Obesephobe - could this be a new word for the 21st century?

a reply to: thedeadtruth

Many terms and emotional strings have been highjacked by obesity apologists. These are the people who use words like acceptance and tolerance as a weapon to silence others with real concern.

No one seems to note that this OP was not about weight. it was about a way of responding to a question...rude or not to be rude.

If the OP's friend was asking him about a black friend and he does not like blacks, would he say no I am not interested
because I hate blacks the no thanks not interested would do, no need to "be honest"to that point!

The whole point is treating people with respect. There was no inclination to HELP this person with a perceived flaw by being honest, this is simply a non truth.

As far as the weight thing, there is a view that includes more than just body. For instance my Grandmother was moderately large as she got older. I never even thought about her body, she was a kind wonderful woman who was married to a wonderful cook. I didn't care that she didn't jog...that she liked to knit and eat and be a lovely kind soul.

As far as any effects on her health I feel that was a personal thing unless i was invited to be involved in her body concerns..what business was it of mine.

I perceive you as someone who cares about people's health, but this OP was not about that in any way.

I was gaining weight right after my marriage to a guy who loves to cook, someone (a friend) at work took me aside and talked to me about it, I had truly not even noticed...I had moved and was not running daily, things can catch you pretty fast..a heads up from a kind friend was helpful. Deriding, laughing calling names...in what way are these things helpful, if you crush a spirit it may never heal.

Personally I accept my overweight friends as they are and love them for who they are. They are the same people whether the body be thick or thin.

originally posted by: Char-Lee
a reply to: howmuch4another

I am repulsed every day when I pick my son up from school and see the amount of folks that look just like the photo's in this thread. I truly wonder of those folks have mirrors.

I guess you all look real good to yourselves in the mirror. Must have no imperfections. RaRa for you.

It appears that you have strong issue with people being allowed to express their revulsion for fat bodies.
As stated earlier, to randomly volunteer this information to someone who is fat would be less than friendly, but you advocate that we should lie to people if directly asked.

Are you really attempting to make the case that we should all either (A) be attracted to obese people, or (B) pretend that we are, in order to fit into this all inclusive utopia you must have aspirations for?
The sight of fat people turns me right off, as it does for other people. What possible criticism can you have towards any individual who has a preference that does not conform to yours?

a reply to: Char-Lee
I gave an honest answer whereas you apparently disguise the truth or lie to your friends.
You can bleat all you like about 'being rude' but the fat friend did not even hear the conversation so there was no victim here. If the fat friend asked me herself I would give the same honest answer.

You really are clutching at straws with the black/race card though.
Nobody makes the choice to be born in a particular race - the vast majority of fat people can choose to eat less and do more with unsurprising results that they lose weight.
There is no skin colour or racial features that I find unattractive, but show me a fat person in any racial group and I will be turned off.

Why do you advocate being dishonest with people when discussing your preferences regarding physical attraction?
As I asked before, why would it be acceptable to tell someone you wouldn't want to be with them if they drank or smoke too much but when it comes to food we should somehow have to feel like they are poor victims of circumstances and pretend that we think they are attractive?

"The whole point is treating people with respect. "

Again a stock standard reply. Missing the main point.. accountability for the image you project.


People do judge on first appearances. And if at first glance someone does not appear to have any self respect. Eg... a druggy , they might get the odd in your face negative comment.

The occasional person being brutally honest should not bring your world down. ( Unless you are living in a fantasy world ).


I was bullied a lot when I was young. But it did not touch me long term, because I knew I was putting in the effort to be better.

a reply to: thedeadtruth

The occasional person being brutally honest should not bring your world down. ( Unless you are living in a fantasy world ).

well there is where you are wrong, people are not all strong nor should they be, our best artists, writers and many scientists were not strong mentally in the way you are talking about. So is a person has low self esteem and there are a thousand reason why people end up so, boosting it not slapping them silly is the way to help make changes.

I personally believe we are reborn as what we hate the most, with each life comes more understanding and compassion. I can remember three of my previous lives and this had led to my belief.

"Brutality" is never right.

originally posted by: Kryties
The OP gives no regard or thought to the fact that many obese people cannot help it, as obesity can also be genetic or as a result of depression or some other medical conditions.

All I saw in this thread were people disgusted at the 'fat people' for eating too much.

The ignorance displayed in this thread is astonishing.

Are you delusional? You think everybody has a close to perfect lifestyle? Having a hard life, or a tough week or month, isn't an excuse to eat yourself into oblivion. While I agree with the medical condition, this doesn't mean that you are REQUIRED to be attracted to them? Please READ the post and realize what he is saying. He is saying he is not attracted to them. Why is that wrong? He even said if it is a medical condition his heart goes out to them. Are you kidding me? You're verbally abusing him because of a personal preference?? Maybe you are the ignorant one.

a reply to: Char-Lee

I got a type, in people I like. That doesn't mean i want to kill all blondes...
Just what preferences you have. I bet a lot of people think I am scruffy, kind of # looking- I still consider myself quite okay, mostly.
Doesn't help anybody if we all keep pretending to like everybody, false hopes and all that dumb things, hurt way more.
If you can be okay with who you are it really doesn't matter as much anymore what others think. (Is something I heard someone say once.)

I am what someone would call obese, that is by BMI standards. I'm 6'2" about 295/300, I'm lucky I'm tall. There is no doubt I am fat, but not to the point of it limiting me in any typical way. I lost 75 pounds 7 years ago, and have gained it back in large part to an opiate addiction(which slows the metabolism, and makes you not want to exercise), but also my food choices were far from healthy.

I say this to the op, to tell you, speaking from the other side of the coin, I don't think it has to do with repulsion, you just aren't attracted to overweight women. Shallow as it may sound, neither am I. It has to do with personal preference. I am aware my chances with attractive women are lower because of my appearance, but I don't hold it against them. As long as you treat overweight/obese people with kindness and respect, I find no problem with not being attracted to it.

originally posted by: Timmerman421

As long as you treat overweight/obese people with kindness and respect, I find no problem with not being attracted to it.

I do. I believe everyone should be able to live and do as they please as long as it doesn't hurt/effect others.

But, that's rarely the way things turn out in reality. A few examples with the obese would be, why would I respect someone else who's lifestyle causes me to pay a higher health premium? A more expensive airplane ticket due to fuel costs? Why is it on me to be kind to an obese person who didn't pay for two airplane tickets and is taking up some of the space I paid for? I'd argue it's on them to show more respect for others and the space they paid for. With so many overweight people in this country, it's also pretty tough to find clothes which fit thin, athletic men at a decent price. When I'm in Europe, no problem finding affordable, fitting clothes. Here, clothes are made in a large part for un-athletic, overweight bodies. You know what I also find to be a lack or respect form obese people towards others? Those who ride the motorized carts at the super market due to their laziness instead of reserving those carts for actual handicapped individuals.

What gets lost in much of this, and no it's not all obese people so I'm trying not to lump them all in this together, but it's the attitude of me being obese and living an unhealthy lifestyle is my right because it doesn't effect others. It's wrong. Sure anyone has the right, but it surely does effect others. Why is it put on the healthier population to simply be more respectful and accepting of chosen lifestyles which do in fact, effect them? Smoking is a choice and those who smoke pay higher health premiums and most don't have an issue with that. Why should being obese be any different, unless you have a legit medical excuse which likely would happen with 3-5% of the obese in this country? Yet I get the impression if the obese were made to pay higher health premiums, they'd cry about others not catering to their needs and being accepting enough.

Absolutely NOTHING wrong with a big gal!!!
Thats pretty much all I'll date

originally posted by: Ninipe
a reply to: Char-Lee

Doesn't help anybody if we all keep pretending to like everybody, false hopes and all that dumb things, hurt way more.

I completely agree, and struggle to understand those who have issue with being honest if asked.
No-one has really addressed this except for lame accusations of 'being rude' whatever that is, when being truthful to a person regarding questions about my perceptions of attractiveness in another person.
And I ask for about the 3rd time now, can any people who have issue with my OP and subsequent contributions here, please tell me why it is OK to say I am not attracted to someone who clearly drinks, smokes or does drugs, in excess, yet it is 'rude' to have the same honesty with someone who clearly eats too much?

originally posted by: Timmerman421
I don't think it has to do with repulsion, you just aren't attracted to overweight women. Shallow as it may sound, neither am I. It has to do with personal preference. I am aware my chances with attractive women are lower because of my appearance, but I don't hold it against them. As long as you treat overweight/obese people with kindness and respect, I find no problem with not being attracted to it.

Thank you for the considered and rational reply.
The issue I have in the OP is the pressure to lie to people with an obvious high body fat percentage, and to look for other diluted reasons to dishonestly/misleadingly explain why one is not attracted to them.
I treat people with kindness and respect no matter how thin or fat they are, but I will not start being untruthful if asked my stance/opinion. I prefer an honest world, and lies do not help a person deal with a self inflicted condition, it is likely to prolong it.

A reply to: MysticPearl

You should be kind and respectful, because it's the right thing to do. Sounds to me like you have a problem with policy, and I agree that you should not have to bear the burdens you have stated. But I don't believe this is a reason for not being kind and harboring disrespect.

And I'm not saying you have to lie about anything. But not all obese people are lazy, or feel that it's your duty to take care of them. Though these problems exist, giving the entire obese population a reputation of disgust. I agree that a man should be responsible for how he maintains himself. And if you aren't obese don't even try to talk about finding clothes. Clothes with any fashion value whatsoever, are made for you average, skinny people. You ever seen an obese man in a Burberry shirt?

originally posted by: Timmerman421
A reply to: MysticPearl

You should be kind and respectful, because it's the right thing to do. Sounds to me like you have a problem with policy, and I agree that you should not have to bear the burdens you have stated. But I don't believe this is a reason for not being kind and harboring disrespect.

Who said I wasn't being kind or was harboring disrespect?

I think you should be kinder to people who are being taken advantage of instead of creating strawman arguments and showing such a level if disrespect you don't care to understand the issue.

a reply to: MysticPearl

I understand the issue, my brain is toast after finals, I was only speaking as an obese person trying to contradict certain points I felt you had. No disrespect meant, I have just been obese my whole life and am sick of being treated like a 2nd class citizen. I am worn out, forgive me if I offended you, I am just sick of it all

a reply to: grainofsand

I hear ya, except for me its black people, or just about any minority. Also, I'm not racist. See how this works?

originally posted by: grainofsand

originally posted by: Char-Lee
a reply to: howmuch4another




I guess you all look real good to yourselves in the mirror. Must have no imperfections. RaRa for you.

It appears that you have strong issue with people being allowed to express their revulsion for fat bodies.

As stated earlier, to randomly volunteer this information to someone who is fat would be less than friendly, but you advocate that we should lie to people if directly asked.

??
Does this sound like that was asked?

who asked me if I was interested in another mutual female friend because she had seen we get along/have laughs/enjoy each others company during group social events.
I replied something like "Not a chance, she's way too big for my liking" and was met with "Aw that's horrible, you can't say that!". -

a reply to: grainofsand

Attraction is not a choice.

If you ever learn anything in life this is it. In fact you should tattoo somewhere and never forget it.

I've learned the hard way that looks aren't everything and shouldn't be your only criteria when choosing someone to be with.

However you don't control who you are attracted to.

So if an overweight person doesn't attract you. Then they don't attract you. Don't beat yourself up over it.

a reply to: grey580

So if an overweight person doesn't attract you. Then they don't attract you. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Was that a joke? Lol he certainly IS NOT beating himself up over it.

All these heavy WOMEN insulters I would bet a million that every one of them would make a romantic date with Oprah or some large rich woman or famous person, even if she has rarely been under 200 lbs.

You rarely hear people insulting fat men, they are not expected to wear high heals and paint their face to be accepted by society either. So we can add a sexest point to the whole thing.

a reply to: Char-Lee

What planet do you live on?
People insult fat men all the time.

You've never been bullied for being overweight have you.