Just can't shake this habit

Relax and stop trying as hard as you are. You meet the one of your dreams by happen-stance. Trust me, just relax, be yourself and you will find a mate.Just when you think all is lost.....bam she walks thru the door.a reply to: Shepard64

Being only 25 I can't give you all the answers but can offer my opinion on the matter. I am considered a "good looking gentleman"so I've heard. When it comes to girls, I have been denied more times then I can imagine though. It took me countless of relationships, encounters, and weird/uncomfortable situations to actually find someone who is perfect for me. As many said before me, its all about being yourself and comfortable.

I have friends who can literally walk into a club, find the prettiest girl and take her home in less then an hour...and I'm over in the corner like....can I get another beer please...

Its all about comfort zone. I remember my first real girlfriend wanted to do the big S and I seriously couldn't. I was so nervous and scared of what she would think. And that happened like 10/11 times after that as well. But it did take one girl to change that all for me. Im not going to name names and or say it is the girl I am currently with now (because it isn't) but She changed it all by making me feel comfortable, breaking my shell, and just being a really great person. After we dated It was so much easier for me to talk to and go out with girls.

I met the girl of my dreams, and because of the confidence I learned from my xxxxxxxxxxxxx I was able to stumble across my new fiancé (soon to be) and talk with her when the other guys were so scared to.

anyways, it all ended up being great. and I used to think exactly like yourself.

(I do want to mention though I have a really good buddy of mine who is 39 and is single and still loves it. He doesn't care for women really at all. And not men either. He still dates women but he's more focused on himself then anything and I respect that too.

a reply to: WhiteWine

Yes, now and then I get this lonely feeling

It's far better to be alone and lonely than with somebody and lonely.
When women finally decide to grow up ( usually after a heartache or two) the last thing they want is a 'player'. Guys like you are top choice when the time is right.

a reply to: Shepard64

You kinda just have to let your lust be the driver. Dont think.

Ive had a history of getting into relationships by being with a girl and ij ng her to go out in a passionate heated moment and then the next day im like "my god, what have I done? All of the responsibility! There is someone sharing my life now! Ahhh!"

Just ask, but dont expect anything and take "no's" in stride. There are literally more women on the planet then you could meet in your life if you spent your life with them lined up in front of you meeting you in rapid succession.

Try online dating too. Its kindve a just go for it thing. Thats the best advice. There are things to increase your chances and come off personable and charming, but it may be a facade. Eventually you will find a girl. I dated a girl for two years and then went a year and 3 months single without any prospects until just recently. Its a big cycle, dont take it too seriously.

a reply to: Shepard64

Just out of curiosity, do consider yourself "older" than your physical age?

I'm like you, in the aspect that I consider myself a dog that needs to be on a long leash; I'll be loyal, but I need to explore at my own pace (if you catch my meaning). For the longest time, I used to clam up every time a girl even looked nicely at me, mostly for all of the same worries (having them meet the family, and meeting theirs, planning dates, everything).

Another thing you may want to consider is - If you are trying to date someone your age or younger, then you might come across as "boring" because you don't think like they do or do the same things that they do. For example, in my area, all of the 23 & under crowd are more into "partying it up, drinking it down, or lighting it on fire" than going on a nice, quiet, peaceful walk in the countryside (yeah, I know, boring right). Now, what I've found is that if you invite some of the older girls, they tend to like doing more of those kind of things. Same with people from another country - I recently invited a friend from Germany on an outing with me, and when I made the comment about how boring I was, she told me that in no way was I boring, as hiking 6 miles is something they do over there for fun.

Best bit of advice I can offer: Just be yourself, and do what you like doing best. If a pretty girl catches your eye, slap the inner monologue upside the head, take a breath, and forget about what comes farther down the line; worst that can happen is she says no. And you don't have to instantly be in a relationship - ask her out on a movie date, cheap dinner, something where you can talk. I went to a mall in the area, and all we did was walk around & talk.

Good Luck though - even though it goes without saying that you're only 23, and have plenty more years left to go.
-fossilera