Conspiracy tales that genuinely make you LOL

This isn't for sneering or debunking, it's for things in conspiracy theories that make you laugh when they're not supposed to.

To get you going, I still giggle at the story of a "Men in Black" encounter that climaxed with one of the MIB performing a cheap conjuring trick (making a coin disappear) in order to warn the witness what would happen to him if he spoke out. For an encore, one of the MIB then spoke the immortal words "Energy running low. Must depart." just before they left.

a reply to: audubon

Well there was a thread on here many years ago where a member suspected his wife might be a reptilian and he was on the run from her, keeping the details of his escape privy to ATS of course.

One of the smoking gun clues he mentioned was that his wife would spend hours in the bathroom making grunting and hissing sounds.

I can't seem to find this thread now but it made me laugh, and still does to this day.

If anyone knows the one I'm talking about a link would be excellent!

Here's another good one www.abovetopsecret.com... (Unfortunately the photos are gone! The cartoonish sketches are what really tied the joke together too.)

a reply to: audubon
I am in no way religious yet a saying comes to mind "the devils greatest trick is making people believe he doesn't exist", or something like that.
Some are that ridiculous that they can't be true. Can they?

John titor. .. can't believe that story still has traction.

Chemtrails. What sort of global elite sprays toxic chemicals into the air. Exposing themselves and their families to them. I suppose it must be the Reptillians and they are immune to toxic chemicals?

I came across an all-time classic a few years back. Not on ATS, but perhaps discovered through an ATS link.
It was classic because of the way it wove together at least three different conspiracy themes.

Briefly, the function of chemtrails [1] is that they are seeding the atmosphere with tiny nanobots [2]. When these infiltrate the bodies of unsuspecting members of the population, they are programmed to build themselves into receivers which can pick up broadcast instructions from HAARP [3].

I once interacted with a guy who started a thread insisting that all cases of mental illness were demon posessions. One of his examples of proof was he claimed he visited a mental hospital and told all the patients that they were perfectly fine, they just had demons inside them. Apparently the negative response from the staff and their subsequent ejection of him from the hospital proved to him that he was on the right track and they were trying to silence him.

Tom Cruise's Prosthetic Butt

tom wears a fake butt in his movies, it's a conspiracy trufax!

The Montauk experiments: psychic spies who felt bad about what they eere doing so they got their chief psychic to conjure a monster out of the aether, to close it down.

All the orgone energy, trips to and from the USS Eldridge, Mars and beyond.

And all revealed by a project member who had, in fact, forgotten just what he had been doing all that time, only to remember when he found some old radios at the base.

The pseudoscience is a hilarious read.

a reply to: audubon

I once knew this guy I let go on for three months about
people in his attic. It started getting out of hand until I
explained very simply his roof was flat and he had 4 inches
of crawl space from joist to truss.

Richard Gere. If you don't know the details don't PM me.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I certainly do recall that one. Lol. I hadn't thought about it in years. Reminds me of Bon Jovi/Sebastian Bach/Take your Pick having to get his stomach pumped after ingesting roughly a gallon of *something*...

Masons.

The fact that some claim that they are human makes me laugh every time.


And they fart in crowded elevators.

FACT!

a reply to: DBCowboy


I hate those bastards.

Flat earth...

Its not even a conspiracy, its just moronic... but they're coming out of the woodwork in mass numbers

proof humanity is getting dumber by the minute

Here's a classic of the kind of Close Encounter that UFO "cover-up" theorists tend not to discuss - the case of The Mince Pie Martians.

A morsel, to whet your palate:

"We have a large lounge with a corner unit couch. They sat on the couch and bounced like children. I said: "Be careful of my furniture," and they stopped"

The Mandela/Mandala Effect. Keeps me in stitches every time.

I used to listen to coast to coast. The callers came up with some pretty wild stuff. Some guy said that he was on this intergalactic council with the grays and reptilians. It was really funny because he was so serious the way he was talking about it.

Obama teleporting to mars is a good one too.

a reply to: maria_stardust

I actually have a rare case of it. The Giant Panda went extinct in the late 80s. I distinctly remember my science class spending a day talking about endangered species because of it. The last specimen had just died in a Beijing zoo. The Chinese Government had decided the resources in their natural habitat were more important than the pandas, so they all died in the wild by 81. In 89, the last captive one died. They don't breed well in captivity. And they died off. The last one to die was a 20 year old male.
But, that never happened. Regardless of the numerous nightly news reports I watched with my parents that covered it (60 minutes, Ted Koppel, blah blah blah.).
IT never happened. But I know it did. Just like I know that the week before I discovered they were alive in the 90s, my grandmother got in a car accident that didn't exist 6 days later. Her car was totalled, a 91 Honda Accord. But suddenly she was driving it again, she was fine, I inherited the car in 97, and pandas were alive again in 94.

a reply to: DBCowboy

And they fart in crowded elevators.

FACT!

My brother in-law must be a Mason because he does that in elevators! His wife has to warn him not to do it every time they get on an elevator.