A poem of my own Creation.

In The Moonlight

-----------------


Breaking through the window pane
Again, shone the moonlight.
Memory sustains of that horrid night
Guided by the hand of god himself.
Stairs Creaking under footsteps light
Glinting in the moonlight
Reflecting in the Blade
Was Myself
Standing over him
watching him
Peacefully, without fear
He Sleeps.
I bring it up
Slowly
Shining in the moonlight
one Fatal swipe
Everywhere
soaking through
Glinting in the pool
Red tinted
Was Myself
Smiling
Hatchet in Hand
Death in my eyes
Watching him bleed
In the Moonlight.

I like your opening line, it's simple but very effective, got a ring to it and sounds good to say. 'under footsteps light' - nice work with words there, and the way that some of the lines can be read to run into one another is a nice touch.
Subject matter gives this poem quite a hard bite and the structure breaks this down adding a softening touch. The closing imagery is great:

'Hatchet in hand
Death in my eyes
Watching him bleed
In the moonlight.'

For me theres an air of tranquility captured in this picture, maybe not the kind of tranquility suited to a postcard or anything but it leaves a lasting image.
Nice work

I think I need a little contrast, probably just not my taste in subject matter. But I am no critic thanks for sharing.





[edit on 21-9-2007 by Redge777]

I agree that the imagery is there...albeit a bit disturbing..May I ask what Inspired you?