My husband passed away

I haven’t been on here in some time. In October 2022 my husband of 30 years had a massive heart attack at the nursing home. They were able to revive him and got him to the hospital. After a couple of days in the hospital, the doctor pulled me aside and informed me that my husband’s heart was failing. He would not be able to stay alive without being on a bipap and feeding tube. After talking to hospice, and them talking to my husband we made a decision to take him off the bipap and feeding tube. My husband had always told me he didn’t want machines keeping him alive. On November 1, 2022, I held my husband’s hand, talked to him, told him how much I love him, and he peacefully passed away a couple of hours after they removed the bipap and feeding tube.

I’m grateful I got to be with him. I had a pastor in the room with me who was a very comforting presence. Hospice was wonderful and compassionate. My husband was 70 years old. We had his funeral at a veterans Cemetary in Wisconsin, with full military honors. It was a lovely ceremony, very poignant. Of course I lost it when they played Taps. I have a great support system of family and friends. I am also taking advantage of bereavement counseling and am in a grief support group.

I am devastated. I had 30 wonderful years of marriage with him, and have spent over half of my life with him. I feel broken, and the grief is intense and painful. But I must grieve if I am to heal. Some days I feel okay. Other days I feel like I can’t breathe. I will never be the same. There is a huge void, and I feel like when he died, a part of me died too.

I have started working part time again, as a crossing guard. It gets me out of the house and makes up for the Social Security that I lost, as I am 58. I try to take things one day at a time. Today I visited his grave for the first time since the funeral last November. I am slowly taking baby steps getting back to some of my hobbies. I am about to become a Great Aunt, as my niece is due in mid May. And my husband’s granddaughter had her first baby a little while ago. Life goes on around me. At times, I feel disconnected. But I will not give up. I will persevere and live a life of purpose and passion. I feel the gentle guidance of God around me. I pray every day and “talk” to my husband every day.

I know God has a plan for me. I will continue to progress each day, one day at a time.

a reply to: ChiefD

Be well. I recognize the loss you are dealing with.
We do the best we can with what we have.

Of all the songs I could quote at this time , this has always struck a bell with me at times like this .
Believe it or not , Ozzy Osbourne (Black Sabbath) A National Acrobat of all people...

Don't believe the life you have
Will be the only one
You have to let your body sleep
To let your soul live on

I hope no offense .

a reply to: ChiefD

Sorry for your loss.
God bless you.

a reply to: ChiefD

Im so sorry for your loss. It must be like a part of your life is just torn apart. I lost my mom 10 years ago. I was with her that night very late. I sang hymns to her softly. The hymns she had always loved. My older sister had just flown in from out of state, and had been able to see her before I arrived. I told my mom that my little sister would not be able to make it for over a week, and that we did not want her to suffer any longer. She was struggling with pneumonia. I told her it was ok for her to go now to the Lord. I left her side at around 11:30 pm. We got the word the next day, that they checked on her 15 minutes after I left and she was gone. I really believe she left when I did.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I felt that I just had to share that story with you. Im over here crying right now.

May you see him again, and share eternal life with him.

a reply to: ChiefD

Grief is the worst. Especially if you're dealing with it alone.
I hope you have a strong support network
Also, it sounds silly , but get a pet . It might help tremendously. They know when you're upset and give kisses and love

"Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; He saves those who are crushed in spirit."-Psalm 34:18.

Part of the tribulation in the flesh when we get married is having to face the inevitability of death and the separation of that most precious of all human bonds.

God yearns to resurrect our loved ones from the their restful sleep in the grave and promises to do so:

"O that in the Grave you would conceal me, That you would hide me until your anger passes by, That you would set a time limit for me and remember me! If a man dies, can he live again? I will wait all the days of my compulsory service Until my relief comes. You will call, and I will answer you. You will long for the work of your hands."-Job 14:13-15.

The New World to Come

Knock Knock

Well, this was like a knife through my own heart.

My wife of 45 years was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer just over a year ago. I know the odds are not good for her. But I am not giving her up without a fight.

Never, ever have I been so absolutely terrified of the future. Reading about someone else's crushing pain makes my potential impending pain (like there is not enough of that burning inside me already) feel all the more heart cutting and mind twisting. Hell would have a tough time being much worse.

Honestly, I don't have the faintest idea of whether I will be able to survive her death. I had my own heart attack a month after her diagnosis and her subsequent surgery, so odds are good that my heart won't want to keep on beating after her's stops.

I guess the positive takeaway from this is that you have survived this devastating blow, so maybe I will survive too when my time comes to have to go through it. Thank you for that.

a reply to: ChiefD

A very sobering return indeed.

I'm very sorry for your loss and glad you came in to share. I'm hoping to see more of you around here.

Take care.

a reply to: ChiefD

Please accept my deepest condolences.

We honor those who have passed away by carrying on. Part of you is gone, but a part of him is still alive.


That's you.

🌷

a reply to: Rich Z

Hey man,
Not to distract from the pain of the OP, but a hysterectomy, and overy removal might be an option.

I'm in my cups on a Saturday night (as we say) so excuse me if this comes off as insensitive.

With a wife of 45 years, she is outside of child bearing age, and removal of said organs are a thing.
Not one I would advocate for in most circumstances. But this might be a solution.

Wishing you and your lady all the best.

a reply to: ChiefD

I am deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope each day improves for you.

a reply to: ChiefD
My condolences go out to you ChiefD. I could write many words that would just be a mere repetition of phrases we use daily.

Instead I want to point out how beautiful it is. There's a hidden beauty in this, two loving people that kept their love until one had to go due to life's circumstances. That's powerful.

♥

a reply to: ChiefD

Chief,

You have my deepest sympathies. I recall your earlier discussion of his time in the hospital and how some aspects of that were so frustrating for you.

May he rest in heavenly peace.

--Cav

a reply to: ChiefD

I know we don't see eye to eye on much of anything, but I really am sorry for your loss. I've been married for 32 years and couldn't imagine life without my wife. It's great that you have a good support system, and people to be around. You will always have your dysfunctional family here as well. God bless you and never forget the happy things.

a reply to: ChiefD

Chief D, please make sure you take care of yourself eat well, exercise and try to rest your mind body, and spirit. Ive watched my Mom lose her husband of 56 years its been exactly 7 years on the 5th. Definitely try and stay busy and active and find the happiness and joy life can still bring. It was what my father wanted her to do, and I know your husband has the same thoughts and wishes for you.

Definitely, at 58 you have a whole lot more to accomplish in your life...

Find your path to climb on top of the overwhelming pain and grief. The ones we lose too early still would want us to go on and find not just peace and tranquility but also success and achievement. Don't just survive he would want you to thrive.

You got this... and he is right there with you, always

a reply to: ChiefD

I am so sorry for your pain, CM. My baby brother died at 55 on this date three years ago, so your op triggered another good cry. Anniversaries are always tough, and a good cry is so helpful, so thank you for that.

People think that once you work through the grieving process life returns to normal again, but that's so not true! There is no 'normal' to return to when a part of you is missing.

It seems like the pain of death just guts us and we're left with pieces of our heart that we have to put back together again.

My heart hurts for you. I'm glad you have such wonderful support in your daily life AND here on ATS!

I don't know what else to say, other than we're hear if you need us.

a reply to: ChiefD

My deepest condolences for your loss ma'am.

I'm only 59 and lost my wife last year to COVID. She didn't have a DNR so I had to make the decision. As a combat veteran, I have seen death too many times. But I don't wish that experience on anyone. I wish you well. Stay active.

originally posted by: ChiefD
I haven’t been on here in some time. In October 2022 my husband of 30 years had a massive heart attack at the nursing home. They were able to revive him and got him to the hospital. After a couple of days in the hospital, the doctor pulled me aside and informed me that my husband’s heart was failing. He would not be able to stay alive without being on a bipap and feeding tube. After talking to hospice, and them talking to my husband we made a decision to take him off the bipap and feeding tube. My husband had always told me he didn’t want machines keeping him alive. On November 1, 2022, I held my husband’s hand, talked to him, told him how much I love him, and he peacefully passed away a couple of hours after they removed the bipap and feeding tube.

I’m grateful I got to be with him. I had a pastor in the room with me who was a very comforting presence. Hospice was wonderful and compassionate. My husband was 70 years old. We had his funeral at a veterans Cemetary in Wisconsin, with full military honors. It was a lovely ceremony, very poignant. Of course I lost it when they played Taps. I have a great support system of family and friends. I am also taking advantage of bereavement counseling and am in a grief support group.

I am devastated. I had 30 wonderful years of marriage with him, and have spent over half of my life with him. I feel broken, and the grief is intense and painful. But I must grieve if I am to heal. Some days I feel okay. Other days I feel like I can’t breathe. I will never be the same. There is a huge void, and I feel like when he died, a part of me died too.

I have started working part time again, as a crossing guard. It gets me out of the house and makes up for the Social Security that I lost, as I am 58. I try to take things one day at a time. Today I visited his grave for the first time since the funeral last November. I am slowly taking baby steps getting back to some of my hobbies. I am about to become a Great Aunt, as my niece is due in mid May. And my husband’s granddaughter had her first baby a little while ago. Life goes on around me. At times, I feel disconnected. But I will not give up. I will persevere and live a life of purpose and passion. I feel the gentle guidance of God around me. I pray every day and “talk” to my husband every day.

I know God has a plan for me. I will continue to progress each day, one day at a time.

Praying you find peace. So sorry for your loss.