How do you parent in today's world?

I am curious ATS parents how do you handle the issues of today

1. All the electronic devices taking children's attention

2. Doom porn and fear mongering by MSM

3. Online bullying and bullying in general

4. Stranger danger

5. Where they go and what they do, online and off.

Feel free to comment on all or only one of the topics related to parenting, or bring up your own special problems/issues. I cannot imagine raising a child today, but perhaps as I am on the outside looking in, it is not much changed from when I was raising my son. Please share.

a reply to: Iamschist


1. All the electronic devices taking children's attention

Introduce them to Nature. It is far more interesting.

2. Doom porn and fear mongering by MSM

Lose the television. Go to the cinema and theatrical productions.


3. Online bullying and bullying in general

Martial arts.

4. Stranger danger

Education, pepper spray, and a loud whistle.

5. Where they go and what they do, online and off.

Ultimately, you will have no control over this. Hope for the best.

1. allow assimilation but not complete take over of their lives
2. point out the many logical fallacies in the msm doom porn
3. don't allow them to use sites where abuse is allowed to happen. If it does contact site and complain. If it continues print a log of all harrassment and contact police and remove child from site.
4. this has always been an issue throughout time and apparently the child is in more danger of ones friends and relatives than strangers. take precautions and educate your child.
5. Kids will break the rules so if you tell them they cant they very well will. Just educate them on what is safe and what isn't.

Most of all, HOPE for the best

So far Hope for the best is winning. lol Examples are good, if you have had an issue how did you deal with it?

use the most basic thing the power switch, along with sitting next to the child that is the most powerful item there is. Use your brain though and don't just turn the power off when something nasty appears but use it as an item of discussion so they know WHY it is wrong

a reply to: Iamschist

If I had kids Id raise them in the country; keep them busy on the farm.
Get them involved in extracurricular activities at young age.

And of course, set examples!

Honestly,raising the children I still have under my roof has been quite easy. My children do not have their own electronic devices,no phones,video games,etc. They must ask permission to use the computer and it sits in a common area of the house.Doom porn my kids find funny actually. But we live in the sticks,and it is their nature,to be IN nature,and survivalism is their hobby. My kids are taught at home,so bullys are not an issue. They have friends they keep in touch with irl and online.Strangers...now there is an area covered well. If my kids don't know you,as in,you were not introduced to them by me...they will not talk to you. I have trust issues with a lot of people. As for where they go...online is monitored. Offline,we live a good 45 minutes out of town. In the bush is the only place they have to go,and we have miles of marked trails. Now,my older kids that have moved out....omg...different story altogether.

I was watching a video where all it took was a few months while kidnapped by Isis for young children to be indoctrinated, to the horror of their parents who absolutely did not raise them that way. Then I take a long hard look at our own western modern society....

I think that having a vasectomy when I was in my late 20s, was one of the most socially responsible things I have ever done.
It's not that I don't like children; it's just that I value my freedom more than leaving a living legacy. Selfish? perhaps...

I wanted to live my life with as few encumbrances and restrictions as possible; to pursue my career and personal goals. I wanted to make the rules in how I approached my lifestyle without having to conform to societies expectations.

No regrets!

btw, I supported my exwife and her two kids financially after her second husband left her and paid no child support. I still loved her and was happy to do it.

Parenting in todays world? My congratulations to those that are raising children in these trying times!

a reply to: Iamschist

I was raised by very puritan parents and while I was raised in the 1980s, I was raised as if it were 1880.

The only toys I was allowed to have had to have some merit to them which caused me to engage in something other than just distraction: lego blocks, erector sets, bicycle, bb gun, etc. I was allowed to have a nintendo, but my time was limited on it and my parents were highly selective about the games they got me. I was allowed to read books, but my parents read them first to make sure they approved of the messages in them. I was allowed to watch some television, but only shows my parents approved and they were incredibly strict: no Roseanne, no Simpsons, no MTV, no Nickelodeon, etc.

They had a computer with internet access, and this was really my sole outlet for discovery because my parents didn't understand what was available on it. I was on dialup IRC and newsgroups as an eight year old, which enabled me to explore the vast world outside of their Christian Fundamentalism covertly. For the most part, I'd say a solid 70% of my day, I had to spend outdoors or doing chores. I didn't get much downtime, just an hour or two here or there. All day videogame marathons would have never happened when I was growing up.

I did go to private school for much of my life, but after 8th grade, my academy switched over to satellite courses from Bob Jones University, and my parents didn't agree with what the Baptists taught, so they allowed me to go to public school after that point. While I hated their parenting style, I tested into public school at grade 12+ coming out of the 8th grade, so it isn't without its merits. I know if I ever have kids, I'm going to view my time with them as me preparing them for this world as best I can, and I'm going to try to equip them with the tools they need to be prosperous independent creatures so that when they go through their teenage years and they rebel against me, they have the virtues they need to create a life for themselves that does not involve slavery and destitution.

My parent's main failure was their puritanism. By withholding me from the world, they caused me to take the polar opposite position of their puritanism, driving me into hedonism, which probably ate away at least 9 years of my life that could have been spent on much more effective pursuits. The second failure they had was that they were vastly too middle class in their mentality which means that I put way too much faith in college and employment, which set me back even further. Had they strove to teach me how to develop creative talents instead of constantly trying to beat a puritan work ethic into me, I think I'd be much further along right now. I was the one who always wanted to work on writing or music or painting, and they would always disabuse me of the idea as a waste of time and an ungodly practice.

Don't get me wrong. I love my parents and in their own way they do love me too, but their fundamentalism really messed with me and it is something I never wish to push onto a child.

Were I to raise children today, I think it would be much harder because we do not have the kinds of social institutions and communities that reinforce responsible parenting, but I think if you look at technology as a tool and can get your kids to engage with it creatively instead of using it as just another distraction, it can be a blessing to them. The internet certainly has been like a Library of Alexandria for me.

What works for us is balance. I have 3 boys. Boys who are very into everything current. I don't believe in expecting them to be how I was when I was a child/teen because times are so different. Yes they love video games, but they equally if not more, love being outside and playing sports. Yes, they have phones, but you better believe that they do chores and get good grades and respect authority to keep their phones.
My parents were super strict with me and did things to alienate me... I couldn't wear makeup even in high school. I wasn't allowed to straighten the afro I was blessed (blessed?!) with. I was a super dorky, church going, marching band playing, socially awkward nerd who couldn't wait to fly the coop. And when I did it wasn't pretty. I am still suffering from my mistakes I made in my early 20's.
Anyway. So I make it a point to take everything in stride.... the kids are exposed to A LOT. We live in Colorado. I am not exaggerating when I say that all I could smell when we were TRICK OR TREATING was marijuana. Can I say that on here?
Forget going downtown or to any event... Those of us here look at any occasion now to party and smoke it. Driving through town, you often smell it as well from the number of dispensaries and grow operations.
We are also a state who supports gay marriage (which is totally fine!) But I realized a few years ago when my oldest son gained a friend with two moms that I had to pull my head out of 1989 and figure out a way to teach instead of practice ignorance.
So I really focus my talks on teaching them how to be responsible and accountable and the life-long repercussions of bad decisions.
I do have parent blocks on their web browsing and phones. The amount of sex and related things online is horrendous! It's everywhere!! And boys are gross. We have had those talks as well but I also keep them VERY busy with their interests.
The one thing I do struggle with is some of the fears they have. We have also dealt with the after effects of Columbine and the Aurora theater shooting... The kids go to school in the same district as Columbine and there is a lot of over-reaction in the community when something is amiss, even miles away. So they are frequently on lock downs, etc.
Luckily though, since I have boys, they can often get a release from doing something physical. And again, I always stress personal accountability in a situation like that as well. Trusting your instincts. What to do if there is an emergency. Always locate the exits when you go into a building, and so on.
My guys are pretty tough kids though. Which I don't know how they are since I'm really sensitive and emotional. I feel secure knowing that they could probably take care of themselves in a situation if one were to arise.
I have no idea how I would parent a girl in society now!!!

a reply to: Iamschist

I'm raising my daughter to value education, the outdoors, liberty, self-reliance, self-respect, and doing whatever I can to ensure she has what is NECESSARY to facilitate those values.

There is a point where control will no longer be in my hands. I have accepted that fact because I grew up rough and had to learn a lot of these things myself over time.

If I do my job right, when the day comes where I must cede full control to an adult woman, I am confident that I will do so without fear and with much pride.

You don't, the government do it for you.

a reply to: Nechash

I really appreciate your post. I had a similar upbringing and as a consequence went wild when given freedom. In a way such rigid input disrespects the child. By allowing only certain information, there is no preparation, and no defenses created by the child to the ways of the world.

I did not raise my son that way. I allowed him to be in the culture, and tried to deal with issues as they arose, mostly asking him what he thought, trying to guide him into using his own mind instead of a dogma. On issues of safety I was fairly rigid, always with explanations and a clear description of consequences. Ultimately it was his choice. imho by respecting him, he grew up respecting others.

It took me years of my life overcoming the parenting I received, I wish you well on your journey.

a reply to: alishainwonderland

Thank you for your post. Imho one of the hardest things as a parent is realizing the world your child sees is not the one you inhabit. Once you have a child, your world becomes obsolete. lol

Your parenting style sounds very much like what I would do today. Teaching accountability, so important. I fight fear personally pretty much daily, and I hate it. It would be difficult I think to instill courage with such an uncertain world. Luckily children are resilient and they have that blind spot built in until they are what 26?

Our house burned, not quite to the ground. My son was 8 he looked to me to reassure him that we would never have another fire, he actually asked me if we would, I could tell he wanted me to say no. I couldn't. I told him I did not know, what I did know was that we would deal with it, like we were then, if we did. He started setting fires, on the back patio, small ones, leaves etc. I bought him a hibachi, it seemed to me at the time he was wanting to understand fire, and maybe be in control of it. He set fires for several weeks and then he quit, on his own and moved on.

I shared that to show that children if given support, can learn to deal constructively with fear, in their own way.

a reply to: projectvxn

For some reason I too was pretty focused on raising an independant child. I think it is great the values you are instilling.

Raising your child to leave you, it's a good thing.

Ours is still fairly young, so it's easy to control him at the moment.

We're planning on him having his own comp, but it won't have Internet access. Hopefully, this will still be possible without it becoming a useless paperweight. We have two other computers in the main living area that are our main machines that are hooked up to access, and he can use those for online stuff. As far as the gaming access, limit the time allowed.

He seems outgoing and active enough that I don't think his interest in activities will be a problem. He's already done some early soccer and basketball, and he says he wants to try football and baseball. I think we're planning on getting him swimming lessons and maybe martial arts lessons, too, if his current ninja turtle craze keeps up. Between all those, he will hopefully find something he loves doing.

And I see no need whatsoever for him to have a phone of his own for a good long time. Years.

Stranger danger is going to be a big one. He has no fear and he is so outgoing. It's the next issue we're going to have to tackle with him what with all day pre-K coming up next year. We'll have to talk about how we plan to do it without freaking him out about people.

My kids stair-step down through the school-age years, both genders. I will try to be brief with my answers.

1. All the electronic devices taking children's attention

Assuming you're the parent, it's your job to set the boundaries (and enforce them).

Mine are allowed 30 minutes of TV OR electronica play per day, off-line. The boys gravitate toward strategy games on the laptop in the den (positioned so everyone can see what is being done on it). The girls like a dance game on the wii. The older kids are allowed to go on-line to work on class projects with kids we know, on a case by case basis. They like face-time. We know their friends' families (attend the same private school), and so we know their friends' boundaries, too.

All of them are encouraged to play outdoors at least some, but are FORCED outside in the hour before dinner. They get rowdier and rowdier as mom tries to cook the food, so everyone who isn't cooking goes outside and plays on the playset or tosses a baseball or climbs a tree or something. Most recently they have been making slingshots from an old bicycle tire. (They think I don't know.) The girls love to swing in the back yard.



[quote
2. Doom porn and fear mongering by MSM

No offense to the OP, but I think that is more about your own issues that the kids. My kids have been telling each other ebola jokes, and asked if we could order some of the plush toys! Then again, the middle-school-ages kids like to play "survival" and pretend that they are on a mission through post-apocalyptic downtown America... So I wouldn't say that they are overly upset by the TV. They don't watch the news; usually kid programming with the scant time allowed for TV.

3. Online bullying and bullying in general

Wife and I control their online presence (every text to or from them is CC'd to one of our smartphones). The kids go to a private school that takes an active stance against physical hazing / bullying (by expulsion). It isn't something we've had to deal with as a family yet, thank God.

4. Stranger danger

The Boy Scouts of America provides excellent discussion material for scouts, that does a good job of expressing the danger without overly sexualizing the children. I volunteer at local homeless shelters, and so my kids have grown up knowing about stranger danger and how to comport themselves when mom and dad are helping someone who may not have self-control.

5. Where they go and what they do, online and off.

This has been a bone of contention for the older ones. They don't have a house key, or know the alarm code---they don't need to! They are not "left to their own devices." There are boundaries where they can ride their bikes, or hike in the woods out behind the house. There is always a plan, always a time-table. No one just wanders around, looking for trouble. The older ones are allowed to have friends over, but we know their friends' parents quite well (members of same church, private school, 4-H, etc.) I'm fine with those adults disciplining my kids, and I haven't hesitated to parent their kids when they are at my house.

Generally, I am more comfortable with the kids bringing their friends here, than going over to someone else's house. Of course, we are the nightmare parents. When a new kid walks in with the herd and just ambles down the hall, I call them out: "Hello there! I don't believe we've met. I'm Mr. Tovenar, and this is my house; welcome to it. Now what's your name?"

I've even stopped one who was 'just leaving.' "Hey, there, kiddo---does your mom know your here? Because if she does, then she trust me to be responsible for your safety. And you cannot just leave here, having your mom think you're still under my roof, when you're out doing who-knows what. So let's call up your mom so I can introduce myself and let her know that you're headed home. How long of a walk is it from here? When can she expect you home for supper? Let's call her right now and make sure she's comfortable with all this...."

The ones I don't really want hanging around my kids usually don't ever come back. Frankly, some of the young males are sort of checking to see whether I give a rip or not, or whether it is ok to go upstairs and maybe make a move one of my daughters. Boys aren't allowed upstairs, bub. My house. My rules. My Alsatians. My gun collection.

My oldest boy sort of set the stage for the younger kids. There is a lot less rebelliousness than you might expect. But then, my rigor with the established rules (strictness?) is balanced by rewarding them for being on our team. If they are interested (and they all are, up to a point), they are allowed to come on camping trips or hunting if they are old enough. They also get to take the four-wheeler or work on pet projects and hobbies. I spend time every day with each of them, and "play" with each at least once a week. Building lincoln logs or playing dolls, playing chess or teaching them to drive, as the case may be. Sometimes more, but never less.

If you put the investment in, you have more clout with your children. When they get to be teenaged, they still listen to you over their own peers, if---IF--- you have spent years establishing your credibility. Mom and Dad have been here the whole time. Not divorcing, not moving in and moving out. I was here before you, and I'll be here after you've moved out. And the rules will still be the same when you come back to visit for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The baseline is that you have to earn the moral authority with your children. Whatever the basis of your value system, they will only accept it based on how "real" you are with them. If you are a hypocrite, or dismissive of their opinions and fears, you lose your parental voice. If you are controlling, or don't empathize with their plight (peer pressure and the need to "look cool") then you don't matter. On the other hand, they will respect you, and your rules, even if they don't agree with them, if they can sense you have superior integrity.

Seriously. The TV lies to them. Their teachers lie. Their friends lie. If you are the only one telling them the truth, then you have an "in" with them that surpasses everyone else. It really is that potent. Every one of them is different, but the ones who have grown up so far trust me more than any other human input. One of them wrote an essay about "dad" as the only real hero they've ever known. Sure, the kid was working me when he wrote that. But, if he realizes that such an essay would earn him brownie points with adults everywhere, then my side has already won.

all the best

originally posted by: Iamschist
I am curious ATS parents how do you handle the issues of today

1. All the electronic devices taking children's attention

Manage it like any other thing in their life. There's time for gaming, time for movies, then time to go for a walk, family time, etc. Internet is the hardest as it needs to be properly managed to make sure they aren't where they're supposed to be. Honesty is the best policy to keep that in check.

2. Doom porn and fear mongering by MSM

Turn off the TV. Kids absorb more than parents think or realise, and if you try to cushion the way the world really works then you won't give the necessary life skills needed. It needs to be addressed but not in the graphic way the media portrays.

3. Online bullying and bullying in general

Bullying is hard, as it's the buzz word of the 21st century. Everything is bullying and harrassment these days, and it's hard to distinguish the two from having a joke or just telling someone how things really are. In terms of physical bullying, both my girls know how to adequately defend themselves, so they are usually left alone at school. Cyber bullying is usually a simple one. Cut, shot screencap, show the parents with a less-than-subtle warning that proof is never far off. A lot of kids post crap online without though of consequence. A paper trail generally works wonders.

4. Stranger danger

As above. At our karate we practice with the kids what to do if they are grabbed by a stranger. It's actually quite hilarious to watch given the seriousness of it. Luckily my girls are VERY vocal, so the whole neighbourhood is gonna know about it.

5. Where they go and what they do, online and off.

Friends are important, so they spend a lot of time there. I give both a fair amount of freedom when it comes to social activities with a tether that if it is abused or strays outside the boundaries I give then it will disappear very fast. So far we haven't had any incidents. We allow facebook and certain websites, but are done on the one computer so I can see at any time where they have been and who they chat to. And they know this too, more as a deterrent than spying. In any event, honesty and being up front with kids is the best policy. If they think you are BSing them, then you'll likely get that dishonesty back. Be up front and honest, you tend o get that back.

a reply to: tovenar

Thank you for your reply. You sound very strict. You have kept your children safe and as a parent, that is the main thing.

How would you feel about your older children being on ATS?