The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

My Great Grandmother lived to be 108 years old. Till the very end she was as witty and capable as she ever was. It was suprising she lived so long because she smoked cigarettes and drank wiskey daily for practically all of her life. When someone would ask her what her secret was she would tell them to live without regret and have fun. When she passed she was not sick or diseased. The coroner was puzzled because in his estimate she was in good health for a 108 year old woman. They found her sitting at her kitchen table like she was asleep. We like to think that she just decided it was time to go.

Originally posted by Asktheanimals
Even though every adult in my life had told me at some point I was doing something wrong (if?) I have no regrets.

I don't think having no regrets means your doing something wrong. I like to see my "mistakes" and much needed lessons. If you really learn from your choices in life, "good" or "bad", you'll come out a stronger person, and there is no need to regret that.

Originally posted by LastStand
My Great Grandmother lived to be 108 years old. Till the very end she was as witty and capable as she ever was. It was suprising she lived so long because she smoked cigarettes and drank wiskey daily for practically all of her life. When someone would ask her what her secret was she would tell them to live without regret and have fun. When she passed she was not sick or diseased. The coroner was puzzled because in his estimate she was in good health for a 108 year old woman. They found her sitting at her kitchen table like she was asleep. We like to think that she just decided it was time to go.

edit on 12/15/2011 by LastStand because: (no reason given)

This gives me soooo much hope. It really does, I am set to live to 108 without giving up my cigs and Jameson.

reply to post by Droogie


Guilty as charged.

But how do you redeem yourself once you know?

reply to post by thisguyrighthere


Very good statement.





Every post on this thread is worth a star...so everyone got one.


Best I can do.

*S&F*

Interesting. I can see most of those as pretty much being the same one. Death bothers me because I haven't experienced things that I've wanted to yet. I hear NY has the best pizza in the world. I would like to know that for myself. Scuba diving? @ the Corral Reef off of OZ? The Great Whites of South Africa? There's just so much I want to see before I'm ready to go.

As it turns out, I'm pretty at peace with myself for these things. If I haven't done the things I wanted, I at least don't blame myself for being the person I was (or am) and not taking advantage of situations I should have. It would be nice to have kept up with friends more, for instance, but that takes a lot of time and effort. And I've changed over the years. I'm not the same person, so I wouldn't necessarily have the same friends. Things change. I don't feel bad about that.

Anyway, it looks like I can pretty much die at any time now and not have any huge regrets.
BRING IT ON, GRIM REAPER!

Actually I think my first regret upon dying would be either:

1) I shouldn't have gone with the bare bones healthcare plan.
2) I KNEW that she was lying when my wife kept telling me she was adding almond extract to my coffee.

Now, more seriously,

As somebody who faced a potentially terminal illness, and lived with it for roughly fourteen years (and was, therefore, in a way, dying that whole time) I didn't waste time regretting anything. In fact that sort of thinking left me entirely. It all came to be about maximization of what life was left.

Oddly, as soon as my illness was cured (It was a heart problem called Wolfe-Parkinson-White Syndrome - you can Google it if you wish. Today it's one day outpatient surgery and cured. Twenty years ago it was open heart surgery that didn't work and a "Well you'll go when you go, we've helped all we can" prognosis.)... Anyway, oddly, as soon as I was cured... THAT was when regret, fear, etc entered my life in the form of PTSD.

Strange how things work sometimes.

Originally posted by D8ncer
Good post.

Pity that I will most likely cover all five points when i go.

You already know what to do. It is indeed a pity if you still will not do anything to change the course of your life.

Excellent post! S&F. Very positive. I like seeing more content like this on ATS. With all of the trolls here, we need it.

Generally the older you get the more you realize that time is short. I have traveled all over the world, seen places so beautiful it brought tears to your eyes. Yet of the three dreams that I have wanted in life only one remains that has a chance of being fulfilled. The three were;

1. Having a house in the country away from the city and raising my kids in a healthy and relaxed life style.
(Sadly due to carrier choice I was forced to live in the city and my children now are all grown with families of their
own.)

2. To jump out of a perfectly good airplane and live to tell about it.
(Not that I couldn't do this, but age and my wife's disapproval has laid this one to rest. I'm OK with that.)

3. My last dream is to have a yacht and by gum I'm going to get one. I don't know how, but I'm going to at least
fulfill one dream.

I am sure some will say that the yacht is rather selfish because of there cost. However, it's not about traveling to exotic locations and basking in the sun while sipping piña colada's. It's about taking doctors and nurses to remote locations accessible only by sea and providing care to those in need. The yacht allows you to stay on station while providing support and supplies for the doctors and nurses. That is a dream that one way or another I'm going to fulfill.

It is good to be willing to think about these things before we are dying. I almost died, suddenly and unexpectedly. That jolt changed alot of things. The realization that at any time this journey could be over. It's gone by so fast. I'm more grateful now for the simple things in life. I like to just sit and listen to the sounds of the ocean or watch the birds flutter around.

Spending time with the people who truly care about me, the ones who were there when times were hard. You really do find out who your true friends are when things aren't going so well.
The ones that stick by you through the ups and downs. They are worth holding on to and treating well. It sounds pretty obvious but it is so easy to get caught up in trying to impress the wrong people. I don't try to impress people anymore. I'm just real. Who I am. If people don't like it, that's OK, there's no law saying people have to like me but at least it was me they didn't like and not a phony trying to impress. Alot of people actually someone being real because then they can let down their guard and be real too. It's a much more relaxed way of being.

There is so much to be grateful for. Life itself is quite fascinating in all it's topsy turvy ups and downs. I regret having hurt anyone along the way that didn't deserve it, even if it was unconscious on my part. Each new day is like a blank canvas and we can paint on it whatever we choose to, that's how I like to think of it.

Very interesting post! I worked as a CNA years ago, before I got my degree, and was present for maybe a dozen deaths. I honestly don't remember any of them speaking of regrets, most of them talked about their children, grand children, or their own stories of their lives. Some of them were so interesting! I took care of one woman who had been the Mayor of Manitou Springs, CO (might have been the first female mayor) and had "driven out gambling" during her time in office. I took care of many retired nuns who had fascinating tales of working in schools on reservations and the pranks of the children and the other nuns. Most of them just wanted to talk and they had very interesting stories to tell. Something you won't hear much about, unless you work with dying people, is that for many, many people, it is hard to tell if they are still alive, past a certain point. There are signs the end is near, and the Charge Nurse will call the family so they can come, but it may be an hour or a week. They often seem to hang on for a visit from someone in particular, or for a special day to arrive.

The clearest signs I remember were "mottling" of the flesh, and extremely weak breathing (much fewer breaths and very shallow breaths). They generally stop vocalizing at all by this point, although sometimes people will stir and say something, sometimes even something coherent, though usually not. Mottling is when blood sinks to the lower parts of the body and looks like purplish blotches (like if you have pale skin and get cold). I used to go in and frequently check my patients pulse and breathing, who were near passing, I tried to be there for them so they would not have to be alone.

There were a few I felt very sad for, one fellow in particular who had some degree of mental slowness, and no family came to visit him. He was fairly healthy, but got an upper respiratory illness that developed into pneumonia and went rapidly downhill. He was gone in just a few days. Another lady developed such a high fever that our thermometers on the floor could not measure her temp, and her skin, which had been amazingly youthful looking, broke out in water blisters all over from the high fever. She was sent to the hospital and passed there. I could go on and on, but anyway, if you are interested, I highly recommend the book, "On Death and Dying" by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. It is fascinating.

The underlying theme in this article to me OP, is fear in the end.
Being afraid of consequences, of not being able to provide, of hunger, of change, of opinions, and of the worst one...............the unknown.

I decided years ago, as a teenager, that I would never fear, no matter what it was, that I would defiantly stick my chin out and dare the universe to show me I'm wrong. I refused to cower pathetically and await my fate.

I became a hypocrite earlier this year and suffered for it, anxiety (which I had never suffered from) and fear in bucket loads, it crippled me. Not just for myself, but for my kids and my family.

Then I let it all go, it feels like it happened over night and it is dizzying still.

I'm back to sticking my chin out and I'm not afraid any more, what will happen will happen, and the only thing I can control is how I deal with the everyday of everyday, and what kind of person I am.
The rest, will take care of itself.

Great thread OP

"You either have money and no time..or time and no money"

Thanks for the thread..very thoughtful list I must say ..so plan ahead friends..or just live and do your best everyday..SnF Cheers Coco

This is truly amazing. Star and flag for you. Thank you for this truly enlightening thread.

Very poignant and touching post,My partner and i whilst out walking last week discussed life in a very earnest warts n all way, what we still havent done ,what we had been ostriches about,why we didnt say what we intended to say,why we allowed ourselves be manipulated or used in some past experiences,why we hadnt asserted ourselves over x or y etc etc .So we postulated what if we think this when we are on our death beds with absolutely no chance to remedy or correct or grasp an opportunity.But while we are aware now lets take this as a revelation lets go skinny dipping, lets climb our last tree,lets go to all the historical sites we always put off going to,lets go and see such and such a body we havent seen in 30 years.Lets move to Majorca make it happen at least try our hardest,lets change our boring daily tired old agneda.MOST OF ALL I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING IVE HAD STUCK DEEP IN THE RECESSES OF MY HEAD FOR 40 YEARS .....AND THEN A WEEK LATER THIS THREAD AWESOME but i wasnt half touched as i read and reflected trhat could be my dad my granma my best friend saying those things .Ive copied this for my partner shes in bed to read tomorrow .A GREAT POST its worthy of a lot of reflection and soul searching .Before i go i wonder how many of the other posters are actually at one with themsleves and feel they are trully who they ARE! .No i mean really trully you?How many times for sake of convenience do we put on a 'face' or an act ,I know it wouldnt be expedient to say at an interview when asked why you want the job?the job sucks but the moneys great.but thats the truth how many times have you felt the liberation of truth?Anyway fabulous post give me much food for thought thumbs upo from me!!!!!

“Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.”
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Lou Holtz quotes (American Football coach, 1937-1980)

“Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution.”

“Do what you fear and fear disappears.”
David Joseph Schwartz quotes

“It's not enough to have a dream unless I'm willing to pursue it. It's not enough to know what's right unless I'm strong enough to do it. It's not enough to join the crowd, to be acknowledged and accepted. I must be true to my ideals, even if I'm excluded and rejected. It's not enough to learn the truth unless I also learn to live it. It's not enough to reach for love unless I care enough to give it.”
Anon.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Originality is a by-product of sincerity.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.

You were born an original. Don’t become a copy.

To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up."

Various authors

Originally posted by 1littlewolf
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. ~James Dean

Why always "not yet"? Do flowers in spring say "not yet"? ~Norman Douglas

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln

Simple quotes which I'm sure we've all heard but they take on new meaning when seen in the light of your post. Thanks for the share OP. S&F

Even if you believe their is something more beyond death, we've all been born on Earth at this time for a reason. And whatever that reason is I'm sure it has nothing to do with working monday to friday 9-5, being 'respectable' or paying off the mortgage....

All wonderful and true observations.
Kudos to you for bringing all these quotes up.

This is great. I'm going to give it a good think.

Wow that is some deep stuff there really made me think and reflect now before it is too late.