Its Christmas ...

It's Christmas...

I've seen a lot of things at Christmas get togethers..and well, most are positive. But, this is not one of those. I need to get it out of my system really.. as I don't want to ruin the holidays for others here.

One of my relatives has 3 kids..one is from a previous marriage. And the poor little guy is being ignored by his mom for the other two.. not only that, but he is being ignored by his whole family pretty much.

There were comments made during present opening that I would not have said to my worst enemies child let alone my own.. and I'm quite honestly astounded that one of my family members would/could be so heartless. To say such things in front of a child of 4..about that 4 year old child.. and to be so naive to think he isn't listening and that he doesn't understand. I'm really ashamed of them.

I'm not going to repeat what was said, just that they were derogatory statements that showed him and his siblings that he was different from the rest of the family... sometimes I really don't understand people..very disheartening.

This is Christmas..what it is differs for everyone, for my family it's mostly about being with family and showing that you love and appreciate them... a time to set aside any petty arguments or disagreements and enjoy being together.

So, just wanted to remind myself and everyone..don't forget the kid who sits alone in the corner during the parties..don't forget the child who everyone ignores..and by all means, please, please don't forget that for better or worse, you are all family.


Thanks and sorry..I just needed to purge that before the next round of people show up..


blend57

a reply to: blend57

Wow Blend. Disheartening indeed... I hope the rest of Your Holiday is better.
Wishing You and Yours well, from Me and mine, Syx...

a reply to: blend57

That is a fantastic Christmas message. I really felt that, though I don't know the child.

a reply to: blend57

I've seen this happen before too. It's very sad.
On the plus side...You have an opportunity to become that child's favorite aunt/uncle...a little extra attention can go a long way.

I'm not going to repeat what was said . . .

Stop playing games. What was said to/about the child?

This happened to my aunt when she was little. Long story, but my grandfather was a mean drunk and treated his family horribly. He was especially mean to my aunt because unlike my mom and my uncle, she didn't look much like him. She took after my grandmother's side of the family. Because of this, he used to tell her that she wasn't his kid. He would go on and on saying things like "maybe the mailman is your dad", or "maybe that ugly guy down the road with the limp is your dad", and so on. My poor aunt didn't understand at age 4 or 5 or 6 why he would say things like that. She would ask my grandmother why he was saying those things about her, and my grandmother would assure her that he was her daddy.

One time when he was in a rare good mood, he brought some candy home and threw a couple of pieces to my mom and my uncle. My little 5 year old aunt walks up to him and says "where's my candy?" He just looked at her and said "go get candy from your real daddy."

He did and said lots of mean things, but he was particularly brutal to my aunt.

a reply to: kaylaluv

Wow. Your Grandfather was a real douche bag.
I hope your aunt turned out okay.
There is no excuse for treating children like that.

SyxPak

Thank you for you wishes..it is very kind of you. My Christmas will be hard enough, first year without one of our family members, he past away early this year. Spending my Christmas with his wife and children, trying to help them through the rough time tomorrow. No matter how bad my Christmas gets..I don't think it will ever top what they're going through..But what happened can't be helped, out of our control.

To be so thoughtless about Christmas for a child...and one at such an impressionable age...that is something that can be controlled, yet they did it anyways..shameful and saddening. Yet I don't want to be the one who talks about it to all the other family members. Don't wanna be the "gossip queen' .. so I put it here instead. Again, sorry .. just had to let it out..

reldra
Thank you reldra.. it was a heart felt post.. I meant it when I said to remind myself to pay attention to the ignored kid.. not only during the holiday season either. If he gets treated that way during Christmas..well, I can't imagine how he is treated during the rest of the year..

IAMTAT

I'm gonna give it a shot..hopefully I see him enough to make a positive impact in his life..they live a bit away from us, so..do my best.

Restricted

Sorry.. not gonna share it.. but it is a racial slur.. I will give that much..

kaylaluv

Wow, he was an asshole. So sorry about your aunt, I bet she is a great person and I know she didn't deserve what she got. I wonder if people even know how much words and statements like that can effect a young child..maybe they just don't care.

Thank all for the responses..
blend57

a reply to: kaylaluv

He was especially mean to my aunt because unlike my mom and my uncle, she didn't look much like him.

She's lucky.

I was a carbon copy replica of my old man and, boy, didn't I know it.

Paraded around at family gatherings like I was some special project of his...Jack Mk2. My mother was the worst for drawing everyone's attention to the astonishing family likeness. I think I could have had quite an easygoing relationship with my dad but for that. Creeped me the hell out...

I can honestly say it was the bane of my childhood.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: kaylaluv

Wow. Your Grandfather was a real douche bag.
I hope your aunt turned out okay.
There is no excuse for treating children like that.

My aunt has some issues, no doubt. She's still working on them at 72. She's a nice person, though, and always treated her kids with kindness and love.

I never met my grandfather. My grandparents divorced before I was born, and he died when I was 11. Believe me, no one in the family mourned his loss.

a reply to: CJCrawley

I've heard lots of stories about just how awful it was to be around my grandfather. I even have a very sad Christmas story.

My grandparents were poor and my grandfather often lost jobs due to his drinking and partying ways. My mom/aunt/uncle spent many Christmases with only hand-me-down or handmade presents because my grandfather thought it was stupid to spend money on that stuff. One particular Christmas, my grandfather was off on one of his drinking escapades, and my grandmother had a few dollars put away, so she went out and bought one new gift for each of her kids. She gave my uncle (aged 12) a bb gun, my mom (aged 9) a cheap little record player with one record, and my aunt (aged 6) a brand new doll. Those kids were so ecstatic to get those gifts, you can only imagine. My aunt carried that doll around all Christmas day and never let go of it, even when she was eating.

My grandfather came home late Christmas night, and he was in a rage because he had run out of money for booze. He saw the bb gun laying around and demanded to know what was up. My grandmother had to tell him about the gifts. He screamed and yelled how dare she spend HIS money without his permission. He demanded that she take those gifts back the very next day. She tried and tried to talk him out of it, but he was starting to get very threatening.

Soooo, the day after Christmas, she had to ask the kids for the presents back. My uncle and my mom were old enough to know that it would be better for everyone if they quietly gave back the gifts. My poor aunt just couldn't understand. My grandmother had to pry that doll from her fingers while she screamed "why???" Makes me tear up just writing this.

There is a happy ending though. My grandmother's second husband (who she married after her kids were grown) was the sweetest, kindest, most adorable man. He heard my mom and my aunt tell that story one year, so when the next Christmas came around, he had gone out by himself, unknown to my grandmother, and bought a couple of expensive collector dolls. He hid the gifts, and after everyone had opened their presents, he brought those gifts out. He whispered to my aunt that she would never have to give up her doll again. There wasn't a dry eye in the house that Christmas. He bought collector dolls for my mom and my aunt every Christmas until the year he died.

a reply to: kaylaluv

Very sad.

So many men are seriously flawed.

The damage they do to people's lives is incalculable.

It's inexcusable to hold a child's parentage against him or her. The kid had nothing to do with it. If you can't pony up and be a decent parent, then you need to do the right thing by the child and find parents who can.

One of my sister's three is from a previous relationship, but thankfully, her husband adopted him and treats that kid as his own along with their two.

I'm sorry that your family has to take their bad feelings out on an innocent, defenseless child who needs them and can't avoid the abuse. I'm like you and would be disgusted by their behavior too. I hope your holiday perks up after this and that you get the chance to help the poor kid out.

blend, Children are a precious gift and should never be treated poorly for any reason!
The Parents need some kind of counseling or intervention because they are causing emotional damage to this child for sure. I can understand your rant and why you are upset!

Kaylaluv, what a horrible man your Grandfather was! It is a shame that his children were treated like that!

Children are so filled with innocence and so very vulnerable. They are beautiful little souls brought into this world. What they need is love and encouragement, kindness and hope.

a reply to: blend57

May the terrible relative receive the equivalent of one paper cut for every second of the child's life which is less joyous because of such treatment.

To do such a thing (and surely this happens regularly, not just what you witnessed) knowing the lasting impact on a child's psyche is nothing short of intentional psychological torture.

ketsuko, Night Star

I know..it breaks my heart that they did so..and in such a nonchalant fashion. Like it was a joke.. saddens me. I will be talking to my sister privately about the whole thing, but I wasn't going to start something and ruin the party for everyone else..even though I should've. Sometimes people don't understand what they do is wrong.. hoping that is the case.

Needless to say it was not the time for such things to be said.. better to spend it with him playing with his toys and making him smile. A much more memorable Christmas for him then arguments and bad feelings. My sister will definitely be getting a call from me on Monday..and as I said..I hope she just didn't realize the impact her words had...

dogstar23

Oh lord.. paper cuts are evil. I dunno if I could wish one of those on anyone.. well, maybe just one...that takes a long time to heal and keeps getting soap in it.. take that mean lady!

Thanks,
blend57

a reply to: blend57

True. I am glad that you will be having that talk with her. You are a great Auntie! Hugs!!!

Aww, that's pretty sad, glad you are the better one to see through that. I agree with what you mentioned about people overlooking how well young children can understand such situations.

I grew up around a family where my sibling and I were from the adopted child in the family. That didn't always sit well with some family members and we're judged more harshly and even so in uncalled for situations. Even at a young age, those emotions directed towards you can have an impact and even so much that they stick around when visiting the family again.

a reply to: blend57

but I wasn't going to start something and ruin the party for everyone else..even though I should've.

Yes, make it comfortable for all the assholes that have it coming, while the one you are concerned with pays the price.

Well done, hope the fan fare from all your BTS buddies gets you through it.

I don't find my family assholish..sorry, but they just aren't. And as I said in the other part of the quote:

better to spend it with him playing with his toys and making him smile. A much more memorable Christmas for him then arguments and bad feelings.

I really, truly believe that..

Hope you have a wonderful holiday and a happy new year..

blend57