At One Time, Obsessed

The last time I saw her, she was perfectly happy. And that is the way I will always choose to remember her.

She was sitting in the little restaurant we use to go to, and dusk was falling. Rather than going inside, I put my face close to the plate glass window to watch her, realizing that the one-way effect of the dimming light outside made it very unlikely she would notice me. I watched her for several minutes, with her animated hands and breaking smile, as she discussed something with her friend sitting across from her.

She didn't see me. If she had looked very carefully in my direction, through her own reflection in the window, she might have perceived me standing there, studying her from a distance. In fact, if I recall correctly, she glanced at me several times, clueless. Perhaps she sensed she was observed, through some telepathic signal my yearning must have broadcast.

Through the glass, across the diner to the very center of the space she occupied – I could feel her soul. I could hear her thoughts – indirectly. I knew what she was telling this friend of hers, and I felt an agonizing burn of betrayal.

She was perfectly happy.

That was long ago. I have not seen her since that day.

I could visit her again, anytime I wanted to. It would be trivial for me to re-establish contact. Or, I could stalk her, invisibly, as I did on that last day I saw her.

Did she really cheat on me? I could look directly into her soul now. I could know her secrets. I could visit any part of her life as easily as opening a book and reading her narrative. I would know – finally – if her heart was as true as mine, or if I was just a toy for her to spurn and lie to. Was she was upset when she heard the news of my death? Did she attend my funeral? Now I could learn every facet of her life: every tragedy, every pleasure, every action that metered her days.

I choose not to do that. Instead, more than I ever did during my life, I now hold her in eternal respect. I leave her soul inviolate. I choose to remember her as happy, as when I last saw her.

Ghosts can watch us.

But mostly, they don't, out of respect for us.

It is just the way things work, different from the way it is here among the living.

And ?

Was it a difficult choice ?

Or maybe more like an epiphany, like, it´s possible but not even an option ?

By the way.
I´m clueless about what you are trying to say ???

reply to post by Sinter Klaas

Okay. It is a little obscure, I know. I wrote it rather quickly.

The narrator is dead, reminiscing about a girl he loved. While he lived, he was obsessed with her. Now that he is dead, he has too much love and respect for her to continue stalking her. Why that is, or whether this is a difficult decision for him, is impenetrable. He's dead. He's not thinking like living people. Maybe the act of dying has changed his attitude on things.

How did he die? The implication is he committed suicide out of jealousy, but it could be anything. The main thing is: he was at one time obsessed with her. Now he chooses to remember her as he last saw her, satisfied with that memory, and not willing to scare her or intrude upon her, as may be the way with ghosts (or not.)

The story was inspired by some of the poignant stuff I was reading here on some ATS thread, and also a long-term question as to whether we are haunted by those who have passed, who loved us during their lives.

It is just something to think about. Thanks for reading and commenting.

[edit on 16-1-2010 by Axial Leader]

I've been watching to see where this thread was going.

I must tell you, it's moving. I like it. A lot.

Originally posted by Axial Leader
The last time I saw her, she was perfectly happy. And that is the way I will always choose to remember her.

She was sitting in the little restaurant we use to go to, and dusk was falling. Rather than going inside, I put my face close to the plate glass window to watch her, realizing that the one-way effect of the dimming light outside made it very unlikely she would notice me. I watched her for several minutes, with her animated hands and breaking smile, as she discussed something with her friend sitting across from her.

She didn't see me. If she had looked very carefully in my direction, through her own reflection in the window, she might have perceived me standing there, studying her from a distance. In fact, if I recall correctly, she glanced at me several times, clueless. Perhaps she sensed she was observed, through some telepathic signal my yearning must have broadcast.

Through the glass, across the diner to the very center of the space she occupied – I could feel her soul. I could hear her thoughts – indirectly. I knew what she was telling this friend of hers, and I felt an agonizing burn of betrayal.

She was perfectly happy.

That was long ago. I have not seen her since that day.

I could visit her again, anytime I wanted to. It would be trivial for me to re-establish contact. Or, I could stalk her, invisibly, as I did on that last day I saw her.

Did she really cheat on me? I could look directly into her soul now. I could know her secrets. I could visit any part of her life as easily as opening a book and reading her narrative. I would know – finally – if her heart was as true as mine, or if I was just a toy for her to spurn and lie to. Was she was upset when she heard the news of my death? Did she attend my funeral? Now I could learn every facet of her life: every tragedy, every pleasure, every action that metered her days.

I choose not to do that. Instead, more than I ever did during my life, I now hold her in eternal respect. I leave her soul inviolate. I choose to remember her as happy, as when I last saw her.

if i read you correctly, perhaps you more mean to suggest that you were the one who last seen unhappy, and that is how others are choosing to remember you?

you are on the journey, and they are on the physical requirement still. that's how you can peer through the one way glass now...commonly known as the one way mirror.

you did the right thing following the road, and you continue to do the right thing by giving her all the space she needs, no matter how bad or angry it makes you...that's her journey to make also, at her own pace, on her own terms...

when you apply the principles of reflection, and try to turn the beam inward, it isn't hard to navigate situations as heart rendering as love can be...careful tho, friend...it's a fine line, don't trip!

remember you have family and friends you can always reach out to! an remember, she'll be more in tune to the way you think and feel, and some day, if it's meant to be, you'll be there, with her, when it happens! If not, you'll still know the oneness that connects everything to everything all the time...

or maybe i'm projecting my own reality onto this little work you've shared with us! in any case, i did enjoy the read, and the ponderance, so thank, for sharing it with us...

[edit on 17/1/2010 by EnemyCombatant74]