Superb Examples of Horrible Writing

How often do you pick up a book, the newspaper, or stumble across some poetry....only to find that as you continue to read you ask yourself..."Why am I reading this...stop! Stop! STOP!"

But you go on reading anyway...don't you?!

Let's share!

I was glancing over CNN.com this morning....and I clicked on this article....here's a few quotes from it:

The Turner Prize nearly always stirs heated debate over what is art. Winners have ranged from a Virgin Mary figure made of elephant dung to an empty room with a bare light that switched off and on.

Recent winners of the Turner have ranged from a transvestite potter to an artist whose masterpiece was an empty room with a bare light that switched on and off.

.....

In 1998, Chris Ofili won the Turner with a Virgin Mary figure made of elephant dung. In 1995, Damien Hirst won with a pickled sheep.

So how many times do we need to repeat the same thing in an article that's not even 500 words...Talk about alienating your audience with your own stupidity...

The best thing about this article is that if you read on, they don't even spend 1/4 of their time informing us about the artist who won or the piece they submitted....They spend more time repeating the crap I've quoted above than anything else....

When I step away from this article, I assume that it was the "writer's" intention for me to be shocked that people sculpt elephant # and transvestites have learned the skill of pottery....FRIGGIN INCREDIBLE!!

As I find more I'll post them....Feel free to share some you find as well...

No comments? Okay....I see how it is....I guess everything you guys read just flows off the tips of your tongues like butter.....lol

Not for me though

I love Stephen King....I truly enjoy his work....But as many of his readers may know - sometimes he likes to bend the rules of grammar:

"Even before the deal with Straker had been consummated (that's some word all right, he thought, and his eyes crawled over the front of his secretary's blouse), Lawrence Crockett was, without doubt, the richest man in 'Salem's Lot and one of the richest in Cumberland County, although there was nothing about his office or his person to indicate it."

From, Salem's Lot by Stephen King

Another one that comes to mind is in a classic book, but it would take too long for me to post it here...Moby Dick by Herman Melville....It's this one sentence that takes up an entire page/paragraph where Melvin sort of goes off into a little extra-diegesis about why the color white is misconceived as a representation of "good" when in fact it is an evil color.....It's a funny read when you compare it to the rest of the book....I'll see if I can get the chapter or page number....


[edit on 12/9/2004 by EnronOutrunHomerun]

This is a good example of hackneyed journalism. I'm guessing the writer assumed his/her audience had an extremely short attention span and needed to be reminded...um...reminded. Hmmm reminded of what? Where are my pants? Are those my feet?!

Oh! Back to the thread. You cite some nice writers. I am slightly partial to H.P. Lovecraft. Yeah, so the majority of his work was in pulp magazines, but he wrote quite well.

This �journalism� is a sad reflection of the media today (but what isn�t?)

I've seen worse at ATS, not mentioning any names.

I like it when the author of a post shows they have taken the time to look at what they have said and its comprehensibility.

Also, it pleases me when people review what they have written to check that it can be understood.

Finally, I become tearful with joy when someone shows evidence that they have checked over the points they have made to ensure readers can follow their logic.

J/K.

Hey, you started it.

Malapropisms, that I found today on ATS

(For those who don't know, a malapropism is mistaking the meaning of a word, or using a similar but incorrect word, without knowing the difference)

1. "I depreciate the above poster's sentiment . . ."
(Yeah, you also depreciate your own value as a conversationalist!)

2. "instrumenting" for 'implementing'

Now everybody makes mistakes, and ATS/BTS doesn't come with spell checks. Yet I take particular pride in clear and even cogent posts. I check them at least twice before actually posting. Even so, errors slip into the text. And so we must be forgiving. But a sloppily-worded post automatically prejudices the audience.

Now, neologisms are in another category. Even though they are technically incorrect, they are also a form of found art. Here's a few of MY favorites.

1. "I don't want to be misunderestimated." George W. Bush. Love that!

2. "Insinuendo" - Heard by me, issuing from a schizophrenic at the Austin State Hospital, late 1980's.

3. "Parafanity" My own neologism; the use of punctuation to imply frofanity. K!$$ my Gr!+$, M3LL!

4. "Econohell" SubGenius term for economic collapse coupled with thermonuclear war; often used to describe the Christian apocalypse in secular language.



collect 'em and trade them with your friends.

This is one of the worst examples of journalistic writing I've ever seen, someone posted it for the story a few months back. It seriously reads as if it was written by a nine year old:


www.wftv.com...

but it still reeks so bad that it is almost pleasureable. Should be an award for this.

They're so horrid, it's funny!

Here's a fun way to spend some down time....Go to www.newspapers.com...

Click on a random state....That will take you to a list of local newspapers (Oh the joy!)

From: The Atkins Chronicle, Arkansas...

There is a mystique about football tradition in the town of Atkins. Although the high school had played football before Hays Gibson came there to coach in 1928, he along with some very dedicated young men built a very strong tradition that has been very strong and thriving until today. The story that I would like to tell is when and how Mr. Gibson, primarily, and Vernon Ford nurtured that great tradition through some very difficult times.

...

Remember Red Devils don't quit, and they didn't in 1944. Although, they did so against great odds.

I'm hooked! FeEeEeEd me Seymour!

"Although the high school had played football before Hays Gibson came there to coach in 1928"....Something tells me the writer, one fine George Jones, didn't purposefully try to use a synecdoche here...but, oh! It sounds so glorious!

My two favourites from Oz print journos are:

He left without so much as a Che Sarah Sarah.

and

PM's Septen Deis Horibillis...

When I was in highschool, we had to do stuff like this...
My favorite one had to do with our then new trash cleaning sevice.....

These "waist cleaning specialists" were going to clean up......
Their oft-used advertisement was "Our job stinks but it sure is picking up!"

What is so superbly horrible about it? I do not depreciate your objections!