Members with kids..can I ask you something?

If you could offer advice I would greatly appreciate it

I have a 7 year old daughter that has an extreme reaction to people vomiting. Here are some things that happen to her when she witnesses anyone vomiting, gagging, or even pretending to gag. (on tv, in public, at home)

Turns white as ghost
Hands get ice cold and the tips of her fingers turn purple-ish
She cries (hard crying)
I have even seen her wail out in fear trying to hide behind me or away from the scene

Okay..with that said..she started 2nd grade two weeks ago. Everything seemed to be working out perfectly, she got the teacher she wanted and excited about starting..then, when I picked her up that first day...I KNEW something was wrong right away. She looked white and she was so cold..I took her home and she told me that there was a boy that puked in her class..I said well, no biggy..he probably has flu or ate something wrong and won't be there the next day..BUT.......this isn't the case. Come to find out this kid has this disorder that makes him vomit after he eats and after running around too much. I found out that this kid vomits everyday and has done this for the past 3 years at school. The teacher has put him by the door to the class with a bucket...I guess when he feels like vomiting he exits the room and does it right outside the door...(he can't make it to the bathroom).

So I have my daughter with a puking phobia stuck in a room everyday until May with a kid that pukes EVERYDAY. What do I do? She cries and begs not to go in there everyday..it's so hard seeing her so sad. They have her talk to the school psychologist..but this has only helped during the first few days. The teacher isn't thrilled about the puking either...she is very nice and seems to understand the phobia, she has moved my daughter away from this kid and the door..but again this seemed to work one day and not the next.

Listen..I'm a very compassionate person and I really feel so sorry for the kid..I can't imagine what he's going through..but I still have to deal with my daughters sadness..and worry. I am fearful that she isn't going to have a productive year..because she is constantly worrying about when the kid is going to puke..trying to prepare her mind for it..we have told her to try to understand and be compassionate too..but again, I feel like this is getting ridiculous. I have talked to the principal (she shrugged it off)..the teacher and they psychologist were very nice..but their solution is to try to make the situation more comfortable for her..by moving her desk and having her eat separately from her class..(he sometimes vomits in the lunchroom)..which I DO NOT agree with..I DO NOT want special treatment and private eating facilities I want her to be with her classmates.

I am already at my wits end on this situation---what would you do? It's really hard seeing her sad..but a part of me just wishes she would get passed this. I have told her that she has to try to ignore it..focus on something in the room while he in the hall gagging. I have tried the compassionate plea..and talked to all involved at school. Nothing is getting done..and to be honest I don't know WHAT can be done----any advice?

Poor girl. This must be very hard on her.
Is there more than one 2nd grade class? Can they move her to the other one?
If worse comes to worse, is there another elementary near you?

If there is more than one classroom for that grade, you can ask for one of the children to be reassigned. It's just a thought. Also - Someone needs to tell the puking kid not to run around .. it's not good for the kid. Get some control on the kids' physical activities.

reply to post by FlyersFan


I agree..about the lessened activity..I mean it's been nearing 100F everyday here..they eat lunch and then go running around for 35 min out on the playground. He should be in the air cond gym doing stretches or something with little activity.

I get the feeling that they are 'afraid' to handle the situation with this kid..I mean technically..I guess he could claim handicap. Which he shouldn't because he has no other issues..he isn't physically diminished in any other way..other than the puking. I have been told that he has had several surgeries to try to correct the stomach..he cannot digest food. He is on some special juices/drinks for nutrition.

There are 3 other 2nd grade classrooms..but they have made no mention of moving her. I did ask them if this was an option and they said they want her to stay in the room and try to work through her issues..Should I push them to move her? I hate it though because she really connects to this teacher..and there is still the lunchroom vomiting that wouldn't be dealt with. They separate her instead of separating the boy that pukes..I feel like the classroom is one thing..but really does anyone want to see puking while eating lunch???

I think I'm going to have to have my husband talk to them..I am just too emotional and can't have rational conversations over my crying..I tried to be strong talking to the teachers/psychologist/principal but end breaking down in mess..I need outside intervention..

Wow, so odd that these two conditions are both present in the same classroom. What a horrible coincidence.

I agree with the above suggestions, but it sure seems like the boy has a condition that could benefit from medical treatment. Maybe the school nurse could have a chat with his parents?

edit: Ah, didn't see your most recent post until after I commented. Sounds like the boys is already getting treatment. Doesn't seem to be working, however.

reply to post by Neopan100


This honestly sounds like the perfect way for her to conquer her fear of puking. It reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me about his cousin. He was very afraid of dogs. Nobody really knows why, as far as they know, he was never bitten. He was just very afraid. Well, one time he had to stay at my friends house for a week while his parents were away. They had three dogs. So, rather than coddle him and keep the dogs away from him, they showed him that he doesn't have to be afraid of the lil'doggies. It took him maybe 3 days to warm up to them fully, and after that, he hasn't been afraid. At least not like he was. He's still cautious, but everyone should be around dogs they don't know.

Point being, maybe this is life's way of helping her get through this fast, at an early age, rather than letting it control her for her entire life. Life's funny that way. I say, don't switch her class, just talk to her about letting her fear go, and see how she handles it in the long run. You never know, by May, the phobia may be completely gone. If she allows it complete control to the point where she lets it affect her grades, you may need to seek help for her. But don't allow her to let this fear control her. Help her come to terms with it, and rid herself of it. That will be better for her in the long run.

reply to post by Necrobile


see..90 percent of me feels the same way..I feel like maybe this is the test for her to move past this..but there is a small part of me that wonders if it is doing more psychological damage or damage to her education..

I am not for sure how this came about..luckily I have had two very healthy girls that are rarely sick with anything..so, it's not like we are over here in our home dealing with flu every other week. The only thing I can think of is that one time while out shopping..this lady just fell over passed out and while on the way down she cut her head and blood was coming out and she started foaming at the mouth and choking. The employees rushed to her and emergency personnel were there in a jiff..even though we were standing right next to her when this happened I took the kids to the back of the store until the whole event was over and we left. Maybe something happened in her head..that caused this to be a phobia...I don't really know..we have never been around sick people..so I just don't understand this phobia.

reply to post by Neopan100


Working through her "issues" is the same as telling the boy not to puke and to work out his "issues". She can't help the way she feels anymore then he can stop vomiting.

Do they fill a class with spiders for kids that have arachnophobia?

My daughter starts Grade 2 this year and I would insist that they move her if that was an option.

Originally posted by Neopan100
There are 3 other 2nd grade classrooms..but they have made no mention of moving her. I did ask them if this was an option and they said they want her to stay in the room and try to work through her issues..Should I push them to move her?

If it were my kid ... I'd move her immediately. No use torturing her. She can't work through her 'issues' at this age any more than that other kid can stop puking. It's a part of them for now. That's just how they are. And if she's constantly distracted because of her issue with the puking kid, she's going to have a lousy year at school. Move her now while the year is early - IMHO. And don't let the school people bully you. It's your child. Put your foot down.

That's my opinion for what it's worth.

When I was in fourth grade I had a thing that if I saw blood I'd puke. Reading class had me sitting across from a girl who had frequent bloody noses. No one made me sit there all year to try to get over my sensitivity to blood. It was good for everyone that I moved. The other girl didn't feel bad about her bloody noses and about making me sick ... and I was able to concentrate in class and not throw up ... the whole class operated much smoother.

When I got older that went away ... older like by 8th grade. But in 4th, it just wasn't going to happen. You can't force these things. They naturally work themselves out sometimes.

Originally posted by AnonymousCitizen
it sure seems like the boy has a condition that could benefit from medical treatment.

Yeah ... i'd be wanting to get that kiddo checked out by the doctor if I was his parent.
Constantly puking takes vitamins out of the body. It's hard on the stomach and the throat.
All that acid can cause cancer eventually .... It's a serious thing.

reply to post by FlyersFan


I think I'm going to have my husband go up there and talk to them. Like I said the principal doesn't really have the most wonderful disposition..and I feel so emotional while trying to plead my case for moving her. This morning was so horrible. Parents aren't allowed in the building the students are in..and I have to drop her at the door. She was begging and hanging on to my waist so tight..saying "ma'ma..please don't make me go..please..please take me home..I don't want to be in the room with Ryan" I feel like breaking down I have been so upset all morning wondering what exactly to do about all of this.

Originally posted by Neopan100
and I feel so emotional while trying to plead my case for moving her.

You shouldn't have to plead. You should be able to demand ...

** this is why I'm glad we homeschooled for a long while ....

reply to post by FlyersFan


The teacher told me that he doesn't digest food correctly and the food comes up after eating. They have (doctors) trying different foods, special drinks/mixes/juices. He cannot eat solid food and has several severe allergies. He just had his salivary glands removed or so they have been told. She told me he has had a surgery to repair the flap? between his stomach and esophagus.

I can totally sympathise with your daughter, and with the boy who has the reflux disorder.

I cannot stand to see or hear anybody vomit, coughing with a really chesty phlegmy cough (especially after I've eaten),even a graphic story retold of somebody vomiting makes me feel off. And I'm 40. I thought I'd grow out of it, but you don't.

Throughout my childhood I could never eat with anyone at school without fear of being sick. Whenever I went anywhere with my parents, they had to find a table near the toilets......just incase.

Still to this day I try to avoid eating out, preferring to get takeaway, rather than eating in anywhere. If I do eat out, I only eat smaller portions to avoid the full feeling. I'm okay with my family, which has taught me over the years that it is all in mind.

I can't stand eating at the same table as very young children, purely due to the mess they make.

But as for the vomiting issue that your daughter has to endure with the boy at her school, if she feels the same way I do, unfortunately she will have the issue regardless of what you do.

I could barely put up with it with my kids when they were babies.

She will grow out of it to a certain extent, but the problem will remain with her. She will control it to a certain degree as she gets older, but the problem will always remain.

It sounds like a cop out, but I would try and get her removed from the class. I certainly would not have been able to learn in a class with the fear of somebody vomiting in the back of my mind everyday.

But having said that, I have never tried hypnosis therapy. It was never available to me when I was younger, it might be worth a try.

can you get a note from your childs dr explaining the severity of her reaction and that she should be moved to another class? I can't believe the school just didn't put her in another class. you an/or hubby should insist and if they still say no, then go above them if you have to.

good luck, hope you get this resolved soon!

I looked up cold hands and purple fingertips, that is an extreme reaction to stress (when not do to cold or underlying disease)

hypnotherapy can work really well. My grown daughter had a food allergy to something common, in everything. we finally went the hypnosis route, they talk to you and the child and get the history. We had 2 or 3 sessions, the last session was recorded to take home and listen to everynight for 2 weeks, the difference was amazing!

not everyone can be hypnotized, though..

have you gone to youtube and pulled up binaural beats, there is one for stress, you have to listen with stereo headphones,our brainwaves are different when we are stressed then when we are relaxed you hear nice music over the binaural beats and the beats are slightly different in each ear, when you listen, it automatically sets your brainwaves, in this case to relax.

can you have her do some deep breathing at home? when someone is stressed they become really shallow breathers, do deep breaths where the belly stick out on the inhale and squeeze in on the exhale, we get stuck in the stress mode and deep breathing helps to stop the cycle, might ttake a little time.

hang in there and insist that you daughter be moved to the other class.....

you know, schools are paid by the students attendance, so if you tell them that and that she will not go to school until they put her in another class, , they will make the move because they don't want to lose the money

had a hard time getting back into this thread, kept timing out.

the smell of lavendar is relaxing as well, in her bedroom, in the car on the way to school just thinking of simple things you can do ,in the meantime, while you get this straightened out with the school

reply to post by Neopan100


I'd be really careful with diagnosing this as a simple phobia. Some people just have more delicate stomachs and sensitivities. When someone vomits, there's generally a very pungent odor of puke involved that can trigger off a vomit response in others, In some, even the combination of sound, sight and smell is enough to trigger off an issue. My daughter has a sometimes bad habit of eating too much candy which generally means that she'll come walking up to me with a white face, is cold and clammy, and reporting that she just threw up. Your daughter's symptoms are identical in that respect to true nausea. Relegating it to a psychological issue like a phobia, denies her actual physical response and the fact that she has eyes, ears, and a sensitive nose. I say this from experience as I'm somebody who is likely to vomit if somebody else does. I know what triggers it off in me and odds are, she's not going to get past it. I'm in my mid 40's and I still retch violently at the smell of puke.

I think the school's response is actually pretty terrible. Subjecting the entire lunchroom or classroom to this boy's current inability to control his own behavior through avoiding overeating or being too active is absolute b.s. They have essentially taken this one boy's problem and turned it into your daughter having a problem. He should be the one that is separated from the rest of the cafeteria at lunchtime because I guarantee that even those kids that aren't vomiting along with him are most likely losing their appetites. And, considering that her education is undoubtedly being impacted, it is the school's job to make sure that the learning environment within their classrooms is not disruptive for all of their students--not just the one little boy with a problem.

Request that she be moved to another classroom. Period. As much as your daughter likes her current teacher, she's 7 years old. She will have many teachers and she is still at the beginning of her education. If she develops an aversion to school because of all this, then it could impact her education permanently. Be her advocate. That's your job as a parent. Making it out to her having a psychological issue is not cool. Don't you think it and don't let them say that. You have to be tough. It's your damn daughter and at the end of the day, you are the only one who is really looking out for her.

well said white alice,,,we are our childrens advocate....I was really shy, but had to get over it because I had to take care of my children, specially the medical stuff, I knew I had to stand up for them cause no one else was going to do it!!!

It's a tough job for sure being a parent. ````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Talk to the principle and explain. If that doesn't do it, get a doctors order (anxiety is an illness). Should be pretty simple.

Your kid gets anxiety. Its alright. She doesn't need to learn to "get over it". Its just part of her being her.

reply to post by WhiteAlice


FWIW, i used to react similarly to vomit. Then I spent a few days working in a drunk tank at a homeless shelter in Ft. Worth (part of a youth group ministry project). Got over my issues quick/fast/in a hurry.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Masochist. I learned to steel myself to an extent but my nose is just so sensitive that even the smell of something rotting can still cause a retch fest. In fact, somebody didn't take the trash out fast enough here just a couple days ago and guess who vomited?