just when did relationships lose their meaning?

Seriously. Why get into a relationship with someone if you're going to cheat? Or sneak? And yet tell the person you supposedly love that you're only true to them and love them? How can people take a heart and smash it without care? What is so almighty about the orgasm that it makes people hurt the one they're supposed to be with for life? What ever happened to 'til death, in sickness and health, richer to poorer;? What ever happened to the joy of being able to work out problems and get over things and keep the love going?

Why has it gone so downhill since like 1950? The oldsters who have been married for 50, 60, 70 years are a dying breed and this saddens me to no end.

Have a fight? Divorce. Bed time fun isn't 'good enough'? Go cheat. Bored with your sig other? Go cheat. "Being with only one person is horrible" then don't get into a relationship with them!

Ugh. I hate humanity at times. I really do.

LOL the above was my 666th post. REALLY?!?!?!?! I didn't even notice that til now xD

i think we humans if anything, over dress our relationships. we decorate them

Relationships are now how they always have been.
Back in "the day", it was quite common for wives to be "entertaining" and men having something else going on...actually, in the victorian era, if a husband came home and seen gloves on a specific shelf by the door, it meant the wife was otherwise occupied and the husband should go away for awhile.

The difference between now adays and previous generations is...well, nothing really. people just get divorced when they are unhappy verses have a second family on the side.

Now

Clearly you have been cheated on...sucks, doesn't it. I don't know why people do it, unless they got into a relationship to begin with that was based on dishonesty. a happy couple is a couple not afraid to discuss anything under the sun and compromise verses reject. I won't go any deeper into that area beyond the generals.

The secret of it is that in our modern age it is much more prominent and easily exposed by social media and in many ways glorified. The truth is that this has been going on since time for man began, some people can get a handle on instinct, some can't.

Your average female has anywhere from a 15%-33% chance to cheat. Your average male is about 5% higher. Get into married couples and the range spikes to 50% of married females and 60% of married men. What was different in the past is people did a better job of keeping their yaps shut and didn't share their depravity with the world like a medal.

Humans are hard wired to procreate and spread their seed while looking for superior mates. You can't fully ever suppress a million years of instinct with the recent cultural norms society has imposed on itself.

Social engineering at it's finest. Look at what is considered 'pop culture' nowadays, Lady Gaga and Nicky Minaj. Great role models don't you think? It's part of a long standing agenda to get people to accept lesser evils into their lives, little by little, and the end result is the destruction of the family.

I feel sorry for woman nowadays, thanks to MTV Cosmo Madison Avenue and all the artificialness around it. Your basically taught to be inadequate from childhood, to constantly look 'out there' for acceptance rather than look for inner strength. Whats promoted in the mainstream today as being 'cool' and how to be in the social 'in' crowd is to cake yourself with makeup, go to the clubs and act like a tramp, while living a dizzying blur of insecurities.

Men are taught to be emasculated little boys, painting their bodies in tribal art and worshiping meaningless tribal warfare games like Football and UFC, and are taught from childhood to drink beers act like a douche and totally womanize the opposite sex.

People just don't know what they want anymore. How could they with all the crap being crammed down our throats by the media nowadays? The average marriage today lasts only 3 years.

The last thing the people in control want is a intelligent conscious critically thinking younger generation that doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't watch mindless tribal games, isn't bogged down by debt, isn't brainwashed by a constant flow of sexual propaganda and wants to be involved and raise a family. This is why EVERYTHING has been done on a corporate and government level to propagate these things since the 1950's.

I've dealt with my share of relationships, the only way for someone that is awake, aware and true to themselves to get in a relationship that truly works is to hook up with very like minded people. Easier said than done right?

Cheating is generally a surface issue, the reason why they cheated, is the real question. It's not about the "almighty orgasm," so much as there is something underlying, causing the "urge" to act out.

They obviously didn't want to be in the relationship, honestly, they were just too immature to deal with it in an "adult" type of way. (i.e. coming to you and telling you how they really felt.)

They didn't,it's still there.
If you are in a relationship,like a deep one where the future looks like you two will be together till the end,than see it through no matter what.
It will be rough at times,you might even hate each other at times,but it will pass.
To know that you have someone that will join you in the journey of life and stand by you ,well as long as both parties are in agreement and understand the commitment,then the relationship will not lose it's meaning.

I can see that it's more common knowledge today, actually.
Still it's sad. Really sad.
Heart break sucks beyond description.

Relationships can lose meaning when the importance of the superficial details becomes more important than the product produced by the unity of the individuals. Is it no longer about do I like the person and how well are we as a pair? But does she/he have the perfect hair, teeth, body, job, house, tattoo, status etc.? There are so many unspoken expectations (thoughts placed in people’s mind by books, movies, TV images etc) that unless the other person is 100% perfect it become all too easy to discard them in hopes of finding the “right one.”

Once upon a time, people met and they got to know each other and in time they would find out if love was there. Now, it’s supposed to love at first sight and they better live up to all the hidden and unspoken expectations (perfect abs? good friends? devotion even if it’s not returned? etc.)

reply to post by sarra1833


I agree with your assessment of relationships these days. In fact, I have run across girls who think it is their right to date multiple people or have open relationships - right isn't the correct word, the word I'm looking for is more like duty, like they think other relationships are old-fashioned and offensive. The guys I hang out with think the opposite, otherwise I probably wouldn't be hanging out with them.

In addition, it is hard to find real friendships in a world where people are addicted to the superficial friendships of Facebook and texting, or are distracted by those things. This will probably change as society adjusts, though.

I haven't been able to find a girl who is interested in a relationship for a long time, so I have been focusing on my friendships. It does happen every once in a while where you will find a girl or guy who is interested in something more permanent, but it is rare, and you might have to try changing the type of guy you are attracted to.

People have always gone outside their marriages. It is absolutely nothing new.

Literature is full of men and women cheating on one another and people with broken hearts. As soon as people started getting married, they began cheating. Again, the 1950s were not some golden age no matter how hard we all try to remember it that way...

And remember...just because a couple stays married for 80 years doesn't mean they didn't both cheat or that there was no domestic violence, etc. Just means they didn't get a divorce not that they were ever happy

I don't know that it's changed much over time. When I look around at the superficiality I see in people relationships, I have to wonder how relationships with significant others are going to perform given time. All the "Old timers" are locked into kids and investments what have you so it seems to me the sticking rate would be higher. Been through a few relationships myself over time and when they ended, I did a lot of finger pointing at the perceived causes but in retrospect, I can always find my hand in the demise. I always thought for myself that I could ignore the alarm bells when it came time for commitment but over time the noise became so loud I had to admit I'd not chosen wisely. I wasn't always the one to break it off (or maybe inadvertently, I was) but end it would. These days I kinda look at a relationship as if on final approach with a fully loaded airliner, If I don't have three greens...I'm goin around!

BTW many, many people are still in committed relationships.

Just because you've had bad experiences just means they were the wrong person for you.

Either you didn't meet their needs or they didn't meet yours...and not everyone's cut out for 80 years of monogamy

Saving for tommorow.

reply to post by sarra1833

poor you
Bed time fun isn't 'good enough'? - no that's the last thing a relationship should be based on.People are married like 30 or more years are not based on Bed time fun. They had to learn to respect each other in every single way.
Don't say I expected you to change after a while, that's wishful thinking.You get what you choose.
And sometimes choices are just turn out the wrong way. Find yourself somebody hoe feels the same together with you and make the rest of your live sparkling.

be happy (at least try )

Good question, I've thought about this a lot, too. I believe there are lots of reasons, some good ones cited above. Change happens, and it happens fast these days. As with careers, we tend to be several different people over the course of a lifetime. Often partners don't change in the same directions. Also, I think there was less physical security (food, shelter, etc.) in the old days, and less opportunity to head in new directions, so people would put up with more for the sake of security. Of course, that made the social norms and expectations different, and more compelling. Divorce was much more frowned upon and stigmatized. These days it's more like just a matter of some paperwork. Also, the general concept of faith, whether religious of marital, was more ingrained and less individualized...one could say more dogmatic.

To me it gets down to the question: what's more natural? The kind of people who have the right temperment to stay with one person for life still do so. The rest of us can't keep it up through the rough times and still have the drive to continue. I think a lot of miserable people used to stay together becuase of the social pressure.

I remember when my dad died and an old flame grabbed my mom up right away. She said to me, "And he's a NICE man!" I can never forget that -- I knew exactly what she meant, but I sure never expected to hear those words from her regarding her 50 years with my dad!

i've avoided relationships completely, including sex.
i'd prefer to stay out of the entire process until I meet a girl not pretending to be someone else to impress me, and likewise a girl I don't have to change to be around.
if I can't even have that, then I don't want it at all.
I would never cheat, or be violent, or anything but a loving, caring partner, and it seems that NO girl in my life wants that, so I stay the course, yes it's very lonley, what man doesn't want a woman in his arms, but if I wait long enough I only hope to maybe have her find me eventually, cause i'm not looking, it would be worth the wait.

I had a girl add me from high school today, she's absolutely beautiful, but I haven't talked to her in ages and didn't know where to take it, nor did I have the desire to make a move or even take a step in making it seem like i'm a viable mate, when it was completely obvious she found that in me.

it doesn't matter. i've been alone most of my life, can't last that much longer.

Here ya go:



Do your homework first. A man can and will say anything. If you really want to get to know a man, watch him when he doesn't know you are. ( Don't mind all the scratching and picking though.....that's what we do ) If you base your relationship on orgasms, don't expect it to last long. If you don't want it to last long that's fine, but don't bitch when it ends because you got what you asked for.

If you're looking for something long lasting, make him work for it. Trust me, if a man has to wait a couple of months before he REALLY gets to know you.......then he wants to know more about you than the obvious. You're going to have to be very patient though because I know guys, I am one, and most of them aren't capable of looking very deep into a woman. They don't really see the point as long as you put out, are able to hold an intelligent conversation every once in a while and can help feed them. Most of us are animals honey.

Every once is a blue moon a woman gets lucky and finds a man who's deep and actually makes HER work just as hard for him as she does for her. But don't hold your breath for him because most of them are either taken or gay. If you're jaded enough by the whole process or you're just a natural "hold out" and you know HOW to look for a man like that, you just might find him. But when you do......be ready. He's likely to blow your mind.

When he finally asks you to be with him, do yourself a favor and say yes. Trust me, he'll do all he can to make the wait worth it.

My op wasn't about ME personally. I'm happy to be an Ace (asexual) so my idea of romance and showing love is by holding hands, hugging and doing fun things like hiking, camping, etc. Ace's don't need nor desire sex but that's a whole other topic to write about if I even decided to write that anywhere here xD. My dear friend was the one used and betrayed and I've seen it so much in my life that I just had to spew here about it. I just hate how the world is with lack of long term love, families even going at each others throats, good friends turning on good friends and all we seem to crave is war and horrible depressing bad news. :C