Aliens Can't Cook

Aliens can't cook.

That's right, us humans have a "one up" on them. They don't know how to cook or use cooking utensils either. So, how do they eat? One abductee says that they absorb nutrients through their skin.

Since the aliens don’t eat as humans do, but absorb food through their skin like a jellyfish, the do not understand cooking. An abductee reported that an alien-human hybrid asked here to explain how cooking utensils, such as a spatula and ladle, are used. This question may have been raised in their planned attempt to integrate into human society ...

I was surprised to learn this. That they had no idea how to use a spatula. To the alien, it could've very well been a weapon. I'm glad she took the time to explain to them what those utensils were for...or at least I hope she did.

Reading that got my imagination going and I wondered, what would aliens eat? I mean, if they absorb nutrients through their skin (do they have skin?), what kind of nutrients would those be and are they similar to what we need, or would it be more like a plant using photosynthesis to collect them? I had to check this out and see if it was the truth. Or at least, see if there was a common consensus held amongst the abductees of the world.

And, I came up empty handed. Maybe I just suck a googling or something, but that is the only reference I could find to the eating habits of aliens. One thing I did find though is that scientists don't believe aliens would eat us....which takes one food source off their plate. And, it also supports the absorbing nutrients thing.

Movies like The Blob and Critters imagine aliens harvesting humans for food, an unpleasant prospect. But it doesn’t track with the science of nutrition, writes astrobiologist Lewis Dartnell. In order for aliens to get nourishment from eating us, their bodies would have to be capable of processing our molecules (like amino acids and sugars). And that requires having a similar biochemistry–a long shot for a species that hails from a different world. ...

There is also a KFC chicken account. One abductee believes that they come around mainly when she is eating chicken:

Chantelle, a housewife who says she’s had thousands of extra-terrestrial experiences, reveals in an interview that they happen most often when she’s munching on fried chicken.

‘We’re eating Kentucky, look at the time and two hours has passed by,’ says Chantelle. ...

So, maybe meats back on the menu again. And maybe humans too, because, from what I can gather, pretty much everything tastes like chicken...

Ok, ok... I'll quit horsing around now. We need to look at this scientifically. Let's look at the classic "grey". All of them are shown with a mouth. So, there is the possibility that they use it to take in food.

The also have a small, wimpy, frame, which indicates they are not "hunting big game animals" like we do. Somehow I don't see them prancing around a grassy plain with bow & arrow in hand or using a hunting rifle. And from everything I've read, they only use Acme ray guns anyways, which reduces your food to a pile of dust. So, they obviously aren't going to be able to get food that way.

Long, gangly, fingers and the number of them would matter too. How well would they work for holding a cooking utensil in their hand, trying to turn a oven knob, or even using a whisk? I don't think they would be able to use a can opener either. Which means that they would then be reduced to either eating pills, slop, or as the one abductee said, absorbing nutrients through their skin.

Back to the original statement then. Aliens can't cook. I think we can safely say that that's true. And, maybe, give ourselves a little pat on the back, because we really can do at least one thing they can't do. Take that you butt probing bastards! (maybe I went a little far there, but I'm gonna leave it anyways)

The only other question I have then is: How and what do they eat? Anyone have any ideas?

Thanks,
blend

a reply to: blend57

Since the aliens don’t eat as humans do, but absorb food through their skin like a jellyfish, the do not understand cooking. An abductee reported that an alien-human hybrid asked here to explain how cooking utensils, such as a spatula and ladle, are used. This question may have been raised in their planned attempt to integrate into human society ...

Of course they don't eat earth food, .

If they absorb nutrients its thru their suits, not their skin. Anyway there aren't many nutrients in air or the vacuum of space, either.

If they are organic beings they need sustenance just like we do.

As far a 'utensils', remember the alien autopsy video? They removed some lens type apparatus from their eyes. We don't have a clue how to use that either.

a reply to: blend57

Hiya Blendsy.

So much of our daily lives center around food. Perhaps they see that as primitive?

Was considering retiring on Omicron-Persei-8, and setting-up a little kitchen supplies shop.

Oh well.


Might try filling up the bathtub with soup tonight, and laying in it for a while, and see if am still hungry afterwards.

Have a great day!

a reply to: blend57
They don't need strength.
They hypnotise their food animals (which is where they got the idea of abduction), and then suck the nutrients straight out of them.
I have no sources for this theory.
(Sleep well. Don't have nightmares)

I can't help thinking about that old show, I think it was the Twilight Zone, where they found the book "to serve man".

Translated, it was a cook book....😳

originally posted by: blend57

The only other question I have then is: How and what do they eat? Anyone have any ideas?

Thanks,
blend

Maybe they eat turkey and play in it?

I would like, nay, I NEED the link to the story of Chantelle and the KFC loving aliens.
That's some straight up South Park stuff right there.

Skin absorption, maybe? May not be limited to that, or if they want a more human experience, might, if they can have found ways to ingest food. I don't think their mouth is used for talking-claims of telekinesis are abound. It's possible the mouth has ed-evolved to not moving much(and there's probably just gums lol), probably can't chew or at least very well. They may render the food into a liquid, then inject by straws or tubes. And or maybe it's similar to astronaut food. With the accounts of cattle mutilations maybe it has something to do with them testing human's protein, etc. sources. In which they take their food design plans from.

/alien /alienemoji

a reply to: intrptr

As far a 'utensils', remember the alien autopsy video? They removed some lens type apparatus from their eyes. We don't have a clue how to use that either.

I actually never watched that video TBH. I know, not a true CT if you haven't seen it, but still...aren't those probing devices??


a reply to: Nothin

So much of our daily lives center around food. Perhaps they see that as primitive?

Maybe they do..never thought about that really. So, absorbing nutrients through their skin or suit (thank you intrptr) may be more efficient. Enjoy your soup bath? (Never thought I would say that sentence)

a reply to: DISRAELI

They hypnotise their food animals (which is where they got the idea of abduction), and then suck the nutrients straight out of them.
I have no sources for this theory.
(Sleep well. Don't have nightmares)

Sort of like a vampire? Interesting thought... I will probably have a few nights worth of nightmares coupling your post with my imagination...a job well done, Sir!

Thanks to all who took the time to post their thoughts. I don't think that we've figured out what they eat and how they eat it..but these were some really good ideas and I appreciate you sharing them with me. Now, I'm off on my next adventure..

Thanks again,
blend

originally posted by: the owlbear
I would like, nay, I NEED the link to the story of Chantelle and the KFC loving aliens.
That's some straight up South Park stuff right there.

Links are the little green dots at the end of each quote. I didn't find any more on that but what I quoted. A little bit of other stuff to read in that link though.

Thanks!
blend

a reply to: blend57

I actually never watched that video TBH. I know, not a true CT if you haven't seen it, but still...aren't those probing devices??

No problem, it is kinda gross to watch. The eye 'lenses' are removed during the autopsy. They are thought to be some kind of device, probably vision enhancement, maybe night vision or heads up display kind of tech. They are not part of the 'beings' physiology. They are however part of the etymology reports from abductees who recount 'black eyes', from which a (ewww) whole CT genre has grown from. Are they just sun glasses? You be the judge.

About :50 seconds into here:

a reply to: blend57

"What does it say?"

"To server man"

"IT'S A COOKBOOK!!!"

My hot green alien chick can sure cook a mean spag bol.

Stupid aliens. Popeyes is way better than KFC.