How do you go about forgetting someone?

Where to start...okay so about 6 or 7 years ago now, i met the most beautiful girl ive ever laid my eyes on. we were in 6th grade and had the same math class. almost immediately she befriended my best friend since 1st grade, a friendship that would last longer than ours did (my bro and i). thats pretty much where it stayed for her and i for the next couple of years til 8th grade.

Then one day i was on facebook, this was when Kanye west stole Taylor Swifts moment at some award show, i get a message from her out of no where. we went back and forth with that for a bit then she asked me what happened at said award show (i had no clue) so i asked my sister and then relayed the info. from then on the rest is history, from that day forward until mid-June 2012, her and i were two peas in a pod. we talked as friends for the majority of the time she was in my life, even after i told her i had an enormous crush on her...it went on like this until spring of 2011, when she caught feelings for me and we started dating.

We only dated 8 months, it was a very rocky relationship. we barely got to spend time with one another without having to include a bunch of friends so her mom would trust us, her dad was also very controlling and wouldnt even let her do sleepovers with other girls(he didnt even know about me lol). with this being the case, most of our relationship was over-the-phone, texting, and inboxing on facebook. this can lead to major frustrations, especially when youre a young buck. im going to be completely honest and admit that i did try cheating on her, i didnt actually do it, but i attempted to get with another girl while under the influence at a party. nonetheless, my gf found out almost instantly, but waited til the next day to confront me over the phone. we got into it, and trying to save my pride, i found some weak reason to break it off with her before she could break it off with me...not only did i try cheating on her, but i also dumped her. she was destroyed to say the least.

we didnt talk for atleast a month after that. in Feb of 2012 we started talking again, we agreed to try to work on, and repair our relationship to its former glory, but we werent actually together, so both of us were talking to other people at the time, while keeping it secret from one another, til one night when we did get to hang out...we were at our old elementary school playground, on top of the play set kissing and what not, and my phone falls from my hoodie pocket, and she immediately grabs for it. we fight over it for a bit, til she bites me and runs off with my phone. she was running for a bit then she slowed, and immediately stopped. she had found the name of a girl she personally had issues with in my contacts and then proceeded to end our relationship completely. from that night on we were just friends, or so she said...i gave her a few more weeks, then tried contacting her again. i couldnt stay away for too long, she had been a major force in my life for years at this point. when i finally got through to her, the only responses she would give me were cold, one worded responses like "oh?" "haha" "cool" "yeah", and the oh so dreadful "K"...it was like i was a stranger again...i could feel her discontent for me...i broke down, for the next few days all i did was lay in bed sobbing like a huge pussy...somewhere in my stupor i thought it would be a good idea to just entirely cut her off, to send her one last message, apologizing for my treachery, asking her forgiveness, and ultimately, letting her go from my heart and soul.

I sent that message on June 21st 2012, and here i am on July 5th 2014, still holding on, trying to fix that which does not want to be fixed.

Almost every day, at one point, ill find myself doing absolutely nothing, thinking of nothing but her. its only when she enters my mind that i realize whats happening. everyone says the best way to get out from under someone is to get under someone else...but thats not entirely true when your very soul feels bound to that one person. ive tried being in a relationship since then, but i cant push my first ex out of my mind, every little thing reminds me of her, i cant even look at another woman without com...sometimes ill find myself mindlessly repating in my head how badly i miss her, and list all the things i would give just to go back in time and not screw it all up...

Once i get sick of the pain that causes, i sober up, and remind myself that its over, its been over for years, things will never go back, and that this entire thing is my fault anyways, but it never helps, 20 minutes later she'll be on my mind again. Ive even tried talking to her recently but that went to hell immediately, she called my bluff, and cast me out like i was one of her stalkers. all hope is lost, yet my soul still clings...what do i do?

Any wisdom is welcome here really. And thanks in advance for taking the time to read this and reply.

a reply to: 8fl0z

I do not know how other people do it. I personally, have never forgotten any of the women I have been with romantically. Forgetting does not help one learn from ones mistakes, nor does it ease the pain associated with the person in question and the way things might have ended.

Remember, learn and grow.

Cut off one of your ears and post it to her, I heard that chicks love that kind of stuff.
Or get drunk

I don't have a problem forgetting people if I want to. I switch them off very easily. I don't understand people who get hung up on people who have left our lives. There are 7 billion people on this planet. People come and go. I'd tell you to 'flip the switch' but apparently not everyone can do that.

There's a time for everything-- a time to LOVE and a time to HATE. A time to FIGHT & a time to let GO.

Mhargs Abuda

a reply to: 8fl0z

Find someone else.

You almost did find someone else when you were with her.

So what's the problem?

As TrueBrit suggests, we don't ever forget. These experiences are how we develop as people.

However, it sounds like your problem is less one of forgetting and more one of obsession. The best way to get over an obsession (and it's a slow process) is to replace it with other interests. You will have blips along the way. But eventually other things and people (!) will become part of your present and future. And she will become part of your past.

But, I hate to tell you, the feelings will never fully go away. They will be with you for the rest of your life. But, properly handled, the obsession will fade.

And, though it might not seem this way at the present, you'll have plenty of other relationships in your life. Many much deeper than this one.

However, this is first love. And that will always hold a special place.

But, still, work on getting over the obsession. Because that can become unhealthy. And, rest assured, all of this is very normal. Just part of growing up as a human being.

Welcome to the real world.

Their isn't anyone anywhere that hasn't dealt with this and your scenario is no more intense or dramatic then what anyone else dealt with. If you don't have the ability to move on and deal in the real world with relationships ending then keep putting yourself through hell even though you should know, chances are , it will never be what you want it to be again.

I remember once long ago being really hurt, and in the end, the only thing that worked,
was finding somebody else.

Some may not agree, but sometimes a rebound is all that is truly needed.
Go out and enjoy being single.
Meet some women, and you will forget all about her eventually.

a reply to: 8fl0z

You don't forget, we never forget the past, over time we get used to it, that's all but we never forget. There is no escape. Its ok, time will help or change you hopefully for the better. Experience is also a wonderful thing and the melancholies can also be a positive thing that allows you to chose a better future for yourself. No need to spiral downwards, pick yourself up and accept your demise. There is nothing wrong with how your feeling. You will get used to it but you wont forget.

While you will never forget, you can move on. How do you do that you ask?

Time, family and friends.

You will never forget your first love, all you can do is move on, and it may take years and other failed relationships to do it, but it will all work out in the... wait a minute... she bit you? She actually BIT you for your phone?

a reply to: 8fl0z

I tried to come up with words of wisdom because I have some experience with trying unsuccessfully to try to forget. And though my situation is a lot different, I've been trying to forget for a lot longer. And I guess what we really want to do isn't so much to forget as it is to try to accept and move on. Sometimes, sadly...I don't think that's possible.

This quote never helped me even though I tried to make it do so (there was a time it could have when I was younger). I might get the wording a little bit wrong, but.... If you want to be happy in life, tie yourself to a goal and not to a person or to things. Albert Einstein said that, or something similar. I think it's true for some people. So, if you are one of those people, find a goal that has nothing to do with a person or an object outside yourself and that goal should fill the void.

If nothing else, reaching out is a step and you reached out so I hope you find something here or somewhere else that helps.

a reply to: 8fl0z

It's over. That's what you need to know. Be glad kids aren't involved.

You effed it up. You're man enough to be straight with the facts. The next rung on the ladder hopefully won't be a repeated mistake.

Closure ... probably not gonna happen ... so don't look for it. Remember what it was like when you were a kid drawing pictures in school? You were either satisfied with what you drew, or you went for a nice clean piece of paper. Best analogy I can come up with ATM.

Everything's fine.

a reply to: 8fl0z

First love takes awhile to get over.

Once you get job/start college just focus on that and eventually the romantic feeling will fade. You won't ever forget her but she will become a distant memory instead of a fresh painful one.

Don't be too hard on yourself and let your brain workout the pain in it's own way. Also occupy your time with other things like school and work. It will make your life better and you will probably even meet someone that way that will inch their way in. That's how life works.

Took me years to get over my first love. Now I can barely remember her face. Just the way life works out.

Why do you have to forget her? I'm still friends with all of my former girlfriends. I've even had an ex hook me up with one of her friends. Just love her as a human being. Don't take it personally if she chooses to be intimate with someone else.

a reply to: 8fl0z

OMGosh! Where to start???
As one of the older broads on ATS, & having a female point of view,
I guess I have lived long enough to offer some advice!
And maybe even sound like I'm lecturing a bit!
All you have to do is read back over your own post!

"i met the most beautiful girl ive ever laid my eyes on.
her and i were two peas in a pod.
We only dated 8 months, it was a very rocky relationship.
we barely got to spend time with one another
without having to include a bunch of friends
so her mom would trust us, her dad was also very controlling"

***She was the best thing that ever happened to you,
you were so much alike, but you weren't satisfied with the amount of time
that you got to spend together, either with other people or alone!
Her parents were just looking out for their baby & it sounds like with good reason!
You're young yet, someday you will realize...any time together is better than no time!

"most of our relationship was over-the-phone, texting, and inboxing on facebook.
this can lead to major frustrations, especially when youre a young buck.
im going to be completely honest and admit that i did try cheating on her,
i didnt actually do it,
but i attempted to get with another girl while under the influence at a party"

***It sounds like you are still very immature & even though you claim she meant so much to you,
you let your 'mini me' lead you to betray her in the worst way possible!!!
It doesn't matter that nothing happened, the intent was there!!!
Nobody who loves & respects the most important person in their life,
would even think of going astray in hard times, much less as easily as you did!
Life can be very hard, what happens then?
Will you take a detour every time the road gets bumpy???


"trying to save my pride, i found some weak reason to break it off with her
before she could break it off with me...not only did i try cheating on her,
but i also dumped her. she was destroyed to say the least."

***Here again, if you love someone, you don't throw them under a bus to save your own ego!
You didn't even man up??? Didn't apologize???
Are you going to use alcohol for an excuse for everything you do wrong in your life???
You should be willing to do anything for the love of your life,
no matter what it costs you!

"we started talking again, we agreed to try to work on,
and repair our relationship to its former glory,
but we werent actually together,
so both of us were talking to other people at the time,
while keeping it secret from one another"

***Yeah, still didn't learn from your last mistake! Sure you weren't actually together,
but you weren't willing to do anything to get her back & gain her trust.
And she for sure rightly didn't trust you enough to break off contact with other people either!

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...
My Uncle used to say, that everyone says relationships should be 50-50.
But he said, NO, both people have to give 100%!
Because if you aren't willing to give your best to someone,
then there is no point in being in a relationship!
Everyone deserves someone who treasures them!!!
Otherwise what is the point of being in a relationship?
Someone can be happy all by themselves.
They don't need another person making them miserable!

In my day...YEAH, there I said it!!!
We respected each other & weren't happy if our partner wasn't happy.
Sex was frowned on before marriage...
now people can't even stop cheating when they are just dating!!!???
How will they ever be able to be monogamous forever in a marriage???
Where is a person's strength of character anymore???

You have your whole life ahead of you yet.
The best thing to do is learn from your mistake, find out who you are,
be the kind of person a girl would even want to be with!
You'll never forget...but perhaps the memory of what you are feeling right now,
will be enough to keep you from making the same mistake again?!

What's that saying? Oh, yeah! Live & learn!!!
WOQ

a reply to: 8fl0z

Best advice I can give is that you won't forget her easily, especially if she's a first love. For reference, mine tore a hole in my heart on Prom 2009, and here I am, mending, but at a slower pace than I'd like (now, imagine dealing with the fact you lost her, and finding out from a friend 5 years later that had you slowed down on the approach, she'd be yours, and that she got hotter since 09).

What dulled my pain for a little was that I did meet someone else, and although it didn't work out, I did at least have a year to get rid of some of the pain. Remind yourself: You do not have to meet her approval to date anyone. She doesn't have any say on who you can or cannot date, unless it's someone that's like a sister to her.

Also, this might help as well - You went on a 2-year hiatus from her life; why not try to see her again, as a friend? I'm still friends with my ex's (well, all except my first, she's proven to be a bit elusive nowadays), we aren't exactly the "tell me your deepest secret" types, but we do at least communicate.

-fossilera

Without a powerful case of amnesia, you won't forget someone.

It's called "moving on". The further you focus on your own life, the less prominent memories of that person will become.

They'll always be there, but they're "ranking" in the hierarchy of your consciousness will diminish.

They say time heals all wounds. While this may not be true in all cases it certainly has an impact. You will find someone else and eventually wonder why the hell you were ever concerned about that girl.