Squashing the Digital-Ego

1. Stop being offended.
2. Let go of your need to win.
3. Let go of your need to be right.
4. Let go of your need to be superior.
5. Let go of your need to have more.
6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements.
7. Let go of your reputation.

spiritlibrary.com...

Explanations are included in the link.

The reason I post this is in response to the Digital-ego we often see displayed prominently on this site as well as many other places online. In some ways, I believe the D-ego is more prominent because people are less inclined to hold back when posting with a nondescript username and the result can often be awful.

The first is most important, obviously, and also the most difficult to overcome simply because stemming outrage is so damned hard to do.

I'm not perfect and neither is anyone reading this OP, but it should help us considerably, when angry, to sit back and reflect on it and the subsequent rule 2 and 3 before responding to what you might consider inflammatory.

sp


[edit on 7/4/10 by masqua]

reply to post by masqua


Certainly we can still wish to be right, internally, on an intellectual conscience basis, without worrying about whether we are recognized as right by others...I know that's what you're actually saying, for sure...

reply to post by masqua




It's not even just the Digital ego.... this could apply to the ego in general.

Apply it to your life.

Very true Masqua.

In fact those guidlines are imho not just relevant to Digital Ego's, but good guidelines on how to live life in normal face to face human interactions.

In fact one of my learning curves that took me a long time to grasp and embody was this one:

Let go of the need to be Right

How many times I have proven myself right, but it is too late, and being "right" came at a higher price than any gain or benefit from doing so.

Non attachment to being right has helped me much over the last 10 years, and I feel in a much better place for it.

When we are "right" being able to not have to prove it, base all your actions on it, and externalise it is agreat spiritual and personal development tool.

As was said by Dale Carnegie,

You can change someones mind, however if his beliefs are still the same, of the same opinion will he be

The "right" aspect should be kept private, and you can lead a horse to water and all that, but to try and force it to drink is a fools game.

More the fool me for many years.

Kind Regards,

Elf

Originally posted by nine-eyed-eel
Certainly we can still wish to be right, internally, on an intellectual conscience basis, without worrying about whether we are recognized as right by others...I know that's what you're actually saying, for sure...

Yes... it's more important to express what you believe to be right than it is to want to gain authority through the process of expressing it.

reply to post by masqua


Amen to that.
And very well put...

reply to post by blupblup


The only difference between ego and digital ego is that the latter is more prone to display itself. In real life, showing the ego is added to by facial expressions, body language and tone of voice, making it all seem 'tacky'. Online, however, none of those 'apps' play in the mix and that is why it becomes so prevalent in threads, etc.

reply to post by masqua




That's true, It's like an exaggerated form of the ego... you have to make up for being physically invisible.

I do find that often people read something the wrong way, like sarcasm and wit in general because they don't translate all that well into written form, well At
least on a busy forum anyway.

But yeah, many people are very dominant and sometimes it is hard to just let go... harder than in "real" life.

reply to post by masqua


Great thread and very good point. It would do each and every one of us good to keep those points in mind online or off. Kudos and well expressed, man.

reply to post by MischeviousElf


Enjoyed your comment regarding the need to be 'right'.

This is one of the hardest rows for this old cat to hoe. Too many years as a supervisor in real life had the effect of hardening my resolve to Standard Operating Procedure and the stupifying notion of "this is the way we've always done it, dammit". Tough one to throw off with all that history, but I'm learning.

When something comes up and I believe my input might be helpful, I need to just state it, be prepared to answer questions on it, but be prepared to let it go if the consensus is against me.

Huge problem with my ego, but I think I'm improving.

reply to post by masqua


Same here Masqua.

Took me a long time, and still a long way to go.

Ego's have sometimes types of behaviour, and being that are much more like an "addiction" than logic.

The problem I found Masquae and I am sure you to, is that I am usually right nearly 99% of the time lol so it is hard not to try and convince others of the error of their ways.

See it takes along time and still strong lol, I may keep my mouth shut these days, but I still feel that inside!

Maybe thats why this forum is soo addictive in itself.

In face to face life, often being right and focusing, proving that at all costs does not get you the cookies, but tastes almost as metaphorically as good!

Kind Regards,

Elf

Originally posted by MischeviousElf


The problem I found Masquae and I am sure you to, is that I am usually right nearly 99% of the time lol

so it is hard not to try and convince others of the error of their ways.

Amen to that...

reply to post by masqua


ehh im kinda divided on this one, it kinda comes off like idle art school coffe shop chit chat.

1. Stop being offended.

How about stop trying to offend people. As long as people have the right to offend others people have the right to voice and counter the opinions of others.

2. Let go of your need to win.
3. Let go of your need to be right.

With you on that however, when you are right you are right and when you are wrong you are wrong. It takes a bigger man to say im wrong.

4. Let go of your need to be superior.

Im not sure what you are trying to say here, i do not know how one would try to be superior.

5. Let go of your need to have more.

Im not sure how this applies to the digital ego.

6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements.

I personally have no problem with people doing this, i wish i could see more of it. Threads full of people have little pissing matches over who had it worst in life and then things get switched around where it is some better to be poor or "know what its like to have to _____", those threads are retarded and dull. I would much rather people focusing on the better things they have done in life.

7. Let go of your reputation.

Well a reputation is given not projected onto others. For example if you are a jerk and go to a party and walk in and say "hey guys im a big jerk im going to deficate on your table make fun of all of you and then throw up all over the place because im a big jerk and that is what i do" you would not have a reputation for doing that people would probably look up and say who is this jack###?. Now if you did those things you would get a reputation for doing that and people would say "oh great that guy is here last time he was here he..." I do not think people need to let go of their reputation but need to focus on getting a better one.

[edit on 7-4-2010 by zaiger]

And to what do we return when we drop our egos, digital or otherwise?

Something that is much bigger than any of us individually, or even all of us together?

Originally posted by zaiger
1. Stop being offended.
How about stop trying to offend people. As long as people have the right to offend others people have the right to voice and counter the opinions of others.

The thing about the ego, digital or not, is that it only resides in ourselves, not others. We can only affect change to ourselves.

4. Let go of your need to be superior.

Im not sure what you are trying to say here, i do not know how one would try to be superior.

Points, stars, flags and all the adornments of competition... as in "look, my bar is fuller and I have WA_A_AY more flags than you. Therefore my word is more important.

5. Let go of your need to have more.

Im not sure how this applies to the digital ego.

Same as #4

7. Let go of your reputation.

Well a reputation is given not projected onto others. For example if you are a jerk and go to a party and walk in and say "hey guys im a big jerk im going to deficate on your table make fun of all of you and then throw up all over the place because im a big jerk and that is what i do" you would not have a reputation for doing that people would probably look up and say who is this jack###?. Now if you did those things you would get a reputation for doing that and people would say "oh great that guy is here last time he was here he..." I do not think people need to let go of their reputation but need to focus on getting a better one.

Reputations are like crowns, they can get awfully heavy over time. We have no control over them however much we believe we do. A reputation built over many years on ATS can fall with a huge crash within minutes if we're not careful. Perhaps it's more important to treat every member and each post they make with extreme care and without any consideration to personal reputation.

On another line of thought, building up a reputation which is faulty at its roots has to be one of the most dangerous things to do in an online community (or in real life). Chances are it won't hold up forever and then what...?

Originally posted by bsbray11
And to what do we return when we drop our egos, digital or otherwise?

A happier, less fractious way of life?

Originally posted by masqua

Originally posted by bsbray11
And to what do we return when we drop our egos, digital or otherwise?

A happier, less fractious way of life?

Not necessarily. I believe it's certainly possible to be conflicted or to suffer on the behalf of others, and not one's own self.

reply to post by masqua

Points, stars, flags and all the adornments of competition... as in "look, my bar is fuller and I have WA_A_AY more flags than you. Therefore my word is more important.

I think i have only seen someone post something like that once. Most members have seen the problems with our star and flag system, all anyone needs to do is start a thread titled "there is no christ" or "im an alien from the future" and they would get tons of stars and flags.

A reputation built over many years on ATS can fall with a huge crash within minutes if we're not careful. Perhaps it's more important to treat every member and each post they make with extreme care and without any consideration to personal reputation.

So we should let go of our reputation but take great care of it?

reply to post by bsbray11



Empathy is a fine trait, yet it can cause one much discomfort if unable to be of real and immediate help. Best to do what you can rather than suffer in silence.

Also, I have no need to be right, so I'm happy to resist debating the point too much with you.

Originally posted by zaiger
So we should let go of our reputation but take great care of it?

Reputations are given to us through the experience of interacting with others. To think we can build our own is futile.

If we think we have a reputation to uphold, then that would mean we presume to know what others think of us. Faulty reasoning, imo.