The Secret To Happiness In Life

I remember when my daughter told me what it was that finally lifted the gloom of her years of teenage angst.

"It was something you told me when I first came up to NH to live with you after mom died," she said.

I was surprised.

"You told me that these weren't the best years of my life. In fact, you told me that these were probably the worst years of my life, since they're transition years and years when I'm being formed into what I'll be as an adult."

"So, why did that make you feel better?" I guess I hadn't really considered that she'd even heard me say anything those initial months as we'd struggled to get used to being a newly formed family of two.

"All my life, I'd been told 'Enjoy yourself now, because these are the best years you'll get in life. Don't waste them.' I wasn't having fun, so I was sure that I wasn't ever going to have any fun. You told me that wasn't true."

"It's not true. You'll love being an adult and having the choice to be who and what you want to be."

She smiled. "That's what I mean. I didn't blow it already. I can still be happy someday. That takes a lot of pressure off me."

Today, 15 years later, she's happy and has a wonderful husband who loves her, and two very cute little children that she really gets a kick out of. I was right. She loves being an adult.

The secret to happiness in this life is akin to what I told her, but it's bigger and more of a secret than even that bit of truth was for her. In fact, this secret is one that most folks really have a hard time with when you tell it to them. Still, I'm going to share it with you anyway. You do what you want with it.

The truth is that this life is the second stage of a two-stage process of gestation that the human being endures before emerging as the completed and viable being that it actually is intended to be. That may seem a bit mundane as far as secrets go - especially on this board - but the implications are enormous.

Your first stage of gestation involved the construction of your corporeal body, and none of you had any control over how that first stage went. Most of us missed out on the "lucky sperm lottery" and didn't get the tall, slender, beautiful and rich bonus package, and while we generally get by with what we were handed, most of us would've preferred to have had a bit more input on how that gestational stage was handled. Most of us also believe that this stage was the only stage of gestation, and that this life IS life, and (like my daughter believed about pre-adulthood) that these are the only years we'll be given to have the best chance at happiness and success that we can hope for. The good news is that both she (my daughter) and most of us are completely wrong about what we believe.

This life you're living - this second stage of gestation - is completely controlled by you. This is the good news. The bad news is that most people have no idea that this is what corporeal life actually is, and it's bad news because they let circumstance and other people do all the crafting of their true and final version of self for them. And while neither circumstance, nor anyone else, has it in for any of us (beyond the usual enemies we all make as life progresses from one circumstance to the next), it's also true that neither circumstance, nor anyone else, is actively trying to ensure that we don't cripple our ultimate selves through our own inattention to this self development process.

After all, like us, no one around us realizes that we're all forming our eternal selves as we live from moment to moment. We're all too immersed within the drama of life, and easy prey for the layers of distraction that shoulder their way into our field of vision. How can anyone expect to focus on self development with all this going on around us and so much that needs to get done if we're to be successful at......

....at what?

Well, at being productive members of society. The usual stuff. Paying bills, keeping a roof over our heads, improving our lot in life, progressing in our careers/social standings/enlightenments/spiritualities/artistic-intellectual prowesses/whatever-it-ends-up-being-that-makes-life-worth-living. Living a successful life.

And a successful life is....?

I'll tell you the truth, and it's still a secret to most people. A successful life is ensuring that this second stage of your gestation gives you the tools and capacities to be the best version of who you are that you can craft. Building a business empire will give you nothing in gestation unless you build it happily and through your brilliance and personal strength of character. If you do, then your corporeal empire will preview your eternal empire of brilliance and honor, as a true wonder to the eternal realm.

If you build that business empire through guile or bitter competition, then your ultimate self will be severely crippled, since in the eternal realm, the value system is based on character, not wealth, and there's nothing to hide behind - no shelter from the truth of what you've made of yourself. Better that you'd have been a positive and loving economic failure in your corporeal gestation, and suffered through those indignities with courage and grace. Then, those powerful attributes would have transformed your existence upon birth into the eternal realm, and you'd be one of the fortunate few. Like the lucky sperm club members of the corporeal phase.

So, what's the good news? It's obvious. You are in complete control over your ultimate success, and while you're still in this second stage of gestation, you can work to become whatever and whomever you wish to spend forever being. You didn't get the opportunity to choose your birth parents or circumstances while a fetus, but you do get to completely determine the final version of yourself.

And when you get undercut by some predator, as we all do from time to time, and get bested by some hyper achiever, as happens eventually to each of us, it's helpful to remember that losing in this corporeal phase is in not making the effort to learn from such experiences, and in not being grateful for the chance to learn from them. These are the events that teach you to be better, stronger, and more significant as the human being you'll become.

It also helps to realize that before you were even born, as you were being formed in your mother's womb, you'd already won the biggest jackpot in all of existence. You're a human being, and that's as monumental a gift as can be given by circumstance, or fate, or however you want to view it. Even a suffering human being is more blessed than the most contented dining room table ever made. Or the biggest rock in the field. And as an added bonus, that suffering human being has the opportunity to be consciously grateful for the pain and agony, and to view such circumstance as the elite training course that it can be for such a magnificent person.

Not all carbon is allowed the opportunity to become a diamond. If it could be asked, most carbon would claim that it could've handled the heat and the pressure, but that it never was given the chance to prove it. Maybe so, but the truth is that we'll never know. It wasn't given the chance. That heat and pressure - that agony - was never presented to it. As such, it will never be a flawless diamond. Maybe it would've been the greatest diamond of all, had it only been allowed to suffer the cost.

Be happy knowing that with each blindside you respond to with grace, dignity and magnanimity, you graduate from yet another course in becoming a quality human being. This is how you enjoy every moment of life. This is how your eternity becomes your most wonderful phase of existence.

reply to post by NorEaster


If I understood you correctly, are you saying that we alone are responsible for our happiness / misery?

If so, I cannot but agree. Many oh so many people are blaming external factors and conditions for their misery, imaging that achieving somehing they dream will make them happy. Saddly, that is not the case. If I am not happy now, I will never be, except for short periods for time when I get some new toy or have some success or whatever.

Happiness comes from inside, not outside.

-v

Great Post! I am a fellow NH resident.. This site needs more positive posts like this! We do create our own reality! Star anf Flag! Peace, Love and Light to you!


Gabriel.

I see this everyday.. People so concerned with uncontrollable factors in their lives. Constantly looking for extrinsic motivation and happiness. I try to tell them it is intrinsic.. You make your own happiness, you are only as happy as you want to be. Unfortunately I'm usually told that "I don't get it".. or "It's not that easy".. and I can't for the life of me get those people to understand that I do get it, I've been there and it is easier than you think. You have control. I have control. There is nothing that can stop you from being happy, unless you let it.

reply to post by NorEaster


Very nice post! 2=unity and creation of 1. Once we reach the ethereal realm, we might go through the process all over again, and that life will present us the tools to create the next and even better life! For all of eternity, a cycle of chaos and order, uncontrollable circumstance and control of will.

What a great post. You have just lifted my spirits for the day, and pulled me out of this ridiculous funk that school has put me in for the past four months. Thank you very much. I feel a bit more clear about my actions and am able to look back on these past few years as not wasted time but full fledged experiences.

Originally posted by NorEaster

Not all carbon is allowed the opportunity to become a diamond. If it could be asked, most carbon would claim that it could've handled the heat and the pressure, but that it never was given the chance to prove it. Maybe so, but the truth is that we'll never know. It wasn't given the chance. That heat and pressure - that agony - was never presented to it. As such, it will never be a flawless diamond. Maybe it would've been the greatest diamond of all, had it only been allowed to suffer the cost.

That bit reverberated for me!

Not all carbon wants the pressure, let alone gets the chance. Some carbon will stay away from the pressure, not want the force put upon them. The ones that want it get it and start the process.

Most diamonds i know willingly wanted the pressure, for they knew that it would be a good stepping stone to become better. Others have it forced on by circumstance, the survivors of it shining brightly!

shine on you crazy diamond !

Originally posted by Acedrew89
What a great post. You have just lifted my spirits for the day, and pulled me out of this ridiculous funk that school has put me in for the past four months. Thank you very much. I feel a bit more clear about my actions and am able to look back on these past few years as not wasted time but full fledged experiences.

I remember when I was in basic training (long time ago) and it was a lot better than living in my van, which was a lot better than sleeping outside. I was doing some busy work and one of the guys says "You're the only one here that's enjoying himself. What're you? Nuts?"

I just told him that this was the first job I ever had where anyone cared if I succeeded or not, and everyone I ran into was legally prohibited from hitting me for any reason. He looked at me like I was from Mars. In my mind, I had it made. The USAF had already invested too much time and money in me to allow me to be unimportant, and knowing that turned all the yelling and threats from the Training Instructors into their part of the rules of a game that we were all playing together. My part was to jump to and make things happen. It was fun once I got the hang of it.

Too often we don't realize how great we have it as we're focused on what little we still need to make everything perfect. Some things are pretty close to perfect just as they are, and all that's needed is for us to inch ourselves closer toward balancing out the necessary amount required to make our relationship with them perfect. And that's the thing. Nothing in our lives just is. Everything in our lives is something that we have a relationship with. Even if that relationship only entails walking past it once on our way to the store. It's always our choice as to how much we'll give of ourselves to that relationship, and sometimes we discover how great something really is by allowing it to be its natural and unaffected self within our own life - even if only for a moment.

Raining days are pretty if you aren't angry about the lack of sunshine. The grays and greens are much more dramatic and mysterious than when they're dry and dulled by the lack of sheen.

Originally posted by 2theC

Originally posted by NorEaster

Not all carbon is allowed the opportunity to become a diamond. If it could be asked, most carbon would claim that it could've handled the heat and the pressure, but that it never was given the chance to prove it. Maybe so, but the truth is that we'll never know. It wasn't given the chance. That heat and pressure - that agony - was never presented to it. As such, it will never be a flawless diamond. Maybe it would've been the greatest diamond of all, had it only been allowed to suffer the cost.

That bit reverberated for me!

Not all carbon wants the pressure, let alone gets the chance. Some carbon will stay away from the pressure, not want the force put upon them. The ones that want it get it and start the process.

Most diamonds i know willingly wanted the pressure, for they knew that it would be a good stepping stone to become better. Others have it forced on by circumstance, the survivors of it shining brightly!

shine on you crazy diamond !

Yep. Some reach for greatness and some have it thrust upon them. George Patton was happy to get shot at. He liked having to defend himself against other folks who wanted him dead. He liked being responsible for the lives of as many men as possible. Not my kind of heat and pressure, but that's why they make Fords and Chevys. To each his own hell of opportunity.

reply to post by NorEaster


Thank you for that! I can completely agree with that last part (I love rainy days and sunny days equally, it's another day after all). It sounds like you had a rough time, but also a great experience and eventually you had a great time. I have had a great time these past few years, and I know my last post made it sound like I sort of regretted everything, but that's not so, I've just been completely contained within the school system and I just didn't really get a chance to step outside that and enjoy the day from a more wonder filled perspective.

I like the fact that you were able to turn the whole basic training thing into a nice little mind game that you got to play instead of feeling worse. Great attitude, keep it up!

Live in the "Now".

Past is gone and we create our futures, right now, so what are you doing in your "Now"?

I feel real motivated to take action now! I have the opportunity to make things better through truth and honor, while still reaching my goals! Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. I have drowned out a lot with drugs and booze. I have a boss who likes to point out the obvious(because of company policy), but doesn't mind the disobedience when it become necessary to complete the task it a timely matter. I get confused...but it's just the "game" that's being played. I see that I impact everybody around me though my actions....but only when it's "good" behavior that I notice it.

Originally posted by Smokinmirrors
I feel real motivated to take action now! I have the opportunity to make things better through truth and honor, while still reaching my goals! Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. I have drowned out a lot with drugs and booze. I have a boss who likes to point out the obvious(because of company policy), but doesn't mind the disobedience when it become necessary to complete the task it a timely matter. I get confused...but it's just the "game" that's being played. I see that I impact everybody around me though my actions....but only when it's "good" behavior that I notice it.

It's great to know that you have complete control over the quality of who you'll end up as when this phase of your development is finished. Truth and honor are ends in their own right - as brilliant components of the fully realized you. Affecting the here and now is how these components can be finely tuned and highly polished, and how you can discover hidden nuance within the larger concept of each. This is how you craft your inimitable Identity, and seize control of that process.

Most humans are formed through a process of default, with the Personality allowing the most obvious bits of this and that to become important, until an identifiable character trend begins to develop that it can then promote and perfect. Sometimes, this identifiable trend's logical trajectory leads to a negative Identity - either selfish, self-centered, or maybe simply the least offensive manifestation of what might've been. Not much to look forward to, but then, most humans have no idea how important corporeal life actually is, or why it's important. I often wonder if the average person would think twice about their overall approach to daily existence if they knew the residual impact of each moment they spend in this realm? Not under any threat, or anything foolish like that, but just realizing how much they could be gaining if they simply give a damn about someone or something else. How much they'd be feeding themselves by adding to the quality of other lives around them.

I appreciate that this 2nd stage of gestation exists. Regardless of what I was handed when I arrived on Planet Earth (after all, my mom wasn't rich, my dad wasn't around, and I wasn't built big, strong, or beautiful) I've got full reign over what I'll be when it's time to leave as a fully developed and viable human being. That's pretty damn empowering.

Enjoy your gestation. You'll be so grateful to your corporeal self for caring about how this stage of your development played out.

That was so beautiful, you really made my day. I used to live like that -- fully aware that I was responsible for my own happiness, and that it came from within -- but in recent years I seem to have lost it somewhere along the way. And now I'm not sure how to get it back. I remember back then having a conversation with someone who argued you couldn't ALWAYS be happy, that it was impossible to be happy if life hit you hard; i.e., if you lost someone, etc. I said: "Well, I might be sad for a while, but deep inside I'm still a happy person, and I'll revert back to that happiness right after I'm through being sad."

Unfortunately I'm not like that anymore... although I wish nothing more than that I were. It's not even that something extremely traumatic has happened to me or something -- I guess it's just the daily grind, a very busy schedule, dealing with an 8-year-old, etc. etc. etc. I used to be so deeply connected to the Universe/Spirit/whatever you want to call him/her/it, so in tune with nature and God, going with the flow, following my hunches, and living by signs and synchronicity... it was a truly enchanted life, and I loved it. I really don't know what exactly happened, but I desperately want it back. Any good advice from a fellow New Englander?

I think true inner happiness begins with a state of absolute acceptance, something that is upmoved by changes, by ups and downs, triumphs and losses, for me it's an increasing inner knowing that I am already accepted in eternity and in that space, there are no worries. What can be added to something that is already always perfect, whole and complete? Everything else, is just details.

the secret to happiness is serotonin - we're just machines.

the secret to happiness is serotonin - we're just machines.

Originally posted by tonypazzohome
the secret to happiness is serotonin - we're just machines.

Your are already repeating.. mr. machine.

Machines? You gotta be kidding. I am always astounded at the lengths to which atheists will go, it's getting pathetic.

i am NOT an atheist.. god was the ultimate computer programmer. his design is in everything. believe me, i am humbled by HIS wisdom.

reply to post by tonypazzohome

Ok, I'm sorry for that, for assuming. Is it possible, however, that the you that is aware that you are, might be of another order altogether, whereby the whole may be greater than the sum of the parts? But obviously, the infrastructure is phenomenal.