Colin and Michael the single best friend I ever had.

Hey all! So this is a kind of short story I have written. I thought I'd share. This is a struggle between powers and how hard it must have been for my friend Colin. He ended his life 2 years ago today. I am putting it up in his memory. He suffered from a rare disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder also known as Multiple Personality Disorder. The thing I wrote is what I saw in him in a way in his last years on earth with me. I miss him and even when he wasn't Colin he was still my best friend. This is the struggle between Colin and Michael.... I miss you buddy..
Fair warning I am not a good writer lol so I am sorry for any grammatical mess ups I have. I know you grammar Nazis are out there lurking.

Quit talking to me!

By VoidWalker


A man may not throw a curse without first feeling its wrath so shut your mouth and stop living in the past.

Sometimes I feel like not going anywhere. Not going forward so there is no past.

There is a past you can follow its path, you just choose not to see it. Your blindness is an option not an affliction.

My options are limited and I hold the one clinched in my fist bleeding. I warily stand realizing I just went blind.

Your blindness is a lie it’s just your mind trying to hide, you chase your tail in never ending circles and pity is felt for you. Be strong and hang your head no more.

My mind is no more I try to hide my guilt, but I can’t. When trying to hold my head up it feels as if 100 crosses are hanging from my crown. I feel the pain I can imagine only Jesus felt.

Melancholy is your mood, slow is your mind would for your own damned self-stop believing and chasing all the lies, you are a sculptor with a future to mold for it to be true it must be tested and fired.

A fire is something that could only describe my rage built up for you. You are the reason I burn and the reason I hate. You send me to Hell and when I am back you will regret it I promise.

A fire does rage in you, but stop and think what will be left when you are done but smoke, ash, and rubble for us both. For I am you no matter what you do or where you go I will follow not by choice, but because I must so no more circles your make me nauseous.

SHUTUP!!! I HATE YOU! You will never be me for I am everything you are not! Leave me in my world and don’t come back!

Always you retreat to this safety net of lies. You think you got a raw deal, well at least some acknowledge you for
you. No façade must you put on so embrace your so called hate and rage you don’t have what it takes to kill. I scoff at you!!

I don’t need you and if I can’t kill you I will kill myself and I will therefore never have to hear your god forsaken voice in my head ever again!!

I can taste your tears and smell your fears so shut up and take the back seat it’s my turn to run the gears.

Sorry to hear about the death of your friend, although it was two years ago, it must be hard for you every Christmas.

I liked this piece. Abstract and very heartfelt. It sounds as though you took the journey with him.

Some of the lines are very deep, which I like. You have to think about what they truly mean.

Were you there through all of it?

Thanks,
Blend57

reply to post by blend57


Yes, we were best friends from kindergarten on up. It started with headache, amnesia, time loss, trances, and "out of body experiences." Some people with dissociative disorders have a tendency toward self-persecution, self-sabotage, and even violence (both self-inflicted and outwardly directed) He started just spacing out when we were about 12. I kind of started researching it a lot when we got to high school. He ended up being home schooled because people just didn't understand what he was going through. The doctors told his mom and dad that it usually happens from trauma. Sexually, emotionally, physically, induced trauma. The problem with that was that he had never been around any form of trauma. We were perfectly normal kids at the time. I stuck with him through thick and thin. I left for the army when I was 18, but stayed in contact. When I got out he was drastically worse and by then in a home. I visited him constantly. It was sad seeing somebody that was so intelligent lose all of who he was. When he "switched" he became somebody that was insecure and sad and hostile as well as the mind set of a 12 year old. He killed him self in the state home he stayed in.

reply to post by VoidWalker


That was deep and emotional.. I couldn't imagine the hurt you and your friend went through.

In my eyes, you don't have to be a professional writer to be able to express yourself. You did so and it really is full of emotion and it's good cause it feels like a raw emotion.

I know it's hard... And I wish you peace ~~>>

-nat

reply to post by natalia


Thanks Nat I appreciate it.

reply to post by VoidWalker


That is so sad, but I'm sure he was appreciative of you being there for him. Sometimes all we can do is offer support and it sounds like you were very supportive.

Hats off to you my friend, most people would have disassociated themselves once it became apparent that there was something wrong, especially as it happened at such a young age in his/your life.

Thanks,
Blend57