Cheney Vows to Attack U.S. if Kerry Elected

Yikes, I guess it was a matter of time.

www.theonion.com...

GREENSBORO, NC�In an announcement that has alarmed voters across the nation, Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday that he will personally attack the U.S. if Sen. John Kerry wins the next election.

"If the wrong man is elected in November, the nation will come under a devastating armed attack of an unimaginable magnitude, one planned and executed by none other than myself," Cheney said, speaking at a rally in Greensboro, NC. "When they go to the polls, Americans must weigh this fact and decide if our nation can ignore such a grave threat."

Added Cheney: "It would be a tragedy to suffer another attack on American soil, let alone one perpetrated by an enemy as well-organized and well-equipped as I am. My colleagues and I urge voters to keep their safety in mind when they go to the polls."

Although Cheney would not comment on the details of his proposed attack on a John Kerry-led U.S., national-security experts said he possesses both the capabilities and the motivation to pose a serious threat....

..."Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools, public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."

Stepping up to the podium after Cheney, Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge vowed to increase surveillance of the vice president.

"Wherever Cheney is�whether in his office in the White House or stumping in battleground states�we will be watching him," Ridge said. "I will not rule out raising the terror-alert level, should Kerry begin to draw ahead in the polls. Every percentage point conceded to Kerry brings the nation under greater threat of attack by Cheney."

You read it here first.

You don't actually believe this do you ? I dare say some in America will take this verbatim.

You know Jakomo is a lot of conspiracies of who realy was behind 9/11, but I tell you I thing your number one man is dicky no bin-laden, he is the one that has profited more from the war in Iraq that any body else, he and Haliburton.

And again It could be just the "instigation" of fear in people, after all that seems like the main plataform of the Republican party. "keep them scare and keep them worry" is just a tactic.

This has to be complete BS! No way would he ever say this in public. Even if he wanted to do this, he wouldn't say it in front of the general public. theonion.com is going to get sued if it's not careful.

I think its intended as a joke. If not, then he should be hauled away with the rest of the people that have made the same type of accusation. It would be funny to see him become a victim of the Patriot Act.

mpeake > nah, theonion always does this kind of thing, even if its higly believeable since so much more income for Cheney rests on this election. Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction, and I think this bit of satire is a bit too close to that fuzzy grey area between the two.

The Onion is all made up. It is a COMEDY site. Give me a break. You cannot seriously think that Cheney said these things.

Jemison

That last paragraph was a killer!

Stepping up to the podium after Cheney, Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge vowed to increase surveillance of the vice president.

"Wherever Cheney is�whether in his office in the White House or stumping in battleground states�we will be watching him," Ridge said. "I will not rule out raising the terror-alert level, should Kerry begin to draw ahead in the polls. Every percentage point conceded to Kerry brings the nation under greater threat of attack by Cheney."



Continued on page 2 �

I also doubt that Cheney would say those things, but I'm sure at one point or another he most certainly has thought something along those lines, if not worse. People get mighty angry when their livelyhood is threatened, and I would think the concept of a win by Kerry and Edwards in November would definately constitute a threat to Cheney and Halliburtons interests in Iraq.

Originally posted by Jakomo

Yikes, I guess it was a matter of time.

www.theonion.com...

GREENSBORO, NC�In an announcement that has alarmed voters across the nation, Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday that he will personally attack the U.S. if Sen. John Kerry wins the next election.

"If the wrong man is elected in November, the nation will come under a devastating armed attack of an unimaginable magnitude, one planned and executed by none other than myself," Cheney said, speaking at a rally in Greensboro, NC. "When they go to the polls, Americans must weigh this fact and decide if our nation can ignore such a grave threat."

Added Cheney: "It would be a tragedy to suffer another attack on American soil, let alone one perpetrated by an enemy as well-organized and well-equipped as I am. My colleagues and I urge voters to keep their safety in mind when they go to the polls."

Although Cheney would not comment on the details of his proposed attack on a John Kerry-led U.S., national-security experts said he possesses both the capabilities and the motivation to pose a serious threat....

..."Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools, public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."

Stepping up to the podium after Cheney, Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge vowed to increase surveillance of the vice president.

"Wherever Cheney is�whether in his office in the White House or stumping in battleground states�we will be watching him," Ridge said. "I will not rule out raising the terror-alert level, should Kerry begin to draw ahead in the polls. Every percentage point conceded to Kerry brings the nation under greater threat of attack by Cheney."

You read it here first.

Jakomo, there are times when you annoy the holy hell out of me.

This is not one of them.

It's a total joke, but it goes to show what a strange fricking world we live in now that people actually believe this for a second.

My favorite quote is :

Although the effect of Cheney's remarks has yet to register in the polls, some voters report that the vice president's threats have concerned them.

"Frankly, I'm terrified," said Dwayne Cummings, a 38-year-old metal-press operator from Cleveland, OH. "The idea of getting attacked by Cheney right now, at a time when I'm out of work, uninsured, and have kids to worry about, is overwhelming. I'm not sure I can vote for Kerry anymore."

Mary Pershing, a loom-worker and lifelong Democrat from Limestone, KY, said she appreciates the government's surveillance efforts.

"At least they're warning us about the danger," Pershing said. "I've always suspected Cheney might do something dangerous someday. Now that we have confirmation of a possible attack�from someone as high-ranking as the vice president, no less�we can make moves to stop it."

LOL

This Terrorism board needed a little bit more humor, I thought.

jako

Sheesh..there are some really whacked out people on this site.

Ever heard of SATIRE?

From Here

The Onion is a satirical weekly publication published 52 times a year on Thursdays.

Come on people, its pure fiction.

Sheesh, I can't belive some people actually take this stuff to heart... oh wait, yes I can.

I see one of two things needing to happen.

Either the onion needs to be sued for liable and shut down or Dick needs to go to jail for making terrorists threats as per patroit act.

Personally I don't think it is true, and since nowhere in the aticle did it say it was a joke or parady, they need to have their site pulled.,IMO

Just wait until CNN or CBS or ABC or NBC gets a hold of this. The whole world will think we're just a bunch of total fruit cakes (and that means nut cases).

Originally posted by mpeake
This has to be complete BS! No way would he ever say this in public. Even if he wanted to do this, he wouldn't say it in front of the general public. theonion.com is going to get sued if it's not careful.

I agree with mpeake. Even though I hate Cheney with a passion, he wouldn't come out and just say this. Although, he said something similar to this at the RNC. The "Onion" does stuff like this all the time.

Originally posted by mrmonsoon
I see one of two things needing to happen.

Either the onion needs to be sued for liable and shut down or Dick needs to go to jail for making terrorists threats as per patroit act.

Personally I don't think it is true, and since nowhere in the aticle did it say it was a joke or parady, they need to have their site pulled.,IMO

God, you whine like a democrat. lighten up.

That was the fnniest damn thing Ive seen on this site in a long time.

Originally posted by Jemison
The Onion is all made up. It is a COMEDY site. Give me a break. You cannot seriously think that Cheney said these things.

Jemison

I figured it was a joke...but I've seen some crazier stuff on the net so who knows these days. I've never heard of theonion.com before though.

Originally posted by mrmulder
[
I agree with mpeake. Even though I hate Cheney with a passion, he wouldn't come out and just say this. Although, he said something similar to this at the RNC. The "Onion" does stuff like this all the time.

You know he may no come out and say it in public but I wonder what goes through his mind after all he "needs" another four years of bush to secure the business dealings and oversee privatization of the Iraqi oil industry to benefit US companies.

If bush loses is going to be a lot of angry "business" partners around.

Originally posted by mad scientist

You don't actually believe this do you ?

I dare say some in America will take this verbatim.

sadly that is true

we have some #ing idoits here