Bitter, Party of one, Your Table is Ready...

[color=dodgerblue]I am in a super dark place right now. I am trying very hard to find the silver lining, to remain positive and to find a shred of hope.

I am angry with my body.

I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at only 30 years old.

I am angry.
I am sad.
I am beyond frustrated.
I feel betrayed by my body.
I feel I am too young to feel this sick.
I am scared.
I am terrified by how awful I feel.
I am scared that I will feel this way forever.
I am afraid that I will be disabled.
I stare at my severely swollen hands and wonder what will become of them.

Rheumatoid Arthritis is an auto-immune disorder where your immune system attacks your joints. It's progressive, degenerative and has no cure.

It seemed to hit so suddenly but after much research and hindsight, I think it started about two years ago. I went from doctor to doctor trying to find a reason to why I felt so rotten. All of them dismissing me, offering me antidepressants and basically telling me that it was all in my mind. I had two ct scans, blood tests, urine tests, ultrasounds, and finally a laparoscopic surgery over the course of a year. Every test came back normal. Every doctor said it was nothing. Every doctor was barking up the wrong tree. But so was I...

I gave up.
Maybe it really was all in my head.
Maybe I was crazy.

This last fall, I started to get really tired. Like unbelievable exhaustion that just wouldn't go away. It didn't matter how much sleep I managed.

Then my knee started to hurt. Then my other knee. But after a while it went away. It must be fine.

Then I lost my appetite. The couple pounds I lost made sense, I wasn't eating. I chalked it up to stress and depression. No big deal, I thought.

I got the what I thought was the flu twice in January. But that made sense too because it's going around. Everyone is getting it.

Then I woke up with full body joint pain that came on over night. It couldn't be the flu again. I knew it wasn't. In that moment I knew that there was something seriously wrong. I went to the doc, he ordered blood work and gave me another antidepressant that I am not going to take and scheduled a follow up.

When I saw the hospital's number on the caller Id the next day, I froze. I was just there yesterday. I knew they had bad news. They wouldn't be calling if they didn't.

That's how I found out. Just like that. I didn't know what to say. So I said 'okay' and I hung up.

I have cried a river of tears. Why me? Why now? Don't I have enough going on? I am a mom and a student and I have stuff to do. I don't have time for this. I don't have time to be sick. I don't have time to wait around half the day for the stiffness to ease up. I don't have time to take a nap because showering and making myself presentable seriously wore me out. I don't have time to stop and rest. I have stuff to do.. the house isn't going to clean itself. And that research paper? It's not going to write itself either.

The only silver lining I have found, is that I have an answer to why I have felt so awful (off and on) for the last two years. That and I am not crazy, there really was something there. It just took the right doctor to pick the right blood test to figure it out.

Here is where you come in. I need a better silver lining.

I know that someone always has it worse. I keep telling myself that. I am also fully aware that this pity party isn't doing me a damn bit of good. But it is hard as hell to see the bright side of this.



[color=dodgerblue]I don't look sick. And that little man in the picture? Is a big reason why I need a silver lining.

I feel your pain. Now imagine being allergic to Ibuprofen as well.

Edit: Swimming really helps, very low impact, takes your mind off the pain, and seems to help a lot!

reply to post by daryllyn

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I did a quick search and there are sufferers on ATS too. Maybe this thread can help
www.abovetopsecret.com...
I wish you much strength.

I think I have RA, but no way I can go to a Dr.
No silver lining for you, but hugs from a fellow mother. It's like the world is on our shoulders, then they add mars.

reply to post by superman2012


[color=dodgerblue]Damn. That has to be awful. How about Naproxen?

Its good to know that other people out there have been there.

What about a colloidal silver lining?

Rheumatoid arthritis, is certainly helped by Colloidal Silver. We recommend a cupful daily, and believe that this will be more effective when combined with other methods such as Zell-Oxygen to harmonise the immune system.

www.regenerativenutrition.com...

And if you ever have doubts that it might not be helpful...

in 1997, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) ruled that colloidal silver drug products were not considered safe or effective.

The joke there is that the FDA does not care at all about any of us, it's corrupt, and they approve so many dangerous and toxic substances. I've seen colloidal silver destroy MRSA so I know it really does work. There is information online about natural approaches to helping your condition, research as much of it as you can.

reply to post by LightSpeedDriver


[color=dodgerblue]I have been corresponding with a few ladies here on ATS (Thank you Fission and Iamschist ) and have gotten a lot of info. I still have a lot of research to do. FissionSurplus gave me a TON of places to start.

reply to post by daryllyn


Dear daryllyn,

I am sorry, it is the worst type of arthritis. Since age 18, I have suffered from non-rheumatoid arthritis as a result of having been a gymnast. For the past 35 years I have been told that they need to replace my knuckles with plastic, yet, they have not. I am in pain everyday and sometimes suffer from gout (which really flips the pain switch as I also have arthritis in my neck. The bad news is, yours is going to get worse because it is rheumatoid. The first thing you have to do is accept that, if you don't then you won't adjust to it and adjusting will take work.

I used to draw and I used to write; but, now I type and don't draw at all. By insisting that I type everyday, I have kept my hands in better shape by keeping the muscles strong. There are many things that you can do too and you are young enough that you can begin them now. A physical therapist and pain management classes can help a lot, they can help you deal with it rather than just medicate you.

While rheumatoid is bad, they have a lot of things that can help now that they did not 30 years ago. Work with your doctor and find what is right for you and don't stop using your joints, the pain gets easier as you learn to deal with it. I want to tell you about a woman I saw on television. She was in her 50s I believe and was in Bakersfield, California. She was bit by a brown recluse spider (also known as a violin spider, very bad). She lost her arms, legs and nose from the bite. A reporter asked her if she felt it would be better if she were dead and the woman said that she was still able to have her grandchildren in her lap and be of help. I don't know if I would have her courage; but, I sure admired her. We don't know how much courage we have until we have to live it. It all starts with shock, that is just a natural first reaction. The next step is often anger; we work towards acceptance. Sorry this has happened to you, best wishes. Hope you find something useful in what I said.

reply to post by showintail

[color=dodgerblue]Your comment jerked a tear. Because that is exactly what it feels like.

If you can get to a doctor, ask for them to check your Rheumatoid factor and check your blood for markers of inflammation.

reply to post by daryllyn


Well,How about a BIG internet hug from me.......

I am sorry to hear that you have this. Getting bad news from ANY doctor,is always bad.

But life goes on. I don't say it nonchalantly,but I say it so your spirits are not too deeply hurt.

I also say it because of your precious child.

Positive thoughts works wonders............

I am sure there are those on ATS that have MORE knowledge about your aliment,and maybe advice to help you cope with it all.

I just wanted to give ya a big ol internet hug,and say it will be all right...........

I found a solution for you. It's also how you cure cancer, tuberculosis, and many other diseases.

It's called Gerson Therapy, and it involves drinking fresh squeezed juice.

Case Studies Subject: Rheumatoid Arthritis

BILL, SEVERE RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS, BLEEDING STOMACH ULCERS.

In 1941, X-rays taken at New York Presbyterian Medical Center showed that Bill’s spine was fused from top to bottom with rheumatoid arthritis. His doctors offered him no hope. He began the Gerson Therapy with Dr. Gerson in October, 1941. Bill also suffered from bleeding stomach ulcers, which vanished in six weeks. Bill resumed some light work after 7 1/2 months on the Therapy, and took on heavy duties in 14 months. His health was completely restored. Our last contact with Bill indicated that he enjoyed over 50 years of good health.

MELVA, ARTHRITIS, DIABETES, ALZHEIMERS, KIDNEY, ADRENAL DISEASE, CUSHING'S SYNDROME.

Melva suffered from a number of medical problems, beginning in 1944, and underwent conventional treatments until 1979. Melva had heart problems and coronary artery disease. She was diagnosed as diabetic in 1965, and began taking drugs to control the disease. Melva developed poor control of her legs, and began to lose feeling in her legs and feet. She also suffered from Cushing's syndrome (adrenal disease, obesity, fatigue, weakness, osteoporosis, edema, infections). One year, she contracted pneumonia twice. In addition to her other health problems, Melva had an enlarged liver and arthritis in many of her joints. She was diagnosed with premature Alzheimer’s disease, and among her symptoms were anxiety, ataxia, confusion and aphasia. She was on prescription drugs for many years, and underwent many surgeries during this time. Melva began the Gerson Therapy at the clinic in Mexico in October, 1979. She astonished her doctors with her rapid improvement. Her many health problems and diseases vanished; she went off all of her drugs. Melva remained active and healthy for 22 years, and passed away in 2001 at age 86.

gerson.org...

I have regular arthritus which sucks even with pain meds. I know how difficult it must be for you to be in pain everyday and limited in what you may be able to do. I have just overcome cancer and have lived through that. Still going for chemp/radiation as precautionary treatments. I just take one day at a time and try to make the best of it. Maybe the doc can prescribe somethng to lessen the pain for you. In any case, I wish you all the best.

Hugs Sweety! That cutie pa tootie in your arms is your silver lining right there! What a doll! From everything I have read there will be better days. It is also perfectly appropriate to be overwhelmed. When my life has been more than I care carry, I quit trying to carry all of it, I just get through the next hour. If that becomes to much, Dear Lord, just get me through the next 1/2 hour and so on. I have been down to minutes, but I did come through and so will you. Take the love babe, it is yours!

reply to post by Iamschist


[color=dodgerblue]Thank you, Ma'am.

Things do seem bigger when you are looking at the big picture and asking all of the questions at the same time.

Maybe it's time to downsize.

reply to post by daryllyn


Wish I could . Mine started 3 yrs ago. Figured it was foot pain from pregnancy. 6th pregnancy and all. But it didn't stop after birth. About a year later it seemed to stop. Off and on pain and now in the past year it's my hands a.d feet. Constant pain.

I just turned 30. House full of "babies ":. 5 kids. 8,7,4,2,1.

Mom's have super powers.

STAY POSITIVE!!!
I picked up parvovirus B-19 when I was 39 first thing they did was turn me into a pharmacy then I said no to the drugs and did the work out stuff Superman2012 said and It helped.

Then I got it again,,, methyltrexate 1 mil a week and the other drugs and the workouts and it calmed down ::::

this is important
Stay positive. You will be able to work. Want to work. Stay positive. Looks like you have some family that loves you. Hands and hips will hurt but you are breathing and that is life

Remicade works if you let it...stay positive

try getting a stomach parasite or two. your body will be busy trying to fight the parasite( which it can't do very well) and will most likely ignore your joints. parasites can actually be helpful, but developed countries eradicate parasites, 3rd world countries have plenty of parasites and fewer autoimmune diseases and alergies as a result.

I definitely know what you mean about the constant exhaustion and feeling ill. I had a serious health problem with my left kidney for a long time before I found out what was actually wrong. The constant fatigue almost drove me crazy.
As for your arthritis, have you looked into magnetic therapy? As a side thought, I wonder if there would be any way to kill the nerves in your fingers and hands so as to make yourself unable to feel pain without disabling your use of your hands.

reply to post by daryllyn

Here is where you come in. I need a better silver lining.

Look in my signture, his name is written in it. If you have him, you have everything. In his name you can have hope. If you don't know him, get to know him and bring yourself peace of mind.

I have my own ailments, failing heart and had 14 feet of intestine removed. My body is falling apart out from under me at the age of 32 but it's alright. At the end of this road we will get new bodies and the hell we live in now will be nothing but a dream.

Don't give up, keep fighting and if you go down, go down swinging (not talking about sex either, because i know someone is going to say something about it).

Godbless and peace be with you.

Originally posted by lonewolf19792000
reply to post by daryllyn

 

Here is where you come in. I need a better silver lining.

Look in my signture, his name is written in it. If you have him, you have everything. In his name you can have hope. If you don't know him, get to know him and bring yourself peace of mind.

I have my own ailments, failing heart and had 14 feet of intestine removed. My body is falling apart out from under me at the age of 32 but it's alright. At the end of this road we will get new bodies and the hell we live in now will be nothing but a dream.

Don't give up, keep fighting and if you go down, go down swinging (not talking about sex either, because i know someone is going to say something about it).

Godbless and peace be with you.

Bad things happening to our bodies is simple, logical reality. Why should a person pray to God or Jesus or whoever for their lives to be improved? There are starving African babies who will never experience good health.
Religion is an ignorant way to deal with health problems. Accept the fact that our bodies are not perfect, and since you are a religious person, you can also accept the fact that God did not design our bodies to be perfect. They were designed to have limitations and to fail over time. If you want enlightenment, come to peace with your situation without begging God to make it less miserable.