For the Men.

This is for all of the good men out there. If you have held on to that instinct to open the door for women, to help carry groceries or change a flat tire, if you have a soft spot for daughters, if you work hard to provide for your family, if you have maintained the urge to protect and defend women and children…

Thank you.

I don’t think chivalry has been easy to maintain. Many women (including my past self) don’t want the special treatment or help. Or we don’t want to be a bother. Some women might be straight up hostile, suspicious, ungrateful. For whatever reason (and it changed for me over time, or instance to instance) I have turned down a lot of chivalric offers. To all the gentlemen out there, and to the women who want to be treated well by men, I am truly sorry for every rebuff.

I had a friend wisely point out that it makes good men feel good to help women. That men have it in their nature to care for women and children, and to never turn down offered help (obviously not from the creeps and not in a way I could endanger myself) from men.

And since that moment, I have always accepted chivalry from men, or in the least declined in a humble and grateful manner when I truly did not need the help.

For all of the dads out there (including my own, hard-working 75 year old dad, and my husband, who was a single dad to his daughter when I started dating him) thank you.

For the men who see women in need of help and stop to help, thank you. I remember when I was traveling with my son and too much luggage, and two different men stopped at the airport to see if I needed any help. I was touched by the gestures at a place where everyone is usually rushing to and from, or absorbed with travel, anxiety, excitement, etc.

Another night I was at my wits end trying to change a flat tire (I had jacked it up before loosening the lug nuts ugh) and I had my son with me, in the mountains (I had pulled off the main road into the parking lot of a chateau). A JUST MARRIED couple pulled up, still in their wedding clothes and about to check in to their hotel for the night, they saw I was in distress, and the groom jumped out of his truck and began to change my flat in his white wedding shirt. His beautiful bride, wearing a lace dress, a jean jacket and cowboy boots, went over and sat on the curb with my son to help calm him down.

This moment highlighted to me what is so beautiful about the masculine and feminine in our nature. What a blessed way for those two souls to begin a married life together.

I hope we can continue to honor and acknowledge the best impulses in our nature. There is a lot of division in the air but that is not the entire picture.

So, all that said, this one is for the men!

The sexism in this piece is outrageous!

a reply to: IgnoranceIsntBlisss

I know!! And love it for some reason.



Thank you for reading.

a reply to: zosimov

Your Welcome!

The door thing, I hold it open for anyone behind me, if it's a woman I hold the door and let them walk past ..

If it's a man I hold the door open in a hand off manner.. when they have a hand on it I let it go and continue on..

I guess I'm a play-option door holder..



And I would never be offended if I offer help and someone turns me down..I still get to feel the uplifting emotion that comes with helping others with none of the work..lol

Respectfully,
~meathead

Despite those who would wish it destroyed, the distinction between Feminism and Masculinity is still wondrous, It is nature, it is the highest regard.

a reply to: zosimov

I couldn't count the times I was a hero at the supermarket for simply getting something off the top shelf for a lady.
Short dudes, you're on your own

I was talking to a lady at work and mentioned in passing how I brushed all the snow off my wife's car and gassed it up for her. She asked why and I said cause she is my baby. I felt bad cause she legit teared up. I asked what's wrong and she said her husband never does that stuff. She said he has not told her I love you in a couple years. I felt bad.

I hold the door open for everyone though. Guys too.
This same lady at work is a janitor and she is tiny and has to dump mop water in this tall non potable container and she struggles. Everyone just walks by. Anytime I see it I dump it for her.

I'm an asshole but I have my moments

a reply to: zosimov

*Tips hat*

Ma'am.

originally posted by: underpass61
a reply to: zosimov

I couldn't count the times I was a hero at the supermarket for simply getting something off the top shelf for a lady.
Short dudes, you're on your own

Me too. I'm 6' 3" and get asked all the time. I always help

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
I guess I'm a play-option door holder..

The Giants might be interested in you.

And I would never be offended if I offer help and someone turns me down..I still get to feel the uplifting emotion that comes with helping others with none of the work..lol

Respectfully,
~meathead

Same here. I'm also cool with someone giving me a little courtesy.

Those are nice things to say

originally posted by: zosimov
This is for all of the good men out there. If you have held on to that instinct to open the door for women, to help carry groceries or change a flat tire, if you have a soft spot for daughters, if you work hard to provide for your family, if you have maintained the urge to protect and defend women and children…

Thank you.

I don’t think chivalry has been easy to maintain. Many women (including my past self) don’t want the special treatment or help. Or we don’t want to be a bother. Some women might be straight up hostile, suspicious, ungrateful. For whatever reason (and it changed for me over time, or instance to instance) I have turned down a lot of chivalric offers. To all the gentlemen out there, and to the women who want to be treated well by men, I am truly sorry for every rebuff.

I had a friend wisely point out that it makes good men feel good to help women. That men have it in their nature to care for women and children, and to never turn down offered help (obviously not from the creeps and not in a way I could endanger myself) from men.

And since that moment, I have always accepted chivalry from men, or in the least declined in a humble and grateful manner when I truly did not need the help.

For all of the dads out there (including my own, hard-working 75 year old dad, and my husband, who was a single dad to his daughter when I started dating him) thank you.

For the men who see women in need of help and stop to help, thank you. I remember when I was traveling with my son and too much luggage, and two different men stopped at the airport to see if I needed any help. I was touched by the gestures at a place where everyone is usually rushing to and from, or absorbed with travel, anxiety, excitement, etc.

Another night I was at my wits end trying to change a flat tire (I had jacked it up before loosening the lug nuts ugh) and I had my son with me, in the mountains (I had pulled off the main road into the parking lot of a chateau). A JUST MARRIED couple pulled up, still in their wedding clothes and about to check in to their hotel for the night, they saw I was in distress, and the groom jumped out of his truck and began to change my flat in his white wedding shirt. His beautiful bride, wearing a lace dress, a jean jacket and cowboy boots, went over and sat on the curb with my son to help calm him down.

This moment highlighted to me what is so beautiful about the masculine and feminine in our nature. What a blessed way for those two souls to begin a married life together.

I hope we can continue to honor and acknowledge the best impulses in our nature. There is a lot of division in the air but that is not the entire picture.

So, all that said, this one is for the men!

a reply to: zosimov

I don't discriminate with who I help out, male female and everyone in between.
I've been burned before with moody replies off women when I've offered in the past "I can do it even though I'm a woman" etc so I'm actually more likely to volunteer help to a bloke earlier than a woman.
Every bloke just says "cheers mate" or "nah I'm alright thanks" but that tiny percent of 'offended' women has put me off offering unles it is absolutely clear she could do with help.
I certainly don't offer my seat on a train or whatever to a woman like in old times past, they can stand same as any other healthy male.
Elderly or disabled get my unsolicited offer of assistance every time I see I can help, and I've never been snarled at by that human demographic, only 'offended' women so I tend to let them ask me these days.

Just look at all the gentlemen on this site!

(Not that I'm surprised)

Just remember ... sometimes we entertain Angels unaware....

There is nothing more frustrating than opening a door for a woman and they look at you as if you are evil as they go through a different door to avoid your niceness. I will open the door for most people if they have stuff in their arms. I will open the door for older people or people with disabilities. I go out of my way to help people who need help most times.

It is nice to see someone converting to understanding that sometimes people like to help other people. I do not just open doors for women, anyone who looks like they may need a little niceness in their life gets some. For all the crap that women put up with us guys, we should be opening the doors for them.

a reply to: Plotus

I was convinced that the newlyweds I mentioned in the OP were guardian angels. The whole incident was so surreal and beautiful.

I love this quote, always have.

No, thank you!

I have to reinforce many of the responses here, as I too offer help to anyone that I think seems to be struggling or simply confused. All I ask in return is a "thank you", or if no help is needed a simple, "No thank you".

In my many decades on this planet, I have observed an increase of rude and sometimes even violent responses from women when offered help. As if my offer was not genuine and/or meant as some toxic misogynistic way of repressing them due to them being women. That type of response to a stranger's offer of help is at best rude, at worse it has the potential to brand all women as rude and unworthy of even wanting help. It very well could prevent someone from offering help to a woman in the future if this is the response that can be expected.

I do try to never put all women into this category, and typically will assume they will be grateful and not accuse me of some sort of warped 19th century repression. But, I am human and have feelings too. That type of rude response has increased in frequency as of the past 2 years in my experience, and now has made me second guess and hesitate to make the offer.

So, reading your OP has renewed my faith that my offer of help will be seen as genuine without any thought of some power struggle or inference of inferiority. I (and many men) do honestly just want to help someone in need. Not everything should be viewed through some feminist colored glasses. Most of the time, an offer of help is just that, an offer of help.

So, again, thank you for making this statement.

I'll never stop acting the way a real man/gentleman is supposed to act. No matter how loud some cry about how "toxic" it is.

If I ever have a son, he'll be raised to be nothing less. I'm afraid by then he'll really be am anomaly.

Edit: Great OP by the way. It needs to be said more often.

originally posted by: TinySickTears
I was talking to a lady at work and mentioned in passing how I brushed all the snow off my wife's car and gassed it up for her. She asked why and I said cause she is my baby. I felt bad cause she legit teared up. I asked what's wrong and she said her husband never does that stuff. She said he has not told her I love you in a couple years. I felt bad.

I hold the door open for everyone though. Guys too.
This same lady at work is a janitor and she is tiny and has to dump mop water in this tall non potable container and she struggles. Everyone just walks by. Anytime I see it I dump it for her.

I'm an asshole but I have my moments

Ummm...well...at least your not a...whole ass...

It's funny...my old lady called me at work just the other day to thank me for brushing the snow off of her car as well as mine...I told her it was my pleasure...which it was...I hold the door for all humans as well...regardless of gender...

It's all just common courtesy...but it does pump some noradrenaline into the feels good cells...

Maybe we're all just selfish...we just want to feel that small high...that's why we do it...nothing altruistic about it in the least...





YouSir

Ultimate gentleman coming through. Somebody please hold that door for me and the rest of you get out of my way.

Okay, now somebody roll out the red carpet as I make my exit. And please no flash when taking my picture.