Passed up again. Don't know why I didn't expect that.

a reply to: mOjOm

The nearest town of any size is 25 miles away, which isn't that far, but with gas at 3.30 a gallon and me making waiter's pay it is going to have to be a once a month thing if I'm just going there to try and meet people.

a reply to: dave_welch

Don't assume it's "your" problem. It might be simply that the right girl hasn't come along yet. It's possible that you might be doing something that does make girls a little reluctant, but it's hard to know what that could be, without details. Now, I do NOT want to embarrass you or anything, and if you don't want to share all that in the thread, that's understandable. If you want to PM, you can. Either way, if I knew what you meant by "treating a girl like she should be treated", that would help. Certainly, being polite and thinking about her needs shouldn't be a problem. If it is, maybe you are looking at the wrong girls. I personally love a door held open, and whatnot, but some women think that's "oppressive" or something. Can you define what you mean by "clingy"?

The best thing is not to rush things too much. Start slowly, and don't get caught up in thinking any girl you date "might be the right one". They might be, but they might not be. Date a little, don't get your expectations too high, and see how things go. If you both start to seem more serious, you can step it up a little, but don't go too fast. I have a friend, female, who did that a LOT with guys she'd date. A little interest, and she would scare them away talking about how many kids she wanted and that sort of thing, on maybe a second or third date. She kind of knew she did it, too, but couldn't seem to stop herself. One guy, I know was very interested, but she was moving so fast, he backed off. I don't know if that's your issue or not, but it's something some people do. Understandable, too, because being single can be lonely, and we want the date to be something special. Just take it slow, and hang in there.

If you are able, maybe talk to some woman you have dated, with whom you are somewhat friendly, and see if she can tell you anything specific you did that might have pushed her away. Maybe there is something, or maybe it just wasn't right for her. You could do everything right, and things still not work. It happens. In any case, don't give up. You never know when the right person will simply come along.

a reply to: dave_welch

Being short on funds doesn't help I know. You'll just have to figure something out there. Once a month is cool though. Gives some time for other things too. You don't want to be too obsessive about it either or that will show and make it more difficult.

The important thing is that you do get out there when you can. You can't catch any fish if you never put the line in the water. If you can only cast out every now and then, fine, just make sure you're using nice yummy bait when you do!

a reply to: LadyGreenEyes

What I mean by clingy. If I'm seeing someone, I like to talk to them every day. You know, just to see how she's doing and how her day went/is going. I also like to hold hands or have my arm around her when I can, it just makes me feel good and I don't understand what the problem would be with that. As far as treating her how she should be treated, I mean that I always treat a girl with respect, I'll open the door for her compliment her on how she looks or just little things like buy her some flowers or send her a text just to let her know I'm thinking about her. I don't really see how that's a bad thing but a lot of people seem to think it is.

I'll admit that I move a little too fast if I like a girl, mainly out of fear of losing her because it's so hard for me to even get a girl interested in the first place. I make it clear before the first date that I don't want to just date. I don't want to see other people or anything like that. Mostly because in every relationship that I've been in that wasn't "serious" or exclusive I always end up being passed on for another guy.

I'm on good terms with most of my ex's, some of them are pretty close friends, but they never know where I go wrong either. Most of them talk about how us breaking up was their mistake. Unfortunately, they never realize that until they hurt me and after that I don't see them in a romantic light anymore. The only reason I'm like that is because of them, honestly. I used to give women second, third, and even fourth chances, but you can only be the fallback guy for so long before it starts wearing you down.

a reply to: mOjOm

Well that's the problem, isn't it? The quality bait part, I mean. I don't even know if I'm putting out the wal-mart brand jigs anymore. Plus, the older I get, the less women there are as they're all getting married around this age, at least around here anyway.

Hello ATS. I've spent a lot of time reading through the threads here over the last couple years. I'm not sure why this particular thread stood out to me, as far as going through the process of creating an account just to post a reply. But anyway….

a reply to: dave_welch

I agree with you that women are very difficult to read sometimes. Like you said, a lot of them do say they want one thing and then do the complete opposite. Unfortunately that means us as men have to read between the lines to figure out exactly what that means. I think it's wrong for you to try and change who you are at your core, but I am going to have to agree with signalfire here. Not necessarily about going to the gym, but about finding some way to build your confidence. Just from your replies to other people it seems that you have a knack for talking yourself down, as well as talking women UP. Reading through this thread it seems as though you are thinking WAY too hard about finding that special someone. I think you need to worry a whole lot more about your own life, and care a whole lot less about who's going to be that special someone. Being single is almost as awesome as being in a good relationship, in my opinion. I think the happier you're able to be on your own, the more likely it will be that a person will fall into your lap.

From my experience, it seems that guys typically get friend-zoned because they either don't make the first move fast enough, or they come on way too strong. There's definitely a sort of "push-pull" thing going on at the beginning of a new relationship that takes a little bit to get in the groove of. Once you have that down, you'll be fine. Don't sweat it. Someone will come into your life when the time is right. The only thing stressing/getting mad will do is make it seem more agonizing than it should be. Until then, enjoy the single life (I'm also not claiming to be some "love guru", just giving my two cents)

Also, cool it with the "guy-liner" stuff- I'm one of those androgynous musician types

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: LadyGreenEyes

What I mean by clingy. If I'm seeing someone, I like to talk to them every day. You know, just to see how she's doing and how her day went/is going. I also like to hold hands or have my arm around her when I can, it just makes me feel good and I don't understand what the problem would be with that. As far as treating her how she should be treated, I mean that I always treat a girl with respect, I'll open the door for her compliment her on how she looks or just little things like buy her some flowers or send her a text just to let her know I'm thinking about her. I don't really see how that's a bad thing but a lot of people seem to think it is.

The respect should never be an issue. Some women seem to think it is, but a lot don't. Flowers are always nice, and texts, or phone calls. Holding hands or an arm around someone is cool, if both want to be affectionate. There, you have to be sure she's really interested first; just play that by ear. Same with calling daily. With the whole "stalker" mentality, a lot of girls panic if a guy calls too often,a assuming he's a "stalker", when more likely he's just interested. So, on that, maybe play it down a little, or ask if she'd like a call. Maybe say you'll call her in a couple of days, and space it out at first. Once a relationship is really moving along, that will naturally increase.

originally posted by: dave_welch
I'll admit that I move a little too fast if I like a girl, mainly out of fear of losing her because it's so hard for me to even get a girl interested in the first place. I make it clear before the first date that I don't want to just date. I don't want to see other people or anything like that. Mostly because in every relationship that I've been in that wasn't "serious" or exclusive I always end up being passed on for another guy.

Well, being up front is a good thing, but I'd recommend waiting a couple of dates. Then simply let her know, if you are compatible, that you prefer dating with a purpose, not just for fun. If she's looking for a relationship, she won't have a problem there. If she's only looking to date, she might not be willing to commit. Giving it a little time first won't hurt, however. I understand what you mean; you see dating as old-fashioned courting, with the goal being a long-term relationship, and there isn't anything wrong with that. Just take it a little slower, till she's definitely interested.

originally posted by: dave_welch
I'm on good terms with most of my ex's, some of them are pretty close friends, but they never know where I go wrong either. Most of them talk about how us breaking up was their mistake. Unfortunately, they never realize that until they hurt me and after that I don't see them in a romantic light anymore. The only reason I'm like that is because of them, honestly. I used to give women second, third, and even fourth chances, but you can only be the fallback guy for so long before it starts wearing you down.

Well, that can be the case sometimes. People look for the "perfect" thing, not realizing that there is no such thing, and they often drop someone that was really good for them, and only realize later. Of course, there will be hurt feelings in such cases, and you can't always just be there to fall back on when they grow tired of looking. That said, if one such lady is really compatible, and still interested, no harm in a evening out or two, as friends, to see if any sparks come alive. If not, an evening out with a friend is still nice.

Just take things a little slower, and you might be surprised what happens. Lots of shy ladies like a man with some sense of manners, who will treat them well.

originally posted by: LadyGreenEyes
Well, being up front is a good thing, but I'd recommend waiting a couple of dates. Then simply let her know, if you are compatible, that you prefer dating with a purpose, not just for fun. If she's looking for a relationship, she won't have a problem there. If she's only looking to date, she might not be willing to commit. Giving it a little time first won't hurt, however. I understand what you mean; you see dating as old-fashioned courting, with the goal being a long-term relationship, and there isn't anything wrong with that. Just take it a little slower, till she's definitely interested.

The only reason I don't want to do that is that I don't want to date someone who just wants to date but nothing serious. If I want a serious relationship and she doesn't, what's the point? If I wanted a FWB I could get one easily, that's not what I want.

I'm not saying you're wrong, I just don't understand why I should put in the time, money, and effort only to find out that she only wants to date?

Play hard to get and dont be all too clingy, if the girl wants you she can do the leg work, nothings worst than the good old but i just wanted to be friends after all that time wasted lol.

A couple of things;

May not be entirely true but,

1. Long distance relationships tend to not work
2. Females like assholes for some reason
3. The nice guy finishes last(not always)
4. Females want what they can't have(competition)(not always)

Just my view point over the past 29 years. Correct me if I'm wrong but my viewpoint may be valid and correct since I did find the "one" . Say what you will, my 2 cents.

i'm female. this is what i would suggest:

1. if you want a girl with her head screwed on straight, don't pick one that likes assholes. it's usually a sign they have low self esteem and lack of maturity

2. you should get involved in just enjoying your life and being the best you can be. ignore the whole chase thing. in the process of being just happy with yourself and the direction you've chosen (which clearly needs to be a direction that is morally sound and praise worthy) you may inadvertently find someone without even trying. this part works really well. cause when you're happy with yourself, it emanates and is attractive to people who are mentally and emotionally sound.

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: LittleByLittle



I would certainly like to find someone like that. Just haven't had any luck yet.

The funny thing is that luck/fate is what I think you really need and maybe what you should pursue. An incredible amount of chi flowing thru you to give you a higher level intention->manifestation ability to guide your with you third eye to the soul by increasing synchronicity around you.

If your fate is weak and faulty and do not work well for you then why not make it stronger. But as always remember the golden rule.

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: signalfire

I'd rather eat dirt than waste my time ruining my already ruined joints with a bunch of meatheads in a gym. If that's what you're into, good on you. But, I want a woman who wants me, not muscles. I have no time for shallow women like that. And I'm definitely not wasting 6 months to do it. If that's the kind of woman you're into then more power to you, it's definitely not the kind of woman I want.

. This post pretty much prove that you do not have self esteem issues and are comfortable in what you are and know that you deserve to be loved for what you are.

a reply to: LittleByLittle

I'm just tired of people telling me all the time to go to the gym and work out then women will fall all over me. Screw that, if they don't want me for who I am, why would I want them to want me for what I am?

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: LittleByLittle

I'm just tired of people telling me all the time to go to the gym and work out then women will fall all over me. Screw that, if they don't want me for who I am, why would I want them to want me for what I am?

precisely. i think the trick to work outs and so forth, are they make YOU feel better about you. but it doesn't have to be a work out. it can be anything that you've been meaning to do, that you know would make you feel good about who you are. get busy just being happy. the rest will happen naturally.

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: LittleByLittle

I'm just tired of people telling me all the time to go to the gym and work out then women will fall all over me. Screw that, if they don't want me for who I am, why would I want them to want me for what I am?

No, women won't 'fall all over you' if you go to the gym and work out... it's a matter of looking like you're healthy though. From your posts, you're 29 years old, work as a waiter, live in a small town, have 'bad joints', have an attitude that you won't put up with 'certain kinds of women', can 'get FWBs anytime but don't want that', and meanwhile, want someone to put your arm around, call every day, etc.

Criminy, I'm tired of you already and I don't even know you. There's not a lot here for a female to get excited about or interested in, sorry. Keep doing the same thing and you'll keep getting the same results. I see your attitude all the time, in 60 year old permanent bachelors that never married because no one pretty enough, etc. ever came along... in all that time. Really?

originally posted by: LittleByLittle

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: signalfire

I'd rather eat dirt than waste my time ruining my already ruined joints with a bunch of meatheads in a gym. If that's what you're into, good on you. But, I want a woman who wants me, not muscles. I have no time for shallow women like that. And I'm definitely not wasting 6 months to do it. If that's the kind of woman you're into then more power to you, it's definitely not the kind of woman I want.

. This post pretty much prove that you do not have self esteem issues and are comfortable in what you are and know that you deserve to be loved for what you are.

That whole 'deserve to be loved' thing is written where? Maybe by your mom... but other people need to find something there worth spending the week, month, year or rest of their lives with. Rather than an entitled attitude and not much else. What if 'what he is' isn't all that special, fun or companionable? What if he's a bore with clingy tendencies? (Which is coming through loud and clear in all these posts) Now he's even written off people who still talk to him (why?) because he never takes anyone back after they've gone off and dated other people. In a small town where there's not exactly an unlimited supply of possibilities...

Take some advice from a older female; women like men with a bit of an edge to them, not necessarily bad boys, but someone with a few masculine traits; clingy and needy are guaranteed turnoffs but a young female won't know why they turn off, they just will. The masculine traits can be muscle and a fit build, hobbies that are interesting and he's actually interested in... something to talk about, too. A plan for the future and working towards that, not doing nothing with their lives and looking like that's just fine with them. A sense of humor rather than entitlement and suppressed misogyny...

So take the hint or not, but don't be surprised if 30 years goes by quickly and your whining hasn't changed anything.

a reply to: signalfire

I know right!? I've seen it all before...my Dad is a 68 year old perennial bachelor who still thinks 35 year olds should be fawning over him and I have two brothers, one headed the same way.

I was earnestly trying to help the OP and I wish him every happiness...which he *might* find on farmers only dot com.

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: LittleByLittle

I'm just tired of people telling me all the time to go to the gym and work out then women will fall all over me. Screw that, if they don't want me for who I am, why would I want them to want me for what I am?

Hello dave....again.

I'm one of the people in your first thread, that expressed to you, I thought you were coming off a bit clingy and needy.

I'm a bit floored by your attitude in this thread, as well. You are concerned enough about why you are not successful in being in a relationship, that you make threads here, asking for advice, help. Then turn around and disregard anything anyone says that you don't like.

I don't think you really are looking for any *real* advice or help, with your own questions you asked. Now, I think you are looking more for people to attend your pity party.

JMOHO...

Des

Hey Dave,

You ever considered getting a tattoo and spending a little time behind bars on a manly type felony conviction? Chicks dig that stuff!

Alright, I'm not really recommending that, well at least not at this point, but I do think a lot of "good guys" could benefit from spending some time trying to figure out what it is that women find so attractive about "bad boys" and the edgy sort. If they do and they're honest about it, they might just end up being better men, with the added bonus of ending up as more attractive to women.

Here is an example of what I'm talking about.

So the "bad boy" isn't always available. Maybe he's out knocking off a liquor store or just kicking it with his buds because hey, his buds are important to him and you know . . . "bros before hoes". Women hate that; often complain about it, talk about how they want someone that's always there for them, yet somehow find themselves attracted to that lack of availability and a little repulsed by a guy that's always there.

Women want to be the center of a man's universe, but not their entire universe. They want to know that he's got something else going on, something else that's important to him.

You say you don't want to knock off liquor stores? Well that's ok, because if a man has something worthwhile he's doing that works even better. What's important to you? Find something that resonates with you, a cause or something, throw your heart and soul into it. Start building your universe.

Are there certain people that your heart cries out for? Get involved make helping them out part of your life. Don't like people so much? How about dogs? Make helping them out part of your life, part of your universe. If you can't be there every night, if your phone isn't on every second of the day because you're out doing something that's important to you and has some significance she's going to find you more attractive.

You can work through the rest on your own. And when you do, keep the bit about woman wanting a man that can lead to yourself. Chicks hate that!