Strange Relationship Happenings

"It's like, as soon as I start to like a girl, she is immediately hit on by every guy in a 5 mile radius"

My friend, roommate, and former coworker said to me once, several years ago.

He had a theory, or, maybe call it a hunch... that for some reason that he could not explain, as soon as he started to have feelings for a girl, she was immediately chased by almost every guy in proximity.


Now, at the time, I thought this was a strange thing to say... but, being of sound, open mind, I didn't judge, and listened to him.

And I thought about it.

I thought about what he had to say, ALOT.

And then, I realized that something like this was happening, and has been happening to me also.


I just never noticed it.


So, I decided to preform a couple simple experiments.... just to make sure I was not "Seeing Things"


I would pick a girl that was reasonably attractive... and I would just Watch her (no, not stalking, just paying attention to how people acted around her, who approached her, who talked to her).

This was all done at my job, by the way, and was merely what I observed from my station.

And then, when I was reasonably sure that no guys there were actively perusing her... or even really interested in her...

I would start being friendly to her, talk to her, etcetera...

Smiling a lot, making eye contact, etcetera.

Being noticeable in my attentions (Not being clandestine, as it were, but sort of happily communicating openly)

It was the strangest thing.

I did this a couple of times, actually... 5 to my memories count.

And every time... Every single Time.


The girl of my "Affections" became the most "Popular girl" there for some reason... almost immediately afterwards.

Now, keep in mind, I was not actually flirting with the girl, and I was in no way chasing her....


But as soon as I directed my attention to her, she was set upon by several guys... sometimes at the same time.


And I thought that this was a little too strange to be simple coincidence, especially since I had made sure that this sort of thing didn't happen to them all the time, by making sure I was observing without bias.

Now, I am pretty certain that what my friend says, is most certainly true... there seems to be, if you will, a concerted effort, maybe it's subconscious... maybe not....

But an effort nonetheless, to deliberately keep some people alone.


Has anyone else observed anything similar?

I would love to hear if anyone has had similar experiences!


p.s. (Ad Homenim Attacks will be reported to the moderators immediately)

-Edrick

Originally posted by Edrick
p.s. (Ad Homenim Attacks will be reported to the moderators immediately)

* Noticed the warning sign and headed for the hills.
Poon has amazing power, that's all I know.

I think it is more likely an instinctive response of men to compete with one another. Probably unconsciously, they are competing with you for the girl's attention, and it probably happens much more than people realize.

The only way to understand this phenomenon (which i have noticed also) is to see it as having an explanation with multiple facets.

1) You are watching her more, and thus noticing guys chat her up more.
2) Some experimenter bias
3) The other guys chatting her up were to a degree "kindled" by your attention...they got shifted out of set, stopped seeing her so much as just some secretary or something and began viewing her as a target for pursuit AND they perhaps saw her being nice to you, smiling and such, and overcame their initial shyness.
4) She got all "hot" or something from you chatting her up and unknowingly started releasing all kinds of sexual attraction pheromones
5) She got all "hot" cause you chatted her up, started thinking she needed to get a booty call quickly, and started being all flirty with the other guys in a way that you didn't notice.
6) You chatting her up gave her confidence, made her happy, etc., thus increasing the social cues that attracted other dudes - i.e., smiling more, being more bubbly, more engaging, etc.

The last possibility I can think of now is that 7) she is really some kind of whore or freak or something, and you just made her start to think that she can hook up with some action there at work...maybe some kind of group thing, if you know what I mean...!

I look forward to hearing more ideas.

Originally posted by OuttaHere
I think it is more likely an instinctive response of men to compete with one another. Probably unconsciously, they are competing with you for the girl's attention, and it probably happens much more than people realize.

I thought this myself... but the observations that I conducted, count this possibility out.

As I watched other guys, and their interactions with females also.

IT was clear to me, that in most instances, when a guy would approach a girl, he was usually the only one that would do so, and others would typically steer clear of that particular girl.

However, through my observations, I noticed that this "Phenomenon" does not happen to all guys, just a small minority of guys.

Other men who openly flirted with girls, or were nice to them, etcetera... were not immediately "Blocked", as the saying goes.... they were left alone by the others to pursue their interests.

So, while your hypothesis, on the surface, seems quite a rational explanation according to Occam's razor, I will have to unfortunately inform you that your hypothesis is incorrect.

-Edrick

Originally posted by MMPI2
The only way to understand this phenomenon (which i have noticed also) is to see it as having an explanation with multiple facets.

1) You are watching her more, and thus noticing guys chat her up more.

As I explained in my OP, I made sure to observe her for some time, to make sure that this was not the case.

2) Some experimenter bias

Already accounted for, in the OP

3) The other guys chatting her up were to a degree "kindled" by your attention...they got shifted out of set, stopped seeing her so much as just some secretary or something and began viewing her as a target for pursuit AND they perhaps saw her being nice to you, smiling and such, and overcame their initial shyness.

But I have also commented that this does not happen to all guys, just a select few seem to be "Blocked" in this regard...

My observations were quite thorough, thank you.

4) She got all "hot" or something from you chatting her up and unknowingly started releasing all kinds of sexual attraction pheromones

While I appreciate your indication that my animal magnetism has some sort of effect on the ladies, in that my mere smile and words can "Bring them into heat", I will have to respectfully decline your suggestion. as it is a little.... obtuse.

5) She got all "hot" cause you chatted her up, started thinking she needed to get a booty call quickly, and started being all flirty with the other guys in a way that you didn't notice.

No, the thing is, I was not flirting, or "Chatting her up", I was just interacting with her socially. Talking, smiling, etcetera.

6) You chatting her up gave her confidence, made her happy, etc., thus increasing the social cues that attracted other dudes - i.e., smiling more, being more bubbly, more engaging, etc.

An interesting hypothesis, but these were not "Self esteem Troubled" women that I was experimenting on... they were quite confident by themselves, actually.

Although, thank you for th econfidence boost, implying that merely by talking to women, that I make them lose their minds in sexual lust.

The last possibility I can think of now is that 7) she is really some kind of whore or freak or something, and you just made her start to think that she can hook up with some action there at work...maybe some kind of group thing, if you know what I mean...!

No, i'm sorry, but you are reaching here... I preformed this experiment on several different ladies, and the ONLY personality change that occurred, was the GUYS, not the girls.


Thank you for your response!

-Edrick

To further add, I conducted this experiment over the course of two years... and now that I recall, the sample size was closer to 12 than 5.

Just adding more fuel to the fire.

-Edrick

Interesting little experiment. Also dangerous.

Historically, a woman's worth was determined by the man she married, and the people she associated with.
Perhaps you are admired, and I suspect you are, and people figure if you find her interesting and attractive, then she must be. So they want to see for themselves.

I say dangerous because she could develop a massive crush on you, due to your attentions.
Then what will you do Edrick? What will you do?

(ETA) Because eventually Edrick will be squirming , while trying to explain to this woman she was only the target of his experiment. Poor woman. Poor Edrick.

I think it could be the pack mind.
if you are a outsider or new?
they see you as steeling from the pack.
so to keep the female in the pack they try to get her as there mate.
they are protecting the pack.
what do you think?

Originally posted by ladyinwaiting
Interesting little experiment. Also dangerous.

Historically, a woman's worth was determined by the man she married, and the people she associated with.
Perhaps you are admired, and I suspect you are, and people figure if you find her interesting and attractive, then she must be. So they want to see for themselves.

Well, thank you for your compliments....

But I am going to have to disagree with your prognosis... you are implying that I am much more popular than I actually am, or more respected than I am.

I am sort of a loner... and am not really "Liked" in a social context, or respected as such, to the extent that you seem to be implying (That whatever I like, other people immediately like also)

And if this *WERE* the case, it would stand to reason that they would not automatically attempt to "Head me off at the pass", I mean... If I were respected as much as your hypothesis suggests.

I say dangerous because she could develop a massive crush on you, due to your attentions.
Then what will you do Edrick? What will you do?

(ETA) Because eventually Edrick will be squirming , while trying to explain to this woman she was only the target of his experiment. Poor woman. Poor Edrick.

edit on 12/22/2010 by ladyinwaiting because: (no reason given)

Unfortunately, I have never had to face this possibility, because they all end up Dating the guys that "Swoop in" within at least a day or two of my showing them interest.

Otherwise, I would not really mind dating them... LOL!

So, have no fear, I am not heartless, actually... I just have *EXCEEDINGLY THICK SKIN*

-Edrick

I guess it is better than being a "nice guy" ehh?

(I knew you were not what you claimed back in that old thread! Mwah!)

Anyway, I do not condone you using people for experiments. So my reply is going to be brief:

Correlation does not equal causation.

(And for such a many year study, you must have much data. Any chance posting that data up here? Spreadsheets etc...)

Originally posted by buddha
I think it could be the pack mind.
if you are a outsider or new?
they see you as steeling from the pack.
so to keep the female in the pack they try to get her as there mate.
they are protecting the pack.

what do you think?

Interesting prognosis... but I have been working at this place for longer than they... unless you are speaking of some sort of "Outside Work" pack mind, like they are all guys who party with each-other, and see all females as "Their Property"

Yes, I could see them as animals in this capacity, actually.

However, the fact that they never pay attention to the girls, *UNTIL* I do... makes your hypothesis seem to fall short.

It seems to be vindictive, as opposed to "Protection"

As their "affections" are *Reactions* to my "attention", as opposed to naturally occurring within them.

It's like they don't even SEE the girl as an object of affection, until *I* do.... honestly.

And yes, I observe for typically a month before I begin the experiment.... so it is not a fluke.

-Edrick

Has anyone else observed anything similar?

I would love to hear if anyone has had similar experiences!


p.s. (Ad Homenim Attacks will be reported to the moderators immediately)

Just a reminder.

-Edrick

reply to post by Edrick


Hm, maybe, but I'm thinking you are not recognizing your personal power.

That's what I think.

And if not, then maybe they are trying to "rescue" her from you, although I don't believe that.
I believe the former, thank you very much.

Another thing....women can be very petty and jealous. I don't like that about them, but's it true. You don't suppose it would be an attempt to simply "spoil" things for you, then? By the sudden interlopers, I mean.

Anyway, this is probably not the conversation you expected here at all.
Just saying.

reply to post by Edrick


Lol I knew that was a reference to that thread!

So, since I didn't attack can I see all this data you have had to gather over all of these months?

I mean, what were ALL the variables?

I hope you didn't store all the data in your mind alone, the brain can be pretty faulty solo. (Two minds are better than one, you know that saying.)

Clarification--
I believe this is quite possible (The OPost) I just want to see some hard data, bringing up the "nice guy" was just an opening line

So yeah, I am not against anything (yet) I just want some more data.

Originally posted by ladyinwaiting
reply to post by Edrick

 

Hm, maybe, but I'm thinking you are not recognizing your personal power.

That's what I think.

Well, frankly, I am flattered. Thank you.

And if not, then maybe they are trying to "rescue" her from you, although I don't believe that.
I believe the former, thank you very much.

Lol, again, thank you.

Another thing....women can be very petty and jealous. I don't like that about them, but's it true. You don't suppose it would be an attempt to simply "spoil" things for you, then? By the sudden interlopers, I mean.

Honestly, I'm not sure what you mean by "Spoil things for me", would you mind clarifying?

Anyway, this is probably not the conversation you expected here at all.
Just saying.

Nope, it's better..

-Edrick

reply to post by Edrick


Nah...I'm thinking that you are off base with some of your reflections.

1) Unless you have a carefully controlled, double-blind/controlled group experiment with a pretty significant sample size and some pretty solid statistical follow-thru, there is ALWAYS experimenter bias - especially in a setting that involves (admittedly rudimentary) social science elements.

2) You said you "observed them for some time." Also, you indicated that your "observations were thorough." This implies that, unless you are some sort of stalker, you were interacting with them in a manner that was unusual or atypical.

Shoot over to wikipedia and look up the werner heisenbergs "uncertainty" principle. It could help you understand what I'm getting at.

Also, this point necessitates me adding to my previous facets: the other guys in the office perceived you as making these women uncomfortable, perhaps even causing the female "subject" to ask for the other men in the office to stay close to her to keep you away from her.

3) You said "While I appreciate your indication that my animal magnetism has some sort of effect on the ladies, in that my mere smile and words can "Bring them into heat", I will have to respectfully decline your suggestion. as it is a little.... obtuse." Nothing obtuse about this particular hypothesis of mine...except your use of the word "obtuse"

First, nothing in what I shared indicated anything about "animal magnetism" or you "(bringing) them into heat." I'm thinking here your disclosing your fantasies about your abilities with chicks....LOL.

Secondly, the research on pheromones and their effect on behavior is pretty consistent, and not just for sexually-related attraction - there are robust findings that suggest that certain biochemicals assist in species-specific communication = i.e., alarm, aggregation/clustering, etc. The presence of certain gender-linked chemicals are consistently shown to alter the biochemical matrix (and presumably behavior) in opposite gender subjects - both human and non-human.

In re: your little experiment, see this: www.jneurosci.org...

You denied "flirting" with these women. You failed to operationally define what you are doing when you were "interacting with her socially. Talking, smiling, etcetera." What is "etcetera?" "Etcetera" can be a lot of different things. Some might consider whatever the hell you were doing as flirting. I am assuming here that you were not, but some might. We can't get into the minds of your "subjects" to understand their perceptions of what you were doing. Additionally, your description of your study implies that what you were doing was uncharacteristic for you in your relationship with these people. This last point underscores the notion that perhaps these people perceived what you were doing was something other than just basic office chit chat.

Finally, the notion that these women were "Self esteem Troubled" has nothing at all to do with my response. And at no point did I imply that I believed you were making these women "lose their minds with sexual lust." Again, this is more likely your narcissistic fantasies showing....LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sooooooooo...back to the drawing board, my young neophyte social scientist!

reply to post by MMPI2


I have asked twice now for this data that would have been compiled over the many months.

Hopefully we will get to see some numbers, I am sure he had a control group too. That is how expirements are done! And since he didn't care about the subjects, he must be a stirn follower of the scientific method.

Or do we only have words to go off of?

I mean, if I was using people for my own personal experiment I would at least keep the data I gathered...

reply to post by adigregorio


Ah come on now. I bet you've been known to do a little experiment or two on the sly. And on the fly.

reply to post by MMPI2

1) Unless you have a carefully controlled, double-blind/controlled group experiment with a pretty significant sample size and some pretty solid statistical follow-thru, there is ALWAYS experimenter bias - especially in a setting that involves (admittedly rudimentary) social science elements.

I am asking for additional input on the subject, not publishing a paper for peer review.

2) You said you "observed them for some time." Also, you indicated that your "observations were thorough." This implies that, unless you are some sort of stalker, you were interacting with them in a manner that was unusual or atypical.

My job involves standing in one spot, and watching a majority of my coworkers mill around.... not too difficult for me to do, honestly.

Also, this point necessitates me adding to my previous facets: the other guys in the office perceived you as making these women uncomfortable, perhaps even causing the female "subject" to ask for the other men in the office to stay close to her to keep you away from her.

This is a response that I expected... honestly.

I already said in my origional post that I was not "Stalking" or "Chasing", I was merely being polite and friendly.

You are reaching pretty far, honestly.

And I think you are attempting to paint me as an enemy, I would appreciate if you could stick to the topic at hand, instead of painting me as a crazy person...

Thank you for your cooperation.

3) You said "While I appreciate your indication that my animal magnetism has some sort of effect on the ladies, in that my mere smile and words can "Bring them into heat", I will have to respectfully decline your suggestion. as it is a little.... obtuse." Nothing obtuse about this particular hypothesis of mine...except your use of the word "obtuse"

I was being sarcastic, but that WAS your original implication, btw:

4) She got all "hot" or something from you chatting her up and unknowingly started releasing all kinds of sexual attraction pheromones

See?

First, nothing in what I shared indicated anything about "animal magnetism" or you "(bringing) them into heat." I'm thinking here your disclosing your fantasies about your abilities with chicks....LOL.

Okay... you are attempting to paint me as an arrogant fool... I see what you did there.

Secondly, the research on pheromones and their effect on behavior is pretty consistent, and not just for sexually-related attraction - there are robust findings that suggest that certain biochemicals assist in species-specific communication = i.e., alarm, aggregation/clustering, etc. The presence of certain gender-linked chemicals are consistently shown to alter the biochemical matrix (and presumably behavior) in opposite gender subjects - both human and non-human.

You are still suggesting that my interactions are bringing them into heat.... in the same post where you suggest that I am making them frightened of them, I would add.

Please stop doing this.

You denied "flirting" with these women. You failed to operationally define what you are doing when you were "interacting with her socially. Talking, smiling, etcetera." What is "etcetera?"

Chill man... you really think I would disguise Flirting as "Etcetera"?

Seriously?

"Etcetera" can be a lot of different things.

Oh, so clearly, I was stalking *AND* flirting at the same time...

Nice, thanks for your perspective on the matter.

I see no need to talk to you further.

-Edrick