What would you do if...(Everyone 40 and older, please answer)

What would you do in contemporary society to maximize fun, relationships, marketability, career opportunities, happiness, and most importantly LOVE

This seems like the most important part, oneelectric. Love. It's been the very most important constant in a world and life of change. I can't really 'feel' your shoes, so I'll have to comment on my own. If I were suddenly 22 again, I'd do it all over again............ vagabond travelling, learning, loving and a lot of hands-to-the-Earth labor.

Now, you have a skillset and education, so your variables are much different than mine. I travelled about for a few years, sorta fancying myself a neo-Kwai Chang Caine, except with much lesser martial arts skills, and less indoctrinated morality..........

Shorter answer: Find something that you love to do and do it. Keep doing it until you find someone who is compatible with your thing-that-you-love-to-do, and love them also. I had several relationships and events that couldn't really be called relationships, but it wasn't until I stopped looking for her, that I found the love of my life. I believe we were put in each others' path at the time when it was meant to be. I am a very lucky man, and for me, rich in the way that matters.

I didn't discover the things that I love to do until I had tried many, many things, and I found that variety of life out there in the big, bright world. For me, travelling before and after college was the best education I could ever have received. Your results may vary. You might decide to plunge into the legal world, IF that's what you really love.

Embrace music and art. Find out what really stirs you in the arts. You write well -- maybe that's your creative passion. It's part of the balance. When I was your age, I couldn't imagine that I'd live to be my age.

Things happen to us that we have no control over that make us sad or unhappy. Apart from that, I discovered one rainy morning that I could wake up grumpy, or I could choose to be happy. I was living in a car at the time. I thought I was in bad shape, until the car broke down.

I still choose to be happy and feel blessed every day that I found someone to be happy with.

/endblab

reply to post by argentus


I must say, stories like yours create inspiring tales that everyone gains from hearing.

I knew making this thread would produce excellent results. I'll always have something to look back on during those dark nights of the soul.

Shorter answer: Find something that you love to do and do it. Keep doing it until you find someone who is compatible with your thing-that-you-love-to-do, and love them also. I had several relationships and events that couldn't really be called relationships, but it wasn't until I stopped looking for her, that I found the love of my life.

reply to post by argentus

Absolutely THIS (above). Do not seek to love for love itself. Instead, love everyone as a fellow human being. Pursue your own passions and interests, and then I can promise that you will find all kinds of relationships, including the capitalized LOVE, that you will cherish and that have the necessary components to succeed and last.

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


I guess that's why it's call falling into love. I'll fall into eventually, I guess. Keep myself open, but don't go actively pursuing it. I'll "let it happen."

reply to post by TheOneElectric


Don't be too disappointed if you can't reach your ultimate goal. Find a Plan B that you can feel okay with.

It is not worth sacrificing your values for anything.(i.e. Don't sell your soul to be the POTUS.) Wealth and power are rotten Gods and ultimately empty goals.

At the end of the trail people say what matters most in life is who you love and how you show that love. One of the biggest regrets men have is not spending more time with their kids.

Live in the moment. If you are not happy now don't trying chasing into your tomorrows to find it.

Think about who and/or what you are living for. Are you comfortable with the answer?

Be kind. Stay positive by developing an attitude of gratitude.

Never marry for any reason other than being madly in love. Step very carefully into marriage.

Go set your world on fire in a beautiful way.

Originally posted by ValentineWiggin
Get that law degree, if its your dream. Do with everything you have and don't look back, you'll turn to salt

ha ha ha
yes, don't look back.

great post ValentineWiggin


-subfab

Originally posted by TheOneElectric
reply to post by gwynnhwyfar

 

I guess that's why it's call falling into love. I'll fall into eventually, I guess. Keep myself open, but don't go actively pursuing it. I'll "let it happen."

I think it is called that because of the way people feel when they fall in love. You see the object of your desire and your stomach "falls" like in a roller coaster ride. But the thing is, that feeling doesn't last forever. If you haven't had it happen yet, don't worry, it will.

I think you got my point though - don't chase it, it will happen naturally if you simply live your life and focus on your own goals - you will therefore meet people compatible with you, who like the same things you do, and who will be as interested in your own interests as you are.

I meet the criteria for posting, aye? Over 40?

OE, forget everything you've read here. We're all old stupid fools. Our advice only applies to our generation, the one before cellphones and wifi, a simpler age when men courted women, and they respected you for that.

You are all on your own. "Terra incognito", per se, and any advice you glean from us is bound to be inapplicable to your generation.

Think about it.

Our wisdom doesn't apply to you. You must learn wisdom vicariously, without being so blatant about it. To me, that suffers greed, and forethought, and advantage once tried by another great called "Hercules". You see, you can't live your life by the wisdom of your elders, you can only respect their words, and REMEMBER to live your life as your own. You are the only person that can tell yourself what to do.

You have endeavored a noble attempt of gleaning the hidden knowledge of experience.

You will never gain that knowledge, save to live it yourself.

Good luck, my friend, in all your endeavors!

reply to post by Druid42


Haha, Druid! Trust you to come through with the truth.

He's right, of course, none of us can advise you, since you are on your own path. You will indeed find your own way...

But, OP, thanks so much for asking! I'll speak for myself here and say I appreciated being asked, and considered as though I had something to offer.

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


It was a pleasure to ask. I can also see where Druid has a point. You all will not walk this path, only I can. It's one you all were not able to travel, and the rules are slightly different. However, the spirit is the same. I'll take into account everything that has been said and use it to my advantage.

Thanks everyone.

I am 47.............

The one main recommendation that I can suggest that you do above all else is get yourself a trade/training/qualifications for a job that will put you in good stead for the rest of your life. Not only for financial reasons, but try and apply yourself if possible to something that you actually enjoy going out of the door for every morning until you retire.

If you have the possibility to get educated for that special job, then do it, do not dismiss it and think that you will do it at a later date, you may never get the opportunity again and then you will always have a regret for not doing it when you had the chance..

I never had the chance to go to college/university etc when I left school at 16, I was always told that the day I finished school I had to get a job as soon as possible to bring money into the household. This is why I say that if you have the opportunity, then do it!!!!!

I have always drifted from job to job for the 31 years since leaving school, they haven't all been bad jobs, but as you get older and mature in intelligence you realise that there are so many avenues of employment that you wish you could go down, but you now do not have the opportunity to do so mostly due to other commitments such as mortgage, family and sticking food on the table.

There are so many things I wish I could have done, so do yourself a favour and go for something you would love to do and get paid for doing it.....

All the best to you in whatever you do.................

I'm 41 Yrs old, and you are in a much better position than I was when I was 21, going on 22. I decided when I was just out of high school, not to go to college...bad mistake. It took me another fifteen-twenty years to realize that. So, when I was around 35, I decided to go back and get a degree. I now have a BA in the health science field. Put it this way, you are doing great, and in an awesome position for your age. Continue your schooling, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders...keep it up, and good luck

Druid you are correct! Each individual must pave his own way and all experiences will further ones education and self awareness. However, if I may interject and I think most "our" age might agree, manners would be the one thing on my list that is timeless with regards to personal enhancement throught ones journey.

Think about the things which have caused you the most fear and frustration. These will not let up as you get older, in fact they will be the primary factors in many of the decisions you make. Do some thinking about the things that you determine are fears and deep frustrations then dig a little deeper to find out why. Sometimes th answer is "because I've never experienced ..., and I am afraid to try it." Frustration often occurs when a similar situation keeps showing up, and a final resolution is not accessable. Sometimes the best way over a mountain is through it.

Let me tell it to you this way: youre asking for the "meaning of life" itself. I do understand.

Fable:

The man searched the world over...talekd to every guru, sake, psychi, priest, rabbi. seer etc....at the last mountaintop...he approached the guru who was sitting there meditating.
"Oh wise Sage. Ive searched th world over, and over everywhere for the meaning of life!' What is it I beg you.? Tell me?"

The guru opened one eye and laughed at him. then he spook..."Youve spent your WHOLE LIFE up to now searching for the meaning of it?! Your whole life for the answer...when the answer was there all along with OUT the searching and wasting of years and years...."

"Silly one! The meaning of LIfe?.....is to LIVE it...which youve wasted searching for it."

Moral of this is to be the one you WANT to be. Be the change you wish to see in others. Wisdom follows:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back." Charlie Brown

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon

Happy travels...

Here is my two cents. I am 61 years and retired. In fact, I retired at 55. I can't give you answers because I think that is unique to individuals. I can tell you what I regret and don't regret. The smartest thing I did, was to plan for an early retirement and worked hard for 38 years. A trust fund retirement that we started in 1972, not 401K and such. We are not materialistic and live as green as we can, comfortably, and can send two kids to college because of our frugality. We never bought a house, which I do not regret. I made lots of mistakes, but I can't really say I have regrets, because each mistake made me a better person. I probably regret not having better medical insurance because that cost a LOT of money over the years. Everything you do from now on, is working toward old age and death. Live to the fullest til then.

Not 40 but closing..

I got weird advice for you.

1.Education first, career who cares, get highest certificate you can, Masters, Phd whatever. It will help you climb the ladder faster. Start thinking like the poor (homeless man on the street) while removing any debt. Try to live without money, its much more less stress.

2.Each day, pick a person you can think of, anywhere you see/watch on tv and live totally different life - random people and preferably those in bad state, step inside his/her shoes (pretend to be him). Think/imagine what he might eat today, what his children eat today, what is his work, how he sees the world, what is his trouble etc. You will see that you are the lucky ones, so, be wiser and it will kill the time while commuting.

3.Shut up, smile, listens and be nice to everyone, they are stupid and weak, they need your help and you are their hero, parents excluded from this, you get the power from them and should be obeyed in all occasions.

4.When somebody angry with you or fighting with you, that is their true self, never ever forget that moment.

5.If you have trouble, smile and thank god for it, it is just a test on how close you are to him . If youre in luck, thank to god for it, its also a test on how close you are to him. If you dont believe in god, start believing at least in Supreme Being, else, do no 2 and become a bacteria on your eyelid, that is life without god - pretty much rmeaningless.

6.Obey your parents (his should be no 1) and dont lie to them or your doctor, the doctor because he will save your life, your parents - they know when youre lying

7.Never ever smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs, those are stupidity of life. Live a healthy and enjoyful life. (I do smoke however )

There are more advice coming I guess and mine is pretty weird to understand.
Everyone walk on his own path and have his on version the meaning of a successful life. Best bet is to ask your parents, they will be behind you forever instead of us, merely 5 minutes of writing.

just grab the bull by the horns and ride him till he throws you off an stomps you.and you should travel when you get the oppurtunity ,see the world life is to short.and never forget where you came from.best wishes to you.

reply to post by TheOneElectric


reply to post by TheOneElectric


I'm 41, happily married, homeowner, small business owner, and working stiff (my wife stays home and runs the business, I work mostly for the benefits and guaranteed income). Both my wife and I are MBAs. we work hard, and play hard, and are big kids at heart. For the most part, we're living our dream, so there's the credentials out of the way...

On to your bullet points.

~I'm 21, about to turn 22
~I graduated College less than two weeks ago with a BA in Political Science/Concentration in Legal Studies
~I'm going to a T1 law school in the fall

Awesome, as long as you enjoy the profession, and aren't doing it solely for the money.

~I do have loans, but my parents are helping with those (thank the Infinite Source for that)

That's good, nothing like that debt constantly nagging you...this was one area we messed up a bit. No parent bailout for us though, so still on our own for this one.

~I have a lot of friends from University and Highschool
~I don't necessarily talk to all of them on a regular basis...sometimes I forget about them, or just don't care enough to contact them...even with facebook

You should at least Facebook them or at least LinkedIn with them though, as you never know who can be a lead into a future opportunity. I've often met people from my distant past, and taken advantage of those former relationships, as we all have (networking).

~Sometimes (see: a lot) I find that I don't take opportunities that are not related to my direct destination. Meaning, I will sometimes shrug off chances for study abroad, weekend social building activities, and campaign events because they don't directly contribute to my goals.

You always have to take some time out to enjoy life, otherwise, just what the heck are you working so hard for?

~I do tend to try to help people as much as I can in the way of notes, studying tips if I've taken the class, passing on my LSAT books, petty donations, picking up people who've been knocked out in a bar etc...(the little stuff)

The Golden Rule, do unto others. Can't go wrong there.

~Sometimes I allow the stress to get to me.

Who doesn't? You have to find at least one activity though, that allows you to de-stress. It's different for everybody. For me and the wife, it's theme parks. Being less than an hour from Orlando, it's a good thing for us.

~Sometimes I'm frightened to all hell when presenting in front of large groups, and other times I'm confident. I can't control it...yet.

Join your local Toastmasters group. Really, there is nothing like it for prepping you on public speaking. And, it's damn cheap (and fun too)

~Not on any meds now. (Most I've been on was Allegra)

And stay that way. Unless you've got some kind of serious pain issues from injuries, I'd strongly recommend against taking any drug on a regular basis*. *Not a doctor mind you, but the goal of big pharmacy isn't to make people better, it's to get people hooked on their product (of course).

~I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish for a huge economic crash or alien contact so that everyone would be relatively free from the rat race (I know how idiotic and selfish that sounds, especially since all of my benefits and opportunities come from the current system and the hard work generations have invested into it. It's a negative quality of mine)

That's just it. Once you consider all you'd lose, the idea of the realities of a Mad Max world really don't seem too great. But, it's our constant yearn for the simple life. Lucky for me, I basically do that each weekend. I'd suggest a similar kind of downtime for you.

~I'm trying to gain a stronger sense of spirituality, maybe even ego death if I'm lucky.

I'd think that ego is likely a requirement for a lawyer. You have to have SOME swagger in the courtroom (again, I think Toastmasters will help you in that).

~I love writing (Check out some of my short story threads)

It's a great hobby, but hard to do as a profession and make money.

~I work out and lift very regularly
~I'm not too tall or too short, average height.

I see where you're going with this. Now is NOT the time to look for Mrs. Right. It's the time to deal with Miss Right Now. You're too young to fully realize what you want and need in a mate, so don't get hung up on it. Also, if you'll be a lawyer, and you marry young, you'll eventually evolve different requirements, divorce her, and she'll take you to the cleaners as she was there while you built everything.

continued....

~I tend to spend a lot of time on the internet, writing, meditating, and generally hanging out by myself or with my parents on holidays

Nothing wrong with that, but you're going to need to learn how to be "one of the guys" if you're going into the legal profession.

~Particularly handsome (Ego is showing)
~Never had a girlfriend...never really wanted one
~Not inexperienced with ladies

You may be fooling yourself, but you aren't fooling me. That's at least 4 bullets about finding a gal, so you're not fooling anybody here. I'm all for you getting your groove on, just don't knock up a gal, or start thinking your first girlfriend is "the one" or your "destiny" or some other such nonsense, and just enjoy the time together. I'm a firm believer that NOBODY should marry until they are at least in their 30's, because until then, they really don't know what they want. Here's a breakdown...

Divorce rates at different ages....

Age: Women: Men:
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

Read more: www.city-data.com...

~Have some wild plans for where I want to take my law degree and what I want to do with it (Can't say, sorry)

Without knowing, can't really help you there, but having a new idea is the key to making it big in this world, of course. Look at any self-made billionaires, and it all started with an innovative idea, so you're right in protecting it.

Best of luck to you friend!