Have U ever been in love with sb, whose beliefs U can't accept?

Maybe this is platonic love or not...but I met someone, who suffers from depression and I shared with him the Gospel of Jesus Christ (hoping that Holy Spirit will heal him). But he was very soon influenced by Western Teachings about unity with universe, "being a god", "having everything what we need inside ourselves".

Before accepting these beliefs he was a Catholic, who prayed for healing from depression, but it did not happen.

His inner wealth, musical talent and the way he speaks makes him very special. And he will be for me very important and maybe this is stupid, but I will always love him deep in my heart. And for sure being in relationship with someone else will be hard for me...because of him.

I know at least that I am in some kind of way important for him as a person, who wanted to bring for him hope and solution in God...but it's heartbroken that I will be suffering, because of my stupid hopes and with fact that maybe in Christian community I will not meet anyone who really suit me well-my soulmate


HAVE U EVER BEEN IN SITUATION, WHERE YOU COULD NOT LEAVE YOUR BELIEFS AND ACCEPT SOMEONE ELSE BELIEFS (to be more open and attractive for that person)?

reply to post by AnnieWolf19


Love him for who is, not who you wish him to be.

reply to post by AnnieWolf19


I you can't make peace with who he is and love him for that, then it's doomed. My very best friend from college is a very devout Catholic who is married to an agnostic/atheist, and they've made this work for about 18 years now. They more or less accept that when it comes to spirituality, she is who she is, and he is who he is. That's the end of the conversation. He agreed that their daughter would be raised in the faith, and that was it.

They meet on most other topics, so it works out for them.

If you really are destined to make this work, this may be what you will have to do.

Well, no not me personally.

But, I was raised by a staunch Atheist, and A staunch Pentecostal.

Fun times where had all around.

Heres the thing, all that did, was make me super Anti-belief.

For a long time, I went to school to argue theology and philosophy, just so I could "stick" it to the people that raised me and their Elk.

So in that conflict I was hardened to Faith and Belief as a whole, but the thing is, when you "force" anything that tends to be the case.

I came to my "faith" after a long period of searching, all anyone could of done was plant the seed, the rest was between me and my maker.

So take from that what you will, I would say let your example lead people, not preaching.

ETA: I will say this as well, years after My mothers death, My Atheist father, has changed his view point. There was one thing through my child hood he always taught me, and that was to keep an open mind, and I was happy to see him practice that when he changed his view point.

This was very recently, he told me in a conversation that he "had faith mom was right" and my jaw hit the floor, so who knows.

So you tried to brainwash him to make him better, and you made him worse.

Good old religion.

That's what you get. Stop filling peoples head with your insanity.

AnnieWolf19
Maybe this is platonic love or not...but I met someone, who suffers from depression and I shared with him the Gospel of Jesus Christ (hoping that Holy Spirit will heal him). But he was very soon influenced by Western Teachings about unity with universe, "being a god", "having everything what we need inside ourselves".

Before accepting these beliefs he was a Catholic, who prayed for healing from depression, but it did not happen.

His inner wealth, musical talent and the way he speaks makes him very special. And he will be for me very important and maybe this is stupid, but I will always love him deep in my heart. And for sure being in relationship with someone else will be hard for me...because of him.

I know at least that I am in some kind of way important for him as a person, who wanted to bring for him hope and solution in God...but it's heartbroken that I will be suffering, because of my stupid hopes and with fact that maybe in Christian community I will not meet anyone who really suit me well-my soulmate

HAVE U EVER BEEN IN SITUATION, WHERE YOU COULD NOT LEAVE YOUR BELIEFS AND ACCEPT SOMEONE ELSE BELIEFS (to be more open and attractive for that person)?

edit on 16-3-2014 by AnnieWolf19 because: (no reason given)

Annie, what we always need to realize first--despite any religion or lack of religion--is that we can never save another person. We may help them heal perhaps, with our love, our patience, our selfless acts of devotion. But never 'save,' Annie.

I have never been in your situation because I do not believe in organized religion, and therefore it does not play a part in any way of my meeting or keeping someone. But I have been in the place of loving someone who could not return it. You will suffer, yes. But ask yourself if you gave your love to gain something in return?
If you did, it was not love. Love gives without ever expecting anything back.

Don't get me wrong, we so very much want to have our feelings returned to us in the same measure! But what if they are not returned? Do you then not love the person? Not wish them the best of life and a future love of their choosing?

Perhaps, all we can be in life is important to someone. Perhaps, we can't be a part of their life the way we would wish. It is heartbreaking. But if you know you are important to him, then you are actually quite wealthy. Don't you think?
It would be so much more sorrowful to realize that you had meant nothing in his life. Just someone who came along then one day went, and you are never thought of again.

I wish I had better words of wisdom for you, as it is obvious you are quite sad.

reply to post by sn0rch


The same could be said of atheism. Of course, since this guy started out Catholic, I'm not sure how sharing tenets of a mostly shared faith is "ruining" him. I would say that it's more likely his mental state is making him feel lost and he's desperately searching for any way to make himself feel better. OP's actions were incidental.

I hope the OP is prepared for a difficult relationship if she decides to stick it out with someone who is seeking to deal with his depression on his own.

It sounds like he is with somebody who does not accept his beliefs ... His catholic faith didn't work for him (in his opinion) and he's trying something else... He is open minded. If it is not something that you are willing to accept, it seems that he would not be the person for you. If you like him just accept him for who he is, and you can even debate over it (not a good idea if you can not approach the topic in a adult way).
I think most people here will tell you that you will not meet someone who has the same beliefs and convictions as yourself.

Personnaly I don't really look for women with the same belief systems as myself, as I like debating, learning new things and everything, just makes the conversations better. I guess that's why they say "oppositites attract". I mean I would not like to live with me (lol) :-/ ....

reply to post by AnnieWolf19


To answer your question, I've had to do this before. A certain friend of mine was a devote Christian - Because I'm Agnostic, they said that they would only consider me "date-able" material if I would switch religions. I told her to spare me the "fire and brimstone" lecture, as I prefer to find out my end well, when it's my time to go.

In your case, you need to remember that healing comes from within - Meaning that if he believes that it will help him, then it will. And if not, he needs to do what needs to be done to find it. Telling him something is not going to make it bad. Telling him why he should follow Christianity is no more different than telling him why being Agnostic is a good thing; it's up to him where his path may lie.

Also, I'll give you this thought as well - What if you didn't have to give up your religion, and still tried to make things work with him? I can tell you this you won't be condemned for trying to be in a relationship with him. I'd expect that God doesn't punish you for falling in love with someone just because he doesn't have the same outlook on life that you do.

-fossilera

I know that some inter-faith relationships have worked long term. There are plenty of examples. But in my experience the ones that work include a partner who either has beliefs "close enough" so that the basics are the same OR one partner doesn't really care one way or another. Someone may be nominally of a certain faith, but doesn't really practice it or even believe it. It just a label. My father, for example, was a Southern Baptist and even attended his brother-in-law's divinity school for a year or two, but the fact is I never heard a "religious" word come out of his mouth ever. My mother was a "protestant," she said, but I never saw her enter a church, and truth be told, she told me she didn't believe a word of it. So people can call themselves "members" of a certain faith and not really be there for all intents and purposes.

But if you have two believers of opposite beliefs, you're just looking for trouble. Just wait until you have children and one spouse starts insisting the kids get a "religious education so they can make their own choice." THAT'S when the other person is either going to buckle under or put their foot down. I tell you this from personal experience, and you can take it for what it is worth.

When I met my wife I soon knew that her parents were active in their church. They were Anglicans, rarely missed church, and contributed to the church coffers. Her father was "concerned" that I did not have a religious background, but overall they accepted me well enough and my wife proclaimed that she was not interested in any of that stuff and had left it behind long ago. Yes, she had been confirmed in the church and her first marriage was in the church, but I so no evidence that she believed in any of it, certainly not in the gospels and Jesus. We got married by a priest, it was true, but he was our next-door neighbor and convenient. We wrote our own ceremony.

A few years later our daughter was four and Grandma announced that if we lived closer to her she would be sending our daughter to the religious elementary school in her neighborhood. I laughed politely and counted my blessings we lived several hours away. Next my wife's father died. And after that my wife decided to attend a local "community" church. If it had a denominational affiliation I don't know what it was. It had to have been fairly mild. But suddenly my daughter had to get "dressed up" to attend the place.

I would not go, and I became very uncomfortable with the whole thing. Now my daughter just wanted to go for the cookies, but I was expected to "help" her get ready for church and all, and frankly, I didn't now what to do. I balked. I refused to help. I felt I had been betrayed because I had no idea this sort of thing would be cropping up. But after her father died my wife took a turn toward the church, and she lamented that we had not sufficiently talked about this prior to our marriage. Indeed, I thought we had and I thought we were on the same wavelength, but my wife didn't see it that way. The rules, you see, had changed. I'm not just blaming my wife. I should have been able to look at the initial situation and seen the problem developing. But I was naïve, in love (or lust.) At that point I hadn't even imagined having kids. It wasn't at all what I had imagined, and now life had changed. I'm sure she thought so, too.

So my marriage went from good to neutral, and then from neutral to bad. By the time my kid was entering those difficult teen years life was precarious. Literally. my wife jumped off a bridge and killed herself. Maybe. Unless she ascended. Her body was never found, and I was left with a 13 year old to raise--as ineptly as I could manage.

Now I do not wish my experience on anyone. I caused pain. I thought I was taking a stand on what I believed in, but if there is anything I have learned in life, it is that philosophical stances get you into trouble. There are so many things I could have done differently, but to the point of this thread, the very first thing I ought to have done differently is see that the inherent religious backgrounds of the two of us were dissimilar enough that it was going to cause a problem eventually. WE did not explore this issue in depth, Indeed, we glossed over it as a negative that might get in the way of us getting together and therefore was to be conveniently skipped.

So my council has to be first, don't think you can change anyone to your faith, ever. And second, don't go there having faith it will all work out. Chances are it won't, and then you may wish you had thought about this issue a little more carefully.

Hi Annie, my heart goes out to you...

I know how that feels, I have been there as well.

Below is part of a transcript from the movie "The Encounter".

I think it might help you and I highly recommend this film if you can watch it.

"The Encounter" is about five strangers who find themselves stranded at a mysterious diner with a man who somehow has all of the answers to their problems.

Jesus: Melissa, I have so much more in store for you, too, if you trust me. Could be times when I ask you to do things you may not want to do.

Melisa: I don’t understand.

Jesus: You can’t marry Paul.

Melisa: But I love him.

Jesus: Well, I shouldn’t say you can’t because you can, but you shouldn’t. It’s just not my desire for you, Melissa.

Melisa: But I love him.

Jesus: Melissa, you have a very tender heart. How many guys have you fallen in love with since you were 16?

Melisa: But he loves me too.

Jesus: Melissa, it’s just not my will for a couple to be unequally matched. Paul doesn’t believe in me.

Melisa: What if we got married and I made it my mission to save him? I could do that.

Jesus: Melissa, do you love him? Do you really love him?

Melisa: Yes, I do.

Jesus: Who do you think loves him more, you or me?

Melisa: You do, obviously, but..

Jesus: Melissa, Paul doesn’t feel about you the same way you feel about him. He hates his assignment up in Winnemucca. He’s lonely. And right now, he thinks that you’re exactly what he needs. But two years from now, when you’re back in L.A., he’s gonna want something more, something you can’t give him. He’s gonna grow to resent you. And you know what he’s going to resent most about you? Your faith in me. That will still be the biggest difference between the two of you. So instead of being the instrument that draws him to me, you’ll actually cause him to turn the other way. Aw Melissa, isn’t it more important that he loves me than loves you?

Melisa: Will he believe in you?

Jesus: In time, yeah, he will.

Melisa: Well, then maybe then we could..

Jesus: Melissa, I promise you by then you won’t even want to entertain the possibility. Remember, I have many wonderful things in store for you.

reply to post by AnnieWolf19


AnnieWolf19,

I have only ever been in relationships with people who do not share my faith. The simple reason being, that there are very few people who believe in God and Christ in an honest fashion, without resorting to involvement in the corruption that is organised Christianity, which is uniformly a cancer on the arse of God, rather than being an organisation dedicated to his name and works.

Christ mixed with all manner of people, closely and socially. Robbers, thieves and vagabonds, prostitutes, harlots and a thousand other shades of fallen folk. To live in any other way, to deny love to someone, just because they do not share your faith, is demanded by the Church, but not by Jesus. You have to understand, that if you have real, deep feelings for this person, then denying them will be toxic to your future happiness. You must also understand that the only reason to deny the feeling you have for this person, is that unless you do, you will be seen as non-conformist by other persons who profess to share your faith.

For a start, if you even have the slightest concern for what members of any congregation you may be a part of, will think of your consorting with this person, then you ought to remember that it is no persons right to judge you. Only God has that right. Your choices are yours to work out with your creator when the end comes. What you do out of love is hardly likely to cause you grief when it comes time for you to meet your maker, so do not let the indoctrination and nonsense that comes with congregational religion, stand between you and whatever small happiness you can find in this world.

If I were you, I would say hang it all, and be with this person. Retain your faith, but do not try to force it on him. Ignore the criticism you may experience from those who are more interested in Church doctrine, than in living in faith, and be swamped with joy despite them.

Good luck making this choice!

AnnieWolf19
HAVE U EVER BEEN IN SITUATION, WHERE YOU COULD NOT LEAVE YOUR BELIEFS AND ACCEPT SOMEONE ELSE BELIEFS (to be more open and attractive for that person)?

No one should have to leave their own beliefs behind. If a person has to leave their beliefs behind to make a relationship work ... then that relationship won't work.

Sounds like the fella is doing just fine. He's open minded.
He isn't judgmental and insisting that you change.
So respect his right to believe whatever he wishes.
Just like he respects your right to believe whatever you wish.

Accept each other or move on ....

reply to post by schuyler



Your story is a real warning for me. We never know what is going to be in the future. We often as people live like in Hollywood movies, having dreams about people who we like or deeply love- thinking that they are as we wish.

Thank U for sharing your personal story, you are brave


In my opinion there is a totally different situation, when a couple has Atheistic worldview and they are married, but one of them after some time converts to Christianity--it is good for God according to God's Word.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.


Unfortunately in the situation when it comes to the subject of marrying unbeliever by believer it's much more complicated...

Corinthians 6:14-18

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

reply to post by benrl


Your parents' story is incredible and U had to had a really interesting childhood, observing parents' everyday relationship.

But were they married both Atheists and then your mum converted to Christianity or they were from the beginning Atheist and Pentacostal ?

reply to post by AnnieWolf19


Yup... Im in a similar situation now

Oh lord... Why me?

I accept her beliefs no matter how wrong they are to me... But she won't accept mine

reply to post by TrueBrit


Thank U for your opinion on this subject.

Your thinking is really simple and it has some positive aspects in life, but it's not that easy.


Well, probably my family would not have any objection if I would like to be as a believer with unbeliever, because nobody in my family takes seriously the Bible...but for people at my church and what I see on my own in Bible about marriage it's not good to marry somone in another yoke.
Anyway I think for now I am really impressed by this man, who I met and with whom I shared my faith (without forcing him) and he shared with me his opinions. We still exchange our expieriences about daily life. He likes answer my question.
From my side it's a fascination of man, because I have never was in any friendship or relationship with any classmate or neighbour or other among opposite sex.

You know I will always remember him and have this feeling to write to him and ask "how life is going on".
For sure I doubt that I will ever be in relationship and in the end in marriage.

He definitely will be for me important and someone with whom I love to talk and feel connection although different experiences.
Someone with whom I feel good without saying a word.

Well, maybe for me a solution is to marry in the future the guy, who in the past loved some woman very much and she passed away. At least In would be in a relationship with someone, who will always keep in heart someone else, who was really important.

reply to post by Murgatroid



Thank U for your answer with this dialogue from movie. I watched that movie and remember this conversation with Jesus

All I can say is, "YAY for my team!"

Seriously, in life you will meet people who are very dear to you, that you shouldn't marry. People change over time, and all relationships have to deal with change; but a philosophical chasm dividing you is not what you need when building a life together.

Just two ships that crossed in the night. Let it be for what it is.

reply to post by AnnieWolf19


If there is something about a person that you feel the need to change, you do not love them. Asking someone to change a fundamental part of themselves is asking them to stop being the person you think it is you love.