A Woman's Right to Choose? - Not to have an Abortion even if Baby has Downs?

So I'm throwing out a hypothetical for pro-lifers and pro-choicers everywhere. My GF and I are very much pro-life, but she's soo much pro-life that she said that even if she got pregnant and knew ahead of time that the baby had Down's or something else debilitating ( say through placental DNA analysis or something) that she would have it anyway.

I completely dissagree even though I am Pro-life unless the baby has something as debilitating as an extra chromosome and call me a Nazi but I would choose, regrettingly, abortion; as my Aunt and Uncle who were married and RICH and very arrogant about their social status thought their baby would be perfect but as I watched them receive the devastating news and watched their downs baby grow up at the same time my cousins had a baby the same age and watching their baby totally physically outgrow him (it was impossible to tell he had downs by observation for the first year), and then watch their family literally go crazy and almost beating the hell out of my step dad for no reason and totally disavowing EVERYBODY in the family including my Gpa (who lives one hill over) for no REASON other than the fact that they believed we didn't understand them and were being judgemental which was totally opposite.

But that was not the reason I believed abortion would be better if we ever got in that situation. It's the fact that we're both newly college graduates without much $$$ unlike my ex-pat aunt and uncle who were rich enough to send him to special schools and give him TONS of medical attention and special treatments. And who also were rich enough to try and adopt a baby girl they were going to have an open adoption with (At the last second the 16 year old wanted to keep it after they prepared so much for her and were at the hospital with her baby taking pictures and falling in love with it already). I thought they would come back to the family because of finally having a "normal" baby but since it didn't happen the most info I get from an uncle who I've gotten all my "strikingly good looks from" is from browsing some "lucky" family members FBs for occasional updates.

So here is the hypothetical: I get my gf pregnant by accident (I'm not stupid but pretend I did something stupid in the moment) and of course we want to keep it, but then we discover the fetus has an extra chromosome (maybe cuz of all that experimenting in college =P). Now being poor I know THERE'S NOOOOO WAY we would be able to support a special needs child, and that if we had it our life would be devastated (my family would look at my aunt and uncle and think they were happy but I knew they were dead inside especially cuz my uncle KNEW he would have the perfect baby and was rich and arrogant). So I tell her that it would be impossible for us to have a child like this, in which see replies test results aren't perfect and we're going to love it and have it anyway. I know it's HER choice, but her choice would change BOTH of our lives for the worst and make it harder to achieve the life goals we are both striving for. Now I know since we aren't married I could be a douchbag and run off, but say we were married, and I was in this position. Is there anything I COULD do? Especially since it would drastically affect our finances for the REST of our life? I mean I can't force her to get one even though having it would end the life we love as we know it. What would/should her or I do? Or what are your thoughts on the matter. It still falls under Pro-Choice, but in a different way than most Pro-choicers talk about. This is just hypothetical and I want to know your guys positions, or what you would do in said situation. Thoughts?

I have an Aunt who has down syndrome and she is more self sufficient than a lot of people I know.
How does it make sense to abort because of the cost of raising them when "normal" children can end up with more medical problems than a child with down syndrome?
Obviously you need to mature before you have sex & if you are currently having sex then you need to stop.

It does not matter what you want, think or believe. YOU get no voice or choice in the matter. I recommend putting some sperm aside until you KNOW you want kids, then get a vasectomy.

If you can't answer this question for yourself - why are you having sex at all?

That being said? There is NOTHING debilitating about Downs Syndrome.

peace

Your "what if" is a personal choice. Emphasis on CHOICE!

Sarah Palin had the same choice. She CHOSE to keep the baby, although she would pass laws to eliminate that choice for others.

Long live CHOICE!

reply to post by Swing80s


Or what are your thoughts on the matter.


If your baby-to-be will indeed be a special needs child, I say Abort...


And since she wouldn't let this happen, either stop having sex with her or Abort the relationship, as your hypothetical could happen.


And from your description of her mind-set, maybe you should bail anyways...

reply to post by Swing80s


Look I am not hipocritical, I think every right should belong to the WOMAN whether it be abortion or to have and raise that child!!! That woman is in that position= they should have the ONLY say. Nobody should force ANY decision on ANY PREGNANT FEMALE. It goes both ways, of course I am sure the woman would also be taking into account the male she procreated with's wants to or reach a compromise(Unless he excused himself from any decision making, by running out which a LOT of men do).

reply to post by ldyserenity
First, I oppose abortion I believe that it is murder. However, if it is going to be legal then there needs to be equality in the choice. Men should have the ability to "opt out" without repercussion if women have the ability to decide whether there will or will not be a child born. Both decided to have sexual relations, both should decide their future involvement or non-involvement.

reply to post by Swing80s


Okay so in your situation I would tell you, there is loads of help you can get phsychologically as well as financially if this happens. I am not trying to change your mind, but those children could be some of the most awesome kids you'll ever meet (loving, sweet, and loyal) and they can be very smart. Look at Corky on that old tv show, You'd be doing a disservice to write that child off at the get go, but ultimately you and your mate would have to reach a combined decision, or go seperate ways if you can't agree. Know that if that happens your support financially will still be enforced, but bullying or forcing a decision on her would be no way to conduct yourself, just saying.

reply to post by DarthMuerte


I said I would hope the woman consider the males perspective as well, and compromise sheesh reading comprehensions not your strong point EH?

reply to post by ldyserenity
"Considering the male's opinion" is not the same as equality. Maybe brush up on your reading comprehension?

This is just a HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION. To whoever called me a retard and to quit having sex because I brought up A LOGICAL, REASONABLE, DISCUSSION. Go screw yourself. I've been having sex for a decade, I think I know what I'm doing, and to suggest that I am somehow incapable of having safe sexual relations with my partner because of questions I had and wanted to discuss, maybe you're the one that should change your pro-life stance to pro-choice so you can quit giving faulty advice about sex to people you don't know, let alone people you know like your kids.

The main reason I brought this up is because I saw what a Down's baby has done to my family personally. No matter how "special" you guys think it may be it still is f*ckin devastating.

Anyways in the future please leave my sex life out of this as I'm not an idiot.

reply to post by DarthMuerte


I agree that the male should have a say, but not force said gf into his decision, I also agree that if she decides to keep it , he should not be held financially responsible after all it was Her decision, so she needs to consider that, as well, in the USA you as a father can go sign your rights away and I think it absolves the man of financial responsibility, so the male DOES have a choice...

reply to post by DarthMuerte


I'm fairly sure that men already do have the legal option of giving up parental right of an unwanted child. But, my question to you is "What if you're married, how do you opt out without a divorce?"

However besides that comment which obviously made me angry I do think American Flag avatar guy has some points...

Originally posted by ldyserenity
reply to post by DarthMuerte

 

I agree that the male should have a say, but not force said gf into his decision, I also agree that if she decides to keep it , he should not be held financially responsible after all it was Her decision, so she needs to consider that, as well, in the USA you as a father can go sign your rights away and I think it absolves the man of financial responsibility, so the male DOES have a choice...

No, it doesn't. Not in Florida anyway. Maybe other states? I don't claim to know the laws in all states, but I seriously doubt it.

Originally posted by windword
reply to post by DarthMuerte

 

I'm fairly sure that men already do have the legal option of giving up parental right of an unwanted child. But, my question to you is "What if you're married, how do you opt out without a divorce?"

That would be a choice you would have to make.

So what would it be? How would you go about this legally if you don't want to have to pay for heaps of special schools, and adult living in your house til they die prolly around 35ish, and all other problems?

I believe it would be a horrible thing to walk out on your GF/wife/partner/girl you accidently knocked up etc... if you know that this is coming. There's no way she would be able to handle it alone around the time the kid turns 3. Well I guess if it was a one night stand case and she wants it and you don't I could feasible see myself possibly walking out of that situation as opposed to if she would have a normal fetus/baby.

I would still feel bad though =\

Originally posted by silo13
If you can't answer this question for yourself - why are you having sex at all?

That being said? There is NOTHING debilitating about Downs Syndrome.

peace

First, I beg to differ with this statement.

The reason I do not agree with your statement is because it is simply not true. Downs can be very debilitating. I'm not sure where you got your facts from.

My little sister has downs, beautiful wonderful girl whom I love more than anything, and she has a mild case so it is not so bad for her. However she still needs a lot of care, with bathing, brushing hair, etc. And she would not be good in public alone. And she is 16 years old. She is very shy, and I'm not sure she would be able to hold down a 'regular' job. She will always live with my parents until her time is up. She had to have physical therapy and ankle braces when she was young because she did not have the proper muscle tone to support herself for quite some time.

I have a friend who's cousin has an extreme form of downs. This boy cannot even walk, or sit up on his own. Cannot communicate and is pretty much completely dependant. I don't know about anyone else but this sounds extremely debilitating to me.

Back to the OP. I think I cannot presume to tell anyone whether or not to keep a going with a pregnancy you knew would result in a challenged child. I watched my parents give up their entire lives to take care of my sister. Date nights, vacations, etc. It is not something I would ever want to enter into completely blind without understanding how it would affect my entire life afterwards.

I would never want to be without my little sister she is a joy and a pleasure to know. However, I did not have the full impact of the responsibility to raise her. Would I want to have one of my own? No, honestly probably not. Am I selfish? Maybe. Can wonderful experiences be had from having a downs child? Yes most certainly. I'm just saying, that knowing what I know now, I probably would not choose to have a downs child, or a child with a handicap. But I can never say with full certainty unless I was in the situation myself.