Are you proud of the person you have been?

Hello everyone!
After reading nearly all the threads about this Friday (Dec. 21, 2012)....and seeing so many different beliefs and predictions....I would like to take a slightly different approach, and ask each of you one question.
No matter what happens (or doesn't) on Friday....are YOU proud of the person you have been....in this life?
We all know that we will die one day, and usually don't dwell on it too much as we go about our daily routines. But occasionally something happens that causes us to ponder our own mortality (death of someone close, near-miss accident, etc.) and this date is one of them.
Some people are prepping for Armageddon....others for Ascension....and the naysayers are doing nothing out of their normal routine. Perhaps you can never really prepare for your own demise, but does being "at peace" with yourself make it easier?
If you found out for sure that the end was near, could you accept it knowing that you were a good person? Have you given more love than you've taken? Have you helped when you were needed....have you used your power for good?
Without "trying to ascend" or "go to Heaven"....or merely to avoid "going to Hell"....what I mean is....not for selfish reasons, have you done your best to be a good person?
jacygirl

Not everyone is going to be as hard on themselves. I think I was born a naturally good person, and for the most part, my heart has been bigger than average. I could have done better, and I would if I could go back in time. I have slowly allowed myself to become angry and bitter over the years, and it has taken the innocent and good version of me and made it into something I don't like. But I can hardly change it now. Not in a few days. But I can take comfort in the fact that I'm no murderer or rapist, and the worst thing I've ever done in my life, as far as I know, is punch a guy in the face for beating up his girlfriend. And even still, I felt bad for it. Well, I've done other bad things, I would take them back if I could. But I can't.

Im disgusted with what humans have become and I'm not proud that I'm not strong enough to figure out how to fix it. Honestly no human in the last 200 years deserves heaven.

reply to post by jacygirl


That's a good question that makes one ponder. My answer is yes, I think I've been a good person so far in life. I've never been in trouble with the law, I took care of my mom who had breast cancer when I was only 6 years old and dad left us cause she was dead to him already (she survived). =)
I've done a lot to help people in need. So in general, I am proud of my self, and I believe in doing what's right.
Take care. =)

reply to post by MrUncreated


MrUncreated.....hello, I've read a lot of your posts on ATS, and I can tell that you have a very large heart, and that the state of this world is hurting you (as much as it hurts me).
Thank you for replying (this is my very first thread)....I appreciate you taking the time!
jacygirl

reply to post by marbles87


What about Mother Teresa???

This intraspection has been keeping me busy for the last few months.. And no.. I have nothing to be proud of.. I lied and let down the people I love the most and am now suffering because of it.. Change always comes too late it seems..

reply to post by Todzer


A heaven of a handful of people.... How humbling.

Geez....Speaking of humbled...I am humbled and thankful to all your responses...(sorry, for not naming you all personally)!
I have been thinking about this a lot too lately, and I believe I have truly tried my best to be good to everyone that's crossed my path. I've been hurt by every relationship that I've ever had (partners, friends, parents, etc.)...and at this point I find myself......sad.
Really interesting how we see ourselves....thanks again!
jacygirl

reply to post by EvanB


It takes a real human being to admit their faults. I commend you. Stay strong EvanB my friend. =)
No matter what life throws at you, just do your best, that's all you can do right?

reply to post by jacygirl


Great topic OP! S+F!!!

I am 23 currently and looking at my past I would have to say it has gone through three phases:

Phase 1 (Ages 0-16): Mainly proud of who I was and I definitely was more good than bad.

Phase 2 (Ages 17-21): If life was ending during that phase I would not be proud looking at myself. Those years were filled with addiction, lies, and hate. I was definitely a lot more bad than good and I am ashamed at times looking back at those years of my life.

Phase 3 (Ages 22 - PRESENT): After everything I have been through I am extremely proud of the person I have become to be. I have turned my life around and attempt to do good every chance I can get. In the matter of a year I have made drastically positive changes to my life and I am a lot more happy and at peace with the past, present, and future than I ever thought I would be.

IN CONCLUSION: Looking back there are is a fair amount of things I am proud of and a fair amount of things I ashamed of. However, I think this would be the answer for most people if they were truly being honest with themselves. (Not saying the people who have answered so far have not, just a generalization here) I am most proud that I have been able to learn from my worst moments and build from them becoming a better person along the way. It is all about the journey, in my opinon. Even though it has been filled with negative moments, I would not change a thing as it made me into the person I am today. I truly feel everything happens for a reason. Thus, if Friday was truly the end of all I would be at peace with what has happened in my life and what I have done. Honestly, I do think being at peace with myself does make the end easier to deal with. However, I will not know for sure until I am in that exact moment.

Once again, thank you for bringing up an excellent topic OP!

i am happy,
i have tryed to live my life with one motto,
love one another unconditionally
love sets you free, once free try to teach others of the power of love.

unconditional love is the most powerful energy i have found,
and i study high energy physics

xploder

reply to post by marbles87


But it just shows that there still is good out there, no matter what has or will happen, there is still good in people To the OP, I haven't always been an angel but the older I am getting the more compassion and understanding I get, if I could go back and do it all again with the mind I have now I would but alas it cannot be.... So I am resigned to be the best I can be from now on

reply to post by jacygirl


No, I'm not proud of the person I was; a drunken, drugie, cheat, thief, manipulating SOB.

But I saw the error of my ways and changed and I pray for forgiveness. The power of LOVE is extraordinary.

reply to post by jacygirl


I believe that everyone believes they are a good person who can/will make mistakes. Most people can rationalize even immoral acts as justified. I do think I strive each day to be a better person and to help those others in the world. I feel bad for those who have such a negative outlook on life.. life is a gift. Use it wisely.

Slash: You should be proud of yourself...what a harsh thing to deal with at such a young age! I also had the responsibility of caring for my mother, and I grew up feeling responsible for everyones' well-being throughout my life.

EvanB: I'm sorry that you're hurting. Perhaps you're being overly hard on yourself....? It's like Oprah is always quoting (Maya Angelou I believe)...You did what you knew....and when you knew better....you did better"...meaning that it's never too late to be the person you want to be!

the UNKNOWN awaits: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you don't hold it against yourself for your earliers days/ways. It's easy to go into self-hate mode, but it is possible to change and turn things around. Congrats on being "at peace" with yourself now!

xploder: I agree....unconditional love is possible....and is a most powerful energy!

Todzer: Oh, if only we could go back...knowing what we know now! Yes...moving forward now and being who you want to be....it's never too late.

olaru 12: Maybe the person you used to be didn't have a whole lot of options at the time? I'm glad you found love....it can be so very healing.

jacygirl

Hmm... this thread is pretty much what I've been personally thinking about all day. Today is the first anniversary of my fathers death and the idea of my personal worthiness and goodness has been plaguing me.To answer your question though- Nope, not by a long shot. I've done too much to myself and others to ever be at peace with myself. I've kind of given up on the idea of salvation, I'll just accept what I'm given and be thankful that its not worse.

Originally posted by jacygirl
the UNKNOWN awaits: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you don't hold it against yourself for your earliers days/ways. It's easy to go into self-hate mode, but it is possible to change and turn things around. Congrats on being "at peace" with yourself now!

Your welcome and thank you! It is extremely easy to go into self-hate mode indeed. During my phase 2 when thing were at their worst I went into that mode and it seems like negativity in the world fed off of my negativity. Things became gradually worse and worse as I became more filled with hate and anger. It wasn't until I realized that I was essentially creating all of the negatives in my life was I able to turn things around. As olaru12 said, "the power of LOVE is extroadinary."

reply to post by jacygirl

I'm proud of myself. I've come thru some horrific things in my life and I stand tall and have never let them change who I am at the core. I have always lived by the golden rule. I can honestly say I have never intentionally set out to hurt or do harm and I have spent most of my life helping others. I'm a nurturer by nature and I think there's a lot of good left in this world. I see good deeds all around and have been fortunate to be on the receiving as well as the giving side of them.

Originally posted by MrUncreated
Not everyone is going to be as hard on themselves. I think I was born a naturally good person, and for the most part, my heart has been bigger than average. I could have done better, and I would if I could go back in time. I have slowly allowed myself to become angry and bitter over the years, and it has taken the innocent and good version of me and made it into something I don't like.
But I can hardly change it now. Not in a few days. But I can take comfort in the fact that I'm no murderer or rapist, and the worst thing I've ever done in my life, as far as I know, is punch a guy in the face for beating up his girlfriend. And even still, I felt bad for it. Well, I've done other bad things, I would take them back if I could. But I can't.

My response to the first half of ur post is quite similar..and the second half is great, while not perfectly ideal, no one is. Its those who make efforts to change or get better because of the love of another that will help change things.
In the last few years its become clear to me that while my emotions clearly know and contain the anger and bitterness, I was always able to recognize that in others, but I suddenly felt it coming from me... Because it is a true cycle that each person passes on to someone else along the way, I have since made a deliberate effort in letting go of any anger or negative feelings, not because I want to even but more because I can tell you where each complex, issue, insecurity, fear, and anger have stemmed from. The times that someone has let me down, made me sad or hurt, or feel inferior in any way, or any person that I helped, was there for, gave love unconditionally to who then then took advantage of me, all the seemingly undeserved injustices that we each encounter- because we have been made to feel that way by someone, the next time we're in a similar situation we act differently, thinking we are protecting ourself. We hold back what we would otherwise have given. I saw that the thing we think is protecting our emotions, in the bigger cycle of our existence, is actually the same thing creating the behaviors. I realized that until someone can be the exception, to still love even when the actions of the receiver show they 'don't deserve' that because they definitely wouldn't do the same, even would for sure do the opposite- I now see clearly that those are the times that continuing to love is the only way to stop the cycle. Its still so hard sometimes to swallow the hurt and spit out the love... but I decided I'd rather have a life full of 'oh wells' than a mind full of 'what ifs' ... At least at the end of the day I am okay in my own mind, not wondering if things could've been different if... instead I must see the clear delineation that most people CHOOSE the end result. Yes we all make our own choices, but it must be understood and accounted for that we all do not have the same things to choose from... to me the "golden rule" is truly the guide in my life... even if someone else or everyone else is constantly breaking the rule, if they never see anyone follow the rule, why would they? Maybe some of us are here to help them. And really, whether we get the hoped for results or the opposite, either way we learn and see and feel. So how can it not somehow be right? If it wasn't for the bad we aren't always able to see or appreciate the good. I know that if it wasn't for my own mistakes I wouldn't have recognized this concept. So while I'm very very far from perfect, I can honestly and truly say that I'm okay with things in me. I've always loved me a lot actually, but seeing that so many do not feel the same about the self, seeing the perceived causes of the lack of self-love and the difficulties it creates for those who love us- well that was enough for me to know I'd rather, I'd prefer even, to die than to live in a world that somehow let's love turn us hateful...