Feeling sick, used and abused. I Need a pick me up

Hey Guys,

Feeling like absolute crap ATM.

Have just met my GF of 6 months new BF. The girl I decided to stay in the complete #hole that is Laos for.

The really scary thing is I knew right from the start what she was (lying hobag) and I stuck around anyway.
When I met this girl she had no job, no money, not even a place to call her own, she was staying with friends.
I helped her find a job, I gave her money for a house and helped her in many other ways.
After we had been dating about a month I came back from the toilet one day to see her sending a msg in English, at this stage her English was still quite poor so it seemed a bit funny, found out this was some German bloke who sent her money every month.
Needless to say it disgusted me to think my girl was lying to a man to get money, I told her I could help and she didnt need to lie to anyone.

Now before people get all judgemental you need to understand how things work n a truly 3rd world country like Laos, basically unless you are born into money you have no chance of getting anywhere. The average wage is about $100 a month and it is barely enough to survive.
For the average Westerner, you work hard for 6 months, save and you can afford a lovely holiday or a car or a deposit for a home. The average Laos person will never own a car, never travel overseas or have a holiday and definately not own more than a bungalow somewhere.
I can somewhat understand the need to (for want of a better word) con people

So anyway she tells me she is no longer in contact with this guy, she lied.
Id had many suspicions many times in many situations but always ignored it or accepted her explanations, I am a very trusting person in relationships, as I dont do anything bad myself I assume the other person is the same, big mistake!!!!!

So to cut a long and torturous story short, this morning (3 hrs ago) a msg came on her phone and I saw it out the corner of my eye, I thought I saw the word "hunny" in English so I grabbed the phone, It was a guy staying in the next hotel she met outside one night about a week before.

I called him and said we need to have a chat and we met an hour later, turns out this guy is her new BF!!!!!
He knew she was staying with a guy but she told him I was just a friend and nothing was happening, i showed him some text msgs she sent saying how much she loved me and couldnt wait to come home etc etc
He showed me the same thing.

When she saw us walking back together she started crying, I walked right past her, grabbed my stuff and walked out.
Ive erased everything of her from my phone and social media.

As you can guess Im feeling like #, Im leaving the country today and am hoping to hear some words of encouragement before I get on a 12 hr bus ride with nothing to do but think about this mess.

I know this is a conspiracy site and this post isnt exactly ATS worthy but in RL I dont like to show people Im down or upset, on top of that I find this whole thing embarrassing and slightly emasculating.
I know its not a me thing and its her but I still feel worse than I have in years.

So pls ATS share some love with me today

I'm guessing you are young and haven't been around the block more than a few times.
If you give someone your trust and they violate it, move on and get ready for the next round.
There are good ones out there. Take it like a man. Go have a drink and find another one.

a reply to: skunkape23

LOL

In my 30s and had plenty of GFs in my time.
Its not just the girl its also how stupid I feel after being taken for a ride.
Its also sickening that she could lie so comprehensively and consistantly.

I know Ill be fine, had plenty of break ups, time heals all wounds and all that.

Today just need some positive reinforcement is all.

Unfortunately this girl has turned me off Laos and Thai women so having a booze and pick up session will have to wait till Im back in Oz next week LOL

Cheers mate

I have been through my share of bad relationships. Things always get complicated, both emotionally and financially, when sex is involved.
I've learned to be comfortable being a bachelor. I have a steady dog for company. I don't get lonely.
About half of my good friends are female. Some of them real lookers, but our relationship is just as friends. Most of them have been dumped on bad in relationships, too.
It sounds to me like it may do you some good to tuck your pecker in your pants and just make friends with some women.
They are not all evil creatures.

Sorry to hear she was using you and it sounds like any other man too....on the bright side...you found out now and not any longer down the road.Do Not Take her back...if she calls to explain, don't answer...and if she asks you for money again,don't do it....my favorite saying to people like her when they piss me off or come running back..." Don't take my kindness for weakness".... And say it like you mean it! Because it's a true statement....and just remember this: love and dating is like a garden...you have to pick a few weeds to get to the flower. ...and you just got rid of a weed!

Don't travel for anyone, Only date locally. And if you travel and date and travel that is your own buisness but never do long distance relationships.

They are just a money drain.

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Hi there. Unfortunately, you have become a victim of a class of women that lives off of this type of behavior. I remember seeing a show about it where a guy actually lured a girl in by claiming he had money and he was interested in dating her. He cornered her with a camera and she agreed to tell him everything.

Basically, this is a common practice by certain asian women, and they will make a living off of multiple western boyfriends at a time. You have been scammed.

ETA:

I think I may have found a clip of the episode:



I would also like to add that I don't mean to be cruel to you. I understand you were taken advantage of and you are hurt. I merely post this information in the hopes that it helps you heal faster. Sometimes it can be healthy to understand fully that you were used. It can make getting over that person that much easier.

Best of luck in your travels, and I hope you meet a good woman that is right for you in the future.

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

I'm sorry to hear that you were ill-treated. I would suggest that your next relationship be with someone who isn't dependent on you for anything. As you described the situation of the woman in Laos, she was willing to do anything, including using you and anyone else, to survive and obtain a better life. Avoid trying to "save" someone. It never ends well. It's only human nature to feel that the person you're "saving" owes you and it's only human nature for the one being "saved" to resent the imbalance in power. That makes an equal relationship impossible. I'm assuming you are from the first world. Could you have been looking for an imbalance in power?? Good luck.

So sorry too hear you have gone through that!

Sounds horrible, I don't understand how women can lead all these guys on just for money, I kind of get it because they aren't really going to get money many other ways and they are probably desperate for it, but its just no excuse its nasty and cruel, im glad you got out now before it was way too late! You will find someone much better, Thai women seem to be Notorious for that kind of thing though from what I have seen, read and heard. Its probably a good thing that you are leaving straight away as well because you can move on from it a lot faster that way.

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Dude.

Look, the fact of the matter is that it is not your fault that the world has gone that crazy, that to trust people leaves you vulnerable. You SHOULD be able to trust people, you SHOULD be able to trust that when you offer someone your heart and your time, that they will not shank you directly in the soul whenever they get a chance, and the fact that we cannot trust people this way with reasonable expectation of being vindicated in doing so, is a total abomination.

However, much as it must ache like a bastard right now, you can look back on this one day with a sense of righteous indignation, and just a little pride. You gave it a go after all, and that is a very brave thing to do in this modern age, knowing as we do, the chances of getting backstabbed as a result of our ability to trust.

I am really sorry that you have had to go through this, and I hope that you come to a point where the emotional backwash becomes less of a raging torrent as soon as possible.

a reply to: TrueBrit

You are one of the best posters here. If I ever happen to find myself wherever you are, we need to have a pint.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Well thanks for that DeadSeraph!

Thats made my morning!

originally posted by: IkNOwSTuff

The really scary thing is I knew right from the start what she was (lying hobag) and I stuck around anyway.

WHY, WHY, WHY, would you do that!!

You can never trust someone who lies

Needless to say it disgusted me to think my girl was lying to a man to get money, I told her I could help and she didnt need to lie to anyone.

SURPRISE! SURPRISE! she lied to another man besides yourself??

^^^^^^ NEVER TRUST SOMEONE WHO LIES!!


Consider yourself to have had a very 'lucky' escape .... RUN in the opposite

direction as fast as you can and never trust anyone who lies.


GOOD LUCK

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Hi there. I'm in the UK and send you lots of healing vibes.

You did your best and tried to show love. Don't let this hold you back. There are some amazing women in the world who would want very much the integrity, loyalty and love you have to offer.

Having been through the emotional grinder myself I approach people with caution these days. I would take it very slow if ever I meet another potential partner. Develop trust, don't just assume it.

Realistically speaking relationships are always vulnerable. Even marriages of thirty years can come to an end because of infidelity and deceit.

Human beings??? Can't live with them, can't live without them!

a reply to: eletheia

i agree.

i dont mean to be a dick here but a month in you found her lying...did you think this little loutian honey was really going to love you(and only you) long time?

i know youre hurting and it sucks man.....

true brit said you should be able to trust people but for the most part, you cant.....

people do things and the past should be the past...that said, once you enter into a relationship with a person certain behaviors should stop...a month in she should not be going back and forth with another fella. that needed to stop day 1.....big indicator my friend.

i have serious trust issues.....i put walls up because i have been hurt...by my father and in o past relationships...i figure if i put up a wall and dont let people 'in' then i wont be hurt...i take it too far though.

just be careful man...cant be tossing scratch at a girl not even a month into it......look out for yourself first....

hey man everything is a learning situation. Sounds like you got out of it soon enough, at least it was only 6 months. Trust your instincts, they seem to be on point!

I must say that I am proud of you for breaking all contact with this woman. It takes a lot to walk away from someone you have invested your time and emotions in. I wish you well on your new adventures in life. Surely you will meet someone who is deserving of your love. HUGS!!!!!

OP, here's a hug. Most of us have experienced betrayal and lies by someone that we once trusted. It's an awful feeling but just know that you're not alone in this. I hope that when you're ready, someone worthy of your love comes along. Meanwhile, chin up and think of what you can do with all the extra time, money and energy you'll have now.

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

This is all your business and your doing IkNOwSTuff. You walked into it ..you let yourself be deceived and now you feel bad about what happened.

You need to educate yourself about this kind of thing...as it comes in variations all over the world. It is indeed a type of scam and women all over the world use variations of it to justify their behaviors. They just don't often tell the world of what they are doing.

Are all women like this ..no they are not..but it does not serve you as a male and a male with potential to walk into something like this unarmed and blindfolded.

I see this often here stateside of the variation where women with children marry up the economic ladder time and time again to improve their lot and their childrens .lot only to trade the guy in on a model with more potential down the line...later.

I was recently disturbed to find a woman whom I know...sold off all her husbands stuff for cash when he passed away. She did not even give his children by a previous marriage the option to get some of it but went for the cash instead.

It was obvious to me why she married him so many years ago...it was for a safety net...and she called that love. But when he passed she went quickly back into the fast food lane. High Speed..low drag. She will hunt down another man ...when life gets to difficult. It is predictable.

You need to train yourself to spot this template and it's variations. Appearances verses the real thing.

You are looking for a woman who can bring you Peace in your life..not just Piece...Understand now??

That is ..if you are looking long term...and not short term.

Peace is the commodity a good woman brings to a man...with or without children.

Any man can get Piece. It is not difficult to get a woman to take off her clothes. I even know women for whom taking off their clothes is about the only skill they have in life. Anything else would take work and commitment.

Variations of this kind of woman go to a man with the "Appearance " of commitment...so that they never really have to be committed. This is what you ran into in Laos..but they are everywhere...not just in Laos.

It is up to you to educate your self to spot this kind of thing...to learn the tell tale signs of it...how to identify it.

The video supplied by one of the poster here is very appropriate.


Men and males tend to "try out for female approval" In so doing they make themselves very vulnerable without thinking.
You need to train yourself to be disciplined and not spend so much time and monies "Trying out for approval." Hence reducing your vulnerability.

If you listen to the woman in the video..she is describing males who try out for a womans approval..by bringing her stuff.

Monies and goods. In most of these videos and stories ...these women may know what you do for a living...but if you notice carefully...what is not there is the type of RISK a man takes for his monies. She has no regard for the RISKS a man takes for his monies..only the monies is what she is concerned about.

This is open blatent "Objectification of a male." Do not ever let a woman tell you that they do not objectify a male. They do it all the time. The standard BS Mantra..is that only males objectify women..not so.

Going out in the club scene is sometimes like filliing out a resume ..so that women can measure your potential...objectifying a male for his potential/monies. Access to monies without RISK on their part.

You need to teach yourself how to gain access to or filter out/Identify this type of woman predator without making yourself so vulnerable. You need to learn how not to run touchdowns or go for the goal post...by trying out for female approval to the point of making yourself so vulnerable.

This is a survival skill..in case you missed the point.

Here is another video which has been posted on ATS somewhere back. But notice how these men try out for the approval of these women while they are being "rinsed out " by these same women for their monies and goods. This Laotian woman was attempting to Rinse you out. But you caught on to it and got out on your own. Well done before you lost more of your time and monies.

Watch and learn. Not all women are like this but this is not an excuse for you being ignorant of the mine field which can happen out here and often does.

www.youtube.com...

When you learn...you realize that you did half or more of the work of Rinsing yourself out...she just let " you think it was your idea" ...that you were leading her..not so. You were trying out for approval...rescuing her.

Get over and past the concept of being a "Good Provider" by trying out for female approval. Putting your time and monies/Risks on the table for female approval. You need to be able to tell and understand/know that you are getting real value for your time/monies/ and RISKs..and not the "Appearance of Value." These are two different things..one is a counterfeit...understand now???

This is why Peace is far more valuable than Piece. Peace takes much more commitment from a woman than Piece.
Are you even knowledgeable enough to know the difference.

For I know women who will give a man Piece..to distract him long enough to run with the monies/risks/and goods...only to repeat the process later. But never give him any long lasting value....only the appearance of value.

What was this Laotian woman good at??? Particularly once you dropped the blinders over your eyes??




Nice guys often finish last...so too ignorant guys. Educate yourself. Learn to build a BS filter.

Hope this helps,
Not all women are like this ..but it is not an excuse for you being ignorant. Otherwise you will repeat this scenario over and over again and once again make yourself vulnerable via your ignorance about true conditions out here.
Learn the difference in the real thing and a counterfeit. Educate yourself. What you ran into is a counterfeit.

Orangetom