Alien Jesus and what I think had happened

So I had read this story about Roswell New Mexico way back in 1947 and there had been a UFO that had crashed in the woods! They had said that it was a UFO but then had said it was a weather balloon and I think I know why! They had discovered who was piloting the space ship! JESUS!

This is what I believe had happened! Jesus had disappeared 3 days when he was supposed to be going into to hell to pick up his homies. But then he had got lost and ended up on Mars and was like "dude it's red this has to be the right place" and the martians were like "we don't take kindly to yer kind round here" and Jesus was like "I aint playin whichu" and then martian baby momma of gangster martian was like "uh uh boo boo" and had smacked Jesus with her martian hand bag and a magnum xl condom had popped out and Jesus was like "YOU A SINNER HO" and pimped smacked the martian boo boo.

So then Jesus was like "oh snap, five o!" and runs and steals a space ship. Jesus pushing buttons trying to make it take off and then there is a knock on the door. Jesus like "who dere?" and all he heard was "ORRRRRLLL" (is sounded like a Chubaca). Jesus was like "Chubaca that you homey?) and Chubaca was like "yea man let me in bro is cold out here ARRRRLRLLLLLOOOF" so Jesus had opened the door and Chubaca said "like dis" and pushed the button and space ship TOOK OFF!

Now this is back in 0 AD because Jesus had just died and was supposed to be in hell trying to find his homies. Satan was like "where is that dude" (he had a tea party set up with milk and cookies and it was all going to waste!). But Jesus didn't care. Uh uh boo boo! Jesus and chubaca are in the space ship but nobody knows how to fly it so they hit the "press this to go to 1947" button by mistake and ZOOOOOOM FLY land into a tree!

The police is like that's Jesus! And Chubaca was like "you on yer own" and runs out the door. This is why we have a bigfoot now and the Government is secretly holding Jesus in Area 51. But then the Jews are like "okay bro we had messed up" and Jesus was like "duh!" and the Jews were like "okay we will let you back to your time if you just let us have the holy land" and Jesus was like "gurl you cray cray" and the Jews were like "not back then silly! now" and Jesus was like "okay, but just build a weather balloon in my name" (because Jesus likes weather balloons). And that's how Israel was formed.

So Jesus goes through the TSA to get back to his spaceship where they had found a cup. TSA employee was like "DER WAT DIS" and Jesus was like "is how I make whine to water" and TSA employee was like "WAT ID WHINE DERP" and Jesus was like "sigh". So Jesus goes back to his time and walks out the tomb and everyone like "ey bro you supposed to be dead" and Jesus was like *men in black sunglasses* "UH UH BOO BOO"!

***FLASH***

And that's why the bible is so confusing.

Your actually not so far from the truth:

www.phoenixsourcedistributors.com...

reply to post by Bacardi

This is what I believe had happened! Jesus had disappeared 3 days when he was supposed to be going into to hell to pick up his homies

A picture paints a thousand words .

reply to post by gortex


Do you think he had discovered Captain Kirk?

Interesting theory.

Come on man....If you're going to take the time to present something to us in these forums, at least have something that can be taken as an intelligent theory, not just a bunch of random nonsense that probably came from a long night of drinking and boredom.




...I see this thread has already been moved to the joke forum...where it belongs.

reply to post by isyeye


This is a true story that I think had happened! Who moved this to joking forum?!

This is crap! I am being silenced for having an opinion!

Very clever thread! Subliminal even!

Your putting a whole lot of amusing rubbish just to implant the knowledge that Jesus is an alien. Clever.

Unfortunately for you, you are wrong. Jesus is in fact a hybrid! So if you still have time make a big edit otherwise try a new thread while this one hides away in the Joke section.

P

reply to post by pheonix358


I have made a thread demanding that I not be treated like the Rosa Parks:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Explanation: S&F!

Uhmmm?

It happened more like this ...

Jeus was crucified and spent 3 days 'HIDDEN' in his tomb and also spent 3 days in Hell preaching to lost souls ... in the 20th Century!

He did go to hell ... that was 1947 USA Roswell [yes he did sorta get lost at Mars along the way ... he is colour blind you know something about treating all sinners the same ] ... and he collided with a Zeta Reticulan Gray alien spacecraft that was monitoring a USAF Mogul Balloon and all 3 crashed into each other!

All 3 crashed and all 3 were recovered!

The USAF was like ...

OMFG! Jesus Christ! OUR MOGUL BALLOON! Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

And then they were like ...

OMFG! Jesus Christ! ALIENS! Whoaaaaah!

And finally there were like ...

OMFG! Jesus Christ! It's Jesus Christ!

Then it played out exactly as you detailed!

Personal Disclosure: BTW ... The chupacubra was a lie!

Bigfoot BVM told me so!

It was really Jesus's cat ... who he calls Satan!

Sorry to haarp on about that ^^^ but once you have the facts you must then distort them as you please ... Phages signature tells me so! :w:

reply to post by OmegaLogos


Woah.

It's all clear to me now.

reply to post by Bacardi


Explanation: St*rred!

That is AWESOME!

But for clarities sake I must ask you ... which part of the EMF spectrum became transparent for you?



Personal Disclosure:

reply to post by OmegaLogos


Explanation: drunk

Well Mildred, I would have to say the IR spectrum (er..?) as there is clearly left over residue... faded light from when Jesus had entered the atmosphere while obviously cooking a hot pocket (pepperoni and cheese flavored, non horse meat edition). Thus, based on my highly accredited high school drop out education, I must say:

This is why I wear my sunglass at night. Got spare change for the bus?

reply to post by Bacardi


You're on the wrong path with the whole "Jesus was an Alien".

He clearly was a banker Zombie. Who else rises from death after three days and is always going around saving?

Oh and he lives in prison now. Everyone I've ever known to go to prison found him there.

reply to post by TheLieWeLive


Woah. He might be a vampire! They did try to stab him in the heart with a wooden stick!

Interesting theory. Do you think on the next Walking Dead Jesus will be a walker?

reply to post by Bacardi


Explanation: St*rred!

Yes ... its a MIRACLE BY GOD!

But since I don't know what currency you require ... you will have to take your pick ok!







Personal Disclosure: Can I get a reciept please?

reply to post by OmegaLogos

reply to post by Bacardi


Explanation: St*rred!

Thanks very much!

Personal Disclosure: But what did you meen by writting this in invisible ink on the backside?



Because my decoder ring can't make heads or tails of it!

reply to post by Bacardi


your drunk again, aren't you?

reply to post by Turkenstein


shhh! stop exposing my secrets!

reply to post by Bacardi


LOL.. your alright