Help..........a carry over to the song thread about how I am feeling! Help!

Okay.........first of all!



I am not a young person, and never try to fool anybody into thinking I am. I may sound so, because of nativity, I was sheltered for many years.

About me. I grew up on the North Shore of Chicago. Highland Park, Deerfield area. My parents were relatively well to do. My father used to do special effects for television commercials and movies, my mom worked for years at a local savings a loan. Sounds cozy, right? Not so.

My parents, were extremely abusive. Mom was much like Joan Crawford, of "Mommy Dearest, " fame. If my shoes were not lined up correctly in the closet, then there was hell to pay.

I struggled with this for years, being the youngest child, having a twin brother just a half hour older than myself.

I did well in school, having been a person who really excelled in arts. By my sophomore year in high school, I was selected, with five other people to study with a master jeweler. By that time, I was only required to attend school for half a day, being able to earn credits for having a job. My twin brother was struggling very hard at school, having started a year after I did. My older sister, was 2 years ahead, doing, okay, and my oldest brother who is 11 years older, already in college before I even got to grade school. He was a typical college student until. he went for graduate studies at Berkely, and got involved with the SDS. He was an activist who's buddies were the likes of Abbie Hoffman............but more about that later. So, there he was , earning a masters at Berkley about the time I was granted this reward of studying with a master jeweler.

So, with things going well, I come home and discuss with my parents what I would like to do, to further my education, which was to attend the Art Institute of Chicago. (BTW I had a wood cut print hanging on the walls for a while) My parents tell me NO! They have paid for my older brother to go to college, and graduate school, my older sister to go to secretarial school, and now it is time for me to figure it all out on my own.

Okay.....so, I have a boyfriend from about the time I am 15. He is five years older. I decide to leave home and move in with him, which is near to Wrigley Field in Chicago. I am still going to school, plus working a full time job, and a part time job. I date this guy for 7 years. He is the love of my life, but he is five years older, and attending DePaul University. My older brother becomes a music critic for Rolling Stone Magazine, and I am hooked by all this when he moves to Chicago, and is a music critic for a Chicago newspaper. In between my working, and finishing school, I spend a lot of time with my brother, meeting famous people and enjoying his career, putting my life to the back burner.

Now I am 18, and my love is 23. We separate, and I meet one of his best friends brothers. We have a whirlwind relationship, and I move in and marry him right away. My parents move to California for my dad's career. I get pregnant, and have my first child at 24. I have my next child at 25. Then I have a set of twins while I am about 28. Life was horrible, as I kept working full time, to contribute to the household, putting my dreams aside. Ken and I last 7 years because he is a lousy husband, who not only abused me physically, but mentally. He turns out to be a dead beat dad, and I am lucky if I get child support every few months. I am working full time through out all of this.
Enter next boyfriend. We are on and off again for 9 years, and he helps me with the kids, greatly, but never makes a commitment. In our off times, I am engaged 3 more times, but he has my heart.I finally break up with him for good in 1996, and move to Arizona, where I go about just working and raising my children basically on my own.

They all start to leave the nest, and I am not happy in Arizona. I leave, and move, at the insistence of a friend to Kentwood, Louisiana. About 5 months before Katrina. I have an okay job, working or a nephrologist who is married to the niece of Osama (another thread) and begin to build my life back up. The hurricane hits. I am left with nothing. The Dr. moves his practice, and I am left homeless and without a job. So, I move in with a friend, and long story short, I meet my husband. He is my Saint, my knight in shining armor. He has been married before and has two daughters. He is going through a divorce and we bond. He says he has never loved anybody like me, before. We are together, living all over the place because he is a boilermaker. So we travel, and I take care of him wherever we go. He is also a cousin of Britney Spears. We are together for about a year and a half. He begs me to marry him, and I finally relent, because he tells me if I don't, he wants me to leave.

We marry and withing a few weeks, the abuse starts. He chokes me while I am sleeping, and if I do not relent to whatever he proposes he threatens abandonment. We do this dance, until he tells me he wants me to leave just before Thanksgiving of 2009. I move, and go to Chicago, where my daughter is now living. He finds out where I am located, via a cousin he has working at the post office, and begs me to let him come north. So, being I believed in him, I let him come up. We are there for about 4 months. He creates such a situation, that we are told to leave, so I go back down south with him. He moves us every couple of months. he abandons me in Gulfport, and then comes to get me, and moves me back to Louisiana. I am there for 3 months, and he physically abuses me again, and forces me to leave. This is just after the oil spiill, so I call all over the coast, and there is no shelter available, so I move to Arizona, where I am in a domestic violence program for 19 months. He calles me every few weeks or so, begging me to come home. He sends me a few bucks every now and then. all the while telling me how much he loves me and can't live without me. He is on SSDI by the way, supposedly having Multiple Sclerosis. So we play this dance every few months or weeks of him telling me he is going to send me money to come home, he has a budgedt........yada yada. Meanwhile, I have been working, doing very weill, first on the top of the list where I work for sales at a solar company, and doing some modeling, too. The domestic violence program, records some of his calls telling me he is going to send me money to come home, and asks me to exit. When I tell hubby this, all the sudden he clams up, says he isn't sending money, and that he has moved on.

So, I call a good friend I met at church (he is a pastor) and he allows me to stay at his home. Nice man, doesn't bother me at all and is very patient.

Fast forward to April this year. Hubby changes his phone number, to his girlfriends. She tells me I have to go through her to speak to him, and that they are just dating. I don't have a problem with that, and say so. She says they are just friends, that she is still married, and he tells me, he will never get a divorce, that he can't afford one. Meantime, I have never told him where I am...
So, for grins, I google her phone number today. It turns out, that they own a resale business together.Not only is he trying to sell my possessions via e-bay through this business, but a truck he bought....LOL...

I called the craigslist ad, and inquired about the truck.. It's a 2000 and I said if your not the original

Owner how long have you had it for? She said, we have had it for over 2 years!

I was pissed, because while we were discussing, I heard my to beloved dogs barking in the background, so I called the woman a dumb#### and informed her I was her boyfriends wife!!!

I said how come are you trying to sell my things on e-bay?

CLICK!

So here is the quandry.........I still love the guy!!!

What do I do?

What really ticked me off was hearing this woman open our door, and yell at my dogs!
Ideas? He's been cheating on me for 32 years while I was in a domestic violence program!

You've got to be kidding me! You should be running away from this jerk permanently! Either get a divorce and sue for your belongings, or be miserable for the rest of your life. This guy is a piece of crap who doesn't deserve your time or energy. He's obviously a control freak, and the fact that you continue to love him and stay in his life is granting him the control that he so covets. Furthermore, you need to discover your independent spirit. From the story you've shared, I can only surmise that you are a person who feels the need for a man to comfort your own self doubts. You don't need a man to take care of you, and the love of a man means little when you don't love yourself. Change is hard and life is not fair, but to put up with this crap any longer is to inflict even more damage to your own heart and mental well being. You control your own destiny in this. Imagine how great it can be, and it will be.

reply to post by Sissel

So here is the quandry.........I still love the guy!!!

I believe this is a common notion amongst women who have suffered domestic violence.

Do you really need him in your life? Nobody deserves to be treated the way you were. I am not an expert in these things, so I don't really know what to say.

An ounce of common sense is all that's needed here. Why would any woman in her right mind want to be with an abusive man who cheats on her? Are you listening to yourself? You need to find some self esteem and realize you're worth a hell of a lot more than that!

Hi there, I know this was a very long read, and thanks everybody for the replies.

I was dong very well while I was in the domestic violence program, which was for about 19 months, but he kept calling me and begging me to come home. I would say, okay, I need x amount of dollars. He would say, Okay I will wire it to you on such and such a date. then come up with an excuse as to why he couldn't do it. Long story short, he was with this other woman already, and I do believe, deciding whether or not he wanted to keep her.

OMG, if you saw her picture, I feel very sorry for her. He picked a really ugly, much older woman, who has little to offer him.

I do have self esteem, and have always done very well for myself. I am also very attractive, and he was always accusing me of trying to cheat on him, just by participating here, on ATS. I had to change my user name! He had me so brainwashed, I couldn't even go to the grocery store without him calling me every 15 minutes to see what I was doing!

I just needed some support and input here, because I do suffer from, "The honeymoon phase," even after all this time. I have had psychologists tell me I suffer from PTSD, and that I was treated so badly, it's like being a Stockholm syndrome sufferer.

I'll be okay, I just need a swift kick in the bottom from my ATS friends now and then, so thanks!

I need to listen to this song every day as a reminder when I wake up, as to why I am not there with him!

Youre old enough to have a boyfriend? i figured you were like 12

reply to post by Sissel

Owner how long have you had it for? She said, we have had it for over 2 years! I was pissed, because while we were discussing, I heard my to beloved dogs barking in the background, so I called the woman a dumb#### and informed her I was her boyfriends wife!!! I said how come are you trying to sell my things on e-bay? CLICK! So here is the quandry.........I still love the guy!!!


What do I do?

What really ticked me off was hearing this woman open our door, and yell at my dogs!
Ideas? He's been cheating on me for 32 years while I was in a domestic violence program!

Get another husband, oh and and get all your # back.