urge anyone feeling sad to go there or come here and talk to either of us or one another. I'll be up for the majority of the night and will be watching.

Remember - none of us are alone.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Hope all have fun and get trough thus rough time. Im trying my hardest to make it also.


Be safe all have fun,
Peace.

Well, we made it through one branch of my family's Christmas Eve dinner. The drama queens ruled---as usual with that branch of the family. But we smiled and handed out cookies and Benjamins. Three of the recipients actually said "Thank you." after opening the card with the portrait in it. Three out of twelve isn't bad, eh?
Today was wonderfully quiet, just the two of us, a fire going in the fireplace and a couple of cats lounging about. We did lots of Christmas visiting on the phone with those who can't make it back to the farm until next week or next month. To those who matter, it doesn't matter when we celebrate.
I remember the pressures we felt when the holidays rolled around and our blended family tried to please everyone. I vowed to never put my children in a spot like that by guilt-tripping them into being at home for a specific holiday.

So, here I am, wishing all of you the very best in the year to come. This time of year I miss my Mother almost unbearably. She died in 1979 and at Christmas the pain of her death comes back. My father died 13 months later, three weeks after my marriage broke up. My world was forever changed.
I can feel the pain of so many of these posts. I just want to say that it doesn't always hurt this much. I've tried to learn to look for the joy. But I've also realized just how hard that job is. Especially upon discovering that certain family members adore Milley Cyrus.
So I raise a toast---to our ATS community! May we always be united in our efforts to deny ignorance and support one another in whatever ways we can.

Hello everyone, I hope we all made it through Christmas day as best we can. For me, this transition from December 26 to January 1st is always kind of especially gloomy. January 1st always seems like such a bright new beginning so I usually set that in my mind as a point to strive toward. One step at a time and then we will be into a new year. Something about that is comforting for me (even when the New Year ends up being more of the same, lol).

Hugs to all!

Turns out to be December the 27th here in the EU and the christmas spirit is slowly diminishing and degrading and just simply, going away
But the thing is, I can see snow-flakes when I look outside, that's not very cool as I find snow very depressing, cold and just .."bbrrrr"...