Not everyone is the same!

I sit here at my desk today, saddened by something that has happened this week. So, please forgive my post being all over the place. My neighbour and friend was found dead in his flat after suffering a heart attack or overdose... or at worst there is the possibility he was murdered.

Now, many people whom live around the area have shrugged it off as another junkie off the street wasting tax payers money. The thing that really hurts me, is that the person who was found dead was a big part of the local community, everyone knew him, everyone has had a drink with him, he has graced their houses with his presence and he had always allowed friends to use his house in emergencies and his garden. A right laugh when he wasnt on the nasty drugs, but he stayed clear of everyone when he was doing it.

People tend to ignore the tragic truth of the human mind, when it goes to a dark place, its not as easy as "cheer up". Some people may never truly experience that level of depression, his was from losing his girlfriend passing away last year, he never truly recovered.

The reason Im posting this here is because people need to think before they act, social media and phones in general going off with vile people spouting vile bile about my friend since monday. My issue? I am unable to express any of this to anyone around me without being shot down for him being a druggy, and I hate to see my wife cry when we try and speak about him.

Grief is a b*tch

originally posted by: thekaboose
I sit here at my desk today, saddened by something that has happened this week. So, please forgive my post being all over the place. My neighbour and friend was found dead in his flat after suffering a heart attack or overdose... or at worst there is the possibility he was murdered.

Now, many people whom live around the area have shrugged it off as another junkie off the street wasting tax payers money. The thing that really hurts me, is that the person who was found dead was a big part of the local community, everyone knew him, everyone has had a drink with him, he has graced their houses with his presence and he had always allowed friends to use his house in emergencies and his garden. A right laugh when he wasnt on the nasty drugs, but he stayed clear of everyone when he was doing it.

People tend to ignore the tragic truth of the human mind, when it goes to a dark place, its not as easy as "cheer up". Some people may never truly experience that level of depression, his was from losing his girlfriend passing away last year, he never truly recovered.

The reason Im posting this here is because people need to think before they act, social media and phones in general going off with vile people spouting vile bile about my friend since monday. My issue? I am unable to express any of this to anyone around me without being shot down for him being a druggy, and I hate to see my wife cry when we try and speak about him.

Grief is a b*tch

*Hug* i'm so sorry for your loss.

He must have been a good friend and a generous soul.

a reply to: thekaboose



i know how you feel mate...

a reply to: thekaboose

I've been always saying that... The problem of the world is not it's corrupt governments, but the several billions retards wandering amongst.

As the lyrics of the rather infamous Venom's song goes: "Genocide, the only cure for mankind"...

I'm sorry for your loss. People think I'm a bit jaded [ well more than a bit ] because I don't trust people or like being around them very much. That my attitude of " They're all just out for themselves" is cynical and uncalled for.
I'd change my outlook...if they would stop proving me right every day.

a reply to: thekaboose

My condolences for the loss of your friend. As you say, people are easy to dismiss others as junkies, crazies, riff-raff or losers without looking at the bigger picture.

Oh, and thank god everyone is not the same, that would be a terrible world!

a reply to: thekaboose

My condolences - it is hard to loose a friend, then to witness everyone else's good graces, as they talk bad of the departed.

I know getting hooked can cause a person to go wrong, but it is not automatic. Not all junkies are junk. I have friends that were written off like that, but, when they were not doing stuff their home was open, their food was yours, their hearts were honest. Now, since they had a child, they have cleaned up that last shadow.

Sounds like you had a friend like that. Celebrate the life known. Gold is not rare, it is just hard to find.

a reply to: thekaboose

Most people can't handle everything hitting them constantly. They must break their world into small compartments and categories.
We have enough trouble keeping our own lives straight without going crazy yet alone trying to help everyone else.
Don't think of this as being cold or uncaring, it's the only way for many to deal with their emotions.

a reply to: thekaboose

I am so sorry to hear of your friend's passing.People are strange,they look down awfully on the average drug user but will idolise celebrities that are often high as kites,regularly drink till puking,and most likely are involved in CP as well as all manner of debauchery and effed up behavior.

I lost a young friend many years ago to an OD.She was only 20 years old and died in my apartment while i was at work.Horribly sad,i still think of her so often even decades later.My sympathy to you and your wife on the loss of your friend.

originally posted by: Argentbenign
a reply to: thekaboose

I've been always saying that... The problem of the world is not it's corrupt governments, but the several billions retards wandering amongst.

As the lyrics of the rather infamous Venom's song goes: "Genocide, the only cure for mankind"...

Corrupt governments do not influence the lives of its' citizens/retards every day? Good to know...

I've struggled with addiction, 8 years sober now. Addictive behavior is not easily understood, but this world doesn't help. My favorite quote is ' a sane man, in a insane world, appears insane '

a reply to: thekaboose

Sorry for your loss...but I can see it in several ways because I dont know the person. I am personally attached to this issue as well...

1. You said he did drugs. Therefore...he had to buy drugs or have them prescribed. If it was street drugs, he dealt with "dealers" and those who were around them. *( Doesnt make him a bad person...though the environment can be bad in general).

2. His usage was regular because you mentioned he stayed away from people while taking them. That asserts it was a regular thing.

3. That everyone considered him a "junkie" (your words) and was receiving "tax-payer money"* (Also your words)...unfortunately throws him into perhaps an unfair light.

4. Suicide by shotgun was how I and my brother found his wife. He never recovered. Within 2 years...he was gone himself from cancer. He just gave up...

With all this being said...people are quick to judge and often that judgement is way off base and doesnt take any of the other factors into it....they just "Facebook-it-along"...really an unjust thing to do.

Such is our world today...a neighbor to neighbor...social media report...to a social media statement...to a forwarded account...who then forwards the information on and on and on. It is tragically unfair to the real person he was. But those who knew him the most...knew him best... and why he was the way he was.

Blast by shotgun is an image Ill never forget...yet others say "Ah..she was just crazy!"...well? To a degree? Yes, she had mental and other issues (some drugs as well). But these things as with your friend shouldnt define a person...especially by those who only knew him briefly or casually.

You shouldnt let those very people effect your own grief. You and the wife know the real reasons why he was the way he was. Sounds as though he was "troubled", and the manner he lost his life is irrelevant because he's gone, and is not coming back.

But these days? Who isnt troubled? We each deal with it in our own ways...and sometimes must suffer the after effects. The human mind can be fragile and can fragment without warning and with taking one's life or "letting go" in different ways. Dont blame or fear to grieve yourself, and dont let what others say or do get to you.

Im sorry for your loss...and having been there myself? You can always p.m. me if you want to talk. I'll always be here for you.....after 7 years...Im still grieving myself.

Best to you and the wife.......MS

Know you are hurting-not just from the loss of a dear friend-but also from the lack of care concerning his passing by those that should have cared.
Being judged by others is truly a common an easy way out of having feelings. Some people just don't know how to feel so they show nothing-like it never happened or that person didn't matter or exist. Some people can't take that pain; sometimes because they have enough of their own.
Sending good thoughts your way as I know you are a kind, empathetic person-and a rare one at that. Your friends and family are lucky to have your kind heart.

a reply to: thekaboose

I am unable to express any of this to anyone around me without being shot down for him being a druggy, and I hate to see my wife cry when we try and speak about him.

Grief is a b*tch

The drug addiction won't matter , in the end what will matter is how he treated others. Obviously you and your wife remember the difference. Don't worry about trying to convince others, they ride a different tide of expectation.

Enjoy your love for him, grief is part of love.

a reply to: thekaboose

My sincerest condolences, thekaboose.

Loss is hard enough to take, without the compassionless, imagination deprived fools with which one often finds oneself surrounded in daily life, taking not one moment to consider how you feel before uttering their total disdain and lack of empathy for the dead.

May the forces of darkness rise up and rot the undercarriages of these idiot fools.

And I hope that you friend is at some manner of peace now, despite the din of derision that people are issuing toward the individual concerned.

Hello, i know nowadays people can be desentized with technology. I watched Trainspotting 2 the other day. I havent had television in a year, like living off the grid i used to read about. I saw it at a store. In the movie 20 years later, they all took different paths. Kept showing them as children hanging out with each other. Try to remember the good, and try to not upset the wife. Just because others have grown cold doesnt mean you have to. Maybe watch old movies you both liked or music. Grieving is hard, man. Maybe others just didnt know him as well.

"Men's hearts shall wax cold." It's just the world we live in. People find it easy to look down on everyone else from their imagined pedestal. I can't even talk to most people anymore, too much effort and headache.

Sorry for your loss, man.

So sorry to hear, it is a hard place to be in even if the one you lost wasn't perceived to be at fault. Seeking talking about it is a right step, I suggest finding a group locally where you can discuss your loss, groups can be less judgmental. As well as find resources online, maybe a chat group or other group or forum.

I hope closure, as you're suspecting murder, comes as soon as possible for him and him. Know that steps of grieving are different for each person, give yourself time with that.

Thank you all for the messages, feel bad for dumping, but needed somewhere to get bits off my chest.

Sorry to hear about you losing your friend.

It's easy for people to forget that there is a human being underneath the bad stuff, and that they haven't necessarily been tested the same.

I say screw what other people think, put out your feelings, honor your friend, let idiots spew their nonsense, and stay strong.

Say something nice for him.

Try to teach other people to see the good in people. For what it's worth this was a good reminder for me to treat people well.