Need some love advice?? Post here!

Originally posted by Hit N Run
I'm just trying to get a little more information to work with.

Peace

Well, we've never met really anywhere else except school. Only one class. That's where it all happens. I sit right behind her, and she seems to be pretty comfortable with my presence. She DOES sort of lean in to talk to me when she turns around... although that might be only to hear me clearer or something.

I can agree that it may be too soon to ask her for her number... but does that hinder me from asking for her AIM or MSN screenname? After all, I just want to talk to her some more... and maybe ask her out sometime down the road.

[STAY COOL)
-prophetmike

ProphetMike here is a piece of advice I gave to a boy who seemed shy. In your case I wouldn't hold off on asking for the phone #, but the rest is an easy process. I would ask for her number since you've already conversed with her a bit.

Here's the general approaching the girl from school guide- Enjoy!

I am guessing (if you are a student) you have a holiday break coming up. Why don't you approach her (maybe its good to have a little token such as a holiday wrapped candy), smile, and say "this is for you. Happy holidays..." (I will guess she knows your name..if not introduce yourself at this time)

Then get the convo rolling "so what are you going to do for christmas break" then tell her your plans. Comment on a few little things you would want to do (mention a movie maybe, see if she bites and says "me too") talk about christmas gifts and the like. It is okay to keep it brief. Here comes the trick.

Now ask for her email (and/or aim) (hold off on the number) and then you can email her in a couple days, and ask her out at a more comfortable pace. Ask about her. Then add in a few little things about yourself in the same vein "whats your favorite band, Mine is..." Maybe take it to IM if she uses one. You should be comfortable exchanging phone #s by this time.
(remember it is always easier to ask her about herself


I don't know if its relevent, but its similar to your scenerio.

Thanks Duh Squared,

I think part of the problem is she has had a string of long term relationships, and i've got a huge rope of short term ones...

I think she would like some time to be single and is a little concerned about my lack of commitment history... which i can understand, but she is different to the other chicks i've been with, and i needto find a way to show her that i'm willing to commit in this case...

and on a side note, i got home from work at midnight last night and she was sleeping in my bed... well she wasnt sleeping she was waiting for me to get home... we had a great night...

I told her the other day how i felt and i needed some sort of answer or i'd have to get over her altogether... she said she needed to think, so hopefully last night was an answer (the yes kind)... we didnt get a chance to talk this morning coz my housemates were awake and we agreed not to let our friends now about our pysical relationship.

Need to ask

1. I havnt had a bit for weeks what do i do?

2.Is that Stryper in your avatar?

Originally posted by prophetmike
Well, we've never met really anywhere else except school. Only one class. That's where it all happens. I sit right behind her, and she seems to be pretty comfortable with my presence. She DOES sort of lean in to talk to me when she turns around... although that might be only to hear me clearer or something.

I can agree that it may be too soon to ask her for her number... but does that hinder me from asking for her AIM or MSN screenname? After all, I just want to talk to her some more... and maybe ask her out sometime down the road.

[STAY COOL)
-prophetmike

Sounds like you've got a good plan. Personally, I would try to drop a little hint to her just to see how she reacts. Comment about what she's wearing and how good she looks, but do it in an unthreatening, friendly way. You should be able to tell something from her reaction to that.

One thing to remember though, girls love to lead guys on even if they're not interested in you. It's always better for the guy to be proactive and to take the first step. Girls want to make you work as much as possible before they give it up. If you leave it up to her to move first, you'll be waiting and wondering forever. Girls like aggresive guys, but not overly aggresive guys that just want the panties.

Peace

Originally posted by specialasianX
I think part of the problem is she has had a string of long term relationships, and i've got a huge rope of short term ones...

I think she would like some time to be single and is a little concerned about my lack of commitment history... which i can understand, but she is different to the other chicks i've been with, and i needto find a way to show her that i'm willing to commit in this case...
.

Ohh now I see the problem. I was under the impression that she was the short-termer and you the long-termer. I apologize for that. Well, a friend of mine seems to have been going through a very similar situation.

His gf broke up with him (this isn't the first time) because she didn't trust him. He is head over heels for her and wants nothing more than to be with her and make her happy. However, he has a history of being a bit of a womanizer,..
She has trouble believing he can be good to her, when it is so easy for him to have frivolous relationships with other women when they were not a couple, but that isn't the case. I can't blame her. She is afraid of getting hurt.

Sounds a little like an underlying possibility in your story (not to say its the same, but if there is a trust issue). Perhaps, this lady is more commitmaphobic of committing to a commitmaphobe, than actually being a commitmaphobe herself.

I recommend, keeping the dialogue open as you have done, and let her know that you can be serious and can be trusted. When time is right, maybe ask her what it is she needs. How you can let her see that you respect and appreciate her. The key to women is appreciation/consideration/respect. When and if you 2 are ready to be a couple, there should be no doubts on either party.

glad to hear you are happier with the situation

Originally posted by drunk
Need to ask

1. I havnt had a bit for weeks what do i do?

2.Is that Stryper in your avatar?

You "haven't had a bit" from your significant other? Or are you just asking how you can find a chick who will put out with no strings?

If its the first, you should know that when girls don't feel that you give them enough appreciation/attention, they won't give you any.

Now if you are simply desperate for affection.... Well, this isn't something I know much about, as I don't care much for slutty people, male or female, but I observe their behavior time to time. Perhaps you can find yourself a nice skank?

Maybe you want something a bit less seedy. I would recommend you find a desperate older divorcee, who just really needs to feel attractive, but will not want to pursue more. That is your best chance at a mutually beneficial deal. Also their libidos are bigger....

Oh and to part 2,/...That sure as hell aint stryper in my avatar! Nope. It is none other than an old picture of the original "Queens of Noise"- the Runaways!

But it would have been funny as hell to put up a Stryper pic. Maybe later.

Ive decided "# it" about my relationship problems now. And i think ill just wait here till my friend comes in a month, then have heaps of fun. Then get back to Sydney and see how it goes then, its time for me to drift out of existence for a bit. No thinking, No dreaming, no feeling. I need the break.

i've been seeing this girl for a few days(since saturday). sunday-fine held hands,hugged.
monday fine held hands hugged.
before i write the next bit let me just say she does suffer with depression a bit.
tuesday-gets depressed(wont say what because it is a bit personal). ignores me for the whole day then says sorry-fair enough i can understand.
wednesday(today)-seems fine, talking to me again but for some reason now she doesn't want to hold hands or seem to get close.

someone please help me. i am pacient but why the sudden change.

Wendellion and uk wizard are going to read this. when you do come and find me(dont mind me everyone else i just know what they are like hey hey)

thanks

Originally posted by Jeff teh Destroyer
someone please help me. i am pacient but why the sudden change.

Although I kind of lack in this field of advice I think the best idea is to talk to those she talks to the most and confides in, those she's know for a long time.
Ask if its to do with you, if so find out what you can do to correct or improve the situation.
If its not to do with you then ask how she can best be comforted, whether she needs your shoulder to cry on, somebody to talk to or whether she wants to be alone to think.

Wendellion and uk wizard are going to read this. when you do come and find me(dont mind me everyone else i just know what they are like hey hey)

If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here

I hope I've helped in some way.


[edit on 9-3-2005 by UK Wizard]

Alrighty, I've decided to post this...

My g/f right, has some depression, she cuts herself, gets panic attacks, etc and I have no idea what to do...she talks to me about it (like she just mentions "my arm hurts" and then the conversation spirals downwards).

She's always talking to me about how she has to put on an act at school to make it seem she's happy and that she truly is sad and angry all the other times and I hate it.

She also writes poems, and this one poem she wrote, pretty much says that 'if I break up with her she will kill herself'. This could proove difficult in the future...don't get me wrong, I really love her, and when we're not talking about cutting herself or anything she is great to be around.

But...I don't know what I can do, the school counsellor gives her panic attacks, she will most definetly get extremely pissed if I tell anyone and well...i dunno...I'm running out of options...

I'm gonna keep my questions simple.

How the bloody hell do you approach people and "Hint" at them that your intrested in them with out scaring them off? lol

this question is for ANYONE but I am just curious about this. me and my girlfriend have been goin out for like a year now, and besides the internet, I have never ever heard her tell me first the words "I love you" or sumthin to that effect first, its always second, she always follows me when I say it by saying it back. I no she loves me, thats not the concern, but I was always under the impression that the girl is always sayin that and the guy always follows and rarely ever says it first. I tell her I love her at least everyday, maybe she just knows that if I say it she doesnt have to first, who knows. but how many of you girls or guys are in this situation, and is this normal for me the guy to be saying this and she following it? whats goin on here?

thanks

yermom:

I think it's more common than you would realize. It's possible that she loves you just as much as you love her, but just feels awkward saying it.

Or it's entirely possible that she doesn't even notice that she is never the "I love you-er" and always the "I love you-ee"

Another possibility is that she feels you are the dominant one, and she shouldn't have to say it, try to notice if she does this with everything, eg. Do you choose the restraunt? The movie? The shower curtain colour? You get the idea. If so, try to get her to make some of the decisions in the realationship, it just might help everything fall into place.

-or-

If "I love you" is the way you end most of your conversations, try not saying it a few times. It won't give closure to the conversation, and will surely be missed. Maybe she'll pick up the slack if you let go of it.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

TK868:

I would reccomend trying everything you can to be her world. I'll explain. It's a very difficult and touchy situation that you're in, so helpng to fix it will take a lot of time and effort. But it can definately be worth it.

First and foremost, fuigure out exactly what it is that's causing this problem. A lot of times it can not really be any one thing, but just the feeling that the whole world is against you. If it's just little things, that'll make it much easier.

Make it so that she thinks about you all the time, and every time, it brings a smile to her face. If you're in high school, write love notes and hide them in her backpack, surprise her at lunch with a single rose. It's the little things that really show you care.

Try to boost her self esteem. Tell her how beautiful she is, how you love the way her eyes sparkle when she smiles. Make her feel like a goddess, even if it doesn't seem like she appreciates the compliments, they will really leave lasting impressions. Slowly you can lift her up out of her depression.

Let us know how everything works out!

Grey Fox:

You keep your question simple, I'll keep my answer simple.

Eye contact. This can be one of the easiest ways to get someones attention. If you notice, most people look around a bit when they talk. Try, especially when giving a compliment or having a one on one conversation, to look her straight in the eye. Maybe add in a subtle touch of the hair or arm. You'll definately get her attention. Now you'll just have to see if she gives you some attention back!

Good Luck!



[edit on 3/30/2005 by Lenina]

actually- I have told her about this online and she says she feels comfortable saying it, its not a way to end conversations really, but she does look at me as the dominant one. she basically looks at me as the dominant one for everything come to think about it. thanks.