Which is more twisted and demented?

reply to post by nenothtu


I think you have a great point about recording everything for the courts. I'm willing to bet the child would be much better off away from the Mother if she is inclined to abuse children too. I'm not entirely sure of the mans rights though, I think he mentioned in another thread that he was a non-biological Father. I have no idea at all on his rights (I'm in another country and don't have any experience in parenthood).

Could it be possible that if the man presents evidence that she is an unfit mother that the child could go into care? Do American laws allow adoption in these circumstances? I really don't know.

I never know what's best in the circumstances, abusive care system or abusive mother. Some people I have met have said care was the best thing to ever happen and others say the worst.

OP, could you adopt?

I'm getting way ahead here.

I do agree though Nenohtu, OP, record absolutely everything, read as much as you can and get lots of legal advice.

reply to post by Tsu322

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Grandmother aadopted her. We never married for credit purposes. I don't believe in spending more money than I actually have. I could never raise her alone even if it was an option. I have some serious respiratory issues that will likely take me if the meds don't make me go blind first.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


I'm not clear on a couple of things here - who is the grandmother who adopted her? Your mom, the little lady's mom, or are you saying the little lady IS the grandmother who adopted her?

I'm also not clear on the whole "not marrying for credit purposes" thing, but that's really neither her nor there, nor any of my business. The important thing is that you've not married the gal, which can be either a blessing or a curse. It means, for one thing, that you could walk away whistling, no zip-ties attached, but it could potentially weaken your custody position as well, depending on who the adoptive "grandmother" is.

Courts generally like to keep the kids with biological relatives, or legal relatives, but there are cases where non-kin have gotten custody. It depends on what sort of case you can make for the child's best interest.

It also affects child support obligations, and ease of visitation in the event that you didn't get custody. Might be easier to secure visitation, and pleasant ones at that, depending upon who the adoptive grandmother is. The focus is on what is in the best interests of the child - for example, if you're the only father figure she's ever known. Courts would take that into consideration, as it affects the child's emotional well being.

Hillbilly123069
reply to post by Tsu322

 

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Grandmother aadopted her. We never married for credit purposes. I don't believe in spending more money than I actually have. I could never raise her alone even if it was an option. I have some serious respiratory issues that will likely take me if the meds don't make me go blind first.

What I am going to say sounds harsh. And apparently you love and care for this child. But the fact is she/he is not your blood and you have medical issues - which in a court is going to make you a difficult candidate for taking the child as it is, to say the least.

What you have to do - if you feel the child is not being taken care of or you have serious concern that the child wont be taken care of is to what Neno and I said, use the Nanny cams and log book and log times, dates and instances etc of what they do with the child (whether that be mother or grandmother as we are confused) and prove for a court that the child is not in the best environment without you there.

Then you let the chips fall where they may. Health or no you can ask for custody anyway, and see if you can get it... but you also must face the fact that the child might be given to another blood family member or go to foster care.

But seriously, at one point you have to choose between your own well-being, and that of this child.

Emotional abuse is what this woman is doing to you... the child sees that quite plainly, as kids notice more than anyone realizes. And if this woman is emotionally abusing you, don't you think she also would do the same to the child? And don't you think the child sees this everyday and is more than just a little effected by it?

And don't you think that you are teaching this child - by doing nothing - that emotional abuse is normal? Do you want this child to grow up thinking this kind of abuse is normal? That ANY kind of abuse is normal?

Do your best, but don't teach this kid that.... don't teach them that or they will grow up thinking its normal for them, and they are more likely to be abused themselves...or to do the abusing.

Watching you stand up and NOT take it, will teach the child a lot more than you realize, and even if your not there its something that child will take with them for the rest of their life. Not taking it anymore, is a good thing...

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


both reactions are immature. There is so much more to life than this pettiness.

a reply to: Hillbilly123069

Both are equally twisted and demented, and both would be considered the norm. If i had to chose one or the other. Then I would say that the first is demented, while the second is merley twisted. So ya! there you go. You have your answer.

And remember faking it is what keeps a greater part of all marriages together, it is the glue which holds together the greater part of all inconsistencies in relationships and in fact it just may be what keeps the whole of society turning. And in such a case the ones most able and capable of believing there own bull# are generally the ones who are the most happiest in any such entanglement.


Now the above statement would be the more true face of all modern and past relationships in the history of this world.

However! Oh ya dude. Round and round you go. Were it stops? Everybody knows, has been there, and they even bought the shirt which says "I'm with stupid" I concede that you have such a shirt, while others merely know how to fancy it up and drape themselfs in more colorful clothing. And that just may be the only real difference. The ability to believe your own bull# is a great part of any relationship, and females know this most of all and have had eons of practice at it. Hence your current dilemma.