Perfectionism Makes You Sick - So Cut Loose A Bit And Be Healthy!

Everything doesn't have to be perfect. It can't be. That's the reality of life.
Life is messy. Things happen. You can't control everything. If you try - you'll make yourself sick(er).
Don't connect your self-worth with the accomplishment of out of reach goals.
Go ahead and set personal high standards and high goals .. but not perfect ones.
If perfection happens ... great. If not ... that's great too.
Did something go wrong?? ... something unplanned happen?? You can't make it perfect.
Try not to stress about it. Do what you can and be healthier.

More at the article ...

Trying to Be Perfect Is Ruining Your Health

Perfectionism - setting yourself high standards at home or work - is seen as laudable. But research suggests it has a dark flipside, causing not just psychological stress as perfectionists feels the weight of pressure to be perfect, but physical harm - irritable bowel disease (IBS), insomnia, heart disease and even early death.

Experts such as Dr Danielle Molnar, a psychologist at Brock University, Canada, are suggesting perfectionism should be considered as a risk factor for disease in the same way as obesity and smoking...

It's estimated that two in five of us display perfectionist tendencies. And thanks to social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, increasing numbers are concerned about being - or appearing to be - perfect, says Gordon Flett, professor of health psychology at York University in Canada, who has studied the link between perfectionism and health for 20 years.

'It's natural to want to be a perfectionist in one area of your life, such as your job,' he says. But when it becomes an obsessive need for the perfect job, child, relationship, bank balance and body, it causes extreme stress and can affect not only relationships, but your health.

I wonder how this relates to my OCD.

Kind of a joke but if things aren't in their place it drives me nuts.

reply to post by FlyersFan


This thread nicely ties in with the general pattern of boundary based messages that I have seen posted on ATS recently.

Seems the message is to know ones limits!

Excellent advice.
I've learned over the past half-century that it can't be done.
In particular it's hard for women - who try to balance nurturing, home-making, raising children, AND jobs.

Besides, being perfect would be, well, boring.

I remember my daughter was in HS and was stressing because she couldn't fit in an extra credit assignment that was optional but would have got her an A. She was beside herself - I said sweetie, it's okay if you get a B. You have to set priorities. From time to time something's got to give. So she settled for the B, and was far more relaxed.

She graduated 3rd in her class (of over 550).

This is a timely post for me, as my yard once again bursts to life - and I look out and have a 'picture in my mind' of how I'd LIKE it to look - but I have neither the energy/stamina to manage it all alone, nor the money to hire help. So - again, my yard will be minimally tended; the leaves brushed out of the flowerbeds, the unwanted saplings/honeysuckle might get trimmed, but not uprooted, and there WILL be leftover leaves - we live in a deciduous forest area.

Total tree cover - from satellites my house itself is invisible.

Meh. I know nature won't clean my house - but she WILL tend to my yard, with or without my help. Fortunately I live in a relaxed neighborhood where no one really cares if the grass is 6 inches high, the leaves aren't swept, and everything isn't "PERFECT". Plus - why seed/fertilize/spray for bugs & weeds/water/mow for 9 months out of the year??
It seems a waste of resources, and a bad plan for the planet, and my own health.

So - oh well.

Good to remember - a person doesn't have to be perfect to be worthwhile. Who is perfect?? NO ONE.

reply to post by FlyersFan


ABSOLUTELY INDEED.

And, it comes from . . . drum roll . . .

ATTACHMENT DISORDER.

And . . . some pretty messy and inconsistent parents can infect their children with perfectionism by the parents never being satisfied with what the child produces or acts like.

I've had to deliberately . . . in a number of areas . . . leave the circle not closed off. Not straighten the jars on the shelf; leave the bit of paper on the floor for a day or 3; avoid retyping a personal note; go to school with some jam on my shirt; . . .

Drastic measures to some but it helped tons. I no longer get all that fussed up over inconsequentials. I'm much more at peace and a lot healthier.

BTW, the attachment disorder thread is here:

BO X ATS ATTACHMENT DISORDER THREAD LINK:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

DR BRUCE PERRY’S CHILD TRAUMA ACADEMY:

childtrauma.org...

IMPACT OF ABUSE AND NEGLECT ON THE DEVELOPING BRAIN:

www.attachmentdisorder.net...

ATTACHMENT: THE FIRST CORE STRENGTH:

teacher.scholastic.com...

reply to post by intrepid


Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thanks for sharing.

Knowing the origins of behavior can aid in understanding and better relationships.

How does it work being a perfectionist mod with OCD?

I think it would drive me to distractions.

People are messy in a list of ways . . . and in any large group, there will be many who are very messy.

And very few to none will match one's own constructions on "IN THEIR PLACE."

And that's true on just one dimension. And people are full of dimensions one can feel compelled to "put in THEIR PLACE."

Good post FF ..I went through a bout of this depressing disease until one day I asked myself just what does perfection look like .I came away with a good, better, best way of looking at things .I seldom loath myself anymore but do realize that I have room to improve ...peace

reply to post by the2ofusr1


The maddening impossibility thing about perfectionism is like the mathematical thing of going half a distance; then half the result; then half the result . . . one never reaches the end point.

Perfectionism's like that. It's NEVER reachable in any absolute functional sense.

And, research shows, perfectionists are NOT as successful as those who MAJOR IN MAJORS and MINOR IN MINORS.

Well I always like to think Strive for perfection, and you can settle for really good. This mainly pertains to work. I figure if you strive for really good you will settle for ok and if you just strive for ok your'e not worth a damn and we don't need you.

A lot of times I might go a day or 2 without washing my dishes, mainly because I just don't want to. My girlfriend will come over and ask why they aren't done and I tell her I'm just checking I'm not OCD. And since she can be she does them lol....

reply to post by FlyersFan


Perfectionism increases your risk of "all or nothing" thinking, obsessionality, anorexia and other eating disorders which are chronic, quite prevalent and have an extremely negative effect on life expectancy

tinner07
Well I always like to think Strive for perfection, and you can settle for really good. This mainly pertains to work.

"Perfectionists' can't settle for really good. If they don't reach that 'perfect' point on whatever it is they are obsessing about, then they get upset and put their health at risk. It's not just perfection at work, but in different aspects of their personal life. It could be a perfectly clean house or a perfectly written letter or perfect grades or whatever ...

Some things have to be perfect ... like a chemist mixing chemicals in a lab, or a doctor getting the right medical dose for a patient. But we're talking about every day people and every day life ...

tinner07
Well I always like to think Strive for perfection, and you can settle for really good. This mainly pertains to work. I figure if you strive for really good you will settle for ok and if you just strive for ok your'e not worth a damn and we don't need you.

Although I think it should pertain to everything in all aspects of life, and I believe we need everyone we just need to find ways to tap into that potential, I agree with your overall sentiment.

I don't strive for perfection per se, but I do strive for impossibly high standards usually when I have the energy to. Of course we all get burnt out and need to relax, etc. But when you are "up to it", I think we should always go as far "up to it" as we possibly can jump. Just take a parachute (figuratively) which means "expect things to go wrong and be ready to improvise to handle it".

But yeah I mean you are right about "Striving", because you will never know how far you can go until you just try for the best you possibly can achieve. And once you get there, you will realize, 'wow, I can do better than this next time!' And you keep getting better at it as you learn from mistakes etc.

Not everyday is going to be an "good day", so being ready to handle that is important.
One thing at a time, and prioritize, etc.

reply to post by FlyersFan


I have known this for a while, that is why it may appear that I make a wrong comment or invalid point from time to time.

You must be imperfect to be perfect.

reply to post by FlyersFan


If imperfection leads to a healthier, longer life. . . . .

I'm immortal!

LOLZ

SnF

reply to post by BO XIAN


Some of it does come from RAD, but not all.

Some kids are naturally very fussy, have low tolerance for frustration, and extreme tenacity - they will persist at something until it "feels" perfect, even with the most doting and balanced parenting. They're simply born that way.

I know there are parents who are 'never satisfied' (no matter what the kid does), and some who are 'neglectful' (unavailable either emotionally or physically), and some who 'parentify' their children (disallowing a regular childhood).....

but - SOME KIDS are just born that way. They want to do their best and can't be satisfied unless they think it's 'perfect' from their perspective.

Other kids are just sloppy and get easily bored, and are indifferent to the quality of product/result they 'turn out.' Perfectionism is an anxiety disorder, yes, but it's not correct to say that it all comes from "attachment disorder". And 'attachment disorder' is NOT the only thing that happens to kids who are neglected/abused/disrespected - there are all sorts of ramifications. Every kid is different. Resilience is unpredictable; some cope fine, while others drive themselves to distraction trying to be perfect. Why? They want to.

Even Michelangelo (?or DaVinci? one of those guys) was known to go to locations where his art was on display and 'tweak the paintings' - they just didn't seem 'perfect enough' to him.


Just saying. One can't blame everything on parents/parenting.

reply to post by BO XIAN

And, research shows, perfectionists are NOT as successful as those who MAJOR IN MAJORS and MINOR IN MINORS. - See more at: www.abovetopsecret.com...

What?
I don't know what this means. At all. And I have two degrees - a Bachelor's and a Master's. The 'majors' were not in the same field, either.

I completely agree.

I think this is why so many people are on anti-depressants. Modern media portrays such picture perfect images of everything ...kids, families, love, aging, everyday life.

Even problems are wrapped up neatly in 30 minutes to an hour. All sponsored by a product that will solve your own problems...real life doesn't work that way.

Facebook is notorious for aiding and abetting perfectionism...you view everyone's highlight reels while you are left with your own everyday, mundane out-takes and bloopers.

kosmicjack
Facebook is notorious for aiding and abetting perfectionism...you view everyone's highlight reels while you are left with your own everyday, mundane out-takes and bloopers.

Man that's so true. On Facebook, everyone's kids and/or marriages are perfect and all you see are the upbeat 'life is good' posts. And magazines and TV are awful too ... everyone is airbrushed to perfection with perfect white teeth and the best clothes. It can make people feel left behind for being less than perfect.

reply to post by BuzzyWigs


Well said, I could never live in one of those communities with a homeowners association. First, I don't want to pay some organization to live on MY purchased property. Second, I don't like other people minding my business (especially people I don't know). As a hard core procrastinator, I'd be at odds with any homeowner's association I was apart of, all the time.

reply to post by FlyersFan

It can make people feel left behind for being less than perfect. - See more at: www.abovetopsecret.com...

And also make people feel like trying to talk about important things is irrelevant. I dumped Facebook years ago, and had to be 'peer pressured' into joining in the first place. I wasn't interested in knowing what people had for breakfast, or how stylish they look in photos, or what party they went to. It's such an ego-tool. And Boring.
Post something interesting and no one cares.....post about your new hairdo and "likes" go off the charts.
Meh.
Sigh.