The Official "I Have Been Raptured" Thread

Hello ATS! Since we all know that the majority of us will be raptured today, I thought we could make a thread for those to post in when they get raptured to tell us what to expect in our own rapture. Now some of us wont be raptured because we choose not to believe in man made religion or text written by man that claims to be the 'word of God'. There are others that wont be raptured because they actually read The Bible and know that nobody, not The Angels in Heaven nor The Son, only The Father will know when the second coming will actually occur.... but why listen to The Bible or even Jesus? Those people wont be raptured either because they refused to listen to words spoken by their savior. No, only those that put all their faith into this clown that has already been wrong once before will be taken away and effectively 'beamed up' by Scotty himself.

Im curious. How is it this easy to gain the attention of the entire world? All you have to do is spew nonsense from your lips a few hours a day and keep repeating it until everyone believes it? There are actually people that are taking this seriously... yet cant open their eyes wide enough to witness the poison in their tap water. Oh Im sorry! This is blasphemy! How dare I speak ill of the TRUE prophet, this washed up radio host desperate to scam people to steal money, HOW DARE I?!

So remember when you are raptured make sure to log into ATS and let us know! I do hope that the mods arent raptured because then who would control all the trolls that havent been raptured because they trolled ATS? Oh my.... what an ATS we'll be left with then!

reply to post by AndrewJay


Like this below?

"Im curious. How is it this easy to gain the attention of the entire world? All you have to do is spew nonsense from your lips a few hours a day and keep repeating it until everyone believes it? "

Like that above??

Seriously...someone say RAPTURE, ONE MORE TIME......

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/ae9f3f7652eb.gif[/atsimg]

reply to post by AndrewJay




Hey... May 21 2011..... I am still waiting for my rapture... I had too much wine last night ... after all it was the end of the world so I thought what the hey !!!!..., no, I had too much wine after a rubbish day at work. So, if the rapture is coming today, brilliant, bring it on. I could do with it. We are all waiting for the tide to turn and finally become the contented happy souls we should be.

peace

Maybe we were all left behind.

Might of been a very small list.......

Got raptured !!

It B awesome !

High speed internet for everyone and big screen TVs !

Jesus is handing out party favors like he used to hang out at Studio 54 !

Man, can't wait for you guys to get here.

Funny, I don't see any of those noisy, crazy, Christians...

Whoa, hey-suess, pass that over here...

Gotta go.

You sure fooled me. The title is misleading.

It should be: The official "let's sarcastically mock people who believed in the rapture and high five each other" thread.

reply to post by Version100


Did you leave a car behind? Can I have it? I really need a new one and you will not need yours anymore.

awsome

Please, guys, get raptured please please please
More girls for me

Greetings. I am reporting to you from the sixth sphere of heaven, formally known as Zebul where I am currently discussing celestial physics with my pal Enoch and his son Methuselah. (I was hoping I'd make it to the 7th heaven but hey, beggers can't be choosers).

As I ascended through the first heaven, I passed "the sea, the elders and the rulers of the stars; the habitations of the snow; the treasuries of dew, oil, and different colors." In the second heaven I observed the imprisoned fallen angels , awaiting the eternal judgment. I passed pretty quickly through the third and forth heavens, which took me through the Garden of Eden and an area to the north of it called "the place of the damned." (I'm not sure why that's up here in heaven but I don't get to make the rules). Then we hit the courses and the gates of sun and moon; the phenixes and chalcidri; a singing host of angels. The Gregori were up there in number five, looking all gloomy and petulent. Then I made it here to the sixth heaven: where it's all about angels and study.

I was really hoping I'd be able to run into Hendrix but so far no dice.

Originally posted by FailedProphet

I was really hoping I'd be able to run into Hendrix but so far no dice.

Aww, man, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but Hendrix is down here on Level 5.

You went up too far.

Hi all,
Just got my Rapture.
However, its really nothing special.
Just another world, pretty much the same as the old one.
Funny thing is though, the population are obsessed by another Rapture which is supposed to take place soon.

I can't believe nobody has posted this yet.

Come on guys do I have to do everything around here?

Originally posted by OoohLaDeDa
Hi all,
Just got my Rapture.
However, its really nothing special.
Just another world, pretty much the same as the old one.
Funny thing is though, the population are obsessed by another Rapture which is supposed to take place soon.

oooooo a rapture within a rapture! the plot thickens!

Ya know, I wish I would have thought of this sooner. To go find people who actually believed this crap and have them give me all of their assets, since they wouldn't be needing them. Kinda like what someone posted the other day...I forget who.

So according to Harold Camping, the rapture should have started in Australia about five and a half hours ago. So if there is anyone on from these parts of the world, too bad, you didn't get selected for the all expenses paid, best vacation of your life. If I don't get chosen in about 13 hours, I am gonna be so pissed, lol.

Oh, I bet I know what happened. He made a mistake, or wasn't accurate enough...Whatever crap he tried to pull to explain what happened in 94. Such bunkness, if that's a word.

reply to post by AndrewJay


The Bible is written for Christians who have faith, NOT religion.

The Bible says:

Joh 14:16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
Joh 14:17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
Joh 14:18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

So, if you pray straight to God and ask or He would send you His Spirit of truth, He will, as long youare sincere.

Then you will realized that the rapture has nothing what is written in:

Mat 24:36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

That day is:

Act 2:20 The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before that great and notable day of the Lord come:

So? Is de sun turned into darkness, and the moon into blood?

What is the day of the LORD?

Isa 2:12 For the day of the LORD of hosts shall be upon every one that is proud and lofty, and upon every one that is lifted up
Isa 2:17 And the loftiness of man shall be bowed down, and the haughtiness of men shall be made low: and the LORD alone shall be exalted in that day.
Isa 2:18 And the idols he shall utterly abolish.
Isa 2:19 And they shall go into the holes of the rocks, and into the caves of the earth, for fear of the LORD, and for the glory of his majesty, when he ariseth to shake terribly the earth.
Isa 2:20 In that day a man shall cast his idols of silver, and his idols of gold, which they made each one for himself to worship, to the moles and to the bats;
Isa 2:21 To go into the clefts of the rocks, and into the tops of the ragged rocks, for fear of the LORD, and for the glory of his majesty, when he ariseth to shake terribly the earth.

Isa 13:6 Howl ye; for the day of the LORD is at hand; it shall come as a destruction from the Almighty.
Isa 13:7 Therefore shall all hands be faint, and every man's heart shall melt:
Isa 13:8 And they shall be afraid: pangs and sorrows shall take hold of them; they shall be in pain as a woman that travaileth: they shall be amazed one at another; their faces shall be as flames.
Isa 13:9 Behold, the day of the LORD cometh, cruel both with wrath and fierce anger, to lay the land desolate: and he shall destroy the sinners thereof out of it.
Isa 13:10 For the stars of heaven and the constellations thereof shall not give their light: the sun shall be darkened in his going forth, and the moon shall not cause her light to shine.
Isa 13:11 And I will punish the world for their evil, and the wicked for their iniquity; and I will cause the arrogancy of the proud to cease, and will lay low the haughtiness of the terrible.
Isa 13:13 Therefore I will shake the heavens, and the earth shall remove out of her place, in the wrath of the LORD of hosts, and in the day of his fierce anger.
Isa 13:14 And it shall be as the chased roe, and as a sheep that no man taketh up: they shall every man turn to his own people, and flee every one into his own land.
Isa 13:15 Every one that is found shall be thrust through; and every one that is joined unto them shall fall by the sword.

Eze 30:3 For the day is near, even the day of the LORD is near, a cloudy day; it shall be the time of the heathen.
Joe 1:15 Alas for the day! for the day of the LORD is at hand, and as a destruction from the Almighty shall it come.
Amo 5:18 Woe unto you that desire the day of the LORD! to what end is it for you? the day of the LORD is darkness, and not light.
Oba 1:15 For the day of the LORD is near upon all the heathen: as thou hast done, it shall be done unto thee: thy reward shall return upon thine own head.

Zep 1:14 The great day of the LORD is near, it is near, and hasteth greatly, even the voice of the day of the LORD: the mighty man shall cry there bitterly.
Zep 1:15 That day is a day of wrath, a day of trouble and distress, a day of wasteness and desolation, a day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness,
Zep 1:17 And I will bring distress upon men, that they shall walk like blind men, because they have sinned against the LORD: and their blood shall be poured out as dust, and their flesh as the dung.

2Pe 3:10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.

This has NOTHING to do with the rapture, even Alex Jones don't know this, and somebody told me he is a Christian.

Before I come to answer the rapture, we have first to go to:

Joh 3:1 There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:
Joh 3:2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
Joh 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
Joh 3:4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?
Joh 3:5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
Joh 3:6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
Joh 3:7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

Are you born again? It is so simple... you don't need a pastor or whatever... when Jesus died on the cross.. haven't you read what was happening:

Mat 27:50 Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.
Mat 27:51 And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom

Do you know what that means? You can read it at:

Lev 16:2 And the LORD said unto Moses, Speak unto Aaron thy brother, that he come not at all times into the holy place within the vail before the mercy seat, which is upon the ark; that he die not: for I will appear in the cloud upon the mercy seat.
Lev 16:15 Then shall he kill the goat of the sin offering, that is for the people, and bring his blood within the vail, and do with that blood as he did with the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it upon the mercy seat, and before the mercy seat:

Only the high priest must every year go on to the mercy seat... everyone else would die.

Heb 9:7 But into the second went the high priest alone once every year, not without blood, which he offered for himself, and for the errors of the people

Heb 9:11 But Christ being come an high priest of good things to come, by a greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands, that is to say, not of this building;
Heb 9:12 Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us.

So, you don't need a priest to go straight to God. You might pray straight to Him and ask or He will live in your heart and He will give you wisdom, the Holy Spirit, to know what te Scripture said!!

If you pray.. do not mentioned that there will something happen, no fireworks or a good feeling or something like that. Keep the faith, He will answer, but only in His time... but after a while you would dicover!!

And the rapture? That you could read that in:

1Co 15:45 And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit.
1Co 15:46 Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.
1Co 15:47 The first man is of the earth, earthy: the second man is the Lord from heaven.
1Co 15:48 As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly.
1Co 15:49 And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.
1Co 15:50 Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.
1Co 15:51 Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
1Co 15:52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
1Co 15:53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
1Co 15:54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.

and

1Th 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
1Th 4:14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
1Th 4:15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
1Th 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
1Th 4:17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
1Th 4:18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

When would this happen? I do not know, than only "soon". I can't give you a date... but Matthew 24 and 25 gives you an indication.

An anal rapturing will def kill ya, so im still alive!

Originally posted by grindhouzer
Seriously...someone say RAPTURE, ONE MORE TIME......

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/ae9f3f7652eb.gif[/atsimg]

edit on 21-5-2011 by grindhouzer because: (no reason given)

ummm......RAPTURE!!!

Originally posted by AndrewJay

Originally posted by OoohLaDeDa
Hi all,
Just got my Rapture.
However, its really nothing special.
Just another world, pretty much the same as the old one.
Funny thing is though, the population are obsessed by another Rapture which is supposed to take place soon.

oooooo a rapture within a rapture! the plot thickens!

You didn't get raptured...you're watching inception.

The Obligatory

I stayed up for rapture and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.