Cats In The Cradle...

So dad, I've wondered my whole life, with a old slow growing sense of rejection under the guise of 'everythings cool', why you always seemed to favor my brother over me, no matter our shared similarities, interests or peace of mind. Why nothin was ever good enough in any attempts at relating, all the while any minor failures seemed to just confirm some long preconceived notion you've always had of me.

Well... After 32 years of 'once in a blue moon' asking my mother why you two split up right after I was born, she finally told me;

- "Have you ever deceived any one?"

"As an adult? Intentionally? ...No."

- "I deceived you're father... He was cheating on me and I didn't know what to do, so I quit taking birth control and didn't tell him."

...

I get it dad, it's nice to have the hell I've always been lost in and always suspected finally confirmed. Everything's not cool, it never has been, yet I fell time and time again for the suggestion that it was, for the belief that it was, for the love. Thanks for the burden of pretending. Thanks for the joke, you both forgot I fell for.

'not about to see your light, and if you want to find hell with me, I can show you what it's like.'

a reply to: rexsblues

I had a violent, alcoholic father who used me for a punching bag and you know how I got even? I grew up to be a better man
and Dad than he ever could have hoped of being. People like that are not worth remembering.
So don't.

a reply to: rexsblues

Doesn't matter which way the chips fell, Rex. You're you. You always have been. You always will be.

I think you just reached full maturity.

originally posted by: timetravelisreal
POST REMOVED BY STAFF

How dare you spam this thread when OP is clearly getting something heavy off his shoulders!




a reply to: rexsblues


OP, I feel ya. Never had a good relationship with my dad and my parents split up around the time I was born. He and my older bro (of 8 years) are good though.

I constantly feel like I carry the 'sins of the father' and have to deal with all the karmic backlash of that sheet.

Best advice I can recommend is let it go and rise above it. Who needs parents anyway? Be a trailblazer and forge your own path.

These lyrics tie up how I feel about my parents.

a reply to: rexsblues

I don't have much to offer as far as enlightenment.

I dont have an answer or a magic cure to make your pain fade away.

What I can do ,from one compassionate stranger to another is offer you a hug.

/HUGS

Sincerely,
~meathead

a reply to: rexsblues

Rex, that is a hard story and like meathead, I send you a hug. Sounds like you have grown strong thru it all. To grow stronger, you have to forgive. Talk to him, confront him with the info and try to understand where he was coming from.

I had bitterness for my mom for years till it suddenly hit me at age 26, she had done the best she could with what she had to work with.

A few years ago I discovered my father was not my father. She knew and didn't tell me. Neither were in my life. I now know who my father was thanks to dna and a small pic of him and i from 1946/47. I have no bitterness toward her. She had a difficult life as well.

Thanks everybody, I've always had the suspicion something wicked was behind the wind that blew me into this world, but with it came an edge and spite about my character I never fully understood, nice to have a rightful place to channel that anger.

...the old punching bag hanging in my garage has no idea what's comin.

a reply to: rexsblues

I believe everything happens for a reason. I lost my father when I was around 2 and my mother was an addict. Long story short in hindsight, I feel blessed to have gone through life the way I did because without it, I would not be the man I am today nor would I be where I am today.

Adversity is a blessing in disguise, pain only makes stronger, mistakes only make you wiser, life is both your greatest gift and greatest teacher.

Keep your head up.

a reply to: rexsblues

Confront your Dad and ask him why he holds that against YOU. He needs to get over this as well.

I hope you understand now that it was never about you- it was about them. Sorry for the pain you have always felt. Alot of us felt we weren't the favorite with our parents but in a way it helped us to forge our own way in the world- I did.

The pain from the loss of love from a parent will always be there but you don't have to let it consume you. As an adult, I found it easier to let go and build my own life and try to be a better parent and always at least try to make sure my children knew I loved them the same despite their very different personalities and one being very much like his father, who I divorced with good reason- a terrible dad.

You really touched my heart. Hope you can find the peace in your heart now that you know your father's distanced relationship had nothing to do with you - and a pox on him- he sounds cruel and that's not your fault. Big hug-feel better-you are not alone.

I choose to always find a bright side.

Out of 5,000,000 sperm, you were the fastest swimmer.

Sorry you got a crappy deal.

I have no idea how that feels.

At least you will not perpetuate that type of behavior.

I'm sorry you had to be a victim of an emotionally distant and abusive father OP.

Your poor mother who blames herself for being untruthful about getting pregnant just so she could keep the marriage together, breaks my heart.

I suggest you may want to talk to someone about this , because at an unconscious level you were always feeling unwanted or not measuring up . This caused you much sadness which slowly turned to anger so you could cope.

Anger seems better than too much sadness but it can be destructive as well. Punch the crap outa that bag OP, then sit down and have yourself a good cleansing cry. Real men cry , and you deserve to let go of alot of hurt you've been carrying around.


All the best ...

As a father to 4 kids,and a kid of 5,it doesn't matter what you do,one kid always feels like he didn't get any attention,and in fact that one kid got majority of attention,life is about growing up dwell on a problem you have become complacent

As a father to 4 kids,and a kid of 5,it doesn't matter what you do,one kid always feels like he didn't get any attention,and in fact that one kid got majority of attention,life is about growing up dwell on a problem you have become complacent

a reply to: rexsblues

Ex fiance stopped her birth control to get pregnant and 'make sure I wouldn't leave her'.
I got a wonderful son out of it, and I never resented him in any way for his mother's actions.
But I will also tell you, truthfully, as a father of 3...
I do have a favorite. I've tried not to, but I can't help it. Honestly, I can't. I make sure I do my absolute best to never let it influence my judgement or relationship with any of them, and I definitely love all 3 immensely. But I'm human, and it is what it is.

originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: rexsblues

I had a violent, alcoholic father who used me for a punching bag and you know how I got even? I grew up to be a better man
and Dad than he ever could have hoped of being. People like that are not worth remembering.
So don't.

same here man
ive had my fair share of stitches cause of the ole man

# him

he killed himself about 10 years ago. didnt go to the wake or funeral. none of that bull#

most of the time i never think of him. when i read threads about people talking about their dads i get a glimmer of a memory cause i did have a dad but then its gone.

a reply to: rexsblues


Thats heavy man.


Must be something about the boomer generation, selfish bunch of pricks.


My old man told me years ago I was a mistake and the contraception didn't work, hence why I was dumped in boarding school and raised by strangers

I'm sorry to hear this,my sympathy.My adoptive father was a nice man but hardly ever home,which left me to the tender mercies of my adoptive mother,a very mentally unstable woman.She managed to adopt me while he was out of the country on business,so he should have resented me but he never did,she did,she regretted her decision and made me pay for it for all of my childhood.

I never knew my biological dad,i asked my bio-mum,who spent two weeks with us some years ago,about him and she just about had a panic attack,so i will never know.

I still get sad sometimes when i think of my adoptive dad,though he died decades ago when i was 16yo.

Just try to live the best life you can,As they always say,living well is the best revenge.

originally posted by: [post=22364402]NarcolepticBuddha




OP, I feel ya. Never had a good relationship with my dad and my parents split up around the time I was born. He and my older bro (of 8 years) are good though.

I constantly feel like I carry the 'sins of the father' and have to deal with all the karmic backlash of that sheet.

Best advice I can recommend is let it go and rise above it. Who needs parents anyway? Be a trailblazer and forge your own path.

These lyrics tie up how I feel about my parents.
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I say this at least once a week lately; "I'm sick of paying for other people's sins". I could write a book about what my ex has done, and he was my sons hero til his oxy addiction; I have sat through years of counseling sessions with my son, only to take the constant # of his fathers actions, and watch my poor son struggle through his anger, and try to teach him how to channel that anger constructively; which I feel I will continue to pay for without an end in sight; the latest, still have to run credit checks on top of it all.

My son won't answer his fathers calls and my ex calls me up screaming about it

I can't stand anyone who doesn't do the right thing for their children. I admire the men who do!