You're as........as a........

Dont know these are called

You're as subtle as a deadcow in a fishtank!
cant think of any more right now

[Edited on 25-3-2004 by drunk]

Oh yeah heres another
I'm as happy as a stick in a bucket of pig swill.

I'm as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs....

WOW Gaz cheers youre the first person to reply
Are you actually nervous?

Victorian Insults i love these hehe

Why, ye infections toad-spotted flax-wrench!

Why, ye spleeny plume-plucked vassal!

Why, ye rank bat-fowling minnow!

Why, ye rank dread-bolted mammet!

Why, ye dissembling urchin-snouted nut-hook!

You are as ate up as a chocolate dick in a gay bar.

It's as hot as two rats #ing in a wool sock.

You look like a bag of smashed assholes.

You happy as happy as a faggot in a bag of assholes


I am in the army...

[Edited on 18-11-2003 by joehayner]

Here is what my Physics Teacher always uses

"You are as sharp as a bowling ball."

You are as bright as a blackhole.

That was boofy, sorry :p

You're about as useless as tits on a three year old...

Hey she was "Tore up from the floor up"
Holding it down like a fat lady on a seesaw

What about my buddy being more #ed up than a football bat...or chicken wire canoe...or soup sandwhich...

You're as guilty as a puppy sitting next to a pile of poo.

i am straight as an arrow

...obvious as a turd in a punchbowl.
(or - "sticking out like a turd in a punchbowl" - used extensively when someone like me walks into the Gap.)

That's my personal favorite.

-B.

Stand out like an Arab on an airplane.
sorry

I'm as undecided as a baby in a topless bar...

Originally posted by dunkleskates
i am straight as an arrow

you are as straight as a ballon

useless as tits on a boar hog

cold as a witches titty

Lights on, door open, nobody at home

As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

He's as bent as a butchers hook

He's as happy as a Pig in crap

About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box

About as subtle as a flying brick

She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum

As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm

She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

About as interesting as watching paint dry

Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard

I've seen better hands on a clock

As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day

She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits

As nervous as a turkey at Christmas

She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo

She ran off quicker than # off a shovel

She's as fit as a butchers dog

She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender

Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.

As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks

About as usefull as a blind 1-armed bank robbber.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner

This guy is all foam, no beer.

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.

A legend in his own mind...

He's an expert on padded cells.

He couldnt engineer his way outta paper bag!

About as popular as pork-pie at a Jewish wedding.

"Cold as a witches tit"

Heard that b4!@!!!!

As bent as a nine pound note.

As camp as a row of pink tents.

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

Got a face like a slapped arse.

As fast as # off a stick.

Like # stuck to a blankett.

As straight as my auntie Bob.

As neat as a madmans arse.

As tight as a nuns fanny.

As pissed as a newt.

As hard as a eunechs cock.

As up and down as a whores knickers.

As nervous as a horse in a dog food factory.