How can I stop being such a pesimist?

I have been experiencing some inner turmoil, I am 16 years old. Up until I was 14 I was a really nice guy and I wouldn't ever say no to people so I guess I got used a lot but at the same time I was really humble. I went from private school to public school when I started High School, there I had no friends for the first month but after that I finally made friends. The one guy that was my friend (and his girlfriend) would always hang out with me, he was really manipulative and #ed with both of us a lot (me and his girlfriend, but more-so his girlfriend). I don't know how to describe it but it was almost scary how he could get into my head. He also got me into soft drugs then IV heroin. I became a drug addict a couple months before I turned 15, just 8 months ago I quit and have been clean ever since.

I stopped being friends with this guy because I realized he was #ed and his girlfriend left him. I guess that experience helped me better realize when people are manipulating me and now I don't have a problem saying no. But I also became a really pessimistic/cynical person and never look for the best in people. I feel like I can't really connect with people and I don't enjoy myself around anyone. There is a person who is really close to me that can get emotional and I find that when they cry I just get annoyed even though I know how it feels to be upset and I want to sympathize but I don't. Idk I guess I just don't feel satisfaction/happiness/joy anymore since I quit drugs.

Im really scared because stopping heroin really #ed me up and I have finished the withdraws and the longer mental withdraws (cravings) so I don't want the drugs anymore but I still feel empty. I want to connect with my friends and actually feel like there my friends but I can't, even if I try the only thing closest to enjoyment for me is when I am by myself in a fantasy world (either TV, video games, computer, reading books, sleeping so I can dream).

I still see friends (though not people who abuse drugs) and there is one person who I don't mind seeing but at the same time I just can't share that connection with someone that most friends do.

I even get annoyed with my own family and I have lots of rage even though I know that I love them.

Can anyone help?

reply to post by vendettent


For someone at such a tender, young age as you, you've been through a lot both physically, and emotionally. This is coming from a 61 year old woman. Please don't see it as condescending. Do you have an after-care program in place to help you in understanding why you managed to end up in a place where you turned to illegal substances in the first place. Therapy, whether solo or group, can be so beneficial in helping us find those answers.

I applaud you for getting back on track with your life. I know it sounds superficial, but, you have your whole life in front of you...you sound like you are heading in the right directions. If you have access to some outside qualified help in dealing with your emotions, and maybe some depression, I'd hope you take advantage of it.

I wish you the best of luck....I have faith in you....

Des

Well man, you're still young, and you're still trying to piece together some semblance of what your world should be. Drug addictions are really hard to overcome, and can leave you jaded once you stop, because your mind has been taught that the only way it can have fun, is to do drugs. Now it seems you have become apathetic to your surroundings, and in this day and age that is pretty easy to do. But all you can do is TRY to see the good in others. I myself am very skeptical of people, so I never fully trust a person until I've known them for awhile.

In time, the older you get, you will come to find that balance you want. Right now, it's going to be a struggle to figure it all out, but the best thing you can do is continue to talk to people, and maybe talk with whom you consider your "closest friend" about this issue, perhaps they can help you improve.

GL man

The hard and simply fact is that we all choose our perception.

Read this book~

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Covey (1989)

reply to post by vendettent


*whistle* Phewwww! You got yourself alot of life experience there for a 16 year old that's for sure. Hell id only just moved out when i was 16, only ever done a couple of recreational dugs and never really got in much trouble.

It's tough! That's the bottom line. Life's a bitch and she can push you around alot. Hell i may only be 24 but i sometimes feel 40. Iv'e had over 20 jobs just to keep the bills paid, dropped out of college, dropped out of Uni. Like you from being 14-16 and full of life, life it self has ground me down to a point were i barely have any sorow nor pitty left for anything or anyone. As a result iv'e lost alot of dear friends who were close to me, including family members.

I can't give you any advice on drugs as i havn't been that far down the rabbit hole i can just share with you my opinion.

Iv'e always thought that if the thought police from 1984 really existed that everyone would be arrested and silenced. everyone and i mean EVERYONE, from your straight up jock to your local catholic nun to Gandhi himself has a hidden world of pain, suffering, regret, remorse, amounst other bad felling in there head. Some just hide it better than others.

For me personally i always have been and always will be an overoptimistic prick. It's a jungle out there and no matter which way you approach the many paths there are your going to need alot of strength to follow them. The main thing for me is that i know myself and what I'm capable of. Alot of people don't even know themselves or what there about, they just wonder around in circles following the crowd then end up on there death bed.

I imagine that your experiences with hard drugs even at such a young age probably gave you a good insight into your own self worth and what you are or atleast what you think your about.

You want my advice?:

It goes without saying: Keep your chin up. People are going to betray you, most of the time it's the ones you least expect. Sometimes your going to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and feel like S***. You just got to keep on going/ You've got a mission in life to furfill no matter what it may be. even if it's as simple as saving a drowning boy when your in your mid 40's. Your never know when your time to stand up and be strong is going to come and that's the exciting part... you...never... know. Hell! that keeps me going alone.

Oh and a random thought... if you don't own a guitar, get one! They work wonders for the soul whatever kind of mood your in. Exercise also helps.

bottom line mate: IF YOUR SMART ENOUGH TO FIND A PLACE LIKE ATS AT YOUR AGE, YOUR DESTINED FOR GOOD THINGS BUDDY
There you go my 2 pence of random mumbo jumbo for ya. Just me thoughts. Cheers and good luck!

reply to post by MongusePro


Thanks a lot man, your post really touched me. I think I was initially drove to drugs because I was (and still am) unhappy where I live. I have a great house and lots of accommodations and I am certainly not saying that I want more material possessions. I just want my life to feel like it has purpose, not just the same old routine thats so empty. I look back in history at great men who helped change the world and who did something significant. I also don't know how to explain it but I think people were different before. Even in the 80's I think things were different, I know society always changes but when I hear stories of people who lived in the past and watch non-fiction movies describing an event people just seemed happier. Even though they had to deal with tons of horror (in the further past) they still cherished time with their families and friends and were brighter (not saying all the time). This scares me and even applies to myself but I think now people have changed and more kids my age are becoming apathetic (I see it a lot in my school) and everyone needs something when there with friends or family. Either the TV or the computer. I don't know how to fully describe how I feel, I think that when I was younger nobody really asked my opinion so I grew up keeping everything inside. Right now I have trouble putting how I perceive things or how I feel into words so that also might be why I am having trouble connecting. There are so many things I want to tell people but I can't, its like I think about them and know everything about what I am thinking in detail but I don't think it in words (but im not saying I always think like that, I also think it words).

I guess I just don't want such a dull life, I hope it doesn't sound selfish. I just want to make an impact or do something important. I guess I still kind of feel like I want to do something important and help a lot of people, regardless of what happens to me.

Maybe I am just being silly and thinking things that a billion other teenagers think, I don't know. Overall I just know I am missing so many aspects of life.

Do you know why you turned to drugs in the first place? It seems there is something you are unhappy about in your life. It's your job to find out what that is and learn to overcome it.

Good for you for quitting your addiction. And good for you for removing yourself from that guy's life.

I think your being a cynic and a pessimist is your way to cope with the trauma you experienced. Once you can overcome that trauma, and by overcome I mean truly overcome it, you can see the effects of the trauma start to fade.

One way to stop being a pessimist, also, is to open your eyes and see the world as it truly is. You may think you see the world as harmful and destructive, and you're partially right because parts of the world are, but importantly not all of the world is. Perceive the world, but don't let your mind cloud your judgement. Practice meditating and clear your mind, because once your mind is clear, you'll see 1000s times clearer than you've ever seen before, and it would feel as amazing as any sort of drug experience, but instead of doing harm to your body you are doing good. And also, by being clear and level headed, others will respond to you, and you will have a positive trickle effect on the world. And also, by being clear and level headed, you will be able to see the truth behind people, and you can protect yourself accordingly.

Pessimism is a good thing, you should embrace it. It's frankly more honest.

The reason you don't get enjoyment out of little things is because you put more importance on fantasy worlds and abstractions. Get off those for a while and back into what's real and find value there again. Seriously, go live in the woods for a week or two. I do it once every few months for those exact same reasons.

The current structure of society is empty and meaningless.
You can spend all your life making stuff, buying things, getting degrees from schooling, and accumulate lots of friends and stuff.... in the end what is there left that shows you were ever here?

If you are realizing there's something missing, you are 1 step closer to becoming free of this prison Matrix reality. No matter what others tell you, the only voice that matters is the one inside you, listen it to carefully because it's there for a reason.

You are still very young, people will come and go from your life that will teach you many more things than you've already learned. Stay true to your true nature and don't let anyone change your natural path in this life.

=)

reply to post by vendettent


ha haaaaa! I knew it! Your an old soul, just like me. Kids of your age don't get you, adults think your some rebellious twit and you look at the society you were born into as inferior as the days gone by before you. Ohhh trust me buddy you're in for a rollacoaster of a ride into your early 20's.

Some guy just now mentioned about embracing Pessimism, bingo! Couldn't have put it better myself. Is the glass really half full? Well of course, it's half air... those silly people who wrote that ha ha!

look.... If you 'aint in with the crowd' now, don't sweat it.

Tommy Cooper put it something like this, when he talked about life. Don't quote me as I'm paraphrasing:

"Life's a stage, your up there and you got a big audience in front of you (that being society). Some are going to laugh, some are going to boo you and some are going to cry. It's about making them laugh and sticking with the ones that do". Guess what?.... Tommy Cooper died laughing on stage, ha ha! Talk about irony.

Were was I? Hummmmm.... Ahah yes!.... Your an individual and that's tough for alot of people to understand being 16. Kid's at 16 want race cars, girls and drugs right? They shouldn't be learning about philosophy, science, art and culture should they? Wrong!

Sounds to me as though you had a mini lapse (the drugs) from your path trying to fit in with the crowd. The crowd are boring buggers, really. You keep going just the way you are, stay off the drugs though, there's nothing good about them.

All i ever wanted from being 16 till 21 was to find a like minded intellectual person, a woman if possible and guess what? it took me 5 years but through random coincidence i found her and have been with her for 3 years now. How did me meet?... I kid you not, i walked up to her on a street corner, smiled and acted all goofy and silly. Tap dancing and all sorts. It confused her so much that i had to take her for a coffee, the rest is history. The best part is i don't know what came over me i just had a strange almost magnetic pull towards a complete stranger.

Life works in mysterious ways like that and it will do the same to you. Alot of pain and sorrow but enough joy to make the pain and sorrow worth it.

Enjoy the joy and learn from the rest. Got to go now buddy, peace.

I had a similar thing happened to me, but i was around 19. If you are having such effect at this age, you should change your way of living and your perception, because once you reach 18~+ you will be in for lot of stress, peer pressure, education, "adult life".. etc

Also, if this keeps going on, i can for sure say it will lead to depression.

Advice:

Join club activities that involve lots of people, sports, Gym(esp if you are a guy.. testosterone will make a lot of change to you body and mind, in a good way)., anything etc.

Do Not stay alone. Do not stay indoor.

Avoid drugs and alcohol, they just make it worse.

I see some are saying to embrace your pessimism. If that's your choice, sure, do it. But I think it's important when one is suffering from depression to truly look at what's causing it. I feel as though from this story, that pessimism is a symptom of deeprooted issues.

Perhaps embracing the pessimism is a way of embracing one's self and saying I'm okay with myself. I suffered these things, but I wouldn't be myself without them. But doing so alone doesn't solve the rooted issue that caused the pessimism in the first place.

I say determine what the root is, by being honest with yourself and your feelings. I think that's a good place to start. Once you see yourself for who you truly are, then you can see what changes you can make in your life to lead the future self you wish to lead.

How lucky are you man?!...

You get awesome advice like this from caring people for the price of simply wanting you to gain more interdependence. There's some good people out there that will teach you alot.

Don't be in a hurry to find them though. Patience is indeed a virtue.

reply to post by vendettent

I guess I just don't want such a dull life, I hope it doesn't sound selfish. I just want to make an impact or do something important. I guess I still kind of feel like I want to do something important and help a lot of people, regardless of what happens to me.

Have you thought about maybe doing some volunteering? I was going to suggest the Peace Corps, but you are still a little young and they only accept 10% of applicants without a Bachelor's degree. Still, you might be in that 10%... And if not, there are tons of other volunteer opportunities, one of them might suit you.

CONGRATULATIONS on quitting the addiction!!! That substance is notoriously difficult to quit. It says a lot about you that you were able to do so.

It may sound silly but good music often helps me through hard times. Here are a few that realy put things into perspective for me when I get "down".

EDIT: Don't view your past with drugs as a mistake. You are so young still and to have been through something like that and to have pulled through is a wonderful experience really. You are a very smart and strong individual! It looks like you are learning lessons and overcoming things most adults can't do yet. Keep your head up!

Much love to ya!





If you have time take a listen. Wish you the best OP!

I really appreciate all the insight that you guys have given me. I wish I had more people in my life like ypu guys that i could talk to. But who knows, maybe there is but i just dont feel comfortable talking to people about how i feel. I guess im comfortable here because it is less direct and more anonymous

I know someone said to try to look at the good in our reality but i am havong trouble actuqlly looking at what is good because i dont know what to look at. I guess i just want to keep on going no matter what throughout my life but i will always have hope that i will find peace in death or something will fall upon me goving me purpose. I am not really religious but i guess even though i will most likely still have pesomistic thoughts i will still try to help people less fortunate then me. I almost just want to leave our north american society and leave to spend my life in a developing country trying to help

I guess im not sure, i just feel like my life is insignificant and i dont just want to work and die. I guess i am doing very well in school so i have options and most likely will end up working until i die but i will always feel like
ylife is missing something. So many people i meet and even myself just seem lifeless...

I know i said this before but i have just seen so many great and noble men and women of our past and it saddens me that i most likely wont be one of them.

You may or may not hold this belief, but I believe when one does good, he or she attracts goodness. Doing good is in our actions, our words, our integrity, our honesty, our understanding of others. Also doing good should be done for the sake of doing it, and not for compensation or gratification. Because then, if we do good, and we feel others are not grateful or even respectful, we will be greatly disappointed in life.

One thing I notice about young people is they often talk about other people. "Jesse got braces. Ew..." "Did you hear what Casey said? WTF!" "Brian thinks he's so cool..." I was sitting in a coffee shop today, and this is what I was hearing. I actually had to leave because it was so annoying. I don't know if you do this or not, but there is so much negativity in these conversations.

I like to live by the quote: Intelligent people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people.

Sometimes it's okay to talk about other people when it's necessary, but when it's not, it's gossip, and in my personal belief, gossiping draws negativity to you.

So anyway, what I should have just said to begin with, once you start doing good (maybe strive for three good deeds a day) you'll start to see goodness all around you and you'll probably feel happier too.

1) Help someone who looks lost.
2) Offer to take a picture of two strangers together if one is photographing the other.
3) When people ask you small favors, take time out of your day to help them (assuming the favor won't harm you in some way)
4) Offer to help a stranger carry something if they look like they're struggling
5) If a person looks lonely, try to initiate a friendly conversation with them and brighten up their day.

These are just some random things I could think of, but walk down the street and offer to help someone or simply being nice to someone can brighten up someone's day. And then they might smile, and then you might smile, and before you know it your life feels awesome.

reply to post by Xaberz


Thanks Xaberz, I don't think gossip is something worth saying either. Lots of the time I am usually silent, I guess i just only talk when theirs something worthwhile to say but I think many people think I don't like them or am weird even though I just cant think of useless stuff to talk about. I guess I've tried to teach myself random topics, that in reality are insignificant, too make small talk.

I think I used to be a good person and for some reason I still feel like I am a good person but in reality thinking about who I am it makes me not so sure I think I covet, have greed, and can be selfish. Though I am not saying my life is filled with this but at the same time I still feel like I developed these tendencies. I guess I just need to make a more conscious effort to be a better person.