The deadbeat dad case

reply to post by SevenBeans




You find it hard to believe? So did I ten years ago! In the beginning I offered him 50/50 and said child support wouldn't be involved.Obviously that didn't happen. It's fine if it is unbelievable to you that's a lot of what this site is about right?

Originally posted by nikkij
You find it hard to believe? So did I ten years ago! In the beginning I offered him 50/50 and said child support wouldn't be involved.Obviously that didn't happen. It's fine if it is unbelievable to you that's a lot of what this site is about right?

Well I guess I'll have to wait for Paul Harvey to rise from the dead to get the rest of the story... I don't think I'm gonna get the whole thing from you.

Why only 50/50 if you didn't want a child anyway?

reply to post by navy_vet_stg3


What a great father you are! I honestly believe that child support isn't just about deadbeat dads, but deadbeat parents. The only issue I feel sorry for my ex is the fact that he doesn't even know how much he is missing out!

reply to post by SevenBeans


I could post a link to my many emails I have saved or my actual child support account, but I'm pretty sure my SSN would be on there! Thanks for your view on things. I know the truth and that's all that matters to me.

Why only 50/50? because while I may not have wanted to get pregnant I do love my daughter and want to be in her life. I am responsible for 50% dont you think? Although, I do 100%. She is the greatest little girl. The moment I felt her move in my womb I knew I was her mother and her father was there with his hand on my belly and a smile on his face! How was I supposed to know things would change? And although his feelings for her diminished mine GREW!!

Originally posted by nikkij
I could post a link to my many emails I have saved or my actual child support account, but I'm pretty sure my SSN would be on there! Thanks for your view on things. I know the truth and that's all that matters to me.

Why only 50/50? because while I may not have wanted to get pregnant I do love my daughter and want to be in her life. I am responsible for 50% dont you think? Although, I do 100%. She is the greatest little girl. The moment I felt her move in my womb I knew I was her mother and her father was there with his hand on my belly and a smile on his face! How was I supposed to know things would change? And although his feelings for her diminished mine GREW!!

edit on 30-6-2011 by nikkij because: (no reason given)

NP : ) I do understand, I had a similar experience of not wanting a child and then getting bowled over and forever (and insanely) dedicated to my Son as soon I saw him look up at me, as I gave him his first bath right after delivery.

reply to post by navy_vet_stg3


I personally know about ten single mothers right now struggling because of dead beat dads. I know of only one father who is struggling without the mother.

Yes there are dead beat mothers, but the numbers for dead beat fathers is much higher.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by navy_vet_stg3

 

I personally know about ten single mothers right now struggling because of dead beat dads. I know of only one father who is struggling without the mother.

Yes there are dead beat mothers, but the numbers for dead beat fathers is much higher.

That's because Mothers almost always get primary custody, on a percentage basis non-custodial Mothers are much more likely NOT to pay.

According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States today, and those parents are responsible for raising 21.8 million children (approximately 26% of children under 21 in the U.S. today)



Approximately 84% of custodial parents are mothers, and
16% of custodial parents are fathers

Now would you look at that. 84 percent are mothers. Nope,no Gender Bias there..........(sarcasm)

79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed

90% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed

As you can see,women DO work,but are STILL given the children 84% of the time.



84% of child support providers are men
60% of child supporters provide for one child, 30% support two, and 10% support three or more children
Almost 50% of the people who make child support payments are younger than 40
Men pay a medium of $3,600 annually to support their children, while women pay a medium of $2,400 each year. The median income of a provider of child support is $42,000
76% of the child support payments are due to court order or child support agreement.

www.resource4familylaw.com...

the statistics tell a different story than what you "feel" is the truth

thank you sonny1 for the link

if you wish i can post the statistics for deadbeat mothers...its much higher than deadbeat fathers by the way... men are demonized but women are at least as bad and statistics say they are worse and deadbeats much more often...bias in the system stigmatizes men and ignores deadbeat mother...


its common for people to say well i know lots of deadbeat fathers but only a few deadbeat mothers...that isnt reflected in the actual statistics and is anecdotal and does not come off as honest. please do some real research and dont just look for points that support your argument

both of my ex wives are deadbeats...first one paid a total of 75 dollars to me when i had the children for 3 years..second wife hasnt had custody for almost 4 years and to date has paid nothing...

reply to post by SevenBeans


I am talking about parents who refuse to be a part of the children's lives, not out of court ordered custody.

the really really sad part is that women get custody over 80% of the time and make up the majority of deadbeats statisticly...

reply to post by CaDreamer


Yes I have read those reports, what you have to do is look at the actual numbers. The percentage is higher for mothers not paying child support, but the number of deadbeat mothers versus deadbeat fathers is much much lower.

reply to post by nixie_nox


the statistics would be dramatically different if men where given equal footing in courts.

there are a lot of Ahole men and women out there, i have always taken care of my children...no matter the cost. as i am sure the same is true for you.

the system is broken and is at least partially responsible for the issue at hand.

since the courts award custody to mothers at a much much higher rate the number of deadbeat fathers is of course higher... however since statistically women more often do not pay...if the court bias was removed there would be a much higher amount of women defaulting on their child support.

First of all, child support is not for a childs needs per se, actually in legal terms it is "to provide the child/children with the same standard of living had the parental relationship not dissolved"

Therefore, it may seem at times that CS payments are more than a child would ever need, needs are not always the point.

Also, the money is paid to the custodial parent so that they can spend the money accordingly. Some that can, put the money away for the child when they are older. Some give it to the child to spend now, some have to pay their bills and such with it; in as much as you have to provide clothing, food and shelter for your child. Not everyone can put it in a big pool for when the kid turns 18.

My personal experience of child support has seen both sides of the issue. My own child is owed $12,000 in child support and shes turning 12 this year (what is that a thousand a year?) Her paternal father is a dead beat, he works under the table and makes really good money. He was in town a few months ago and I petitioned him and he was actually making small payments here and there. He wanted his moneys worth though. After 11 years he finally decided he wanted a part of his daughters life. It was a tough decision but I let them get together. They exchanged numbers.
Then. He skippped town, cut off his cell phone and we haven't heard hide nor hair of him since. Rarely do I use the word, but I hate that man.

My boyfriend has been paying child support to two different women, for his two kids for 15 years. He barely has enough for himself and these greedy B******s keep taking him to court because they want more, more, more. He doesn't miss payments, but he rarely gets to see his children. .


The one mother is a fat slob and spends all her money on pills and pot, she has a decent state job, but can't manage to keep and apartment. She gets all the support money and the child doesn't even live with her, she lives with grandma.
The other mother just recently called CPS on her own son in some sick twisted head game she had going on. She was happy to continue to collect support payments as her disillusioned son was pingponged around to various relatives.

So, yeah. I've seen both sides.

reply to post by CaDreamer


My view on child support is the same as my view on abortion. The actual abortion isn't the problem, it is why people need it in the first place.
People need to stop looking at it from personal perceptions. Yes you go thte short end of the stick and got an absentee mother. That doesnt' make the courts biased.
Do some people use it as a weapon? Of course. And the children suffer for it.
Why is the percentage higher for women getting custody? There are probably many reasons.

But we see many women who come into social services who will not name a father, who refuse to come up with a name. Because that man has abused them and scared them so much, they are not willing to tell a neutral agency who they are because they are scared of being found.

The number of women who don't claim child support is high, 30%.

I am in the group of women who have not claimed child support. Because the men use the court systems to their advantage and financially break the mother in the process of disputing child support, or custody.
I do not claim child support as the father has a mental illness that made him a horrible abusive tyrant to me, but he is fine to our son for now. I won't start the war by instigating a child support payment and we share 50/50 custody. Because I am not dragging through the courts, he is pretty congenial right now, so I would rather lose a few hundred bucks then be sick with worry over court battles. But not all people would see it my way. Both parents working together is what is best for the child. And right now both of us can put down the boxing gloves to do that.

But you just look at the numbers, and not the reasons.

Instead of crying that the courts are biased, maybe the courts are accurate. And the children are better off with the mother.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
Yes I have read those reports, what you have to do is look at the actual numbers. The percentage is higher for mothers not paying child support, but the number of deadbeat mothers versus deadbeat fathers is much much lower.

Duh!

The point is that non-custodial Mothers are more likely to be deadbeats than non-custodial Fathers.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
People need to stop looking at it from personal perceptions. Yes you go thte short end of the stick and got an absentee mother. That doesnt' make the courts biased.

No it doesn't make them... but they are.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
But we see many women who come into social services who will not name a father, who refuse to come up with a name. Because that man has abused them and scared them so much, they are not willing to tell a neutral agency who they are because they are scared of being found.

Or they say that (even though they're living with the Father) so they can collect benefits and also keep the Father's whole paycheck. I've known several couples who did this.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
The number of women who don't claim child support is high, 30%.

See above. Many of them also probably have no idea who the Father is.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
I am in the group of women who have not claimed child support. Because the men use the court systems to their advantage and financially break the mother in the process of disputing child support, or custody.

That's a good one...

Originally posted by nixie_nox
Instead of crying that the courts are biased, maybe the courts are accurate.

And maybe I'm an immortal alien who can fly... the evidence however suggests that they are biased (and that I'm a mortal human being who can only jump a few feet into the air before falling on my azz).