A second date would be nice.

I wish there was another way to find someone, other than dating. For me, it takes two or three dates to tell if I want to be with this person. With the women I date that is not the case. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but it must be something.

Let me walk you through a typical date for me.

1. Meet woman at prearranged location for dinner.

2. Open door, pull out chair, allow her to order first, ect... you know, be a gentleman.

3. Try to have an interesting conversation. Learn about eachother, ect.

4. Ask to see eachother again, get told "Only as friends, I don't see us dating."

Okay, that was a very basic runthrough, I know. Nearly every time it seems like we've both had a good time and that there will be other dates but there are not. Every time I'm told that "We should just be friends." I'm sorry, what did I miss?

I've tried every approach. Usually, I try the honest approach, which unfortunately for me means that because I'm a kind person who tries to please whomever I'm around that there is no way possible that the woman will see me as anything romantic. I've tried the confident approach, but that doesn't work either.

Maybe it's me, unfortunately nobody ever tells you just what you're doing wrong.

Any tips? I'm getting tired of providing free meals without so much as a second date.

Before any of you say "don't be so predictable, do something spontaneous." Most women aren't going to go anywhere with a guy that they just met that isn't a public place.


ETA: What I'm saying is as long as a person isn't blatantly offensive or obviously up to no good, should'nt you give them the benefit of the doubt and give it one more shot? How hard could a 2nd date be? I mean, who isn't nervous on a first date, right? So why not give a person a second chance if they've already taken you out for a nice dinner and offered to take you out again?

reply to post by dave_welch

No way to tell from here... sounds like you are going through all the motions. Personal chemistry is instinctive and usually a quick judge, if not a good judge. Too bad you can't video your date for further examination (You could be carefully.... not something you want to get caught at perhaps?).... how does the body language read? You mention your actions, what about theirs? Ever see Lie To Me? Great series, cut short too soon. The guy reads micro emotions that reveal allllll he he he. On Netflix. Tim Roth, a favorite of mine. I'm guessing you aren't related to the Dave Welch I went to school with in Colorado years ago.

reply to post by dave_welch


Maybe thats just what you think, are you dating 60 year olds?
Some girls want a laugh and a bit of a dance then a taxi to yours for "coffee" then if you are lucky she writes her number before she sneaks out for the walk of shame home

reply to post by michael1888


No, I usually date women in the 20-29 bracket.

reply to post by jaxnmarko


I know what you mean. No I have not seen it.

I'm the kind of person that genuinely interested in people. On a first date, most of the night is spent just talking/getting to know eachother.

Also, these days, most women my age are (rightfully so) cautious about meeting a new guy. That pretty much narrows down what you can do/where you can go.

Are you just a dork? Are you funny ? Are you wearing your star trek uniform on your first date? I'm kidding .

A lot of women like a guy who is naturally funny without trying to hard to be fun, like laughing at your own jokes is a bad thing , and sometimes being overly nice can come off as being fake...and being obviously fake is a really big turn-off
It's hard to say really without being there but maybe next time you get the let's just be friends speech just ask for her honest opinion on what it is about you , you have nothing to loose at that point and maybe she will be like a real friend and give you some advice or a reason you always end up in the friend zone . Some women would be glad to help you learn how to be a better dater. Like I said what have you got to loose at that point ?

Also ,is there anything on your Facebook that women would find creepy or strange because you know they are checking that stuff out as well .

reply to post by dave_welch



Well I haven't been on a date with you to know what went wrong, but I will be honest, if honesty is what you seek.

You're being too pushy, and that scares a person and they will immediately put up that wall.

I can tell from your post what kind of guy you are and you may have been revealing this on your dates and turned them off.

Let me tell you what the red flags were for me

You're pissed off you wasted money taking them out.
You paid for one evening not two!

You sound far too needy, rejected and this will come across to them, even if you think you played the confident type. It's very easy to detect.
Who wants a Loser who says things like nobody ever wants me, I don't know what's wrong with me?
So stop putting yourself down. If you don't like you, then you can't expect others to like you.

You shouldn't be 'playing' anything . Just be yourself.

If you're saying to her just give me a chance to prove I'm a nice guy, that sounds pathetic and stalkerish


If not you're clean, well groomed, well mannered, big turn offs.
Nobody likes someone who stinks.

violet
reply to post by dave_welch

 

Well I haven't been on a date with you to know what went wrong, but I will be honest, if honesty is what you seek.

You're being too pushy, and that scares a person and they will immediately put up that wall.

I can tell from your post what kind of guy you are and you may have been revealing this on your dates and turned them off.

Let me tell you what the red flags were for me

You're pissed off you wasted money taking them out.
You paid for one evening not two!

You sound far too needy, rejected and this will come across to them, even if you think you played the confident type. It's very easy to detect.
Who wants a Loser who says things like nobody ever wants me, I don't know what's wrong with me?
So stop putting yourself down. If you don't like you, then you can't expect others to like you.

You shouldn't be 'playing' anything . Just be yourself.

If you're saying to her just give me a chance to prove I'm a nice guy, that sounds pathetic and stalkerish


If not you're clean, well groomed, well mannered, big turn offs.
Nobody likes someone who stinks.

You are so right , women can spot a faker a mile away , and being needy is just going to smother a woman to death oh yeah the give me a chance to prove I'm a nice guy is throwing water on a grease fire ...not good... Also showing up looking like your mom picked out your clothes isn't gonna help either .

I think, reading behind the lines, that you talk too much and give out far too much information for a first date.

When she asks what you do for a living, tell the truth but not so that it sounds boring. Don't blurt out your whole life story. Keep a little mystery. Get her to open up if you can.

You may also come across as a penny pincher etc etc.

Really hard to help from here.

P

If all else fails. Try an older woman, we're desperate!

Sorry if my previous post was too blunt.
I wish you well and really just try being yourself.


Maybe think of a different venue for your date next time, it doesn't have to be dinner. It could be a day outing. Like take her fishing if she is into that. Or a movie, like a comedy where you can just sit together and relax. Or. Horror movie that scares the # out of her so she clings to you every time the music gets creepy. It's dark and you don't have to sit across from each other staring. The conversation might not go right. That can feel awkward and make you nervous.


A dinner setting might not be presenting you in your best light. It could be as simple as that. So try something different

A movie, concert, fishing, skating, the fair.

reply to post by jaxnmarko


I wouldn't suggest acting like that, super stalkerish creepy

a few quick tips

1) confidence, confidence, confidence
2) 1st date should be fun, dont worry about the background too much just see if you click, you dont need to know her life story or her yours
3) you should both be smiling the whole time, if most of the date is too intense the girl will be bored
4) dont act too interested, slight indifference makes them wonder and makes it seem like your not desperate
5) At the end of the date dont ask her home, dont ask for another date, just say you had a good time and that you will call her.
Find a fun or cheeky reason to text her the next day then wait at least 2 days before asking for the next date

Im thinking of starting a Hitch like course, would you like to be my 1st client?

dave_welch
reply to post by michael1888

 

No, I usually date women in the 20-29 bracket.

but are you 60?

That could be the problem

Ahhhh I kid, what do I know. a first date for me is google images and then a nap.

reply to post by IkNOwSTuff


Probably very good advice but, why can't we just be honest.

I know it does not work but, well, it just seems wrong somehow.

It was easier when we lived in caves. Find her, bop her over the head with your club and carry her home! rofl

P

violet
reply to post by dave_welch

 

Well I haven't been on a date with you to know what went wrong, but I will be honest, if honesty is what you seek.

You're being too pushy, and that scares a person and they will immediately put up that wall.

I can tell from your post what kind of guy you are and you may have been revealing this on your dates and turned them off.

Let me tell you what the red flags were for me

You're pissed off you wasted money taking them out.
You paid for one evening not two!

You sound far too needy, rejected and this will come across to them, even if you think you played the confident type. It's very easy to detect.
Who wants a Loser who says things like nobody ever wants me, I don't know what's wrong with me?
So stop putting yourself down. If you don't like you, then you can't expect others to like you.

You shouldn't be 'playing' anything . Just be yourself.

If you're saying to her just give me a chance to prove I'm a nice guy, that sounds pathetic and stalkerish


If not you're clean, well groomed, well mannered, big turn offs.
Nobody likes someone who stinks.

IE; we have to be up ourselves, ripped, walk around with our shirts off and big arms bulging, smelling like old spice and testosterone, and slap you when you look at another guy.

I am not sure.... OP, what do you think.

violet
If all else fails. Try an older woman, we're desperate!

Whoah. that's a turn off, If you're desperate, who wants that!!!111

Hmm, I dunno..

Where is my vodka.. she knows how to make my liver throb with desire...

*allo baby, fancy a dance... yes on the floor sideways.. oooh youre saucy..*

reply to post by dave_welch

1. Meet woman at prearranged location for dinner.

2. Open door, pull out chair, allow her to order first, ect... you know, be a gentleman.

3. Try to have an interesting conversation. Learn about eachother, ect.

4. Ask to see eachother again, get told "Only as friends, I don't see us dating."

1. Pick a girl up at a set time.
2. Yea that's all required, but if it seems forced you may as well be this kind of gentleman. Seriously, girls don't want someone trying to be a gentleman, they want it to be second nature, natural. And anyone who has "Im a gentleman so I should get ___ in return…" (You're doing it wrong.) People can read minds. So check your actual thoughts, not the ones you force yourself to have.
3. Stop trying. Have a conversation. Make it funny, spontaneous. Let her speak, shut up. She's not talking? Get her talking… Practice being witty, it takes awhile. Even after you master it an off day might make you lose it, but it always comes back (so to do the girls).
4. Friend-Zoned. No advice here. Haven't been FZ'd since high school.

reply to post by dave_welch


Instead of getting emotional over the lack of a 2nd date.... why don't you dedicate some of your life to charity work cos there are People out there that wish for a second meal.... and maybe you will meet someone along the way.

reply to post by violet


omg I hope your joking! You must be joking?

I might be older but I can assure you I am not desperate nor fed up. I am interested in other things rather than sex or a relationship.

dave i am a male slut the lady's love me , why are you worried about a second date ?

when God said go forth and multiply he never said get married and get a morgage and a b.m.w

keep your option's open and be a international man of mystery .

make them laugh and show them you are not a wimp they hate that .

be loud ,be fun , and tell her what a lucky girl she is that you made time in your busy schedule to see her make her feel special .

if all that fail's try prostitutes [ jk] those girls never refuse a second date