God And Lawn Care

I thought this was funny and too true on many points. It points out a little bit of insanity lol. I wanted to share a laugh with y'all.

Smile!!


GOD to ST. FRANCIS:
Frank, ... You know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

I hope we can just share a laugh and take the joke for what it is without having it devolve into anything else.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe


Guilty as charged...

Lord forgive me my Landscaping transgressions.

Thanks for the huge smile.

OMG this is bloody hilarious !

I have to copy and paste this into an e-mail and send it to my hubby.

Every autumn we have a big debate about his obsession with raking every last leaf that falls on the yard. I keep trying to tell him to stop with the leaf raking and just leave it there to blanket the grass and gardens over the winter.

I even go so far as to not trim my gardens and flowers in the fall, but instead leave them to rot into the soil over the fall/winter. Come springtime most of it is rotted away, with just minimal trimming needed... mother nature's fertilizer as I call it. My neighbours all think I'm nuts.

originally posted by: MarlinGrace
a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe


Guilty as charged...

Lord forgive me my Landscaping transgressions.

Thanks for the huge smile.

Ha! I mow my grass and that's it. I don't fertilize, water, weed, etc. I learned really quick that living in the country directly across a farmer who bales hay that it was a losing battle to keep weeds out of my grass.

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

originally posted by: CranialSponge

OMG this is bloody hilarious !

I have to copy and paste this into an e-mail and send it to my hubby.

Every autumn we have a big debate about his obsession with raking every last leaf that falls on the yard. I keep trying to tell him to stop with the leaf raking and just leave it there to blanket the grass and gardens over the winter.

I even go so far as to not trim my gardens and flowers in the fall, but instead leave them to rot into the soil over the fall/winter. Come springtime most of it is rotted away, with just minimal trimming needed... mother nature's fertilizer as I call it. My neighbours all think I'm nuts.

I'm happy it made you smile and even more happy that you can use it as a weapon lol.

As I told Marlin above... I mow and that's it. I have a huge red maple that drops like 30 kilotons of leaves (it looks like it at any rate) every fall. My husband said we (by we, he means me) should rake them. My exact words many years ago... They fall for a reason (though I didn't know quite what it was at the time) and they should be left there. I just really didn't want to rake all of them up every year. It seemed kind of pointless.

And apparently it is.

I know my MIL all but chokes on her own saliva when she pulls up and sees all the leaves.

Just another small reward.

It is what it is.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I don't know about you, but I love proving my hubby wrong.

It's turned into a cute little competition we have with each other (nothing either one of us takes seriously). Our friends have turned it into a betting pool as to whom is going to be right on the next one.

Everybody bets a 6-pack of beer, and the winners divvy up the rewards.

originally posted by: CranialSponge
a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I don't know about you, but I love proving my hubby wrong.

As if you had to ask...

He was read the joke since he doesn't do technology. He can't escape that easily.

A little bit of competition is healthy I think. I do let him win on occasion if it's been awhile though. It took me a few years to appreciate what that did.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

To quote from a conversation between Violet and Isobel on the show Downton Abbey:

Isobel: "How you hate to be wrong."
Violet: "I wouldn't know, I'm not familiar with that sensation."

This totally reminds me back in high school. I was sitting beside my friend in math class, and he was just zoned out deep in thought. And he just slowly said, "I drive to work. So I can make money. So I can buy gas. So I can drive to work."

originally posted by: Ridhya
This totally reminds me back in high school. I was sitting beside my friend in math class, and he was just zoned out deep in thought. And he just slowly said, "I drive to work. So I can make money. So I can buy gas. So I can drive to work."

Deep thoughts indeed! One never knows when an epiphany will hit.

originally posted by: CranialSponge
a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

To quote from a conversation between Violet and Isobel on the show Downton Abbey:

Isobel: "How you hate to be wrong."
Violet: "I wouldn't know, I'm not familiar with that sensation."

One of the best shows EVER!

I had to check back in to find out what the hubby said??