Sexual harassment and maybe could use advice

originally posted by: loam
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Hm. Maybe you should reflect upon whether that's true about you.

Given my posting history on these boards, if you think I fit the example of someone who cries anytime someone disagrees with me, then I know the problem is more yours than mine.

Give yourself a cookie.

Was not even replying to you either. You picked my post to start instigating crap.

Now I am done posting on this thread because we've drawn it off-topic. Do not reply as it will only further derail.

Stick to the issue, not me.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Dude, just stop posting in this thread. I'm asking for advice. If I'm "over-reactionary" then with all due respect, piss off.

a reply to: TheConstruKctionofLight

Thank you TheCknstruKctionofLight, and thank you loam.

a reply to: sine.nomine

No worries. Just ignore the slime posts.

Speak to someone in HR. Fully explain your situation. Observed collection can be done professionally, without the touching. Just do your best to remain calm when explaining yourself.

Good luck to you.

originally posted by: sine.nomine
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Dude, just stop posting in this thread. I'm asking for advice. If I'm "over-reactionary" then with all due respect, piss off.

Light-hearted indeed!

I gave you my advice. Be assertive, or get professionals to intervene.

What else do you want to hear?

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

And you think I'm the one with the reading comprehension problem.

Lol.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

originally posted by: sine.nomine
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Dude, just stop posting in this thread. I'm asking for advice. If I'm "over-reactionary" then with all due respect, piss off.

Light-hearted indeed!

I gave you my advice. Be assertive, or get professionals to intervene.

What else do you want to hear?

You don't understand, do you? You are the joke in this thread. That's the light-heartedness. I'd like to hear from anyone who has something to say, and clearly you are poison. Thanks for nothing, asshole.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

BTW, it's people like you who make it hard for people like me to speak out. I get it though. It was my fault. I should've been a stronger child. The fact you think that I'm just "playing it" when I say I jump when my fiance touches me just goes to show me how much you don't know. But again, my fault.

a reply to: sine.nomine

I have written you in PM.

originally posted by: Nickn3
The female supervisor would owe me a pair of pants. I would whisper in the drug testers ear, touch me again and your going to need an ambulance.

Yeah, except if it were me, I would be afraid of retribution from this observer. As OP stated, he (Mr. Backrub) has all the power. What if the guy is vindictive, and instead of submitting OP's clean sample, he switches it with a dirty sample or taints OP's sample?

I don't know what the process is for the sample's chain of custody- would it be possible for the observer to mess with the sample? I'm gonna guess yes.

OP: I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. This is TERRIBLE, and shouldn't be happening. And by the way, the female supervisor pocket ripper is COMPLETELY out of line as well. I understand the freezing up reaction, too. It's easy for someone to say "tell them to eff of" or "kick their ass" or whatever; these are people who clearly have never experienced the freeze-up response to threatening (whether perceived or real) situations.

I would take Lumenari's advice and call the place's HR. Maybe even call your employer's HR as well. You don't deserve this and it should NOT be happening.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

originally posted by: sine.nomine
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Not even joking, I only have my fiance cut my hair anymore because I don't like flirty barbers. I hate to say it, but sometimes I jump when my fiance touches me... I don't mean to, and I hate myself when it happens.

Well if it's that serious then stand your ground. Be assertive.

If that doesn't work then get the sharksuits to step in.

Did you even READ the OP? Your first reply was ABSOLUTELY ATROCIOUS. Horrendous. I hope your terrible first reply was due to the fact that you didn't even read the OP, which is what it looks like if I give you the benefit of the doubt, from the reply I'm now responding to.

because how could a person read the entire OP and NOT see it's "that serious?"

OP: a good number of the replies in this thread are astonishing in their flippancy. Please ignore the assholes in here.

a reply to: KansasGirl

Yeah, read the OP again yourself. He's not being sexually assaulted. There is a deeper issue he needs to address, yes. And he needs to be more assertive with his comfort zone, yes. Learned helplessness is not going to go over well with me, sorry. But claiming sexual harassment from ordinary daily ribbing is not harassment. The lines have become blurred, and this is why professional help is essential to the OP.

I will star your post as I did all the others painting me as some villain.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

originally posted by: SummerRain

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: sine.nomine

Eh it doesn't sound that bad. Just close your eyes and think of England.

Honestly, I go to get haircuts just because it feels good having someone run their fingers through my hair and I tip well.

I wonder if there's a bar where TSA agents hang out. I'd like to meet one

Do you also go to a mechanic for a prostate exam? Difference here is you want that interaction. He doesn't.

Seriously, all these flippant rubbish replies are disheartening.

OP is being overreactionary.

Did you see the comment that he flips out even when his partner touches him?

This is a different issue altogether and is not sexual harassment.

PC world needs to grow thicker skin jeezuz

Right. Did you see that he was raped when he was a child?

You're clearly a terrible human being.

a reply to: KansasGirl

Clearly.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: KansasGirl

Yeah, read the OP again yourself. He's not being sexually assaulted. There is a deeper issue he needs to address, yes. And he needs to be more assertive with his comfort zone, yes. Learned helplessness is not going to go over well with me, sorry. But claiming sexual harassment from ordinary daily ribbing is not harassment. The lines have become blurred, and this is why professional help is essential to the OP.

I will star your post as I did all the others painting me as some villain.

You must live in a really effed up place. Either that, or you are a human being who has ZERO mental, emotional, or social capacity (or intellectual skills) to understand what is appropriate in acceptable human interaction.

Because giving a back rub, to a stranger, in a closed and locked room where there are no other people, while observing something that requires the exposure of the person's genitalia is NOT "ordinary daily ribbing."

a reply to: sine.nomine
Wow, this thread has shown some true colours from ATS members.
I’m a young male who’s also experienced sexual harasment.

From females inviting me to bed (who I just met) to clients putting their hand on my behind...
It’s always a difficult situation to handle, I’m someone who can deal with unwarrented touching.

Usually I’ll just ask the person to stop in a polite manner.
But your situation is very different.. I have a lot of respect for you, asking for advice and trying your best to handle things sensibly. As a lot of members have stated, seeking out a superior and explaining the situation seems to be the best answer. I can fully understand that in the moment you can’t ask the individual in question to stop the physical contact.

Perhaps they have a fb page or other online platform you can log a complaint on?
This world is filled with sickos, I’m usually flattered if it’s a female trying to make a move, and their expression when I say no. In the current climate females believe men always want sex... I pick my partners carfully and don’t usually just jump under the covers.

I can imagine it’s very difficult in the moment to get the right words out, but before your next test practice the words “please stop that, you’re making me uncomfortable” over and over in your head, hopefully you might be able to say them in a calm manner.

I hope you find a way to deal with this...
I see to much of this on a daily basis, especially in the professional world..

a reply to: sine.nomine

Honestly, I'm more concerned about the part you touched on about the rape by family member. Most pedophiles will never change but rather get progressively worse. If this family member was close in age, it may be another issue entirely. Personally I would be concerned for his children's well being. Pedophiles do not cure themselves.
Good luck with everything and I wish the world were a better place where people like yourself would not have to experience this sort of thing at all.

a reply to: sine.nomine

There is nothing I found lighthearted about this topic, and someone that abused you as a child most likely did it to other children and if he is married and has children of his own that is a huge red flag. As for the drug tester validator, you have no reason to lie, so report his behavior to his superior and request another person to supervise you or tell him to get his hands off of you. If there is ever an issue with a failed test, there needs to be documentation of his actions. I would be more concerned with the child abuser though. You cannot be worried about what other people believe, it is your right to stand up for yourself.

a reply to: sine.nomine

Eww I've been to Wal Mart and have seen the employees,makes you wonder if the female that assaulted you could be in drag,seen some females with thick hair growth in face,who knows

a reply to: Oldtimer2

I don't work at Wal-Mart. This lady is definitely not in drag. But thanks for the chuckle, reminded me of people of walmart website.

a reply to: GreenGunther

Thank you for your advice. I like the bit about practicing beforehand. I really, really wish people understood the freezing up that occurs though. I don't know how to describe it. It's literally (and I mean literally) impossible for me to speak. It's like I'm standing there choking on my own thoughts, desperately trying to clear my head to save my life. I go numb as like some kind of natural defense mechanism... I really can't describe it right...

Even when I've tried to describe my past experiences to people like therapists or whomever, I just literally cannot do it. I was determined once with a therapist, and before I could get the first word out I just broke down for like 20 minutes. It was so embarrassing... Oddly enough, I was able to get it out with a different therapist. I had it written down in case I couldn't do it, so I handed her a letter with what I was trying to talk about on it, and she honest-to-god compared the experience to "a long day at work" and not a big deal. I couldn't believe it. Then during that session she told me she didn't have time for me in her schedule anymore because of required legal cases or something like that.

Anyway... I've only related my past experiences to 3 people, and 2 ended terribly. And I've only related this current situation with my fiance (who is the only person who supported me from the first experience, as her brother has been through a similar ordeal).

I guess the reason I hesitate on saying anything is that nobody really cares to hear it. Not from me anyway. And I accept that. My current plan is to wait a few weeks until I'm done with all this crap, and then send in an anonymous report to his HR. That way I'm severed from the process.

a reply to: wholetone

He was a young adult at the time, many years my senior. I hope you're wrong about his children, but nonetheless I appreciate the kind words.

a reply to: spiritofsoul

I realize it wasn't lighthearted... I wanted it to be. I have developed a pretty dark sense of sarcastic, cynical, bitter and somewhat biting humor. Sometimes laughing at tragedy is all you have. Thanks for your advice, but at this point I have no reason to believe that I shouldn't be worried about what other people believe... I'm kind of in a precarious spot for at least a few more weeks.


I really just want to thank everybody for their opinions and for being so kind. This has always been a tentative topic for me, and the few people I've told have had some extremely mixed reactions. So from the bottom of my anonymous heart, I thank you.

Sorry, internet error. Not my error. But someone else's for sure.


ETA: For real though, I know this isn't the place to be saying it but its showing this thread as having 6 pages, and random replies from the other 2 pages are interspersed... not happening on my phone, but on my desktop it is.