Respect, Manners, and Courtesy... a modern day translation of "do unto others, as you would have th

a reply to: believerofgod

Actually, I am from America.... but I live in France.

I found it a very upsetting experience at first, because it seemed everyone was rude and mean.

With time I figured out that I seemed rude and mean to them.

Examples:
It is polite and considerate, in France, to speak out to someone when they have gained weight, or look unhealthy.
This is considered a way of showing you are attentive to their state of being and alert for signs that they might need support, aid or help.

In our country, of course, telling someone they look like they've gotten fat is considered rude and inconsiderate. When people would do that to me, trying to show they cared about me, I thought it was the opposite.

There are many ways in which their customs and ways of expressing care are different.

I had to teach my children that when in France, one always keeps both hands up on the table at a meal,
But in my country, it is acceptable, if not preferable, to keep one hand on your lap.

I do not mean to say everyone should do this, I originally just meant to discuss (in a general way) the difference between politess and class, and the way the Golden Rule is not as universal and reliable as people tend to think.

Then I made a remark about the sad state our country must be in if so many people found your choice to teach your child manners remarkable and couragious.

a reply to: Bluesma
Maybe I am misunderstanding the fact that custom and reality are in a different realm here. I would not ever disrespect my friends in telling them that they are fat as being a customary fact if they are so... that to me it is disrespectful, period. To educate those that wish to have my physique is what would be customary to me if they asked for said advice. I guess things are definitely different in said customary ways a country views things which makes it hard for all to view the disrespect on the same level. I would be kicking a lot of peoples asses if they spoke to me this way... respect, manners, and courtesy have their way of making it around those that do not view the same way of thinking, simply for their way of living, in this case... the way of French living :/

originally posted by: believerofgod
a reply to: Bluesma
Maybe I am misunderstanding the fact that custom and reality are in a different realm here. I would not ever disrespect my friends in telling them that they are fat as being a customary fact if they are so... that to me it is disrespectful, period.

I understand that. I would never say that to my american friends or family either.

But if I DON'T say it to my french family and friends, they think I don't care about them, do not pay attention them, and am egotistical. A common criticism I hear from people around me is that I am "in my own bubble'. (used in a very derogatory way).

I think I am very attentive to others around me, but only allow myself to express what I observe that is positive (when they look good, when they are doing something good, etc.).

To them, that means that I will not be there to help if there is something wrong or they are in need, because I do not see negative, I will not see they are in need.

(of course some people learn with time that it is a mistaken conclusion, if they stick around long enough).

The thing is, there are not differences in culture only with the french- if you go to ANY other country, you will find differences. You might not realize them if you are just tourist passing through and don't receive any feedback from the people there. But if you need to go there for work, for example, you will have problems if you are not aware that all your old rules are no longer reliable.

a reply to: believerofgod

respect, manners, and courtesy have their way of making it around those that do not view the same way of thinking,

Having class enables that.

Manners are like a secret code- to the members, doing this or that has specific meaning, which they are aware of without having to verbalize. To an outsider, they do not know the secret meaning, and it can mean something totally different to them.

Manners are only effective in the culture of their origin. Expression of respect and consideration varies according to peoples, in the same way language does.

originally posted by: brazenalderpadrescorpio
I also find it hard to understand people that you can tell claim to be strong readers, and yet have failed to read the most prominent book in human history, which is the Bible. I personally don't agree with everything that is written in the Bible to be honest, but I at least would like to read the whole thing eventually to be able to understand a book that has had a large part in shaping our culture.

I'm not religious but I went to a catholic HS... best decision my parents ever made for me. While there I read the bible twice, I can't say a whole lot of it stuck with me but my interpretation of it was a bit like Gulliver's Travels. You have a lot of short stories intertwined with a main character (God/Jesus depending on new vs old), and the stories all contradict. People take away from it which stories they choose to believe. Even as organized religion the whole thing has a very al a carte feel to me where each person simply embraces the parts they like and ignores the rest.

I haven't read the Quran but I intend to one of these days. I imagine it's not much different.

a reply to: Aazadan

I think that the best way to study the Bible is to know what the original Greek and Hebrew meant. Very few religions offer an aid to understanding it from that important viewpoint. There is one that does, but I'm not interested in doing lip-service for them at this moment.

I think that there's what the Bible says (I tend to capitalize it out of respect for those who believe it is the word of God), and what you're heart says. If there's a strong sense in your heart that some aspect of the Bible just doesn't jibe with reality, then I personally feel that you have to go with your heart. Interestingly enough, the Bible says that you can't trust your heart because it's not something that is perfect enough to be trusted. So a lot of times I have a struggle between what I believe, and what the Bible says. I think that a lot of people have this internal struggle within themselves.