Need some love advice?? Post here!

Offering you a cool 20 -*something* progressive female's perspective.

Do you need some little tips?? Ideas/suggestions to get you out of hot water?? Advice on how to get that guy/girl and keep him/her??

Are you are a guy, who needs the viewpoint/insight of a woman? Are you a girl who could use some advice from another?....

Perhaps Duh Squared can help

Assuming, if I am not of much help, thats okay, because other members are always welcome to add their 2 cents to anything I say!

Resident love-advice lady, at your service.

-DS

*Note- please provide as much info about yourself and other people/factors in your situation as possible.

Disclaimer--Duh Squared is not responsible for anything you do. Duh Squared does not control your actions, and you must make your own decisions. Duh Squared is not a licenced professional, and may give crappy advice. Duh Squared is not legally bound to this thread and may forget it, as Duh Squared can be flakey, lazy, or offline.

duh squared, could you jump over to my thread and give your imput...ask any questions you'd like, and I will answer them honestly...

www.belowtopsecret.com...

heres a question. If you were 17/18 would you cuddle heavily with a male friend on more than one occasion and cry when he leaves for europe for 3 months if you didnt like him as more than a friend.

two.

If you were 18 and you had a friend you considered your closest guy friend. Would you normally sleep in the same bed as him if you are at somebody elses place, would you usually cuddle up to him, again, if you didnt like him in any way.

these are two different people btw.

Hi Youngin-

Well to the first question- No I wouldn't cry over a guy friend leaving for only 3 months. I probably wouldn't have cuddled with any male friends at all. But we aren't talking about me here.

I think its safe to say that girl number one has some strong emotional attachments, if she could not hold back tears, knowing you would be returning in a few months.
The other possibility is that this girl has serious abandonment issues and needs to feel that she won't be left in a lurch by anyone. She may also feel the need to be held, due to such instability. I do not know her so I cannot say.

Really you need to decide for yourself how stable she is. Is she needy and clingy? Is she a bit of a drama queen or attention seeker?? If not, chances are she just had a lot of confusing feelings for you, and somehow felt that if you left she wouldn't be able to have what she wanted with you.

Usually, if someone is just a pal, knowing theyll be back in a matter of months, will keep you from shedding the tears (at least when they can see them).


Ok on to bachelorette number 2! This is a little more confusing, because personality is a big factor in deciding what exactly this chick is interested in. Lets do a little Q & A to determine (don't worry you don't neeed to actually answer these to me...but keep them in mind).

1-Does this girl always have to have something big going on in her life (aka drama?)

Does she need attention/affection more than others?

2-Is she a touchy- feely outgoing type with everyone?

3-Is she shy and insecure?

4-Does she need reassurance that she is nice looking?

5-Does she flirt with you (and only you) when there are other guys around? Does she make eye contact and smile with you more than other people?

6-Does she like to appear to be "with" you in public?

7-does she try to spend time alone with you?


Okay questions 1-4 if answered yes would be indicative that she is just looking to feel better about herself, by feeling affection from a male friend. Which would mean, proceed with caution.

5-7, if answered yes, may indicate that she is interested in being "more than friends" with you.

Its very difficult to tell, because there are girls who need to feel like they have control over guys. These are often girls who have been burned badly in the past and try to prove they can get whoever they want, but won't get to the point where they can actually get hurt.

Do you want to pursue this girl romantically, stay friends, or become hook-up pals aka friends with benefits?

If you answered yes to number 1- Try asking her out on a date, and talking, and showing some small signs of affection (maybe hold hands, cheek kisses, etc). Yes, we're liberated, but pay for the date anyway. This lets her know that its a date.

If yes to #2, I recommend you nicely ask what she is doing. Tell her if it is confusing for you. Avoid the cuddling, because it is a little inappropriate for pals to be doing.

If number 3, you could try to turn up the heat during your next cuddle-fest (alone time), but I strongly recommend against the whole friends-with-benefits thing. Those things never work out. You don't hook up with your pals. Well, I surely don't!

I hope this helped.

The first chick is somebody ive wanted for a while, a relationship. Ive told her that a while ago, and she said she wasnt looking for one. Now she seems very emotionally attached, as if she does want one now. Ill see what happends when i get back. But i do know that she cried for a while at her work the day i left for europe.

The second chic is one of my best friends, and she happends to be a girl, we cuddled a lot. Most times at peoples parties we fall asleep together, we go to the city together, just the two of us, she lies against me. But most of the time we know that the other person likes somebody else. just a bit of fun, she always tries to tell me something when we are alone, but never does. i wonder what it is? hmm

ok, so this one girl and me have been gettin pretty close now, and everythings alright, I no she really likes me, and I basically asked her to date me.
she didnt say yes, and shes against it, hasnt flat out said no, she still wants to hang out with me and stuff, but right now doesnt want it.

is it all just a load of bull, cause im pretty sure if my name was hot stuff shed date me, infact im positive, I think its all a load of crock and its really a "yer a great guy, yer just not hot and steamy enough for me"

im not ugly at all, but not hot, somewhere in the middle I guess, so whats my problem?

Hey Yermom
Hmmmm I'm still trying to figure out what the question is here. So you like a girl, she seems to like you back, but she does not want to date you?

Is this the same girl who lives far away? If so I am going to have to say its pretty clear why. Its difficult to date someone when you cannot physically see or touch them.

If that is the case, your best bet is to keep everything open ended with her and move on, allowing her to do the same. Just sit back, relax and try not to push things. Trust timing and fate. Sometimes, if things happen too early they won't last, so do not rush anything.

Now, if this is someone else, who is in your region, and you get the impression she does not want to date you, I would think maybe she just isn't ready for that with you. Pretty much the same advice either way.

I meant to get back to you sooner, but I have been multitasking whilst at my desk here.

I will try to get back to that u2u you sent me, I just got a little distracted as it was a lengthy read and I have lost my glasses

do you think, if u were 18, that if you were this second girl. that you would want to do anything sexual with me if she comes here to europe for a few weeks, just the two of us, in between relationships and already comfortable with eachother. Im all for mucking around sexually with her, but does it seem like she would be up for it?

I am really good friends with a girl and i hang out once maybe twice a week an stuff with her an well anyways the other nite i came home an fell asleep and has this amazing dream about her and how i was hanging out with her an we kissed and it was amazing an i woke up thinking wow that was kind of cool and i started thinking about it more an more and ive come to the conclusion that i really really like this girl but i was wondering since where such good friends should i just tell her how i feel or should i next time we hang out and we're hugging on her porch just kiss her or just not do anything at all im very confused about this situation.

Thanks.

Hi S.I.S.,

Okay, yeah this is a tricky one, but there's some good news- There's at least a 50% chance she feels the same way about you! I have heard of many happy couples who started out as friends.

First things first, this seems to be making you upset. Are you worried about being rejected, or losing your good friend? I won't lie to you, there is a chance that this could be less than hoped for. Are you ready to risk that? Just prepare yourself before proceeding.

If you think that there's enough potential there to risk the friendship, I do not recommend you talk to her about it. It may sound scary to her. Just wait for the right timing, and send a few signals her way.

**Things to consider: How long have you guys been friends? Have you ever felt like she may be interested in you, too? Do you guys sometimes have *sexual tension*? You don't have to answer me, but mull it over at least.**

So here is my advice, make sure that this girl isn't emotionally hung up on anyone, pursuing or seeing another guy. Then make the next time you hang out something date-ish; but be subtle. See a movie or watch a video on the couch..Buy her food or a snack or a drink or whatever...flirt a bit and see if it goes anywhere. Be a little more affectionate than usual (more physical contact, like a hand on the arm when talking or leaning in more), and see if you get a warm reception. If you start getting the feeling she is interested, maybe hold hands or snuggle a bit, as to not overwhelm her.

If all goes well, lean in for the kiss. Just try to be sensitive to her body language and behavior. You'll know when its right.

Please keep in mind that, whatever the outcome, things ALWAYS happen as they should. If she turns you down, it wasn't meant to be. Meditate for a bit until you feel yourself in a state of acceptance. All will be well.

Good Luck!
:

Originally posted by Youngin
do you think, if u were 18, that if you were this second girl. that you would want to do anything sexual with me if she comes here to europe for a few weeks, just the two of us, in between relationships and already comfortable with eachother. Im all for mucking around sexually with her, but does it seem like she would be up for it?

No, if I were 18, I would not go to Europe for a bit of "mucking around sexually" with you. But, do I think you have a shot with this lass? Honestly, it sounds like you may.
It seems as though the 2 of you are comfortable with eachother, and now both of you are unattached, and she is jetsetting to foreign lands to spend alone time with you...uh yeah, I think you are in good standings.

Just remember, chicks can get weird after you hook up with em, especially if you don't want a relationship. This girl may really dig ya. Consider yourself warned, and uh..whatever you do, be considerate of her feelings, use good judgement and... be safe.

God I sound like a mom.

Ok have fun!

haha yeah i get ya. Hmm was just speaking to my friend who she was chasing after last. And he said she is persistant and wont take no for an answer, and she is depressing as she falls in love with guys that like her because she is lonely or something. So no i dont think i will risk it.

ahhh youngin, still beating yourself up over that certain someone... like I've said dude, just go out there and get #1... she seems to like you so go for it... but remember i could be wrong...

Hey Duh Squared, heres one for you (yes even specialasianX gets confused with chicks sometimes)

If you were female (which i assume you are) and your male best friend of like 4 years has always had a huge crush on you.... and you know it... would you lead him on to think that maybe someday you guys could be together just so he wouldnt stop being your friend if you flat out rejected him, if you really thought there was no chance...

or is it more likely this girl really does see something in the future (as she says) but doesnt want to be together like that yet coz she feels that you need to experience life to the fullest and have fun before settling in... and basically if she and he were to be together now it would probably not last for very long...

the she does talk about buying a house and how eventually they will marry... but doesnt really want to get involved right now... there has been sexual contact between the to in the past, and there have been periods where to all outsiders it would seem they were an item... but their not... and the guy is getting really frustrated coz any other girl he goes out with is really just a time filler and he cant give them his utmost love coz it lies elsewhere...

I'm not mentioning names, but i think we can all figure out who the he is.

***Double post, you guys dont want to hear me whine again do you?***

[edit on 15-12-2004 by specialasianX]

Hi specialasianx-

Okay, I have read, and re-read your, I mean, your friend's dilemma here, and I have to say, either I need another shot of caffeine this morning, or damn right its confusing!

First I will say, I'm glad to hear that he is dating other girls. Just because the ones thus far have felt like "time fillers," that doesn't mean all will prove to be 2nd best.

Honestly, it is hard to say what this girl wants. It sounds like she doesn't even know. I doubt she is intentionally leading you on, but leading you on she is. Sorry, but you don't deserve that.

I don't think its very realistic to be friends with someone and talk about marrying in the distant future, when you aren't willing to be in a relationship with him. I would not do that to anyone. I don't think she is doing it to keep you around as her friend), but it sounds like she isn't being very considerate of your feelings. She is probably confused, but doesn't understand that her uncertainty is confusing/hurtful to the other party.

There's a big problem with people who don't know what the hell it is they want. You never know when they'll decide that something isn't what they wanted and bail on you. This whole "I need experience" thing is really a person, needing to figure out who they are and what they want and need. In other words, a commitmaphobe- And you're right, someone with that attitude will not make for a lasting relationship.

Maybe she will figure it out one day, but try to live in the now, as she doesn't sound like a reliable mate at present.

If, one day, she gets her act together, and you are free, well then its meant to be. If she's "the one" it will work out.

Until then, assume she is not the one for you, and don't miss out on someone who will really value you. Ie- someone who does not feel like she needs to experience other people/things before she can be with you.

Its pretty much the end of my first college semester. (Tomorrow is last day) ANYWAY, me and this one girl have been flirting and talking for the last half of it. We seem to be comfortable around one another, and are always talking about school-related subjects.

I was just wondering that since tomorrow is the last day and since I will most likely NOT see her around (campus is HUGE with lots of people), if I should just ask her for her screen name or number (I'm not sure which) because I'd like to continue talking to her and possibly ask her out sometime.

Should I do so? If so, which should I ask for? I've been pondering upon this for the last week or so, and any help would greatly be appreciated. Especially considering class ends tomorrow!

Thanks in advance for your help, duh squared. (or anyone else who happens to have an idea )

[STAY COOL)
-prophetmike

[edit on 12/15/04 by prophetmike]

Originally posted by prophetmike
Its pretty much the end of my first college semester. (Tomorrow is last day) ANYWAY, me and this one girl have been flirting and talking for the last half of it. We seem to be comfortable around one another, and are always talking about school-related subjects.

I was just wondering that since tomorrow is the last day and since I will most likely NOT see her around (campus is HUGE with lots of people), if I should just ask her for her screen name or number (I'm not sure which) because I'd like to continue talking to her and possibly ask her out sometime.

Should I do so? If so, which should I ask for? I've been pondering upon this for the last week or so, and any help would greatly be appreciated. Especially considering class ends tomorrow!

Thanks in advance for your help, duh squared. (or anyone else who happens to have an idea

)

[STAY COOL)
-prophetmike

[edit on 12/15/04 by prophetmike]

Prophet, have you been flirting or just talking about school. If you've been flirting, I'd ask for her number. If you've only been talking about school then I would be a little more careful. You don't want to possibly scare her off. Has she given you any hints or what you might consider to be a hint about moving this friendship to the next level??

Peace

Originally posted by Hit N Run
Prophet, have you been flirting or just talking about school. If you've been flirting, I'd ask for her number. If you've only been talking about school then I would be a little more careful. You don't want to possibly scare her off. Has she given you any hints or what you might consider to be a hint about moving this friendship to the next level??

Peace

Well, being that I've never had a girlfriend, maybe I'm not too clear on what flirting is. The things I've been doing include complimenting her, making stable eye contact, but most of it is just the talking.

I'm not sure... would screen name be an acceptable alternative?

Thanks for help so far.

[STAY COOL)
-prophetmike

Originally posted by prophetmike
Well, being that I've never had a girlfriend, maybe I'm not too clear on what flirting is. The things I've been doing include complimenting her, making stable eye contact, but most of it is just the talking.

I'm not sure... would screen name be an acceptable alternative?

Thanks for help so far.

[STAY COOL)
-prophetmike

Eye contact is always a key, unless you're staring at her like Norman Bates. Does she ever complement you without you having done so to her first? A girls body language will always tell you what's going on. Watch her body language. when you get close to her, does she pull away a little bit? Have you ever asked her to do anything or go anywhere, and she gave you an excuse that you thought was a little less than believable? I'm just trying to get a little more information to work with.

Peace

[edit on 15-12-2004 by Hit N Run]

Prophetmike-

This is a no brainer- YES! Just bring up next semester and the break etc etc., then tell her you think she seems cool and ask for her email/contact info. Let her know you think she's worth keeping in touch with and want to get together sometime. Isnt that new Bill Murray movie out yet? You should go see that with her

Little secret between you n me, (and well however many people will read this thread....) thats how I got together w/my first love. He was too shy to ask me out, but we would generally hang out after class and make small talk. Finally I figured it was worth taking a risk- so the last week of school I said "what are you doing friday?" Then he replied with something along the lines of "nothing" so I said "well, even if you're busy then, I wanna keep in touch.." And I handed him my number and email address. Ahh, well the rest, is ancient history. Point is, I always was glad I went for it.

So..go for it! Whats the worst that could happen?

Good Luck!