Marsupial Has Marathon Sex Until It Goes Blind and Drops Dead

The Antechinus


I chose to put this in the fragile earth forum because this little guy here, lives the life of Ron Jeremy with the lifespan of a mayfly. Pretty messed up.

In the forests of Australia, every year just before spring, there erupts a sexual frenzy unlike any other on Earth. It’s bigger than an ultra-romantic Neil Diamond concert, bigger even than spring break in Cancun. Here a tiny hyperactive marsupial called antechinus sprints around mating almost non-stop for an exhausting three weeks, with single romps lasting as long as 14 straight hours.

Females can live 2-3 years and the males trade away long-term survival in return for short-term breeding success. After the breeding season is over there is a complete die-off of physiologically exhausted males.


I'm the happiest dead guy in the world!

Males relentlessly bound from partner to partner, as massive hormone releases in their bodies cause their immune systems to crash and their fur to fall out. They bleed internally. Some males even go blind, yet still stumble around the leaf litter hoping for one last tryst. In a few short weeks, every single male lies dead, leaving the females to raise their offspring. And so it seems that in perpetually dangerous Australia, even the sex can kill you.

They stop making sperm eventually and store it like a loaded gun only making them more aggressive. Hormones flaring like in high school gym class. Seems like a cruel way to go. Isn't it?

For these three weeks of sexual kamikaze, antechinus males are concerned with nothing–absolutely nothing–other than mating with as many females as they possibly can.

“It’s all geared toward the young being born when spring starts,” said Baker, “so there will be a big flush of insects in spring. The female will give birth to the young and then she’ll have plenty of food available because the population has been halved, because all the males are dead.”

What do you think?

The life of a porn star followed by an early drug overdose? Or a noble sacrifice, a man doing his duty in life. Living only for one true purpose, to keep the ladies happy.

"Males relentlessly bound from partner to partner"

Did that for many years...Barely made it out alive...(Pun intended) lol

You Go Little Fuzzy Guy!

Peace

a reply to: eisegesis

I now know in witch living being I want to reincarnate.

I vaguely remember hearing something about masterbating making you blind when I was a kid. I'm a mouse, I take this kinda seriously.

Sounds like some people I know.... Er knew... Lol

originally posted by: BornAgainAlien
a reply to: eisegesis

I now know in witch living being I want to reincarnate.

Remember however, God/Nature seems to have a sense of humor. You might get your wish, but you'll come back Female!!

We know how those marsupials can get, right? Amirite?

I mean I've heard stories and stuff.

Magazines... Reader's Digest I think.

Maybe a filmstrip.

Quit looking at me

We have Viagra.

Now imagine if researchers can make the right pill from this guy.

"Not tonight dear, I have a headache!"

"Here, try one of these new pills"

Two days later ....

How the headache?

What headache?

P

originally posted by: BornAgainAlien
a reply to: eisegesis

I now know in witch living being I want to reincarnate.

I don't know, its like Homer Simpson going to hell and having to eat doughnuts the rest of his life.

I'm still not sure...

This thread highlights the importance of stopping for a beer.

antechinus sprints around mating almost non-stop for an exhausting three weeks, with single romps lasting as long as 14 straight hours.

Maybe I should change my handle to "theantechinus"

I laughed the whole time while making this thread but the all the comments are even funnier. Thanks everybody.

originally posted by: theantediluvian

antechinus sprints around mating almost non-stop for an exhausting three weeks, with single romps lasting as long as 14 straight hours.

Maybe I should change my handle to "theantechinus"

I can't count the guys in all of history that would have boasted the same. Yet 1 minute and 30 seconds later the ivory tower crumbled for damn near every one of them.



Not saying you of course. Just everybody else.

It was wide open. I couldn't resist. I shame myself really. I'm leaving now.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I can't count the guys in all of history that would have boasted the same. Yet 1 minute and 30 seconds later the ivory tower crumbled for damn near every one of them.

LMAO

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