Advice needed. I'm stressed out

Wibta if I left this situation?

Situation
We rented out this apartment that is 1590 a month.

This is our 2nd month in and my husband spent the rent money on his ticket (600$) he had this ticket for a while. Told me it was only 250$.

He spent 100$ on games

250$ he refused to put aside beginning of the month

From 250 (second week pay) that was put aside second week. He took 50$

He raked up his data over. so, now we have a 400$ bill

More beer money from rent

Now, he has only 1 more pay that will be short next week

Now he has to take out a loan for rent. He already has a loan that's 12,000$ switch he pays 175$ a week.

I'm stay at home mom to care for our 3 year old son and process of getting a weekend job. We also have a older child that is 6.

His pay checks are roughly around 780$ to 900$ a week.

He gets upset with me if I take out money to put aside. I keep telling him that we need to put aside 250 a week, and rest out of the baby bonus (rest to bills) but he doesn't want to follow the budget. It's frustrating and I worry that we will become homeless due to his spending.

What our bills are weekly
250- food
175-loan
20$ for cab (ride home from grocery)
5$ public transit
250$ rent
50$ lease for his ps5
=750$
(He doesn't own a car)

Rest he will spend on cigarettes and beer.

Now he has applied for credit card again. He hasn't paid his previous credit card that ranked up to 680$ just in interest.

I'm sitting here stressing out about shelter and our kids care. I spoken to him about our finances problems but he dismissed them.

So, right now I'm looking on options to leave for a better secure solution without him but I'm hesitant as there will be a long legal battle that will be $$$ switch I don't have as I have no income.

We are legally married too. He has a rich/weathly mother that I don't think twice that she will help him as she has alot of disapproval of me as a mother.

I don't know what to do. What is the way to go? I need advice and guidance. My mother is telling me to leave him as he proven numerous times he not good with money and will only end up homeless and our kids taken away.

I'm scared. What should I do?

a reply to: CaptainHook

“What should I do?”

If everything you said is true, I regret to inform you that you married a narcissist. It won’t get better, it will get worse.

Divorce him while he’s got a decent job and get child support. Don’t wait for him to quit or get fired from that — then you’ll get nothing.

I know all too well. My ex is a narcissistic sociopath. Like I said, it will only get worse.

a reply to: CaptainHook

Yikes.

Sounds like he needs a class on personal financial management.

I had troops that worked for me that put themselves in bad situations like that. Idiots taking out payday loans. But I had the luxury of being able to force them to get their sh!t together.

I know some banks and credit unions provide financial management services to people to help them set up a budget.

Good luck.

a reply to: KKLOCO

What if he gets primary custody?

My bio father won custody from my mom due to lies and manipulation.

a reply to: CaptainHook

1st, confront your mother in law.
Ask her for advice on how to deal with the situation, ask her if she thinks you should get a job to help with the bills, ask if she will help watch/raise the children.

if he gets mad at you for that, break his ps5/cancel the internet

originally posted by: KKLOCO
I know all too well. My ex is a narcissistic sociopath. Like I said, it will only get worse.

Sadly, I have to agree with this. If it's bad now, it can only get worse. Get out before it gets fatal. My ex-wife did things to make me look bad in the eyes of the law. When I realized what she was doing and then what further damage she could do, that was it. I got out and never saw her again unless it was in a courtroom setting. You have to think of yourself first.

a reply to: CaptainHook

Dear, bless you. I don't know. But I'll bet as you said, he's back of mind betting Mom's always there. That's his "for-sure". Sadly...you do best for you n kids. It's what matters.

Apparently, that realization hasn't hit him as yet. And, don't take advice from a conspiracy site! Take it, just don't run with it right away.

You could get some help on the side. Perspective is always a good thing. And no one knows your situation like you do.

Best of luck to you n kids!

a reply to: CaptainHook

Check a local daycare or church and see if they are hiring, and if they provide free child care while you work. Perhaps something on the way to your husbands job to cut down on travel expenses.

Go to free food pantry, possibly also a church, and see if you can cut some cost off the food bill.

Otherwise KKLOCO is absolutely correct. More money will fix the problem temporarily and then he will start to spend more.

Baby, you have hitched your wagon to a star.

Have you tried the counciling rout with your husband? Is he open to that? Has he seen the account? Perhaps ask him why he is spending this way and show him what it looks like?

As far as leaving goes, I would look up your state. There are ways to get cheap or free representation. One of the things I saw in California is perhaps your income status. You could ask the court to have your significant other have to pay the layer.

I know it's frustrating, scary and upsetting. Something that will end up happening anyway will be that the younger child will have to start pre k. There are alot of serveses out there which could help you. Do an internet search in a private browser. By putting the little one to pre-k you are allowing yourself to get a job and start to save for when the ties are cut. Will it be easy... no. Will it be worth it in the long run yes. Will your kids need to time adjusting? Yes. Will it be easier to start the adjustment that will need to be made now? Maybe. I remember my separation. My kids went from a stay at hime mom to now they are in before and after care. They would be picked up from after care and come back to my work with me for 2 hours. It will be important you try to establish yourself the best you can right now. The children feel the tension and stress.
Any new single parent who was a homemaker will tell ya.... it's hard the first year or two trying to make the life good for you and your child. I went back to school. I am a pre k teacher. And I want to do more so now I am going to school to work with children who are in Special education. Do I make a lot of money? No. Were my kids cared for and given the things they need? Yes.
My point is that you can do this. Have your own account for your money and you get to where you need to be. I plan on being Finantially independent for the rest of my life even if married. That way I know I will be okay nomatter what.

Now as far as the money goes right now...Do you have anything you could sell? Turn some money on a hobby or something on fb marketplace or etsy? I know it may not get ya right away but it might help as you search for care for the children and a job. Remember, get a job with health benefits that will help you .

Anyhow, I am jot sure of if this is of any help at all. If not okay. If so.... remember it is a one day at a time process and it is a process. Your future as well as your children's is going to grow. Remember can't never could get anything done. Hang in there friend!

a reply to: CaptainHook
Live with your mom.
She watch kids.
You make $ and give her some.
You save $ for independence.
Pretend guy no exist unless he spends his time and $ in court.

You married a child. I hope the sex is good. Get out now.

originally posted by: CaptainHook
a reply to: KKLOCO

What if he gets primary custody?

My bio father won custody from my mom due to lies and manipulation.

Get some form of employment. The courts are going to look to make sure your children have food, a roof over their head, and which parent can provide it the best. Show them you are the best choice.

a reply to: CaptainHook
If your monthly rent is 1590/month, your rent bill is not $250 weekly, it’s nearly $400.

The alcohol game will likely get worse. Is he violent?

The cost of alcohol daily is profound. Even at just 10$ a day, you’re looking at $300/mos. When that doesn’t do the trick, higher alcohol content and higher price is next.

If you join him, because it’s easier to deal with a drunk, if you’re drunk…the snowball only gets larger. Fights get more frequent and worse.

Your children will hear and process far more than you know, or want.

Your best bet is to decide if you can safely have a conversation with him and put it all on the table. If not you need to look to safe, trustworthy sources, hopefully family is available, otherwise whichever community resources are available.

Is your Mom willing to take you and your children in?

originally posted by: CaptainHook
a reply to: KKLOCO

What if he gets primary custody?

My bio father won custody from my mom due to lies and manipulation.

These days, It so rarely happens that a father gets primary custody. You’d have to be a drug addict and or a prostitute for that to happen in 2023.

My ex was caught perjuring herself on the stand over 40 times in the three days we were in court for the custody battle. She still got the kids….

You need to start documenting EVERYTHING. CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT!

a reply to: BlueJacket

I don't drink due to family history of alcoholics. My brother and I are the first generation to not devolope that sort of issues.

He has never became violent physically with me. He has a short temper that caused him to go over the edge to the point of name calling and mocking me or the kids.

The way I have set is is 250 a week (4 weeks)=1000$ a month From his paychecks and the 590$ from baby bonus as I get 1,100$ a month.

Yes, my mom has offered to take us in but her house is way to small as it's only a 2 bdrm house and my brother lives there. He has problems with us being there.

How long have you been married?

I second with everyone that chimed in and said that he needs to get his # together .




a reply to: CaptainHook

Don’t stay unless you have to
Maybe you leaving will reset his thinking, make him see that you and his child come first and he needs to take on more responsibility
Leave with the understanding if he matures up, shows signs of responsibility, it’s possible to return
Make some responsibility boundaries, marriage counselling for a start, gaming and times to do it, limiting alcohol
You have allowed this to get out of control, going to take some work and patience to get it back
The longer you wait, the harder it will become to restore your marriage
Being a single mother is tougher than people say it is

a reply to: chris_stibrany

Since August 18 2019 but we been together for 13 years total

Divorce might be too drastic?

He needs an adjustment.

Your guy needs a boot in his azz.

Do you have a couple of brothers who can sit down with him and "school him" about his responsibilities?

a reply to: CaptainHook