What are you going to Wipe you butt with??

Depends on which religious house is most convenient.
Any one will do.

i shall wipe my ass with the finest silk that caps can buy after i plunder the post apocalyptic wastes of the mojave desert...or was that only in fallout?

I don't know. What did they use before toilet paper existed? It is really not that old of a product. I've heard tale of using old corn cobs. leaves, hey, if a stream of water is near by, you have yourself a natural bidet....


Some how it just seems like it would not be that hard to figure it out. We have been wiping since long before toilet paper was invented, after all.

Use water.

Or silk.

Best thing to have is a multi use item called a DOG.

It can hunt with you, it can also be used to wipe with once you've done your business.
If its small enough to handle you can pick it up and the best thing is its self cleaning, so you can use it over and over.

I'd go all Richard Gere and use a gerbil.

hopefully there's a river nearyby.

if not, put up your hands and back away slowly from that toilet paper right there, thats it, hands where I can see em.

Originally posted by DataWraith
Best thing to have is a multi use item called a DOG.

It can hunt with you, it can also be used to wipe with once you've done your business.
If its small enough to handle you can pick it up and the bext thing is its self cleaning, so you can use it over and over.

Okay Mr President, I'll make sure my dogs stay far far away from ya.

@Thread
I hope everyone takes the topic as seriously as finding jokes about it... 3rd world nations often get a double whammy of the worst kind with Cholera or other Sanitation related diseases precisely because no one, anywhere seems to have thought of such a basic thing. Then, when gathered in disaster, well, yeah it's hard not to call it what it is. A crappy situation.

So laughs....but underlying an issue that's been known to devastate small populations in SHTF type situations, right? if not, well, (starts music box) This land is my land...that land is your land...my land is shiny and your land is.. err..Yeah,

It wont matter. If things get that bad that we have no TP, then we probably have no food as well, so there is nothing to wipe. Then there could be a surplus of TP..... crappy economics.

I would probably use the garments from my neighbors ransacked house, if i was in the middle of nowhere i would chase down a rabbit and use it's feet...not only are they lucky to have, but they come in handy when you eat the wrong tree bark.

oh, I plan on saving all those warning letters from the IRS about me refusing to pay the fee for not being insured....
then there's all those credit card applications....please pay us crap, and if things get tough, well, mother nature provides all, we just don't feel that what she is providing is good enough for us.....

now, let me ask you a question......
the massive solar flare just went off, or nuclear detonation, or whatever, just about every living thing on earth is dying, the water is contaminated, no food....why do you want to survive??

I got my own theory about things.
ya see, I think that the elite are going to go into the underground bunkers, stocked with years of supply of food, with the ability to grow their own also, and they ain't gonna emerge for a few generations. well, some of those not so elite will survive on the surface. their bodies will adapt to the radiation and pollution, mutations will occur. some won't be that great and well....will produce life that isn't that adaptable, but some will produce some magnificent mutations, and these will end up being far superior than the elite who have shielded themselves within their underground bunkers....

so, why fight evolution???

There is a book 'How to S*** in the woods' which addresses this topic. Try Amazon. Seriously.

Your face

reply to post by Lil Drummerboy


Avoid Cuck Norris toilet paper, it don't tak s@@t off anyone

Poison Ivy.

Great replies,, Dog? I couldnt do that to the Dog
But a cat however,, that would be possible,.. nice and soft..
Corn cobs,,, I will pass,.
Leaves,. sure
Silk..ummm yeah if you can get your hand on it..
Poison Ivy?.. you first..

Understandably it a comical topic,.. however.. wouldnt really want to be without something
that was user friendly..

Originally posted by snowspirit
Lambs ear is nice. Soft.
Comfrey leaves might be good also.

Know your plants
Leaves of three, let it be.....

Comfrey might make your bum itch. Bad enough roughing it without an itchy bum.
Lamb's ear?...Is that the same as Dock leaf? Grows near nettles.
You can wipe your bum on the leaves and use the rest to make a tasty Dandelion and burdock drink.
Waste not want not.

Hopefully I'll be using all the fancy , expensive ties I can collect from politicians, lawyers and bankers.

LOL!! umm after my giant stockpile of toilet paper runs out, I'll start with all of the old newspapers, then all of my husband's sports magazine (kidding)

seriously though, old newspapers, magazines, book pages... all work, just crumple and uncrumple the sheet of paper several times to soften it before you wipe... don't want any paper cuts.

leaves also work, just make sure you're not using any ivy looking leaves I would think tropical leaves like banana would work out best.

I've save all of my old Sears Catalogs over the years for such a purpose... It worked for my Grandparents when they were young and when they still had an Outhouse.

Wrinkle the page until its nice and soft and you are good to go.