Having an immediate connection with somebody

Ok, so this is funny/awkward/weird. I'm only talking about it now because I'm done with my assignment. I work as a temp and got this assignment. Never expecting what would take place, how this one job would end up affecting me. But there was a guy there that I noticed from day 1. I'm not the type to be physically attracted nor interested in someone quickly. And I guess I really wasn't, I just noticed him. I'm in a relationship so I want to make perfectly clear I don't and won't look to meet anybody. Especially not at a job, as I'm not one to have ever gotten involved with coworkers ever.

So about several weeks go by, and suddenly one day I get this overwhelming sensation, I was stricken with feelings for him out of the blue. We hardly had any interaction, but that day I felt a pull, an undeniable connection. I started almost becoming obsessed. But, I am with someone else who I won't hurt, I obviously don't want to leave the person I'm with. I just don't know how to handle what was going on with my feelings. So I avoided him.

After that day of the sudden wave of emotions, he'd be everywhere that I was inside our building anyway. Outside was easy to avoid, I smoked on the opposite side of the building, as that was where I'd park. Anyway, he was always wherever I would be. He was overly nice, always grinning like a Cheshire cat, That made me really skittish. So anytime be talked to me, I'd run away. I never got to know him or talk to him. I think at some point he gave up, thankfully.

What the problem is, though, is I feel maybe I was wrong not at least communicating with him, but as crazy as it sounds I was afraid he'd be able to tell that I was strongly attracted to him. Both fear of rejection and fear of not being rejected played in my mind. If I was rejected I'd get depressed, if on the other hand he was also interested I couldn't trust myself to behave myself, doing something that would potentially hurt two people. I drove myself crazy about this. What drives me crazy is that I still don't know if I was right or wrong avoiding everything. I have heard that avoidance is a bad thing, and I kind of regret my actions now.

That is all. Glad to get it off my chest.

a reply to: ldyserenity

Look, I've been with my wife for a dozen years now.
we have two beautiful little girls together.

I would no more think of cheating on her than I would cut off my own right arm.

Still there are people I see that I do find attractive, feel drawn too.
That doesn't mean I want into their panties. it means I human and there are just people out there we are genetically drawn too.

When I have those feelings I acknowledge them for what they are, a passing fancy. Like being to cold or to hot, it's part of the human condition. I cant say those feelings ever made me avoid someone nor do I go out of my way to get closer to them.

It's just the way we're all wired

a reply to: HardCorps

Well, this obviously isn't just a passing phase as it still plagues my mind. This was like not an ordinary attraction type of thing, it feels like a soul connection, like maybe a PL thing. I've been attracted to others before, but this is way on deeper levels than that. I am also leaving a bit out.

I am an empath for one, for another, I guessed some stuff about this guy without ever talking to him (which was validated when he was talking to my friend at work right in front of me) Like how I knew he was into physics (so random) but I am also into it, in fact it was said exactly how one of my posts on ATS, I heard my own words out of his mouth (now that's weird). Also a friend of mine who is clairvoyant told me he feels the same spiritual connection to me and that he felt I "owed him attention" in some way, her words. And she has always been very very good, she described how he looked to a T, and his personality etc. He's got a few distinguishable attributes that she totally picked up. I don't know its just frustrating.

It's not easy explaining to someone else who has not been there on the same depth.


ETA: I only ever felt like this one other time when I was a teenager and I was not involved with anybody and I ran from that one, too. I had no reason to at that time. No I never had that same exact thing with my current bf. Because if I did I'd have run away. It's a pattern.

a reply to: ldyserenity

I try not to acknowledge at the best of times, let alone on a public forum, but I think I understand OP!

The last place I worked prior to my current job, I had a similar problem.

On my first day, my lunchbreak to be precise, I was walking towards the building and there were two men passing me, I say two, I only truely noticed one, therre was a mutual smile and on my part that feeling of thinking you have met before, but knowing that you haven't. Unfortuanately he turned out to be the store manager, married, with kids and I never in the four and a half years I worked let on how he made me feel, worse still there were moments where I would think there was something mutual, like smiling when I was having a conversation which wasn't funny (I used to try and tell myself it is probably that he thinks I am crazy!), on a couple of occaisions he touched me (not in a funny way) all the while I would jump half out of my skin everytime I would see him, scared he might twig (could never let that happen).

It's been a little over a year since I left that job and still I can't get him out of my head....hopefully writing this will be my therapy, as it is holding me back from meeting someone.

Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom for you but least you're not alone.

a reply to: ldyserenity

Far be it for me to give relationship advice to another.

I'm one of those guys that whatever I say, you better off turning around and doing the exact opposite!

So with that thought in mind and given what you've just said. Maybe you should get to know this person better. Maybe this is your 'One' your 'Other Half'---Or maybe not?

Either way you'll never know unless one of you takes that first step, go have coffee, mention some upcoming event like an art festival or some-such... you know, baby-steps---

Notice I did not say jump his bones '''Winkz"

Best of luck.

a reply to: solargeddon

That's exactly what it is to me -therapy...hoping it will dissipate. I wrote another thread about the same thing. Only that I felt he may be an ex that committed suicide who walked into this guys body. But yet I don't really believe in walk ins either.

a reply to: HardCorps

Thanks for the reply. It's too late my time ended at that assignment and he doesn't drink coffee anyway. I could add him on FB, but I am not one to do that unless it's women because I feel too forward / aggressive if I did. Except bands I'll add males from bands, because well fan stuff you know lol.

I'm really just posting to get it out of my mind.
I'm glad I am not alone in this, as people have come on sharing their own experiences, I'm grateful.

originally posted by: ldyserenity
a reply to: HardCorps

Well, this obviously isn't just a passing phase as it still plagues my mind. This was like not an ordinary attraction type of thing, it feels like a soul connection, like maybe a PL thing. I've been attracted to others before, but this is way on deeper levels than that. I am also leaving a bit out.

I am an empath for one, for another,

Uh huh. Sure. There's no talking to you because you believe your own fantasies and try to justify them with stuff like "soul-connection." What you are really feeling is pure lust. You want to get laid--by him, but oh, noes! You gots a boyfriend already! Whatever shall you do? It's easy. You have three (maybe four) choices:

1. Do him and keep the boyfriend.
2. Dump the boyfriend, then do him. (or vice versa)
3. Don't do him.
4. Dump the boyfriend and don't do him (Optional)

The rest is obsessive fantasy. You'll keep obsessing about it as long as it continues to make you feel good. Either you are not monogamous by nature or your boyfriend is not meeting your needs well enough for you not to obsess over someone else.

I'm sure you'll figure it out. Hopefully you are not married and have kids. It would be a lot worse if you did.

a reply to: ldyserenity

It's good that you've got it off your chest. Venting your emotions helps, it might not give you an answer you seek but believe me, it helps.

a reply to: ldyserenity

Look, I said all that before I read where you said.

I wrote another thread about the same thing. Only that I felt he may be an ex that committed suicide who walked into this guys body.

If that's the kind of vibe you get from this guy---Run---Do not walk to the nearest exit!

That's a mistake I've made before--- thinking I could save someone from themselves.
This gal was a cutter/Emo... Into all that dark depressing stuff. I thought I could save her--- But I was wrong.

a reply to: schuyler

Okay, then.

obviously not going to do anything. Whatever it is it will pass. Just sharing, so sue me. Obviously I have no intention of doing anything and don't have to be around said person any more and won't see him again so that's why I wrote it now. It's therapeutic to get it out anonymously. It's also nice to know others have been there, too.

What I know is truly the other side of the coin, my current has done it three times to me and we have kids together (all grown now) but he's left me 3 times ( during the first 2 times they were small to be with someone else...he's cheated a total of 6 times and I knew how it felt so I'd never do it to him. When I say cheated I mean he did emotionally and physically, I've done it out of spite in return. Now we're (read he's) trying to be a better person and I'm trying not to screw that up. I only did 3 times out of spite, because 3 times he left me to be with someone else.

We both did things, but I'm trying to get over the past. So is he. I don't want to start anew on a bad foot. If you can understand that. I always find fantasy is better than the real thing anyway so I'd rather just fantasize and stay like it is. I'm sure everyone fantasizes but that doesn't really mean a damn, because you're still with the person you love. Even if they fantasize about a celebrity, everyone dies it, keeps things going most people

originally posted by: ldyserenity
a reply to: HardCorps

I could add him on FB, but I am not one to do that unless it's women because I feel too forward / aggressive if I did.

You sound too conservative for your own good. Adding a man to your Facebook page won't make you a whore, and if people think it does, they're odd.

I have to wonder how you went about meeting the man you're with and if you are even capable of making friends with men. No offense, but I'm picturing you with a floor length dress and a bonnet.


To answer your question though, immediate connections happen all the time. The naive people see this as something like puppy love, a passing fancy or just plain delusion. They're not very mature people really.

a reply to: HardCorps

I think you misunderstood, he's not suicidal lol...google "walk in" I mean it's not the place here to go into detail about it. Paranormal forum is more appropriate. I mean his spirit has the feel of being this persons spirit that is all. He's similar in a lot of ways but not in appearance. Just research walk ins. I don't really think that they exist, but it is possible he just is very similar in persona, and maybe even because of that I'm trying to replace the loss of the ex who killed himself. That actually makes sense because I remained friends with my ex who killed himself, and we were close, so it could be his loss that is the whole reason for my feelings, that makes sense. Now it can be remedied.

a reply to: DeepImpactX

I'm kind of conservative yes, in the way of protecting my feelings. I didn't have too many feelings invested in my current guy, I more or less got with a best friend type, as long as I'm not strongly attracted I can become friends with guys. So I got a friend that I cared about, not a fiery passionate love. And he even disappointed me, so I have become even more conservative not letting people in. If you can understand that.

Well, coming from the male hedonist perspective. ...

I never pass Up the chance to make a new friend or lover. imo old fashioned cultural conventions need to be revamped.
In this life it's the connections we make with our fellow humans, that gives life meaning.

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

I think I have my answer really. I lost a person and this guy is very similar which I am drawn to in trying to replace the loss.

a reply to: ldyserenity

I understand everything you wrote! lol!! I've been going through this for 8 months now with somebody on this site..I bet you can guess who!! Just started with one song..one PM..one facebook friending ..and then the phone calls..

We've called it off dozens of times!! But, always end up back to square one. It's really insane (I'm single she's not) but, these things happen.. right? We went this last time for almost a week I think.. and then bam!! Last night.. back again! lol!!

If you would have talked to him..who knows.. you would be putting salt in your coffee and sugar on your eggs hahhaha!!

Some folks just get attracted to each other and it gets to the point of an addiction like a drug addict. That's life ..right?

a reply to: ldyserenity

In a way you had a person with very magnetic and synchronistic ability (always appearing around you) to try to snare you to him and after a while of you rejecting it, he got the message and moved on. In fact in a way he is an asshole for taking advantage of his abilities when you are already in a relationship that you want to be in. In a way he is invading your privacy/sphere of influence without being allowed in. You might not believe in intention->manifestation but I am pretty sure that guy is very good at it and is using it.

My advice is to on all levels mentally say "not interested and stay away from me".

Like how I knew he was into physics (so random) but I am also into it, in fact it was said exactly how one of my posts on ATS, I heard my own words out of his mouth (now that's weird). Also a friend of mine who is clairvoyant told me he feels the same spiritual connection to me and that he felt I "owed him attention" in some way, - See more at: www.abovetopsecret.com...

Namaste to you and your clairvoyant friend.

a reply to: ldyserenity

New Ager's would say you have a past life connection. Scientists would say it's pheromone. I think he has a very powerful control of others energy- a 'vampire', and you are his latest prey.
You say you are an empath, so are those yours, or HIS feelings of attraction? Are those your thoughts, or HIS?

I once had a boss that would cause feelings like sexual attraction to arise, but I couldn't stand him. He was a little banty rooster, and was always going out of his way to engage me in conversation; it was obvious to everybody after awhile.
I'lI bet a little investigating will show your co-worker to be the same quality of fellow.
Being polite, but distant usually makes that kind of guy try harder, so good luck! Sounds like you've got a live one!

a reply to: ldyserenity

It's probably a little late to comment on this now but I found your post very amusing:-) Your post pretty much described my whole life experience with the opposite sex! As a young shy man (and now an older balder bespectacled man!) I have spent my whole adult life being infatuated with women who are either out of my league or complety unaware that I even exist. They dictate where I sit on the bus, where I eat my lunch etc etc. I'm always desperate to get to know them and at the same time embarrassed that they know I like them... C'rest la vie!!!!