Turning over a new leaf

Seems like such a cliché but it’s very fitting.

Not all Short Stories are fictitious….

I’d like to share with you here today a glimpse into my journey of self-discovery. No, Not too many private personal details will be revealed. Suffice it to say things have been on the move in my life. Not all have been in the positive but I’ve been trying to gain a better understanding of self while engaging life on life’s terms.

I’ll be losing a close friend and former Girlfriend [who I was considering marrying once upon a time] to Cancer and even though the romantic aspect has been over between us now for a few years it still hurts to see someone who you still care deeply for suffering and to helplessly stand by not being able to do anything other than to sit here offering comfort while patiently listening to them as they share feelings, thoughts and emotions.

You see, talking to somebody who is facing the end of their life while they share the [should of’s, could of’s and would of’s] then quietly watching as they come to the conclusion that their life played out exactly as it was always meant to be. I think many of us to a certain degree and extent have regrets. I know I do and I’ll assume many of you reading this do too. I'm finding myself more and more in these recent days trying to learn from the lessons life has been trying to teach me over these past few decades.

I guess, sitting here with somebody who has been doing a life’s inventory and sharing their feelings, emotions, thoughts and desires have made me realize, finally, just how precious and special each of us truly are, each of us with our own story to tell. I’ve seen people die before under some of the most extreme and horrible of circumstances but this is somehow different.

Maybe it’s different because I’ve purposely put my life on pause to spend intimate emotional personal time with her. I see in her eyes the tiredness and desire for others happiness. It’s like seeing a whole life’s story in just a glimpse of her eye knowing full well this person will no longer be among the living and will soon go on to whatever else is really beyond this realm. I do feel there is something beyond this thing we exist in called life/reality. Too many reasons why I feel this way to go into at the moment.

Honestly, I, up till recently would have just grinned and beared it alone but the current situation have been coupled with a closely timed event and or loss. You see, recently, due to my own short sightedness, negligence and callous mentality and behaviors have caused the loss of a close confidant, lover and friend all in the same gal.

Surprisingly enough, hers were the words of comfort and wisdom which initially had helped me get through and recover from the pain of the break up with the very person I’m now sitting next to writing this. Now, earlier today, this one here dying has been comforting me over the recent loss of that very same former confidant, lover and friend.

Strange how life works sometimes.

She is sleeping comfortably now.

Today was a good day.

reply to post by SLAYER69


I feel for you, Slayer, and I'm sure (for reasons that I don't think I can make clear to others in a simple post) that death is not the end.

I know that it isn't very "politically correct" to mention this at such a time of loss, but I pray that your friend has found their peace with God.

"It is no fool who gives up what they cannot keep, to gain what they cannot loose".

Anyway, I would wish for a miraculous recovery or a miraculous passing to the next stage, whatever happens, my thoughts are with you and your friend.

A week ago, a neighbor came banging on my door, and when I opened it, she collapsed. Before the paramedics could arrive, she turned blue. Her heart stopped beating. Then, her brain died. So, she was taken to the hospital, and was "put on ice." A few days later, they got a heart rhythm, and brain activity...

I never held a person before in my arms, that I thought had died.

Lesson learned, there is always hope.

Before the heart rhythm and brain activity showed up for her, the family was fighting about whether or not to pull the plug.

I have taken the donor clause off of my drivers license because of this.

Never give up hope.

reply to post by SLAYER69


Thank you for sharing your story slayer.

My heart goes out to you.

I'm sitting here now thinking of my life.

My friend makes shirts that have the letters 'YOLO' ( you only live once)

This resonated in my heart today, your story resonates as well my friend.

Peace and love to you
-nat the blue cat-

reply to post by natalia


Hey, thanks for sharing as well. I like that YOLO, it is an awesome acronym for life. Just remember while you only live life, perhaps once, it should not be without respect for others in the same category.

With age comes wisdom And regrets,all life's lessons.People should practice self introspection more.I often wonder I somehow have out-lived many I've known, living even more dangerously.One of my major complaints is that we haven't been able to best this horrible disease.Sorry about your friend SLAYER,I'm sure that you both deserve better...

reply to post by SLAYER69

Slayer,
I imagine you'll stick it out with her until she beats the cancer or moves along. So despite having cancer she seems to have luck on her side. That's pretty bitchen what you're doing for her Slayer. You keep her spirits up and I'll pray for her but I need a First name. All the time that you spend with her, when all her other family and friends can't be there ? You are saving her life, every time you are there and notice that, if you weren't there ? She would be alone and scared. Keep those negatives to a minimim and pour as much damned organic carrot juice down her as she can handle. 8- 8 oz.glasses. Use a magic bullet to make the juice. If she turns orange that's a good sign she's
in taking enough carrot juice and it will build up her immune system as much as possible

reply to post by SLAYER69



This post moved me on a personal level in more way's than I can convey.....

I am very fortunate and very proud to be the mother of a very brave, bright and beautiful soul who is my 11 year old daughter. My story is different to your's so I am not trying to make the same comparison....
She was diagnosed with cancer the same week she turned 7 years of age and she had to endure two and a half year's of chemo. For the first twelve months her future was much more uncertain and she had to face feelings and thoughts about her own mortality in a way that children shouldn't have to.

The amount of insight into life and the reason's she was here and what her life meant and the personal discoveries she made at such a young age completely blew me out of the water! What I witnessed changed me for ever! and it set me down my own path of discovery. I never placed any burden on her regarding my own feelings and fear's..but somehow she often time's managed to say the right thing at the right time and ended up comforting ME.

She still has lot's of issues and problems as a result of her cancer treatment..but she remain's in remission! So that's where the similarities end....but some of what you shared struck a chord with me.

I don't know you or the lady in question....but please believe that when I say my heart goes out to you both that they are not just a bunch of hollow word's....

It come's across that she is a very beautiful person....and that for some reason life threw you both together to share in this experience with one another. Can I say she sounds lucky to have you there with her at this point in her life...and I hope you also have the support you may need at some point....

(((hugs)))

Ironic isnt it, Brother ?

Thoughts and prayers for all those going through this.
It does warm my heart to know that even with a dire situation, Love stands true.

S&F

reply to post by SLAYER69


Turning over a new leaf


I've rolled with you here since '08, and seen changes both in regards to your views on the world, as well as your character.


As the cliche' goes: Like wine, you getter with age...it fits you well.





Thanks for sharing chief.

reply to post by SLAYER69


Sad to say but I have been in the exact same position, watching someone you love fade away while you stand screaming at the world at the injustice of it all, knowing you can't do anything except be there until the bitter end. Reading your account is like a window into the past my friend.

In the end I couldn't do anything to save the love of my life, except fulfill her last request. To this day, her death is something that brings me to tears no matter how happy I am in life, even knowing her daughter didn't slip through the cracks of the system. All you can do is go on my friend. Life certainly has a sick sense of humour sometimes.

S&F'd your story, and of course if you need an extra ear, my inbox is always open.

reply to post by SLAYER69


Slayer, just try and be a comfort to her until the end,
I will keep you both in my prayers.

reply to post by SLAYER69


There can be a certain nobility in death, an acceptance that none of us can realize until we experience it ourselves.

There are many ways that all of us can "rage against the dying of the light".

Your friend is taking a noble path, my friend.

Best thoughts to you both.

Semper Fi and God bless

May faith, hope, and love see you thru the day and give you the power to confront what tomorrow might bring.



Peace

Dying is hard.

Watching someone die is harder.

It's harder because you have that choice - you can always walk away and not watch, but you KNOW, if you do, that you're not going to like you for a long time to come. The dying don't have to make that choice. it comes, and there's no avoiding it or walking away from it.

It's in the choosing where the difficulty lies, forcing yourself, for their sake - knowing that either way you're going to be eaten - when you have an alternative option.

Keep on making the right choice.

You'll like you a lot better in the end.

reply to post by SLAYER69

Now, earlier today, this one here dying has been comforting me over the recent loss of that very same former confidant, lover and friend.

I would think that giving her that opportunity to comfort you is helping her too.
It seems you got this opportunity to do it right this time.
Life is interesting that way.

May you continue to sooth her with your strengths/peace of mind and care SLAYER69. 1 can tell from the op the compassion you have for your friend and do hope you can continue to be strong for her no matter the outcome and don’t feel strange if something in you wants you to or urges you to send her your vibes or caring compassion energies or prayers even. 1 knows it gets hard seeing those we care for in uncomfortable positions and situations like she is in, but if we are to be there for their strength/support pool, we must not allow them to see how much we my be pondering how much pain they are in or even missing them no matter how hard it is. I wish you the best with remaining strong for her and her family and if there is anyway 1 can help with feel free to send a message.

Take care friend

NAMASTE*******

reply to post by SLAYER69


Your in my heart today John
She's a very strong spirit it seems, one that won't need any guidance in the next journey
The above may sound daft to some, but I'm so convinced of the afterlife I almost know there's more ahead for us.
Death is not the end, its the begining.

Gez

reply to post by SLAYER69

SLAYER, I feel your pain, I truly do. I have done the sitting/waiting scenario twice relevant to my husband. He had his first heart by-pass at age 39...it was touch and go for a while. His second by-pass did not go well. He died and they bought him back with those heart paddles but he went into a coma. Every day, for 3 months, I sat by his side for 16 hrs. or more. He had gotten one of those hospital infections.

One day, 2 crows/ravens, sat all day on the ledge of his window. I remembered how native Americans believe in animal totems and such and asked these creatures for healing help..and God too, of course. The next morning, I asked hubby "How are you" He opened his eyes and said, "Still breathing". They say you should talk to folks, when in coma...may be something to it. Anyhow, after many months of rehab physical therapy, he recovered. I rejoiced!

Now, some years later, I find myself doing the "waiting" thing again. He has bladder cancer and is not receiving treatment, by choice. So now, I wait, and hope and pray and think of the good days we have had together. Memories will sustain me, hopefully, when the time comes. I am with you SLAYER...I Know...I really do know and understand and am sending loving angels to abide by you. Blessings and hugs. ^j^

reply to post by SLAYER69


My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend today, John.

Lord, I pray to you on behalf of all who are dying. May they know the comfort of your presence, the power of your love to give life even in the face of death, and the hope of your salvation. May they be blessed with the presence of family and friends to banish their loneliness and fears, the love of those who care for them to ease their pain, and the hope of always being remembered by those who they have loved. All this I ask through the one who died for us that we might live, Jesus Christ, our Savior.

Amen.

Semper Fi, brother