Me on phone: "I love you Mom", Friend: "You say that?", Me: "You don't?"

When my mother passed she and my brother were fighting, his last words to her were terrible (I mean awful stuff, really). He has to live with this for the rest of his life (and it kills him inside).

My last words to her were, "love you, see you tomorrow".

Words don't really matter (sticks and stones..., etc.), until they do.

a reply to: mikegrouchy

I have never once had a problem with telling my mother exactly how much I care about her, and appreciate all the effort she went to in raising me, especially considering the circumstances which have prevailed over our lives since I was knee high to a grasshopper.

She went through an awful lot to get to where she is, and despite some pretty harrowing situations having come and gone down the years, she is still one of the kindest, most generous people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. She's one of those mothers, whose children consider it an honour of incomprehensible scale, to carry within them the genetic echoes of their progenitrix.

I do not find it difficult however, to understand the reasons for some families just not being tight together, or for one parent to be a problem for a child. My father is a deplorable stain upon the rump of this species, and the world would be better off without his "contribution". Despite the unfortunate fact that without his existence, my own would be an impossibility, I often find myself wondering if it would not have been much better for the world, if the despicable creep had never been born, or been run over by an out of control milk float or some such as a boy.

As a result of his poor behaviour toward our family, basically throughout the first sixteen years of my life, I can well understand that there are some people in the world, who are basically there to make everyone else's lives miserable, less than they could be, less than they ought to be. He did it by insidious, passive means. Others do it by massive violence, fear, aggression. There are even some who will stick a knife in your gut, regardless of family ties, and smile as they watch the blood flow.

But when you have a parent who is dedicated to their offspring, prepared to fight and die for them, prepared to wreck themselves utterly in pursuit of a stable environment for their kids, and manages to do all this and be capable of the occasional, if wry smile... That is a person worth treasuring, worthy of respect, and worthy of ones love.

a reply to: mikegrouchy

My tough Marine son who is now an Apache Pilot in the Army says it no matter who is around he hugs me and says he loves me even if we meet in a restaurant. he is not afraid.

On the other hand just the thought of such between my husband and his parents makes them or him embarrassed and clearly very very uncomfortable they have never said those words.

I always grew up hearing it and saying it. I now have four boys of my own and they all say it on their own accord, even in front of their friends. They don't care what anyone thinks about it. My oldest said it to me in front of one of his friends and his friend laughed at him. He looked at him and said "Freak.. don't you love your mom?" LOL

a reply to: mikegrouchy
Funny that I came across this topic. In my family we always tell each other "I love you" when we end a conversation, part ways after an engagement etc. It is said almost as an afterthought. So when I was leaving my parents house yesterday, as I was stepping out the front door I of course told my father "goodbye, I love you" and shut the door. I don't know why I did it, but I stuck my head back in the door and said "Dad, I really do love you you know. I don't just say it for the hell of it". And it's true. Maybe we shoot all put a little more feeling into our "I love you's".

No matter how saying "I Love You" becomes a regular thing, it's always something that makes your loved ones feel ultimately special. There's also a refreshing feeling knowing that you've expressed your love and care for them. I would opt for "actions" as a stronger form of expressing love, but saying it like before leaving the house or while concluding a conversation is also amazing.

My parents aren't huggy or overly emotional people. I don't think they've ever told me they love me. The thing is, I know they love me. Everything they have done for me, shows me that they do. Whenever I need them, they are there. They have always been embarrassed with shows of affection although cuddles when I was little were called "loves" and my mum had no issue giving me a love when I asked for one.

The wife says "I love you" to me all the time. Having suffered a traumatic childhood with a mother who did not show a mother's love, she sees my parents as her own. She tells them she loves them and whilst they don't say it back, they have become more comfortable with hearing it.

I think it's definitely a generational thing. It was a time when, as my dad says,

"Men were men and women were glad on it"
(Old Yorkshire saying)

I didn't grow up hearing it and physical affection only came from my mum. Men didnt show emotion as it wasn't the done thing. I saw my father cry once in his life.

I have always found hugs and such uncomfortable until I met two friends who were very tactile. Gradually I have reached a nice balanced place where I feel comfortable giving and receiving hugs and words of love to both sexes.

Today I hugged my Dad and kissed his head to which he just smiled and said, "I'm not used to this."

Every time, every call, every family member.


I love you. (just in case)

a reply to: crappiekat
I've been estranged from my parents for the past 8 years.

I never got to hear it growing up. I would ask for it though. It would only get me with. "My dad never told me, I just knew. If I have to tell you then that just shows how ungrateful you are." My family The few times I asked for hugs was met with a similar reaction. I always thought hugs were the most awesome and sort of mystical thing in the world as a kid. As an adult I am more picky. I don't like strangers who try to hug me at all.